Question for ALL Of the Singles???

[33Michael33]

Oh yeah... I never addressed the topic of this thread, or even the person who started it.

Ahem...

Howdy Michael.

From context in your first post it's difficult to tell if you are looking for advice or not. But you did ask ALL singles where they are with being comfortable with dating, after whatever happened that brought about their single status. I commented in your thread, but never replied to your question. Sorry about that.

Mine probably won't help you though. I'm 47 and never had a girl. I just never have bothered. I'm happy with my life and don't see any reason to change it. I'm certainly not going to spend time and effort trying to chase romance.

Now if romance finds me, I'll probably be as happily married as I am happily single. Maybe even more happy.

But I am also indolent (read: lazy) and just don't want to bother chasing it when I'm already happy with my life the way it is. Besides, I see a lot of people getting all beat up when they try to chase romance. No thank you! I'll stick with my life until/unless romance finds me.

I have never been happy alone. However, Now that God has Corrected Me. He has given me no choice other than taking my walk with Jesus Christ Very Seriously. And I Am getting more and more comfortable with the Peace that he has granted me the closer and closer that I get to Him. And I have realized that is the whole point. To Actually Live in the Presence of GOD and open up my heart to let his Love in so that I may be content on my own until he brings me the Woman that He has for me. I had to learn how to properly treat her and She needs to be able to do the same for me...

 

[Carlyw]

I Would Like to Hear from ALL Who are Comfortable to Share. Where are You at With being Even Remotely Comfortable with Dating after Going Through Whatever has Brought You to Christian Singleness???
For Me, I Opened Up My Heart Without Boundaries. And at 48 Years Old, I Have Realized that the Only Boundaries that I Have Ever Even Set for Myself in a Relationship was Monogamy. Even in Marriage. And so of Course, Even as a Grown Man, I Allowed Myself to be Treated like a Doormat. Which I Can Still Not Believe that I have Not Only Treated Myself that Way. That I let Others Treat Me that Way. And Also How I Have Treated Others as I Do not Claim to be Innocent. I Am a Person that Accepts ALL Of the Blame for Everything. And So it Seems Almost Impossible for Me to Open My Heart Up Again. And More Importantly to Me, The Last Thing that I Want to Do in this Life is to Ever Hurt Anyone Else Ever Again. I Know that God Knows My Heart. And When He Sends Me the Woman that He Has for Me, I Am going to have to be Convinced that He Sent Her. And She is going to Have to Convince Me as Well. I Thank Everyone in Advance that is Willing to Share...

Sounds like what I went through. I wasnt open to marriage but then I met my husband at Chruch. At first things were very good! But then after we got married I realized that slowly I was being undermined and treated poorly. I spoke out about this and nothing changed for the longest time. Then we started marriage counseling with a retired LMCS pastor, and hes great

From the sounds of it you know what you're worth, that you dont deserve to be mistreated. Chances are you won't put up with abuse for much longer, if any time at all. Though I could be wrong, this is only how it worked for me.

This doesnt mean you won't expirence more abuse or heart break, but if you are with a dedicated Christian, humility will be a virtue they have...ideally. This means that with proper dicipleship, the relationship can get MUCH better.

I think for us who are sensitive and caring, we tend to attract those who think we can fulfill their desires. Sometimes these people have narcissistic traits, though not always. I do think though, that this isnt as daunting when dating within the Church, simply because Christians are willing to change. And if they aren't, then honestly I question their faith. Repentance is a core in Christianity, and repentance takes change and humility.

As for hurting others, you'll probably hurt others. Ive hurt others! We all hurt others. We are people, we can not avoid the burdens of being in this flesh completely. We try, but we fail. The good thing is when we feel bad, especially after someone tells us that we've hurt them, and we repent and ask for forgivness. This is a beautiful thing. Honestly for now im glad we exist here in the flesh, because even within the hurt there is good God has established for us to expirience. I do not have a feeling that I perfer more than reconciliation yet.

