Introduction

Hi EBG good that the Lord led you to CC, welcome! If you look at the bloodline of Jesus you'll find murder, lust, prostitution and regret. God said, 'a man after His own heart' was David, was someone also who fell into sin in a major way. He of course lamented his wrongdoing and went on as King with God's blessing. If you are in Christ then 'there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus' Rom 8:1. We all sin and we must recognize it, ask for forgiveness and give no place to it no more. God tells us that because it's true and we can do it.
You said, 'If I die tonight I am not going to go to heaven', and that's not true. God is for us and not against, give no place to guilt, we all could go there and it's anti-productive. My past with meth, being a party animal and etc is long gone as I was in the flesh. Now, by God's merciful goodness I'm in Christ Jesus.
So remember, God loves us 'Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning' Lam 3:23. God bless & keep you🙏✝🔯 Oh and btw, I advise anyone with constipation to eat prunes, God's natural laxative😀👍

No Holy spirit since April 2023. Fear l am an apostate.

I'm sorry prunes don't fix a destroyed bowel .CT scan says that it's had it. I came out of the new age movement in 88 . But I have fallen away. In total and utter terror. All my family and friends have gone. Blocked on social media by my son's. Pastor of 36 years blocked me. No Holy spirit since April 2023. Fear l am an apostate.

I'm sorry prunes don't fix a destroyed bowel .CT scan says that it's had it. I came out of the new age movement in 88 . But I have fallen away. In total and utter terror. All my family and friends have gone. Blocked on social media by my son's. Pastor of 36 years blocked me. No Holy spirit since April 2023. Fear l am an apostate.

If you fear you are an apostate the wise thing to do would be to recommit your life to God and get back in the Word. Then figure out why all your closest relations are backing off, then do something about it.
No illness is too big for God, watch Dodie Osteen and Ken Hagin's healing testimonies, yes, faith can move mountains.
Also, my ref to prunes was regarding constipation you mentioned in the op(orig post), I don't promote they're a cure-all for everything.

I'm aware of the Lord Jesus blood line.
Osteen and Hagin are Word of Faith FALSE TEACHERS!!!!!!

Lost my connection with Lord Jesus due to my sin. Also separated from my wife and family. Facing major health issues both physical and mental. Been told I have sown too the flesh and reaped destruction.