How Many More People Would Be Married Right Now If It Wasn't For Long Distances?
- Thread starter seoulsearch
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Additional warning: It is a VERY depressing song. You have been warned.
He goes on to say he used to have a normal life with a wife, a daughter, an office job and a house. Then one day his daughter got hit by a car. Then his wife became an alcoholic.
But it was the wagon that broke him. After the daughter got killed, they never got around to bringing in her toy wagon from the yard. Seeing it turn to rust in the rain was just more than he could take. One day he just bailed out. Left his wife drinking and ran away.
So yeah, you have been warned.
Hmmm... Maybe I should mention that Randy stonehill is a Christian singer. I have some of his albums.
This is his attempt to portray the other side of life, and explain why some people don't seem very cheerful when you wish them a merry christmas.
Sometimes, distance is there for a reason. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but distance can be there for a reason. I've got friends that I wish I lived close enough to hang out with. But they are there and I am here...
I see your song and raise you a comic.
Alt text: "Sometimes an impulsive 2:00am cross-country flight is the only real solution."
Back in the live chat heyday there were chat clients where you could type actions and your little avatar on screen would act them out. You could +hug+ or +kiss+ or +dance+ or whatever.
But it was a sad substitute for being WITH the person you were talking to.
Thank you brother
You never disappoint
I actually like the song
Merci encore
I will share it with family and friends
I would love to be with but can't
J
Jared_K
Guest
Hey Everyone,
A few months ago, I was able to catch up with a couple I know who met online, but were in different countries across the world from each other. They are married now, but after listening to their story, I marveled at all the time, patience, prayers, and resources (travel costs, endless fees, court documents, etc.) that were needed to make this marriage happen. While they are very happy together, I think they would be the first to admit that it was a pure string of miracles from God that allowed them to be together.
Many of the other singles I talk to these days have either: been or are interested in someone who is very far away; have attempted or are attempting a relationship with someone who is a long distance away from them; or, were/are still in a long-distance relationship and trying to figure out a way to be closer to each other or even marry.
With the internet making it possible to literally meet someone from anywhere in the world, it seems that many single people who spend much time chatting online have met someone they were interested in -- but distance got in the way.
I have often wondered if this is God's current intent for many singles -- does God really want us to meet someone we could potentially marry, but have that person be literally half the world away? (And of course, for some people, living even an hour away from each other might be as challenging as living on opposite sides of the galaxy.)
Does God expect us to trust Him to overcome all these hurdles (time, transportation, trust, major expense, etc.) and marry anyway? Or does He want most of us to cut away the heartstrings we've accumulated, sometimes after years of connection, and just keep going until we meet someone... closer?
I don't think there are any right or wrong answers here (but I could be wrong.) This thread is just meant to start a discussion about thoughts and experiernces such as:
* What do you define as being a "long distance", and have you or would you try to make a long-distance relationship work?
* How much would you put into a long-distance relationship and why? (I realize this depends on how serious it is, but that's also a big component to this topic -- if you're interested in someone far away, how much time, effort, and money would you have to put into getting to know them in order to KNOW that it was "serious"?)
* Do you think you would you be married now if it wasn't for distance? Are you still hanging on, or did you have to let a long-distance situation go?
* Has distance ever worked in your favor? (Did God save you from a bad relationship or situation because it was so far away?)
I am also going to include a poll that will hopefully give us an idea of how many readers/posters have been affected by distance in their quest to find a spouse. Poll answers will be multiple choice and anonymous, so any answers you give will be private. However, I hope you'll come back and share your stories in the thread!
All thoughts are welcome and thank you in advance for sharing!
1. I’d define long distance as someone living outside of your city. I have tried long distance relationships. Despite many non-successes, true love is a fragile and difficult thing to find. True love can come from anywhere at any time from anyone. While the ideal situation is to find someone who lives nearby, I wouldn’t count out a genuinely good partner just because they live far away. I would change my plans if I found someone with whom I shared such a profound connection. Right now my plans are to find someone nearby, but my eyes are always open.
