Dating with Age Gaps

[JohnDB]

The "good ones are all taken"
And a lot of the bad ones pretending to be good ones are gone too.

And that's where you will find the "second hand shop" of valuable treasures that have been used roughly. Sure, they come with baggage....but it all work out in the end.

Then there's those who have had a change of heart....they were lousy once upon a time but experience has taught them a lesson they never forget. (These have more baggage than the others).

And what it comes down to is determining how much of a narcissist they are....are they a bad one set free? Once bad but now decent? Or just a heart of gold tarnished by foolishly believing in the best of others.

Crazy/hot matrix plays a role here.

How good are you at permanent relationships?
What are you willing to really sacrifice to have a permanent relationship?

Are you really going to be comfortable with both intellectual and emotional bare raw nudity? (Absolute transparency)

Is there type of person you are attracted to going to really reciprocate that sort of transparency? (Change your goals if not)

If you do not know how, when, or why of their personal testimony of their relationship with God....then you should run away.....FAST. Granted this is not first, second, or third date discussion material....but definitely 4th and forward.

And if you question their relationship with God before the next date due to their egregious and outrageous behavior....you probably don't need to be dating them.

 

[jacko]

So if I understand this correctly, being male, I should attempt to find a woman no younger than 46 since I'm 78 right? Actually, my main requirement is that a woman be a God fearing Christian.

that depends,

Yes, well... There's also money. The more you have, the lower that age can go.

facts, especially in other parts of the world.

 

[Edith]

The "good ones are all taken"
And a lot of the bad ones pretending to be good ones are gone too.

And that's where you will find the "second hand shop" of valuable treasures that have been used roughly. Sure, they come with baggage....but it all work out in the end.

Then there's those who have had a change of heart....they were lousy once upon a time but experience has taught them a lesson they never forget. (These have more baggage than the others).

And what it comes down to is determining how much of a narcissist they are....are they a bad one set free? Once bad but now decent? Or just a heart of gold tarnished by foolishly believing in the best of others.

Crazy/hot matrix plays a role here.

How good are you at permanent relationships?
What are you willing to really sacrifice to have a permanent relationship?

Are you really going to be comfortable with both intellectual and emotional bare raw nudity? (Absolute transparency)

Is there type of person you are attracted to going to really reciprocate that sort of transparency? (Change your goals if not)

If you do not know how, when, or why of their personal testimony of their relationship with God....then you should run away.....FAST. Granted this is not first, second, or third date discussion material....but definitely 4th and forward.

And if you question their relationship with God before the next date due to their egregious and outrageous behavior....you probably don't need to be dating them.

Dear John I will share one of my secret thoughts with you. I call this secret because I will not say it in a discipleship class or even around the Christians at my Church.
I believe there are good People in the world. I believe there are some good people who do not have Christ. And they will make great partners in relationships. nevertheless I agree that the Christ is our standard and to be sure stick to Christ

 

[Lynx]

Edith, that's pretty much what I was thinking within reason of course. Forgot where I read it but a preacher said women are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped . Not sure about the handicapped part but so far, in my case, all the good ones are taken.

I have heard that old saying, about both men and women.

Do be careful about the audience you are speaking to when you use that old saying. Especially take note that you are currently bringing it up in a FORUM FULL OF SINGLE PEOPLE. That saying basically calls all of us defective, just because we are still single.

Yes I know you said "not sure about the handicapped part" but you did still bring it up.

Personally I've just never bothered looking for somebody.

 

[JohnDB]

Dear John I will share one of my secret thoughts with you. I call this secret because I will not say it in a discipleship class or even around the Christians at my Church.
I believe there are good People in the world. I believe there are some good people who do not have Christ. And they will make great partners in relationships. nevertheless I agree that the Christ is our standard and to be sure stick to Christ

To be sure,
There are a LOT of people who claim Christ that live disgusting lives that reflect nothing of anything that Christ demonstrated for us.
As well as confirmed non-believers whose lives by comparison make Sunday School Superintendents look like total Heathens.

