Your man looking at gorgeous women

[CarriePie]

I was in a relationship where this was a problem...a problem in that it bothered me. I think it was more due to the way he did it. I remember that in the beginning stages of the relationship when we were doing things together, he'd look at women and comment to me about them. One woman he really was going on about how gorgeous she was. Meanwhile, I was too twitterpated to even realize that there were other men besides him on Earth lol. Jokes aside, I think I felt as Lynx described better in post #18. I felt what I had was enough and didn't even have a slight pull to have a look elsewhere.
In this particular relationship, I was left having the same feelings seoulsearch and Lynx describe. As time went on, I realized that this just wasn't the sort of relationship I wanted to be in. I'd rather be content and alone while I "ogle" birds and wildlife lol.

I would also like to add that not only can this be disrespectful to the one you're with, but also to the one you're looking at. I'd be uncomfortable if someone (especially if they were in a relationship) was obviously ogling me and making comments about how hot I am or whistling or singing. I think maturity is attractive. Making others uncomfortable is not.

 

[Snackersmom]

Ok I think I see what you've been trying to tell me now. Sorry if I misunderstood. I think that you're trying to tell me that the scripture I posted is talking about envy, not jealousy. If that's what you meant, then here is another scripture where Paul mentions jealousy is sinful and just about every bible translation uses the word jealousy, not envy.

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
(Galatians 5:19-21 NIV)

I think there is a big difference between wanting what is yours versus wanting what is not yours. I've heard the former described as jealousy and the latter described as envy/covetousness, but I'm not sure if that is linguistically correct. Might be one of those situations where a completely accurate translation wasn't available.

If a random man I admire is looking "intensely" at another woman and it upsets me, that is envy/covetousness because I have no right to his attentions.

But if said man is my husband, I then have a right to his attentions and being upset is understandable, I would argue proper. Such is the jealousy God has for us (or so I've heard); The difference being the covenant that was made.

If said man is my boyfriend then we definitely gonna have a talk, because it could indicate that I'm not enough for him and I'd rather be single than insufficient.

That said, I don't think I would be terribly high-strung about it, the man's gotta live... just blatant staring/ogling or making comments about other women that would bother me

 

[Texasgal]

Please expound a bit on your thinking - why specifically did/do you say this?

Because I wanted to.

 

[Texasgal]

It’s been very interesting to read the comments to this thread. I guess I’m not in the same culture. I won’t elaborate, but I clearly see the world differently from many people outside my culture.

It’s not meant as a criticism or a compliment. It’s just an observation.

We are all different.

 

[Karlon]

So, this was a big no for me when I was younger.

Today, pushing 50, it’s not a problem at all. I’m a widow, a single and all that, but if I were going steady with someone and he was looking at beautiful women I would in fact appreciate that.

Any takes?

you are the 1st girl i ever heard say that you would appreciate your steady man looking at beautiful women! i wasn't looking at women when i was dating the last time. i can't believe a woman thinks it's alright. if i see a pretty girl walking somewhere, i'll look briefly, & it's not all the time that i do look, & say, "wow God, you made a beautiful girl right there". I DO NOT STARE! just this past monday, a bunch of girls were jogging down the street & i turned away immediately. all of them were absolutely beautiful too. yes, the temptation to look was high.

 

[Lynx]

Because I wanted to.

Yeah, when I first saw this thread I got the impression that you are bored today and want to see some blood.

 

[tourist]

Being a married man, I make it a point to never fix my gaze on another woman. Besides, what's the point as there would be no comparison? For the record, my wife wouldn't mind very much if I were to do so, but I choose otherwise.

 

[tourist]

If this was a chess game, the standard countermove would be Job 31:1

I was thinking in terms of Song of Solomon.

 

[seoulsearch]

I assumed that she was talking about when a woman is out with her man in public. I really don't think she's saying she would appreciate if her man was looking at porn. It never even crossed my mind that she would think that.

Reading through this thread reminded me of an old Sheena Easton song called "Strut" --

"All this fascination, with leather and lace,
Is just a smoke from a different fire."

The song is about a woman who appears to be complimented by her man -- but his goal is actually to manipulate her into dressing, acting, and replacing his old girlfriend.


To me, if a man were to constantly be looking at other women while he's with me -- I'm going to figure out exactly what "wisps of smoke" this fire is burning from.

Sure, it could be "nothing serious" -- but discernment is important in relationships.

And it would be the same for a man who is with a woman. Does the man find that his woman is always a little too friendly or flirty with the male wait staff when they go out?

Maybe she's someone who feels she needs a lot of male attention, and that's going to be a problem.

I understand that different people see this topic in different ways and have different opinions about it -- the post I made earlier was only my own.

Where I see puffs of smoke, I'm going to keep investigating until I find where the fire is coming from, and will go from there.

 

[Daisy2]

Ok I think I see what you've been trying to tell me now. Sorry if I misunderstood. I think that you're trying to tell me that the scripture I posted is talking about envy, not jealousy. If that's what you meant, then here is another scripture where Paul mentions jealousy is sinful and just about every bible translation uses the word jealousy, not envy.

