Can no longer separate sex from sin

We all will. We are all in this together.

We all will. We are all in this together.

And by the way, I don't care if God cares. Someone can tell me all they want that they care, but I'm just gonna say, "SHOW me you care."

What could God do to show you that He cares?

He already has by sending Jesus to die for my sins. He owes me nothing else.

Do you feel cared for or cared about by Him doing that?

Of course I do. But it hasn't really directly impacted my life in the here and now.

That makes sense Just trying to get a better idea of where you are coming from.

Also, I am still curious about what I had asked before. When it comes to interacting with other people, what kinds of things make you feel most loved, cared about, or accepted?

Honestly, I don't know. It's like I never get this sense of connection. Or if I do, it never lasts long. I get the sense that people are only listening or only around 'cause they feel as though they have to.

That makes sense. I actually feel that way sometimes too.

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? I don't know if it would be helpful for you or not, but it has helped me identify what tends to make me feel the most loved. They are:

Quality Time - This would be someone just taking time out of their day to hang out with you.
Gifts - This one is pretty obvious. It is someone choosing to give you a gift.
Words of Affirmation - This would be someone speaking words of encouragement to you. I have a feeling this one is probably not your strongest love language based on things you have already said.
Acts of Service - This would be like if someone chose to do something for you like helping you do chores or cooking for you.
Physical Touch - This one is pretty obvious. It could be as simple as someone giving you a hug.

Any idea which one resonates most with you?

I took the test for that and the highest ones for me were Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. The lowest was receiving gifts.

That's super interesting. I think Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are mine with Physical Touch being a close second. Being a Physical Touch person is tough because that can be the most difficult means of affection to come by, especially if your loved ones aren't into hugging and showing physical affection that way. I know my family never really has been. But it's at least good to know so that you can see how you best connect with people I have found too that it can be really helpful to show love to others in the best way you know how (like hugs and words of affirmation), even if it might feel strange at first.

Who needs any of that anyway? We're already lied to anout love and disappointed with it every day of our lives. Life is unfair and God is unfair, so we might as well just live with it.

Imagine you're at a table, yet all you have to eat are crumbs, if that. You're hungry, maybe even starving. But no matter what you do, you can't get even one piece of food. No one seems to notice or care how hungry you are.

Meanwhile, everyone around you is practically feasting because they apparently have the right to eat and you don't. Never mind that you don't want to be hungry and had no say in giving your body this need in the first place. You end up deciding that you might as well avoid all food until you have the right to eat, which is never guaranteed.

Everyone tells you you do have that right. But all that's available for you - or rather, all you're allowed to eat - is a specific kind of food. You've heard it's supposed to be nutritious and good for you. But you don't enjoy eating it because it's so bland and tasteless. Everyone feasting eats this food too. They love it, and you can't for the life of you figure out why. More often than not, you have to force it down your throat, otherwise you'll cough it up.

So you're not allowed the food you want, and what you are allowed isn't at all enticing. Even so, you dutifully eat that food, trying to give your body nutrition, yet all the while still longing for what's off limits.

I've mentioned this several times over the years, but I grew up in a Christian school whose basic attitude about sex was, "Don't think about it. Don't do it. And, for heaven's sake, don't ask us about it!" We received absolutely zero sex education at all. The only time we heard about sex was when it was recited in a Bible passage and when we were told not to do it.

In the meantime... The "cool" guys in my class bragged about going to the local strip club every weekend, and one guy would show off the condoms he carried in his wallet. Any girl who got pregnant in our school "disappeared" (she was asked not to come back... so much for an actual demonstration of the love and forgiveness we heard about every single day.)

Christian institutions are still businesses and apparently it's bad for business to advertise yourself as a Christian school and have unmarried, pregnant girls walking down the hall. One couple got caught skipping school and it was later discovered that they had gone to get an abortion. Anyone who thinks that their children are going to be sheltered from the evils of the world will most likely be sorely disappointed.

I don't know what the answers are, but something doesn't seem to be working in most of the church culture.

I always find it... interesting... that over and over again, I see and read about complaining that Christian women have impossible standards regarding a man's looks and earnings that are no different from worldly women.

And yet... Do they ever talk about the flip side? I have talked to several Christian men (some from this site) who admit that they don't really want to marry a Christian woman because they are afraid she will be plain, cold, and downright boring regarding sex.

Most singles have had some kind of exposure to porn, and this sets up a standard that I'm guessing no one can meet anytime soon after getting married, if not ever.

The culture is set up so that people want someone who can perform like an accomplished expert and beyond--WITHOUT ever having any actual exposure or experience... and then we wonder why everyone feels so anxious and disappointed.

I don't know what the answer is, but it certainly seems to be a major factor of a large portion of marital dissatisfaction and breakups.

How is the Op doing?