How Long Has Everyone Here Been Single?

[seoulsearch]

Hey everyone,

I was just curious about as to how long everyone here has been single.

For instance, someone who's been single for 6 months is in a different place than someone who's been single for 6 years. In the poll (which is anonymous), I included the category, "I've been single my whole life and have never had a significant other," because that's a little different from someone who's been single 20 years but was once married or in a long-term relationship.

I am also interested in everyone's definition of "single": I have known some people who identify as themselves as Christians and consider themselves to be single when they are non-married. In other words... they could be intimately involved with someone or living with someone, but they still consider themselves single.

I know others who casually "see" people (and know them intimately) but yet still insist they are single. I realize they are technically not married and I'm not sure what classification that would be, but for my own definitions, I don't view someone who is sleeping with another person as being "single."

I have even known some people who say they are Christians who are intimately involved with married people but claim they are single because it's the married person that's committing adultery, not them, since they are not married.

For me, "single" means not dating someone exclusively, not being married (as in, not just being separated but officially and legally divorced--I once saw a person describe herself as a "single married Christian", which had me scratching my head; but these are just my own beliefs), not being intimately involved with anyone for any reason, and not being in a relationship. I occasionally go on dates, but only a few times a year and nothing has ever lasted beyond a dinner conversation (except in one case, where we went out a few times, but he soon went back to his ex-girlfriend without mentioning anything to me--I found out through a friend.)

This spring, I will have been single for 10 years. I'm thinking I should probably celebrate somehow (the lessons God has taught me and the fact that He's been with me) but guess I have some time to plan.

What about the rest of you? What is your definition of "single" and how long have you been in that state?

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. After some thought, I've also made this poll multiple choice in case some people want to include several times of singleness during their lives... (i.e., maybe they were single for 6 months at one point and 3 years during another part of their life.)

Looking forward to your votes and posts!!

 

[adekruif]

Interesting question! I think to me singleness is not seeing someone exclusively. Once a friendship moves past a certain point it becomes a relationship and I think from that point I wouldn't call myself single. I wouldn't want any women thinking I was available when I wasn't!

Oh, and single all my life....things might be changing though. I'm hopeful.

 

[zaoman32]

I'm really not sure when I consider myself to have been single. I had a very long separation period. Kind of a weird story I guess. I just put 9 months to a year because....well just because. The divorce was just finalized a few months ago, but we were separated for some time before.


I don't know. I guess I'm crazy.

 

[Indubitably]

For me, it's not really how long have I been single, but what has been the quality of my singleness? I'mcertain the right woman would add much to life, as I would to her's, but the quality of my singleness has been EXCELLENT! I just give all this bottled up love to everbody. Hmm .. Not Bad!

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Where is the FOREVER option.......

 

[kayem77]

''I've been single for over 20 years'' almost 21 next July. Life is hard

Seriously though....I've never dated anyone. I once ALMOST dated someone......but I broke it off before it turned into something deeper because it wasn't what God wanted.

My definition of single is, not being in an intimate relationship with someone. By intimate I mean, sharing deep conversations, sharing deep feelings, and sharing the same heart while agreeing that noone else is welcomed to share in those things. I share things with my friends but I define myself as single because we are not exclusive, we don't share deep feelings, and we don't ask for exclusivity.

 

[Jullianna]

To me, single means not married, for whatever reason.

 

[arwen83]

Very good poll question.
My answer: Too long
I've been on a few dates, but its been 5 years since my last boyfriend. Some people think I am picky, I dunno, maybe? Don't want to settle I guess. I think I am my own worst enemy- I see a guy and try to picture myself with him, and sometimes I just can't see it happening. The guys that I have seen myself being with just hadn't worked out for one reason or another.

 

[arwen83]

Like that starbucks barista guy that I posted months back. I thought I could see myself dating him. I've seen him a lot in the past month and half while studying there and we joke around and whatever. Kinda think he likes me, but I've gotten the impression that he's immature. He's constantly goofy, and its starting to get annoying We had a bit of a philosophical conversation, in which I found out that he doesn't believe in evil, and is not a christian. Me and my analytical mind couldn't help but theorize that he cannot deal with conflict or negativity in life- since he doesn't believe in evil and is always goofy. I think I analyzed my way out of any possible date. I don't see myself ignoring these insights and just give it a shot if he did ask.

