Dark Attractions

[33Michael33]

That makes perfect sense and feels less of indictment (negative) of something be wrong with me. Thank you for that.


I took a test, I came out Empath (90%+). XD

What is painful tho is it feels like sometimes its a calling that means I should just become a Priest, because none of Good Christians Women are interested. They usually already have a nice guy they have chosen.

I try to tell myself, well maybe I am Hosea type and will be like that.. but that is rough.. his wife wasn't faithful...

Yeah, I Have Recently Learned what Christian Singleness is and it Terrifies Me. As I Am the Perfect Example of Man Should Not Be Alone. I Feel An Overwhelming Desire to LOVE That It Consumes Every Part of My Being.

 

[33Michael33]

The fact that broken, traumatized women are drawn to you most definitely DOES NOT mean there is anything wrong with you.

To the contrary, it means God has bestowed you with a wonderful gift of compassion and empathy, as you well know. The tricky part is learning how God wants us to utilize it without losing ourselves (or think it's our whole identity) in the process.

I understand the irony of "Good Christian Women" not being interested -- it's an ironic part of our calling.

We often attract those whose hearts are shattered panes of glass, and often become addicted to attention. The people who would make "ideal" choices often aren't drawn to us because they haven't been hurt to that extent or God has already put them on a path to healing. To them, our presence might feel like a bucket of water to a plant that's already been through a long, nourishing rain -- they don't need what we do best, and so they don't feel connected to us.

Likewise, those of us drawn to extreme pain might sometimes also feel that someone who isn't trying to cling to us out of pain doesn't' really love or need us, because the only times we've felt loved is when someone is constantly trauma-dumping their lives onto us.

I've written threads in the past about how I believe a lot of people actually "fall into pain together" rather than "falling in love." And many aren't really in love, but are addicted to the attention and the drama extreme pain brings.

I wish I had some answers for you and I certainly wish I could be of more comfort. Unfortunately, I'm the last kind of single that other single people would want to hear from.

When my husband left for his girlfriend, my biggest fears were that:

1. I would never find anyone like him. (We had trauma-bonded over some things I've never been able to bond with any one else over.)

2. I would always be alone. (I won't mention specifically how many years it's been, but some of my friend's kids are now getting married... and I'm still single.)

So far, both of those fears have been reality for many, many years, and with no end in sight. All I can do is trust that God has a purpose in all of this, though I often lose hope.

One very bright spot however, is that I've been able to meet other singles going through the same things here, and the adventures of meeting some of them in person has made all my time on this site worth it.

May God comfort you and lead you on in your purpose!

Seoul, Have You Ever Heard of Limerance??? I just found about it a couple days ago. And it Defines My Last Relationship Perfectly. And I Believe that it Will Also Help Others Trying to Make Sense of Unexplained Feelings...

 

[seoulsearch]

Seoul, Have You Ever Heard of Limerance??? I just found about it a couple days ago. And it Defines My Last Relationship Perfectly. And I Believe that it Will Also Help Others Trying to Make Sense of Unexplained Feelings...

I have often thought about the fact that I think a lot of us Fall Into Pain, or Fall Into Intensity, mistaking it for Falling In Love, but it's not exactly love...

We feel a very strong attachment to people due to intense situations, backgrounds, shared experiences... but in the end, it proves to be much more of an infatuation or perhaps "limerence" as you're describing here, that eventually collapses when the realities of life set in.

 

[33Michael33]

I have often thought about the fact that I think a lot of us Fall Into Pain, or Fall Into Intensity, mistaking it for Falling In Love, but it's not exactly love...

We feel a very strong attachment to people due to intense situations, backgrounds, shared experiences... but in the end, it proves to be much more of an infatuation or perhaps "limerence" as you're describing here, that eventually collapses when the realities of life set in.

After God Let Me Know that I Had to Walk Away, That I Had No Choice But to Walk Away Because We are Not Meant to Be Together any Longer. I have Understood Why, And that is How I Am on the Right Path that He has for Me. I Thank God for Saving Me and Showing Me the Truth and I Know that He has Great Things Planned for Me. However, It is Still Extremely Painful and My Pain and Loss are Beyond Measure...

 

[Texasgal]

I have often thought about the fact that I think a lot of us Fall Into Pain, or Fall Into Intensity, mistaking it for Falling In Love, but it's not exactly love...

We feel a very strong attachment to people due to intense situations, backgrounds, shared experiences... but in the end, it proves to be much more of an infatuation or perhaps "limerence" as you're describing here, that eventually collapses when the realities of life set in.

That’s what things can be like in the service. The bonding is intense. But then, afterwards…well…just have a look at how the veterans are doing…