In the 1611 King James Bible, the word jealous appears 48 times. Of those, 41 refer to God’s jealousy for His people, and 7 deal with jealousy within the context of marriage. The word doesn’t appear in passages such as Galatians 5:19–21 or Proverbs 27:4, where modern readers might expect it; the term envy is used instead. Scripture presents marital jealousy as natural much like God’s jealousy for His people.

 

[Texasgal]

Yeah, when I first saw this thread I got the impression that you are bored today and want to see some blood.

Naaah….I just spoke my mind…but then, I’m not wired the right way either lol.

 

[CarriePie]

Every time I see this thread, this scene from Grumpier Old Men keeps coming to mind. Sophia Loren in all her gorgeousness coming through the door. A think just about every person on the planet would look

 

[Texasgal]

Every time I see this thread, this scene from Grumpier Old Men keeps coming to mind. Sophia Loren in all her gorgeousness coming through the door. A think just about every person on the planet would look

You get it. It’s not like I would like him stargazing at any other woman. But if it was a really drop dead gorgeous woman, why would I deny him appreciating her beauty?

 

[Edith]

Let him look! He has got eyes.
He is single or will soon be single.

 

[zeroturbulence]

From the King James bible:

For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
(Proverbs 6:34 KJV)

 

[Mordy]

So, this was a big no for me when I was younger.

Today, pushing 50, it’s not a problem at all. I’m a widow, a single and all that, but if I were going steady with someone and he was looking at beautiful women I would in fact appreciate that.

Any takes?

Curiously confident collusion can create causes for caressing care. Couldn't it?

 

[Suze]

So, this was a big no for me when I was younger.

Today, pushing 50, it’s not a problem at all. I’m a widow, a single and all that, but if I were going steady with someone and he was looking at beautiful women I would in fact appreciate that.

Any takes?

So , my hubby and I r very confident in our love for each other and in our attraction to each other . So much so that we actually play a little game when we r out and about in the world together . If either of us sees someone that we think is attractive , we just say out loud ' yes ' , he does it more than I do we both don't consider ourselves to b physically attractive any more although we still find each other attractive but that might b because we r in love with each other . Hubby is a bit naughty to b honest , he won't look at a woman who is obviously looking for attention , for example , if we r in a queue in the supermarket and there is a gorgeous young woman being a bit flirty and obvious , hubby will make a point of looking everywhere but at her , in fact if she is with another less attractive lady he will look at that one .
Many people seem to b a bit intimidated by the way hubby looks , six feet two , 18 stone of mostly muscle , lots of very long dark hair ( bits of white ) and a full beard and moustache so he doesn't usually get any attention from the ladies . When we were younger and we used to go to gigs , he would get lots and lots of attention from what we call ' rock chicks ' , he would b at the front of the gig on his own and I would b at the back of the crowd . At the end of the gig I would go to the front to find him and he would always b surrounded by ' rock chicks ' chatting him up . Once , we were at a gig and the lead singer of the girl band Girls School , actually sang a song whilst openly staring at him and flirting with him ! I honestly don't mind , he has no confidence in his physical appearance at all , so for him to get a bit of female attention once in a while , is ok by me , I know he loves me totally and I like to c him get a bit of a boost in his self esteem . This doesn't happen too much now as we don't go to gigs any more . Miss those happy days .

 

[Karlon]

You get it. It’s not like I would like him stargazing at any other woman. But if it was a really drop dead gorgeous woman, why would I deny him appreciating her beauty?

you are extremely understanding in this situation. i told my wife a few times in the past that i saw a pretty girl here & there & she totally knows i didn't possess any wrong intentions. she smiles when i tell her. when we were socializing in saratoga i behaved very well & saratoga, especially in summer time, has an enormous amount of beautiful women in every direction you look.

 

[Snackersmom]

From the King James bible:

For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
(Proverbs 6:34 KJV)

Good verse for thought.... the broader context of the passage is warning men not to commit adultery with married women, because her husband will go into a jealous rage when he finds out and want to take vengeance.

The purpose of the verse isn't to condemn the jealous husband (though we know vengeance belongs to God), but rather to warn the one who tries to take something that isn't his.

So in this specific case, jealousy is described as wanting/defending something that is already yours.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any verses about jealousy that don't refer to God's jealousy for His people or a person's jealousy for their spouse?

I really am curious about this lol.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Good verse for thought.... the broader context of the passage is warning men not to commit adultery with married women, because her husband will go into a jealous rage when he finds out and want to take vengeance.

The purpose of the verse isn't to condemn the jealous husband (though we know vengeance belongs to God), but rather to warn the one who tries to take something that isn't his.

So in this specific case, jealousy is described as wanting/defending something that is already yours.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any verses about jealousy that don't refer to God's jealousy for His people or a person's jealousy for their spouse?

I really am curious about this lol.

Ok I give up.