New Here and Struggling...

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33Michael33

33Michael33

Active member
Oct 9, 2025
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I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
 
33Michael33 said:
I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
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1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
 
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33Michael33 said:
Scriptures like these give me Peace. But only for a short Time. Thoughts Anyone???
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Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV): "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
 
33Michael33 said:
Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV): "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Click to expand...
Maybe it is because I am depressed and it is hard to even function.
 
You are not alone in your issue. Yes, I understand more than you think.
As you are, so have I been, and I don't mean that lightly.

Just as you hardly know how to describe how you got here, I don't know what to say to you, other than stop striving, do your best to search for positivity to replace the negativity, and be patient, knowing that Gods mercy will allow it to pass away.
I know that you are praying, but help yourself while praying, too, remembering that all God requires for you to be saved is your faith & respect for him.
 
33Michael33 said:
I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
Click to expand...

Hi Michael,

I'm very sorry for everything you are going through. Many of us here have been through the same or similar circumstances; I hope you'll keep posting and get to know some of the people here. There are a lot of regulars who also had to uproot and restart their lives after messy events.

I went through a long period of very dark years -- the feelings associated with them still come and go. I did everything my good Christian community told me to do. I got to a point where I was spending 5-7 days a week at the church, always participating in something, always learning, praying, or serving. I'm sure it helped me grow in some ways, but I was also desperately trying to fill all the empty hours (aside from constantly working.) I was trying to stay moving and distracted, because the second I stood still or there was too much silence -- the FEELINGS started to creep in -- and they weren't good feelings.

When I try to look back at how God has gotten me through the hardest times of my life, I know it was one day at a time, hour by hour -- and often, every minute felt agonizing.

I know I'm supposed to say something more cheerful, more joyful, more upbeat -- but I say all this to say, I think you'll find a lot of people right here who know how it feels -- and we are all trying to get through it, together.

Welcome, and come along with us as we all are trying to find God's path for us.
 
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33Michael33 said:
I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
Click to expand...


But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 28And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: 29That no flesh should glory in his presence. 30But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:

You aren't alone.<
 
33Michael33 said:
I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
Click to expand...
I hit rock bottom in 2014 in Maine.

Moved there in 2005 from Florida so that my late second wife could be closer to her family. Total nightmare for me, isolated from my family 1500 miles away.

Her adult son caused me to be evicted from my apartment. Spent the last 6 months sleeping on a neighbor's couch for $60 a week. Wife died in a nursing home in 2014 from a pulmonary embolism. A week later I told her adult son (couldn't hold a job - alcoholic - pothead) that the game was over. A week after my wife died, I got on a bus with just my clothes in a duffle bag.

Previously, my car had broken down and was unrepairable. Left my stuff in a storage unit. Told my sister-in-law to take what she wanted as I was going to stop paying monthly on it. Resigned my position with my employer. Loss my two dogs. Her parents died also.

Brother-in-law, who I worked for 3 months cheated me out of my pay.

Miserable climate too.

I feel your pain brother because I have been where you now are. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

On a positive note, I met my current wife on this site shortly after I joined in 2014. Beautiful spiritual woman for sure. Don't know what she saw in me because I had nothing really to offer except what was in my heart. I guess that was sufficient.

Currently living in Tennessee, have a nice car, completely remodeled home, two cats, and a loving wife to come home too after a hard day's work.

I will say a prayer for God to lift you out of the cage that you reside in. I know from experience that it is a cold dark place with depression creeping along the shadows. Not a place that you want to stay, and with the grace of God, you won't.
 
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33Michael33 said:
I Am the Prime Example of Man Should Not Be Alone.
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The Lord immediately brought a verse to mind that helps me through likewise times of depression.
I just couldn't remember the chapter and verse, so He had me open directly to it and had me look at John 16:32 KJV. This is for you right now.

32Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.

Even Jesus was left alone by His friends in time of greatest need.
However, He was not alone because why?
 
(Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV) God says:

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.


(Isaiah 41:10 NIV) says:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed (discouraged), for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
 
(Jeremiah 29:11 NIV):

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
 
33Michael33 said:
I Am Having to Start My Life Over at 48 Years Old. I have been living in and am currently in Texas for the past 18 Years. I am originally from Georgia and most family is there. I Am Really Struggling with ruminating negative thoughts of my past and pain. Not being able to forgive myself for things. I take ALL of the blame for ALL Past Relationships. And I Cry Out to God Everyday for Help with ALL aspects of my life. I have Faith, However I still feel Depressed and Alone. I Know what the Scripture says. And I Still Feel Pain and Regret Constantly. I Need Jesus Every Second of Every Day...
Click to expand...
"My God shall supply all your need", including restoration and hope.
 
tourist said:
I hit rock bottom in 2014 in Maine.

Moved there in 2005 from Florida so that my late second wife could be closer to her family. Total nightmare for me, isolated from my family 1500 miles away.

Her adult son caused me to be evicted from my apartment. Spent the last 6 months sleeping on a neighbor's couch for $60 a week. Wife died in a nursing home in 2014 from a pulmonary embolism. A week later I told her adult son (couldn't hold a job - alcoholic - pothead) that the game was over. A week after my wife died, I got on a bus with just my clothes in a duffle bag.

Previously, my car had broken down and was unrepairable. Left my stuff in a storage unit. Told my sister-in-law to take what she wanted as I was going to stop paying monthly on it. Resigned my position with my employer. Loss my two dogs. Her parents died also.

Brother-in-law, who I worked for 3 months cheated me out of my pay.

Miserable climate too.

I feel your pain brother because I have been where you now are. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

On a positive note, I met my current wife on this site shortly after I joined in 2014. Beautiful spiritual woman for sure. Don't know what she saw in me because I had nothing really to offer except what was in my heart. I guess that was sufficient.

Currently living in Tennessee, have a nice car, completely remodeled home, two cats, and a loving wife to come home too after a hard day's work.

I will say a prayer for God to lift you out of the cage that you reside in. I know from experience that it is a cold dark place with depression creeping along the shadows. Not a place that you want to stay, and with the grace of God, you won't.
Click to expand...
Thank You Brother!!! And God Bless. 🙌 🫂
 
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