2. If I can tell theres a connection, I would put in the time, effort and even finances to see how things play out. You know when the connection is there—coming home and seeing a message (or sending it yourself) with that person you’ve been talking with for months about absolutely everything and nothing at the same time. Why? Because we were born as social creatures. It’s deeply rooted within us to find a compatible partner. You stay alone too long, it’s bad for your health. But don‘t let loneliness lead you to bad decisions.
3. I’ve had both long distance relationships and local ones. The local ones have been far more successful, yet…still unsuccessful. The long distance ones haven’t worked out because boredom has always set in at some point. Though I haven’t been in a long distance relationship since my early 20’s, so perhaps it was just the age demographic at the time. Everything was going well, I get these messages like “Where have you been all my life,” and “I want to marry you,” but I was just being used as a placeholder until someone better (and local) came along. Honestly—it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m just going to continue being kind and generous until I find someone who appreciates me. Nice guys finish last—yes, but what they don’t tell you is nice girls swoop them up. It’s not a race, its a marathon.
4. Yes.
Lastly, I think being too picky is why a lot of relationships fail these days. We all want the 10/10 supermodel who treats us good, is filthy rich, has all the right morals and values and whatever else we can dream up, but at the end of the day, what matters most is a selfless person meeting another selfless person. Two people who would sacrifice everything for each other. Who would never let their partner fall. Who would stick through to the end—for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as they both shall live. Two selfish people will create a toxic relationship. One selfish person and one selfless person…the selfless person is going to wise up and leave at some point. Two selfless people who love each other? That’s an unbreakable bond. And a selfless person can come from anywhere. They may not fit your ideal standards, but they will have your best interest at heart. It takes a long time (years) to really see if that person is husband/wife material. And those who are not prepared to stay that long to find out are not ready. And you’re never going to find someone who is perfect. That’s just impossible. They will have flaws that will sometimes irritate you. That’s just being human. If someone goes into a relationship thinking anything other than “What can *I* offer them?” Then they’re not yet in the right mindset for a relationship. But if they do, then all you need to find is that last piece of the puzzle. The one. And they’re out there. They’re all over. Even if they’re not close by.
This one touch me ma brother.
I secretly thought my size was the reason I had failed relationships but i have seen ladies way bigger and they have beautiful homes. that was when I realized I may be wrong. so I looked more in my character and there was the reason.
As much as Christ has shaped my character, he has shaped my acceptance of myself.
So I will like to add that it's good to be picky when it comes to spiritual matters. But in physical matters it is not very Christlike
I sang So Far Away at karaoke. It is one of my fave songs. - ha I am sad.
I also like many of Carole King's sings. Tapestry is a good album,
Amy Winehouse did a good version of Will you still Love me Tomorrow.
When you live in the last, loneliest place in the world, despite Auckland being in Maori Tamaki Makarau 'the land of thousand lovers' its a bit disconcerting because...you can be in a busy city but its such a maze to navigate that you could be living in another suburb on the other side of town and never see each other due to TRAFFIC problems!
This makes dates problematic - the time to get to the venue, parking, traffic jams, road closures arrgh
I hope I can post in Seouls LDR thread without someone coming down like a tonne of bricks for expressing my views. I don't know if I'd be married or not due to this. Really cannot say. Titanic seems to think not, even if the ship sinks in the middle of the cold Atlantic ocean Celine Dion will sing 'My Heart will go on'
I also like many of Carole King's sings. Tapestry is a good album,
Amy Winehouse did a good version of Will you still Love me Tomorrow.
When you live in the last, loneliest place in the world, despite Auckland being in Maori Tamaki Makarau 'the land of thousand lovers' its a bit disconcerting because...you can be in a busy city but its such a maze to navigate that you could be living in another suburb on the other side of town and never see each other due to TRAFFIC problems!
