Des' Calvinist Love-In
- Thread starter Desdichado
- Start date
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Tick tock tick tock
No booze nor baby in sight
12:00 noon on the face of the clock
No baby to waterboard
No ale to drink, egad what a fright
He staggers through town
Upon his face a ghastly frown
In hopes of finding a baby, a beer
Something, someone he hope comes his way
To set at ease his mind in malady
He hunts high and low
And also in between
He finds he takes a woman's baby
Whilst sitting on her knees.
He drinks an ale a glass of wine too
I'll show them foolish Baptists
Waterboarding babies
Is what we Presbyterian do
He's caught by the local authority
Placed in jail then on trial
Found guilty of drunkenness and kidnapping
His sentence the cruelest of sorts
To walk without baby or beer 10,000 miles
In nothing but his undershorts
The sentence twas hard but back in that day
Courts were stern with the sentences they gave
We don't care how you act in your church
In public you act up, we'll bodily hurt
The old divine made it to the end of his street
Before collapsing and giving up the ghost
10,000 steps he could not take
He tripped and fell hitting his head on the lamp post
The moral of the story tis wise to heed
Your ale and baby best not be your innermost need
You'll end up like the old divine
Dead at the end of the homeless soup line
Those drunken bums...
WORD!!!
No booze nor baby in sight
12:00 noon on the face of the clock
No baby to waterboard
No ale to drink, egad what a fright
He staggers through town
Upon his face a ghastly frown
In hopes of finding a baby, a beer
Something, someone he hope comes his way
To set at ease his mind in malady
He hunts high and low
And also in between
He finds he takes a woman's baby
Whilst sitting on her knees.
He drinks an ale a glass of wine too
I'll show them foolish Baptists
Waterboarding babies
Is what we Presbyterian do
He's caught by the local authority
Placed in jail then on trial
Found guilty of drunkenness and kidnapping
His sentence the cruelest of sorts
To walk without baby or beer 10,000 miles
In nothing but his undershorts
The sentence twas hard but back in that day
Courts were stern with the sentences they gave
We don't care how you act in your church
In public you act up, we'll bodily hurt
The old divine made it to the end of his street
Before collapsing and giving up the ghost
10,000 steps he could not take
He tripped and fell hitting his head on the lamp post
The moral of the story tis wise to heed
Your ale and baby best not be your innermost need
You'll end up like the old divine
Dead at the end of the homeless soup line
Those drunken bums...
WORD!!!
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Give me sleep I say
I need the strongest tonic
To forget the great sun's ray
And antics most moronic
Sleep come unto me
I cannot find it at my service
Damnation nips upon my heels
If I miss my Reverend's verse
Sleep please arrive
The tankard has run dry
And if I do not rest
I shall surely die
Sleep blessed sleep!
I've found some to steal
In a class on evangelism
A Baptist reinvents the wheel
Mic drop!
I need the strongest tonic
To forget the great sun's ray
And antics most moronic
Sleep come unto me
I cannot find it at my service
Damnation nips upon my heels
If I miss my Reverend's verse
Sleep please arrive
The tankard has run dry
And if I do not rest
I shall surely die
Sleep blessed sleep!
I've found some to steal
In a class on evangelism
A Baptist reinvents the wheel
Mic drop!
The Baptist band was brilliant
I could not deny
My liturgical soul was valiant
But how the singer graced the sky!
Music overwhelmed me
Blessed me to the bone
Carried further up life's tree
With every brilliant tone
But a mosher told me something
I ran out in a rant
The music that had me in glory's ring
Now forced an angry pant
As I turned the corner
My mistake I came to view
I missed the Baptist church
Wandr'd to a concert
By U2
I could not deny
My liturgical soul was valiant
But how the singer graced the sky!
Music overwhelmed me
Blessed me to the bone
Carried further up life's tree
With every brilliant tone
But a mosher told me something
I ran out in a rant
The music that had me in glory's ring
Now forced an angry pant
As I turned the corner
My mistake I came to view
I missed the Baptist church
Wandr'd to a concert
By U2
Name a Baptist poet
And I'll commence to laughter
Name a Baptist theologian
And I'll be hanging on a rafter
Where are they?
Their worship leaders jolly
All sound like Green Day
And look like Buddy Holly
Name a Poet and a Thinker
And I will call a surgeon
Or seek the solace of a shrink
For all you have is Spurgeon
And James White...admittedly...
And I'll commence to laughter
Name a Baptist theologian
And I'll be hanging on a rafter
Where are they?
Their worship leaders jolly
All sound like Green Day
And look like Buddy Holly
Name a Poet and a Thinker
And I will call a surgeon
Or seek the solace of a shrink
For all you have is Spurgeon
And James White...admittedly...
A poem to rule them all
And in the light I bind them
Not since man's great fall
Have such words been winding
On SovereignGrace
Small praise I do adorn
He may a Baptist be
But at least he's Reformed
SovereignGrace
A name mighty and true
To slam it in disdain
Is something I would rue
He's not a Charismatic
He's not a Pentacostal
No cause to be spastic
No cause to be hostile
He's neither Roman Catholic
Nor Eastern Orthodox
His head has no miter
He dons no Papist smocks
A liberal Methodist he is not
He laughs at Unitarians
No place for such belief
He calls them all barbarians
I'm loathe to tell him
Lest he strike his favorite minion
But I repeat:
His pastor is a Dispy
And his Deacon is Arminian
Apostates
And in the light I bind them
Not since man's great fall
Have such words been winding
On SovereignGrace
Small praise I do adorn
He may a Baptist be
But at least he's Reformed
SovereignGrace
A name mighty and true
To slam it in disdain
Is something I would rue
He's not a Charismatic
He's not a Pentacostal
No cause to be spastic
No cause to be hostile
He's neither Roman Catholic
Nor Eastern Orthodox
His head has no miter
He dons no Papist smocks
A liberal Methodist he is not
He laughs at Unitarians
No place for such belief
He calls them all barbarians
I'm loathe to tell him
Lest he strike his favorite minion
But I repeat:
His pastor is a Dispy
And his Deacon is Arminian
Apostates