Hopefully these thoughts can be helpful! Im not single but not long ago I was. And you slightly remind me of myself

 

[33Michael33]

Sounds like what I went through. I wasnt open to marriage but then I met my husband at Chruch. At first things were very good! But then after we got married I realized that slowly I was being undermined and treated poorly. I spoke out about this and nothing changed for the longest time. Then we started marriage counseling with a retired LMCS pastor, and hes great

From the sounds of it you know what you're worth, that you dont deserve to be mistreated. Chances are you won't put up with abuse for much longer, if any time at all. Though I could be wrong, this is only how it worked for me.

This doesnt mean you won't expirence more abuse or heart break, but if you are with a dedicated Christian, humility will be a virtue they have...ideally. This means that with proper dicipleship, the relationship can get MUCH better.

I think for us who are sensitive and caring, we tend to attract those who think we can fulfill their desires. Sometimes these people have narcissistic traits, though not always. I do think though, that this isnt as daunting when dating within the Church, simply because Christians are willing to change. And if they aren't, then honestly I question their faith. Repentance is a core in Christianity, and repentance takes change and humility.

As for hurting others, you'll probably hurt others. Ive hurt others! We all hurt others. We are people, we can not avoid the burdens of being in this flesh completely. We try, but we fail. The good thing is when we feel bad, especially after someone tells us that we've hurt them, and we repent and ask for forgivness. This is a beautiful thing. Honestly for now im glad we exist here in the flesh, because even within the hurt there is good God has established for us to expirience. I do not have a feeling that I perfer more than reconciliation yet.

Hopefully these thoughts can be helpful! Im not single but not long ago I was. And you slightly remind me of myself

It Does Help Tremendously. Thank You for Sharing!!!

 

[Edith]

Thank You for Sharing. I Have Come to Realize just Recently that My before Overwhelming Desire to Have Someone to Hold is Now Overshadowed by My Even Deeper Desire to Hold the Right Woman that God Has for Me. I had to Accept the Fact that I Am Obviously not Capable of Knowing who She is On My Own. I Am Trusting the Lord this Time. However, I do Not want to Miss My Opportunity Either. Gods Perfect Timing. So, That is what I am Struggling with the most at the Moment. Questions like: "How hard should I try?" "Will God Bring Her to Me, Or Do I Need to Seek Her Out?" "What is the Proper way to know?" As I have chosen wrong apparently, Or was those Relationships set up by God to Mold Me into the Man that I am now to prepare Me for the Right One for Me and I the Right one for Her?

Dear Michael I am one of those who think that God will not bring a woman to a man on a platter. I think God will create encounters but the man has to seek for. He says "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor" meaning the man has to seek and search to be able to find. Now the Bible has given us criteria for a good partner and they like us must have the character of the Christ. I pray you find her soon

 

[Edith]

Now without a wagging finger or trying to beat you with my eyebrows. (Which are unfortunately growing more substantial day by day)

And also being understanding of some things you just can't compromise upon....

I'm only going to caution you to not be like so many and not extend grace for minor points of theology.

Like the whole preterist vx rapture vx pan millennialists.

The pharisees were so into their hand washing ceremonies that they measured the water they used to ceremonial washed their hands with. Of course they argued about how much water they should measure out....how many strokes on the front and backs and between the fingers or not. There was of course scriptural support for hand washing too.
But Jesus said "bah humbug, I ain't washing my hands" which was never gonna get him the much coveted Rabbi of the Year award that came with a gold plated Phylactery. Woo Hoo....