This makes dates problematic - the time to get to the venue, parking, traffic jams, road closures arrgh
I hope I can post in Seouls LDR thread without someone coming down like a tonne of bricks for expressing my views. I don't know if I'd be married or not due to this. Really cannot say. Titanic seems to think not, even if the ship sinks in the middle of the cold Atlantic ocean Celine Dion will sing 'My Heart will go on'
Most people who marry in my country are like an overseas person meeting a kiwi and cos they have nowhere else to go they end up here. If they end up not liking each other they stay anyway cos they were...marooned.
You can't go back. Once you are here, it's like a life sentence.
You can't go back. Once you are here, it's like a life sentence.
What a BLEEP of a time for us to lose the green checkmark agree reaction. Feh!Lanolin is definitely back!
Tall_Timbers
Well-known member
I dated long distance and married the gal. Turned out I didn't know her and it has been costly. Even so, I've got four children I wouldn't change for anything. We experience a lot of bumps and knocks in this life and it all goes to shape us into the person we'll be for eternity. God turns everything to good for those he loves.
If God has a future wife for me, it will most likely begin as a long-distance relationship. I would never marry an unbeliever, and there is not even one believing single woman close to my age around here. They are all married. I am not joking nor exaggerating.
I know a long-distance relationship has its challenges, and those challenges will not end by getting married and moving in together. But right now, I can’t see any other option if I want to get married.
I know a long-distance relationship has its challenges, and those challenges will not end by getting married and moving in together. But right now, I can’t see any other option if I want to get married.
In the past went to a church that had a lot of Indian emigres..there is a whole diaspora. One girl was praying cos she was engaged to her Fijian fiance (Fiji isn't that far from New Zealand, but still it is another country) but they couldn't be together, and she told me that was rough as they just wanted to be married. She couldn't hack the long-distance thing.
Marriage was and is still a huge thing for those of Indian descent, especially the women. They have weddings that go on for days, whether they are Hindu, Christian, or Muslim.
I was not ever under any pressure to marry, but in the end when keep being asked about it - as most of us who are single are..gets annoying from relatives expecting spouses and grandchildren. My cousin eloped with her fiance who lived practically next door - he was down the road from her, and actually they literally live next door to her mum and brothers.
My next door neighbour, the boy next door (now deceased) was Mormon and it is also a huge deal to be married in their religion, so much so that when they die they are with their spouse/extended family for all eternity. Imagine that. His widowed wife has two daughters and they now live with his parents and siblings..next door.
Oh and...he actually went out with me one time before he got married. Literally. We just walked round the back where our houses share a reserve. We walked round the block and that was just a few metres. lol. He never needed to even show up at my door because he was literally next door and our driveways are right next to each other, separated only by a chicken wire fence. He asked for my phone number and I wouldn't give it to him, because WHY? He could just speak to me over the fence!
Marriage was and is still a huge thing for those of Indian descent, especially the women. They have weddings that go on for days, whether they are Hindu, Christian, or Muslim.
I was not ever under any pressure to marry, but in the end when keep being asked about it - as most of us who are single are..gets annoying from relatives expecting spouses and grandchildren. My cousin eloped with her fiance who lived practically next door - he was down the road from her, and actually they literally live next door to her mum and brothers.
My next door neighbour, the boy next door (now deceased) was Mormon and it is also a huge deal to be married in their religion, so much so that when they die they are with their spouse/extended family for all eternity. Imagine that. His widowed wife has two daughters and they now live with his parents and siblings..next door.
Oh and...he actually went out with me one time before he got married. Literally. We just walked round the back where our houses share a reserve. We walked round the block and that was just a few metres. lol. He never needed to even show up at my door because he was literally next door and our driveways are right next to each other, separated only by a chicken wire fence. He asked for my phone number and I wouldn't give it to him, because WHY? He could just speak to me over the fence!