 

[CarriePie]

Bob dear, I don't agree with your preacher. what does he mean all the good one are taken. With all the fine well mannered and cultured single women we find everywhere. Even here on CC we find beautiful, charming, heart warming women. talking of heart warming women where is @CarriePie.

Here I am, dear sweet lady! I hope you are well and smashing!

My heart is warmed by seeing your mention, and I'm also glad to see this topic here.

 

[seoulsearch]

I've recently been hearing about how men in their 20s are pursuing women in their 30s and 40s. To be clear, it's not the women going after younger men, the men want an older woman! And it got me thinking...

Typically we've seen older men going after much younger women, for example, Leo DiCaprio who won't date a woman over 25 yet he's 50 years old. This is somewhat accepted and sometimes even expected in society, maybe the age gap isn't always quite that big but an older man with a younger woman is totally normal. However, when a woman dates a younger man she's called a "cougar."

Why does it matter who is older?
Does age actually matter or is it about your stage in life?
Is location and or cultural upbringing a factor?

I knew a couple from church a while back, she was about seven years older than her husband and seemed to feel a bit embarrassed by that, like it was taboo and needed to be kept secret.
Would a husband feel ashamed if he's the older one?

I know most of us here are happily single, but I'm wondering for those of you who are searching or open to a relationship, what is your age gap preference? Would you date only younger or only older? Five, ten, or even twenty years? What's your reasoning behind your age range?

I think I'd be okay with ten years younger or ten years older. I don't want to date someone who is still in college but I don't want to date someone with AARP either.
(*Note, for those outside North America, AARP is a nonprofit organization dedicated to those over the age of 50.)

Hi Elizabeth! Great thread!

Never mind me, it's just your Friendly Neighborhood Resident Cougar here to add a couple of thoughts.

I'm Asian, and was adopted into a small white town with no other Asians. Starting from about the time I was about 14, men who could be my dad and grandpa started trying to talk to me because I was a curiosity object.

There was also the movie, "Full Metal Jacket" with an infamous scene involving an Asian prostitute, and every now and then, I'd hear that quoted in various settings. Being in a small town that didn't know any better, men seemed to assume that Asian women must be like the character in this movie -- cheap, available, and more than willing.

I was actually quite terrified of older men for a while, but very appreciative if I met one (at work, school, or church) that had an honest, caring "someone older but that I could trust" vibe.

When I hit about 35, something very strange happened. The older guys hit on me more online than in real life (I think I got too old for them, as they were dashing past me for the 25-year-olds,) and the younger guys started trying to talk to me.

I don't get asked out often (this is an accumulation of several years' worth of stories,) but now the average age gap of guys who ask me out is around 15 years younger than me. And it's because they assume I'm around their age range or only slightly older. The biggest age gap I've ever experienced was with a guy who was 19 years younger than me -- when he found out how old I was, he mentioned his mom was only like 4 years older than me -- and that was a bit too much.

Even with a 15-year difference, it's strange to think I was driving when these guys were born.

I've gotten to a point where I'm attracted to life experience, but still hope to have a lot of things in common with someone, or at least, relatable. With younger guys, the biggest issue is having a family. I'm past the point of wanting to have kids, and I would never want to deny someone from having a family. I've known a few women who couldn't have kids that married men who said they didn't want to have kids -- but their husbands changed their minds a few years into the marriage, and left them for what they saw as viable mothers-to-be.

A few years ago, I was seeing a younger guy who asked me to consider marrying him several times, but I didn't have peace with it. We went our own ways, and he's with someone now who I think is a much better match for him -- and right around his age.

On the flipside, I can't see myself with someone that much older either. It would depend. I know a lot of blended families with a lot of drama (his kids hate the new younger "replacement" for their mom, etc.) and I'm not interested in being a part of all that. I also have a friend who became a grandmother through marriage at the age pf 33. This can be a huge responsibility, especially with so many people financially supporting their adult children and helping to raise their grandchildren.

My lifelong best friend and I were talking about this. She said, "We thought we had to get married because no one told us there was another option." I have good Christian friends who are married and have told me they sometimes wish someone would have told them it was possible to live a happy, productive single life.