Now to be fair and honest....
I'm very very difficult to please with a spouse. I have a demand list that is extraordinarily long and difficult for most to fill. My items are all about compatibility. Like super high intelligence on a wide range of topics and logic skills surpassing most people. Then the talents are non-standardized as well. I'm a chef so cooking for her is out beyond basics in the modern era (heat and eat mostly). But she definitely needs other talents to bring to the table of this ministry tour I'm on. (Dead weight is not allowed)

And as far as theological compatibility, we weren't the same when I met my wife. But as I explained the scriptures she understood and was in agreement with the things I explained. I'm not demanding of her except for one thing. We go to church on Sundays. We make friends there and make it a integral part of our life. What am I gonna do after she fulfills my long and difficult list of demands that she needs to do naturally?

She is my best friend.....and love covers a lot of rough spots. During the quarantines we had a great time. Trapped inside our apartment...we didn't fuss. We had a LOT of fun doing things together.

We have projects we do together as well as independently...although both contribute what we can to the individual projects.

Just saying....I have an extremely long and unique list of demands that are simply described as non-standard. Not a Barbie, with a huge bust and an empty head. But, she has become just like me as the years have gone by. And we were talking about my demand list after church the other day. She didn't have one when we met. But she does now. There's a thing about fidelity....there's literally no one else out there that has anything we want. No one can fill my shoes for her and no one can fill her shoes for me. That's how it's supposed to be.

Hey John, you took it so far away from what I was saying. I will not marry some one who is not a Christian, I like evangelism and mission so I need a man who is in love with Christ as I am. I want someone with whom I can pray and do missions or who would not support me in my mission work. that's all. the rest is what every woman wants from a man

 

[Magenta]

my eyebrows. (Which are unfortunately growing more substantial day by day)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .

 

[RodB651]

As an aside, the following men found their future spouse by a well of water...

Moses met Zipporah by a well.
Isaac met Rebecca by a well.
Jacob met Rachel by a well.

Now Jesus met the Samaritan woman by a well. No, he wasn't looking for a wife. But maybe she had met her current fella and her previous five husbands at this well and she really despised seeing a man hanging around this particular source of water?.. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud at the moment.

I'm not saying you need to do the same thing they did. I'm also not saying you should hang out on the aisle where the store sells water and start hitting on every woman that walks through. That could get you in trouble!

I'm just saying relax... Have conversations... But I would take time, lots of time. There is no rush to jump in a relationship. More time equals more better! That's bad English but you get what I'm saying!

 

[tourist]

A good question is: How high demanding are you of a spouse?

How smart do they need to be?
How many talents do they need to have?
Do they need to be able to cook from scratch well?
How well do they need to be functional in social circles?
How often do they need to be with you at social functions?
Do they need to be able to travel a LOT?
Domestic or international?
Income level?

Theological compatibility?
Do you need them to bend to your denomination?

None of the above.

 

[33Michael33]

Dear Michael I am one of those who think that God will not bring a woman to a man on a platter. I think God will create encounters but the man has to seek for. He says "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor" meaning the man has to seek and search to be able to find. Now the Bible has given us criteria for a good partner and they like us must have the character of the Christ. I pray you find her soon

I have actually put very little effort so far as I am still not Sure. That is what prompted the Post. I have been getting A lot of attention right after this post. I am Honestly interested in One. And She Knows, we both seem to be on the same page about taking it Slow. We will see what God has Planned. Thank You for Your Reply...

 

[33Michael33]

I have actually put very little effort so far as I am still not Sure. That is what prompted the Post. I have been getting A lot of attention right after this post. I am Honestly interested in One. And She Knows, we both seem to be on the same page about taking it Slow. We will see what God has Planned. Thank You for Your Reply...

***UPDATE*** I Went Ahead and Called it Off. I let her know that I am NOT Ready. And I am going to stop trying to rush Gods Perfect Timing. Like I could anyway. Who am I???

 

[JohnDB]

View attachment 281016

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . .

I used to have great eyebrows....not substantial ones.

