Mamdani's top incoming aide was 'chief architect' of radical proposal overhauling NYPD
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/ma...f-architect-radical-proposal-overhauling-nypd
A Call to the New Emergency Response Center
[Phone rings]
Hello? Yes, hello... this is Bob Newhart. Yes, I'd like to report a... well, I suppose you'd call it a break-in. There's someone in my house right now.
Uh-huh... yes, I'll hold.
[Long pause]
No, no, I'm still here. Yes, the burglar is still here too. We're both waiting, actually. He's going through my silverware drawer at the moment.
What's that? You're sending a Social Wellness Intervention Specialist? I... okay. How long will that—twenty to forty-five minutes? I see. Should I offer him coffee while we wait? The burglar, I mean.
[Pause]
Right, right, I understand you're very busy. No, I know Tuesday nights are difficult. Community drum circles, yes.
[Pause]
So let me get this straight... when your specialist arrives, she's going to want to sit down with both of us—me AND the burglar—and we're going to explore the root causes of why he felt the need to take my television?
Uh-huh... uh-huh... and this usually takes how long? Two to three hours? I see. And he gets to keep the TV during this process, or...?
No, no, that's fair. We don't want to make him feel judged.
[Pause]
What about the Pillow Response Unit? Oh, they only come out for violent situations. I see. And what exactly... yes, I'll hold again.
[Longer pause]
Still here. Yes, he's found the jewelry now. Having a pretty good time, actually.
So you were explaining the Pillow Response Unit. They arrive and they... I'm sorry, they what? They gently cushion the assailant into compliance?
[Long pause with slight stammering]
By... by hitting them with pillows. Until they... tire out? From being hit with pillows?
Uh-huh. And this is considered more humane than the old system. I can see that. No permanent marks, certainly. Although I'd think if you hit someone with a pillow for forty-five minutes they might have some questions about—
No, no, I'm not questioning the policy. It's just new to me.
[Pause]
Oh, he'd have to threaten me first before you could send the pillow unit? I see. Let me ask him.
[Calling out] Excuse me? Sir? Would you mind threatening me? They need it for the paperwork.
[Back to phone] He says he's not really the threatening type. He's more of a quiet, professional burglar. Very polite, actually. Said "excuse me" when he walked past.
[Pause]
All right, so my specialist should be there in thirty minutes. Her name is Crystal. And she'll want us both to sit in a circle and—yes, even if there's only two of us, we still sit in a circle. I understand.
And she'll be bringing her feelings journal and some essential oils.
[Deadpan] Well, that should stop crime.
One more question—what if there's a murder?
[Long pause]
Uh-huh... uh-huh... so the Pillow Unit forms a perimeter and gently pummels the suspect while a Crisis Intervention Counselor reads them affirming statements?
And this has been working... how would you describe it... well? You'd describe it as "working well"?
[Pause]
What's the murder rate now compared to last year?
Up four hundred percent. But people feel less anxious about calling it in. I see. That's something, I suppose.
[Pause]
All right, Crystal is pulling up now. Yes, I'll make sure we're both sitting down. Yes, I'll try to keep an open mind about his journey.
Thank you. You've been... well, you've been something.
[Hangs up, sighs]
[Calling out] Crystal's here! The burglar says he'll put the TV down if there's going to be sharing.
[Curtain]
