Ah a sorrow many of us know all too well. My friend, in time this will hurt a lot less, whatever happens. Right now you don't need to look for someone to blame. You know you have flaws, and she has flaws, that goes without saying. Confess your sins and failings and leave them at Jesus Feet. Then look at Him, look at His perfect, unending and unwavering love, all of it is yours for the taking. It matters not what you have done or not done, only what He has done. Look at His beauty and His grace and see there is a strength of heart that is available to you through this fiery trial of life.
You are not alone, Jesus is not glaring disappointedly at you, He casts your sin as far as the east is from the west and washes you clean, white as snow. Remember, condemnation pulls us from God, but conviction should drive us into His arms. That is how you know which is which. God does not condemn His children, He does however discipline, convict and work on the character and faith of those He loves through the trials of life.
Look to Him at this time, thank you so much for sharing with us, and for seeking believers in your time of distress. There is much wisdom in looking to God's people when we need counsel. Only failure awaits us if we shun those believers God has placed in our lives, or run to the world looking for answers.
I pray that right now you will let the past go, stop worrying and fearing about tomorrow, and simply rest in His love today. He is the I AM, not the I WAS or the I WILL BE.
He is right here with you now.
Wait on Him and He WILL STRENGTHEN your heart.
Seek His Face and think on his love for you now.
Encourage your heart to be still, in his presence you can find great peace that passes all understanding, for He loves you more than life.
Cast your cares up on Him, for He cares for you.
Psalm 27
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Psalm 73
25 Whom have I in heaven but You? And on earth I desire no one besides You.
26 My fleshand my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.