But now they constantly are growing out in wild directions and getting into my vision and annoying the stew out of me. So I get out my scissors and whack them back. It's a weekly thing now. Uggghhhh

 

[Edith]

***UPDATE*** I Went Ahead and Called it Off. I let her know that I am NOT Ready. And I am going to stop trying to rush Gods Perfect Timing. Like I could anyway. Who am I???

I was already happy and about to write congrats, however I am still happy because acknowledging this means you are working on yourself. if I had gotten married before now it would have been catastrophic because I carried a lot of hurt from childhood, lacked self confidence and esteem. But now Jesus has wiped out all my hurt I am healed and now I understood better why I was left single.

 

[33Michael33]

As an aside, the following men found their future spouse by a well of water...

Moses met Zipporah by a well.
Isaac met Rebecca by a well.
Jacob met Rachel by a well.

Now Jesus met the Samaritan woman by a well. No, he wasn't looking for a wife. But maybe she had met her current fella and her previous five husbands at this well and she really despised seeing a man hanging around this particular source of water?.. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud at the moment.

I'm not saying you need to do the same thing they did. I'm also not saying you should hang out on the aisle where the store sells water and start hitting on every woman that walks through. That could get you in trouble!

I'm just saying relax... Have conversations... But I would take time, lots of time. There is no rush to jump in a relationship. More time equals more better! That's bad English but you get what I'm saying!

Thank You, I Apologize for the Delayed response. I just noticed that I missed this...

 

[Krumbeard]

As an aside, the following men found their future spouse by a well of water...

Moses met Zipporah by a well.
Isaac met Rebecca by a well.
Jacob met Rachel by a well.

Now Jesus met the Samaritan woman by a well. No, he wasn't looking for a wife. But maybe she had met her current fella and her previous five husbands at this well and she really despised seeing a man hanging around this particular source of water?.. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud at the moment.

I'm not saying you need to do the same thing they did. I'm also not saying you should hang out on the aisle where the store sells water and start hitting on every woman that walks through. That could get you in trouble!

I'm just saying relax... Have conversations... But I would take time, lots of time. There is no rush to jump in a relationship. More time equals more better! That's bad English but you get what I'm saying!

Hmmmm.....

I have a well in my yard....

Maybe I'll sit next to it in a lawn chair....

 

[Lynx]

Hmmmm.....

I have a well in my yard....

Maybe I'll sit next to it in a lawn chair....

Hope it works better than making milkshakes. A girl I know with a blender tried that and it didn't bring any guys.

 

[33Michael33]

***UPDATE*** I Went Ahead and Called it Off. I let her know that I am NOT Ready. And I am going to stop trying to rush Gods Perfect Timing. Like I could anyway. Who am I???

Hello @Angela47336 Welcome to CC...

 

[33Michael33]

Sounds like what I went through. I wasnt open to marriage but then I met my husband at Chruch. At first things were very good! But then after we got married I realized that slowly I was being undermined and treated poorly. I spoke out about this and nothing changed for the longest time. Then we started marriage counseling with a retired LMCS pastor, and hes great

From the sounds of it you know what you're worth, that you dont deserve to be mistreated. Chances are you won't put up with abuse for much longer, if any time at all. Though I could be wrong, this is only how it worked for me.

This doesnt mean you won't expirence more abuse or heart break, but if you are with a dedicated Christian, humility will be a virtue they have...ideally. This means that with proper dicipleship, the relationship can get MUCH better.

I think for us who are sensitive and caring, we tend to attract those who think we can fulfill their desires. Sometimes these people have narcissistic traits, though not always. I do think though, that this isnt as daunting when dating within the Church, simply because Christians are willing to change. And if they aren't, then honestly I question their faith. Repentance is a core in Christianity, and repentance takes change and humility.

As for hurting others, you'll probably hurt others. Ive hurt others! We all hurt others. We are people, we can not avoid the burdens of being in this flesh completely. We try, but we fail. The good thing is when we feel bad, especially after someone tells us that we've hurt them, and we repent and ask for forgivness. This is a beautiful thing. Honestly for now im glad we exist here in the flesh, because even within the hurt there is good God has established for us to expirience. I do not have a feeling that I perfer more than reconciliation yet.

