I have suffered with severe generalized anxiety (GAD) now for 40 years.
I refused to go down the medication route and sought help with counselors is my church and it just got worse.
I could never understand why one day I did not have GAD then I did, I have always asked why did this happen?
It led to gambling addiction, alcohol addiction.
I gave up in the end seeking help.
I found no matter how many times i read the Bible verses, it made it worse.
I cried to God for so long but never heard anything.
To cut a long story short, last year I had a triple heart bypass surgery.
A few months after surgery my heart got so irregular and my blood pressure went SKU high again, that my meds were changed and I was given a machine on my arm for 24 hours to check my BP.
In the follow up my consultant noticed that my BP quite often spiked and asked about anxiety, I told him and he recommended I got help, either psychotherapy or medication.
I sought help and have had Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
After many sessions I was diagnosed with two types of attachment disorders (now working through that)
This was a result of severe childhood trauma.
From sexual abuse, to being thrown at at 14 by mum, my mum being divorced a few times, so called father figuers (foster one who sexually abused me) and my real dad beating my mother and more.
My therapist asked me what happened on that day my GAD started.
I was engaged to my girlfriend to get married, I didn't want to marry her because she cheated on my twice but for some reason I couldn't break it up.
We were sat in church one day and this is what I told my therapist.
"We will get married, have kids, get divorced and I would get to see my children at the weekend"
All of a sudden it felt like my stomach was ripped open and a million butterflies were put in my stomach and stiched up.
I ended the relationship.
I carried the guilt and shame of my thoughts.
For all of look life, before becoming a Christian and after a Christian I have never felt loved. After all why would you given what I went through.
As a Christian I feel that God does not love me, that I'm not good enough, if fail I'm gonna get a beating.
Therefore I find it very difficult to come to him and trust him.
What I now realise after the diagnosis and help with CBT I can understand why I react, the reason why and how deal with it.
Here is why think I can move forward.
My therapist identifed that I anticipate what is going to happen and it's the worst case scenario.
He tells me stay in the moment.
Then it suddenly hits me.
What did Jesus say?
Matthew 6:34
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
So to finish, I believe that therapy can help.
Not wishing to be horrible but to say to people with mental health issues to just read Bible verses and will help actually does not.
We need to get behind the reasons why people struggle with it, just like I did.
My upbringing was imprinted in my brain and as a result I did everything to protect myself and not open up to what I went through.
I trusted no one.
But now I feel hope.
I have now started asking God again to help me trust him and know how that he loves me, will never beat me and throw me out.
I am asking the Holy Spirit to work in me.
So please don't be like I was.
I was ashamed as a Christian to have mental health issues.
I spent 40 years rejecting help outside of church.
I think God hurts when his children struggle with it, when they cannot trust him.
And it doesn't bother me now if OUR FATHER uses people who are not Christian to understand what is causing the anxiety.
What we need to understand there were many greats in the Bible who struggled with anxiety and depression.
Hanna
Elijah
Job
David
Jonha
Jesus
Right now I'm gonna finish with the following.
I promised myself and asked God to help me not act and be what I was used to as a child and its consequences (that is why I was so ashamed of my thoughts about getting married when I was engaged before)
I have been married to my beautiful wife for 31 years.
We have 4 kids, all are Christians.
All know they are truly loved, fully accepted and safe in our love.
I thank God he granted me that, even in my darkest days.