 

[Nautilus]

i mean technically im single but its not for lack of options. I personally am not the type of person to be tied down. So i have dates here and there with different girls on occasion and its like really close friends they may or may not kiss.

 

[seoulsearch]

Interesting question! I think to me singleness is not seeing someone exclusively. Once a friendship moves past a certain point it becomes a relationship and I think from that point I wouldn't call myself single. I wouldn't want any women thinking I was available when I wasn't!

Oh, and single all my life....things might be changing though. I'm hopeful.

I don't want to come across as if I'm criticizing anyone's particular definition of "single"--I've just found it interesting as to the wide span of how people define it and I know it may be different for everyone.

I guess for myself, "availability" has a lot to do with it, as Adekruif pointed out. If the person is available to be asked out, then I see them as "single", aka, "available."

I guess I'm also thinking of people who seem to think they are available... as long as their significant other is not glued to their side at the moment. He/she could be in the next room, and that person claims they are "single/available."

If a person is involved with someone, living with someone, sleeps with/or is intimately entangled with someone, then I don't see them as available AT ALL, and therefore, "taken", which in my mind, is "not single."

(Ade, best wishes on your endeavor and keep us posted.)

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. Sorry for the double post... but in keeping with "the wide definition of 'single'", I must also put it out there that I know many Christians would consider me "not single" and "unavailable" because I was once married and am divorced. My divorce was finalized in 1999 (and he is the one who filed and served me papers, it was not something I wanted at all), so it's been 13 years.

I know the topic of remarriage has been discussed at great length--I think every situation is different and God's leading may differ from person to person. I (and my pastor) consider myself as eligible for remarriage but seeing as it's been this long already, God may have different plans.

I can respect the views of those who would see me as one of the "not really singles" as well, and did not want to seem hypocritical.

Zao also brought up a good point--I have known some people who were separated for long periods of time and whose spouses refuse to give them a divorce, even though they were the one cheating, etc. In some cases the couple may not have lived together or even been around each other for years... Every case is different. I wanted to apologize if I sounded insensitive to those who are working through their own individual situations.

 

[luckyduck]

I CARELESS IF I'M FOREVER SINGLE. I'M HAPPY. If I'm ever going to have a girlfriend or wife. I just want someone that I will make happy because I'm already happy being me.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I've been single somewhere between two and three years now. There was a week or two in there when I have spoken with a girl or two, but nothing serious.

My definition of single probably boils down to seeing or not seeing someone. If you are spending time with one particular member of the opposite gender over others a lot, and doing 'dating' or 'couple-type ' things (holding hands, kissing, and anything beyond that obviously) then you're in a relationship. A lot of people take this casually, and don't like to admit they are 'dating' or 'in a relationship', but if the shoe fits...

 

[flight316]

I've been single for 6 yrs. Its weird because I've always had someone. Being single in your forties is awkward because there are so many things to consider when choosing a mate. When you are young (20s) a physical attraction and someone who respects you and treats you nice and apppears to have a sucessful futore ahead of them usually fits the bill. When you are older you begin to look at the stuation a little differently. You consider things like a persons medical condidtion. Looks are really not such a big deal anymore. You consider a persons employment. If someone has kids, do you really want to deal with that. These are just a few things to consider. There are many more. When I was younger I enjoyed long term relationships. I was lucky with love. This is the longest that I've ever gone without being in a relationship. It seems like most of the good ones are already taken. I used to fantasize about being in a relationship and being in love again, but I don't anymore. I keep myself busy doing other things. I'm happy and pleased with the life that God has given me. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion. I went through many stages to get to this space. If God choses to add someone to my life I'll be ready. Until then I'll enjoy my life as it is. God knows what's best for me.

 

[Jullianna]

Am I single? Yes
Am I available? No, there is someone special in my life at the moment, but we are not living together, engaged or married.

 

[Ritter]

What about the rest of you? What is your definition of "single" and how long have you been in that state?

Romantic Relationship- A condition in which two people (male and female), consider each other romantic objects of desire with the intent of being together indefinitely.

Singlehood: The absence of being in a romantic and relationship.

I've been single for six months. Whoop dee doo.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Too long.

Maybe I should make this my avatar.

 

[seoulsearch]

Awww, Zero, I would bring you a vase for your flower. We could sit and watch the sunset and just chill.