Hopefully these thoughts can be helpful! Im not single but not long ago I was. And you slightly remind me of myself

How are you doing @Carlyw ?

 

[Carlyw]

How are you doing @Carlyw ?

You seem to be the type of person who perfers open and honest communication, so ill take this as less than a surface level question lol.

Im doing good sometimes! Lifes been hard, ive been getting jelous sometimes and when I get jelous I dont always respond proportionaly. My husband gets upset and thinks im being dramatic...which..I totally am. Yes... I fully admit this. We can laugh about it though, which helps.

We're also planning to try to start trying for children soon, which im super excited for. But also pregnancy scares me...

Do you play games at all? Ive been gaming a bit lately. Its been fun.

How have you been?? @33Michael33

 

[33Michael33]

You seem to be the type of person who perfers open and honest communication, so ill take this as less than a surface level question lol.

Im doing good sometimes! Lifes been hard, ive been getting jelous sometimes and when I get jelous I dont always respond proportionaly. My husband gets upset and thinks im being dramatic...which..I totally am. Yes... I fully admit this. We can laugh about it though, which helps.

We're also planning to try to start trying for children soon, which im super excited for. But also pregnancy scares me...

Do you play games at all? Ive been gaming a bit lately. Its been fun.

How have you been?? @33Michael33

You seem to be the type of person who perfers open and honest communication, so ill take this as less than a surface level question lol.

Im doing good sometimes! Lifes been hard, ive been getting jelous sometimes and when I get jelous I dont always respond proportionaly. My husband gets upset and thinks im being dramatic...which..I totally am. Yes... I fully admit this. We can laugh about it though, which helps.

We're also planning to try to start trying for children soon, which im super excited for. But also pregnancy scares me...

Do you play games at all? Ive been gaming a bit lately. Its been fun.

How have you been?? @33Michael33

Yes, I Am an Extremely Empathetic and Emotional Person. I am an open book as I have nothing to hide. However, I also need to learn not to overshare. For example, I start seeing a Therapist this afternoon. Should I even tell the world that? Well, I just did.
And Jealousy??? I would feel flattered if the Woman that I Love was jealous as long as she understands that I only have eyes and a Heart for Her. And of course she didn't get crazy and angry. And even worse start seeing other people or try to make me jealous to retaliate because of her delusional thoughts. Do you see where I am going with this? Just make sure that you don't make things more than what they are. I personally have dealt with and am still dealing with my own issues in that regard. I have serious trust and abandonment issues. And it has caused me to act out in ways that I am Not proud of. And the other person will eventually not believe your Apologies. No matter how sincere that you are. Just be careful and make sure to take the time to discern if it is just your emotions of insecurity, or if it is really something to be concerned about. As for me, I Thank God for Everything. Just this Morning I was able to stop and say the heartfelt things that I really needed to say to my ex girlfriend as she was walking her dog. I Thank Jesus Christ for allowing me to have that Peace in my Heart. Prayers Answered and Anxiety levels dramatically lessened. And I am doing the best that I can to Truly Trust in Jesus Christ. Because honestly, I am barely functioning. I have to force myself to get up and go to work. I am trying not to be scared about my future, not just for me, but also my Son. I am still heartbroken and I feel all alone even though I know that God is with me and I have Family and people that care for me. Financially Etc. And I Will stop here because I am almost ready to delete this post. I constantly feel the need to get it out for healing. And then after I do, I regret putting my business out there. Maybe I am Just out of my mind. I Truly don't even know at this point. And as far as Gaming? I have Always been a serious Gamer in the past. I believe that I got more excited or at least equally excited as my Son when I introduced them to Him. However, Unfortunately for me I abused it to the point to where I neglected my relationships and responsibilities so now I feel guilty about doing the one thing that brought me Joy. And other things as well that I will not get into. So, I Am desperately trying to find some Peace. Thank You So Much for Sharing and Checking on Me as Well. Whether it seems like it or Not. It means A lot to Me. Take Care and God Bless...

