NATE BARGATZE: THE EPSTEIN DISTRACTION
So... anybody been following the Epstein case?
Yeah, me neither. And that's the problem.
Like, remember when that was the biggest story? We were all like, "Oh man, they're gonna get to the bottom of this. Flight logs, island, everything." And then... remember what happened?
He died.
And we were all suspicious. We were like, "That's weird." And then they said, "No, it's fine. Cameras malfunctioned." And we said, "Both cameras?" And they said, "Yeah, both cameras." And we said, "And the guards fell asleep?" And they said, "At the exact same time."
And we were like... "Okay, well, I guess we'll never know."
But then we found out about Ghislaine Maxwell! And we were like, "Oh good, she knows everything. She's gonna talk. This is gonna blow wide open."
And right when her trial was starting... does anybody remember what happened?
Nobody?
Diddy had a party.
I'm serious. We were this close to hearing about who was on that island, and then suddenly every news channel was like, "BREAKING NEWS: Diddy's parties might have been weird."
And I'm sitting there going, "Yeah, we know. Diddy's parties have always been weird. That's not new information."
But for some reason, that became the story. For months. "Did you hear about Diddy's party?" "Which one?" "All of them, apparently."
And I'm not saying Diddy shouldn't be investigated. I'm just saying... the timing was interesting.
It's like every time we get close to finding out who was on that island, something else happens. It's like a magic trick, but for news.
"And now, watch as the Epstein story... disappears."
So then, after the Diddy thing dies down, people start talking about Epstein again. They're like, "Okay, but seriously, what about those flight logs? Who was on that plane?"
And right when people started asking questions again...
Does anybody remember what happened in Minnesota?
Somali fraud.
Big Somali fraud case. Like $250 million in COVID money just... gone. And don't get me wrong, that's a big deal. That's a lot of money. But also... why did that become a national story right when we were asking about Epstein?
It's like someone in a boardroom was like, "Quick! Find another fraud case! Bigger numbers! Different state! Something with COVID money—people hate that!"
And for three weeks, every news outlet was like, "Can you believe what happened in Minnesota?" And every time people got bored the amount increased. I think it is now up to $9 billion. Pretty good for people who don't know how to spell.
And I'm like, "I can believe a lot of things. I can believe that. Can we get back to the island with the temple on it? That one seemed more pressing."
But nope. We moved on.
And then, just when people started bringing up Epstein again—because some of us have good memories—what happened?
Venezuela.
Out of nowhere. Let's go to war with ... Venezuela.
I didn't even know we had beef with Venezuela. I thought we were cool with them. I mean, I wasn't close with them, but I didn't think we were "war" level.
But suddenly, every headline was like, "VENEZUELA THREAT LEVEL: ORANGE." And I'm thinking, "What does orange even mean? Are we supposed to stock up on canned goods, or is this just a vibe?"
And for a solid month, it was all Venezuela, all the time. "What's gonna happen with Venezuela?" "Are we sending troops?" "What's their military like?"
And I'm sitting there like, "I don't care about Venezuela right now! I care about the billionaire with a submarine dock!"
But again... we moved on. So now let's buy Greenland? Or how about invade Columbia?
And here's the thing: I'm not a conspiracy guy. I'm really not. I don't think the government is coordinated enough to pull off a conspiracy. Have you been to the DMV?
But this? This feels coordinated.
Because it's not just one distraction. It's every time. Like clockwork.
"Okay, people are asking about Epstein again—what do we got?"
"Uh... Hunter Biden's laptop?"
"We already used that."
"Balloon over Montana?"
"Save that for February."
"Okay, okay... Diddy?"
"Perfect. Run it."
So... anybody been following the Epstein case?
Yeah, me neither. And that's the problem.
Like, remember when that was the biggest story? We were all like, "Oh man, they're gonna get to the bottom of this. Flight logs, island, everything." And then... remember what happened?
He died.
And we were all suspicious. We were like, "That's weird." And then they said, "No, it's fine. Cameras malfunctioned." And we said, "Both cameras?" And they said, "Yeah, both cameras." And we said, "And the guards fell asleep?" And they said, "At the exact same time."
And we were like... "Okay, well, I guess we'll never know."
But then we found out about Ghislaine Maxwell! And we were like, "Oh good, she knows everything. She's gonna talk. This is gonna blow wide open."
And right when her trial was starting... does anybody remember what happened?
Nobody?
Diddy had a party.
I'm serious. We were this close to hearing about who was on that island, and then suddenly every news channel was like, "BREAKING NEWS: Diddy's parties might have been weird."
And I'm sitting there going, "Yeah, we know. Diddy's parties have always been weird. That's not new information."
But for some reason, that became the story. For months. "Did you hear about Diddy's party?" "Which one?" "All of them, apparently."
And I'm not saying Diddy shouldn't be investigated. I'm just saying... the timing was interesting.
It's like every time we get close to finding out who was on that island, something else happens. It's like a magic trick, but for news.
"And now, watch as the Epstein story... disappears."
So then, after the Diddy thing dies down, people start talking about Epstein again. They're like, "Okay, but seriously, what about those flight logs? Who was on that plane?"
And right when people started asking questions again...
Does anybody remember what happened in Minnesota?
Somali fraud.
Big Somali fraud case. Like $250 million in COVID money just... gone. And don't get me wrong, that's a big deal. That's a lot of money. But also... why did that become a national story right when we were asking about Epstein?
It's like someone in a boardroom was like, "Quick! Find another fraud case! Bigger numbers! Different state! Something with COVID money—people hate that!"
And for three weeks, every news outlet was like, "Can you believe what happened in Minnesota?" And every time people got bored the amount increased. I think it is now up to $9 billion. Pretty good for people who don't know how to spell.
And I'm like, "I can believe a lot of things. I can believe that. Can we get back to the island with the temple on it? That one seemed more pressing."
But nope. We moved on.
And then, just when people started bringing up Epstein again—because some of us have good memories—what happened?
Venezuela.
Out of nowhere. Let's go to war with ... Venezuela.
I didn't even know we had beef with Venezuela. I thought we were cool with them. I mean, I wasn't close with them, but I didn't think we were "war" level.
But suddenly, every headline was like, "VENEZUELA THREAT LEVEL: ORANGE." And I'm thinking, "What does orange even mean? Are we supposed to stock up on canned goods, or is this just a vibe?"
And for a solid month, it was all Venezuela, all the time. "What's gonna happen with Venezuela?" "Are we sending troops?" "What's their military like?"
And I'm sitting there like, "I don't care about Venezuela right now! I care about the billionaire with a submarine dock!"
But again... we moved on. So now let's buy Greenland? Or how about invade Columbia?
And here's the thing: I'm not a conspiracy guy. I'm really not. I don't think the government is coordinated enough to pull off a conspiracy. Have you been to the DMV?
But this? This feels coordinated.
Because it's not just one distraction. It's every time. Like clockwork.
"Okay, people are asking about Epstein again—what do we got?"
"Uh... Hunter Biden's laptop?"
"We already used that."
"Balloon over Montana?"
"Save that for February."
"Okay, okay... Diddy?"
"Perfect. Run it."
Love the way the handlers come in and work so earnestly to clear the room.