 

[Carlyw]

Yes, I Am an Extremely Empathetic and Emotional Person. I am an open book as I have nothing to hide. However, I also need to learn not to overshare. For example, I start seeing a Therapist this afternoon. Should I even tell the world that? Well, I just did.
And Jealousy??? I would feel flattered if the Woman that I Love was jealous as long as she understands that I only have eyes and a Heart for Her. And of course she didn't get crazy and angry. And even worse start seeing other people or try to make me jealous to retaliate because of her delusional thoughts. Do you see where I am going with this? Just make sure that you don't make things more than what they are. I personally have dealt with and am still dealing with my own issues in that regard. I have serious trust and abandonment issues. And it has caused me to act out in ways that I am Not proud of. And the other person will eventually not believe your Apologies. No matter how sincere that you are. Just be careful and make sure to take the time to discern if it is just your emotions of insecurity, or if it is really something to be concerned about. As for me, I Thank God for Everything. Just this Morning I was able to stop and say the heartfelt things that I really needed to say to my ex girlfriend as she was walking her dog. I Thank Jesus Christ for allowing me to have that Peace in my Heart. Prayers Answered and Anxiety levels dramatically lessened. And I am doing the best that I can to Truly Trust in Jesus Christ. Because honestly, I am barely functioning. I have to force myself to get up and go to work. I am trying not to be scared about my future, not just for me, but also my Son. I am still heartbroken and I feel all alone even though I know that God is with me and I have Family and people that care for me. Financially Etc. And I Will stop here because I am almost ready to delete this post. I constantly feel the need to get it out for healing. And then after I do, I regret putting my business out there. Maybe I am Just out of my mind. I Truly don't even know at this point. And as far as Gaming? I have Always been a serious Gamer in the past. I believe that I got more excited or at least equally excited as my Son when I introduced them to Him. However, Unfortunately for me I abused it to the point to where I neglected my relationships and responsibilities so now I feel guilty about doing the one thing that brought me Joy. And other things as well that I will not get into. So, I Am desperately trying to find some Peace. Thank You So Much for Sharing and Checking on Me as Well. Whether it seems like it or Not. It means A lot to Me. Take Care and God Bless...

I dont believe in over sharing most details, but im weird. Therapy can be incredibly helpful! I have marriage counseling and personal therapy, both with a pastor. Its been amazing

As for the jelousy thing, youre right. I dont go and seek provision from anyone but my husband, I am akin to the Church and he is akin to Christ. The Church doesnt seek primary support or provision outside of Christ,

I do get angry but not too mean, ill just say im jelous and stuff. I told him not to tell me about the fun he has with younger women our age. I will get jelous. He said he will stop, and I cant say I love the idea of it, but for now its probably best that he doesnt share EVERYTHING with me. He is autistic, as well so... he doesnt always understand that there are barriers between what to share and what not to regarding certain people.

Its definitely insecurity based and im definitely trying to work on that, but after a lifelong time of abandonment from my father, tons of past cheating and some somewhat recent unfaithfulness on his side, I just am not healed. I pray and read my Bible.

Ive come to the conclusion that I may not be healed but I can still be the best wife im called to be, and to try to not react when possible and necessary.

Im glad you got to see your ex, it sounds like keeping all of those things bottled up were killing you. God gave you the opportunity to share, and you have more comfort now. This is awesome.

I game for a few hours a day, i understand how you feel like you've abused the privilege and now its hard to go back.

I felt that way, but now im more balanced, took awhile of not gaming at all though

Eventually I had nothing to do and I got bored out of my mind and started again lol

Anyway, its nice to check in thanks for checking in on me as well. God bless.