Singles are told we're selfish -- we just serve in other ways. Right now my priorities are making sure my parents are loved, comfortable, and know they aren't alone as they get older, and on my vacations, I love going and voluntarily for my friends who own businesses. (They pay me back with about 5 extra pounds, as they feed me much too well while I'm there!!) This was a dream of my for several years that God has thankfully answered. My friends are the type who are always helping others in need -- I told God that I wanted to serve the ones who are always serving.

I've also worked long and hard to pay off my debts. I drive an older car and I rent, but I don't have to worry about the bank taking back anything I own.

Most any relationship possibility I've been in, whether older or younger, would have plunged me into a whirlwind of family issues, relational drama, a multitude of other caretaker responsibilities, and mountains of debt.

Sure, my single life isn't perfect and has plenty of its own problems.

But until I find a marriage possibility in which both of us wouldn't be plunging ourselves into a tornado of issues I know I would get lost in, I'll probably be single until Jesus comes back, or God calls me home.

Thanks very much for the thread!

 

[Edith]

Here I am, dear sweet lady! I hope you are well and smashing!

My heart is warmed by seeing your mention, and I'm also glad to see this topic here.

Welcome dear
I am well, just missed you for a while

 

[CarriePie]

I've recently been hearing about how men in their 20s are pursuing women in their 30s and 40s. To be clear, it's not the women going after younger men, the men want an older woman! And it got me thinking...

Typically we've seen older men going after much younger women, for example, Leo DiCaprio who won't date a woman over 25 yet he's 50 years old. This is somewhat accepted and sometimes even expected in society, maybe the age gap isn't always quite that big but an older man with a younger woman is totally normal. However, when a woman dates a younger man she's called a "cougar."

Why does it matter who is older?
Does age actually matter or is it about your stage in life?
Is location and or cultural upbringing a factor?

I knew a couple from church a while back, she was about seven years older than her husband and seemed to feel a bit embarrassed by that, like it was taboo and needed to be kept secret.
Would a husband feel ashamed if he's the older one?

I know most of us here are happily single, but I'm wondering for those of you who are searching or open to a relationship, what is your age gap preference? Would you date only younger or only older? Five, ten, or even twenty years? What's your reasoning behind your age range?

I think I'd be okay with ten years younger or ten years older. I don't want to date someone who is still in college but I don't want to date someone with AARP either.
(*Note, for those outside North America, AARP is a nonprofit organization dedicated to those over the age of 50.)

For me, maturity matters more than age. I'm someone who has always been considered much older than my years. For example, when I changed schools in the 5th grade, the students thought I was the new teacher not the new student lol.

I have been in relationships with younger and older. I have found that, just for me personally, I have yet to get along well someone closer to my age when it comes to a potential relationship or an actual relationship.
My longest relationship (7 years) was with an older gentleman. We had a large age gap, but it never bothered either my family and friends, nor his family and friends. His family and friends became my friends (and they are still my friends). Having shared interests is also very helpful. I like to have a balance. I think it's good to have several mutual interests that you can do to spend time together. And, I think it's healthy to have a few interests that you enjoy separately.

I have also been in a potential relationship with someone 7 years younger. Younger does have its challenges. I think for me, it especially does since I'm an old soul. Music and movie tastes can be very different. Interests can be very different. Even where you'd prefer to eat when you go out can be very different. Do you let differences bring you together, or tear you apart? Do you think of it as opening your life to a new experiences? Do you accept each other's differences? Growing in relationships, and life in general, can be very tough. But, growing from birth until death keeps us from being stagnant. Is it a healthy growth? That's an important question.

By contrast, the most miserable relationship I've been in was with someone closer to my age and we had zero interests in common. But, what was the killer for me, was that my interests were not taken into consideration. Everything was about him: where we ate, what we listened to, what we watched, etc. I felt like I couldn't be me. So, whatever age differences there might be, please be sure you are allowed to be you. Give and take equally. Mind you, I don't think it was a bad relationship because of our ages or me being an old soul. It's just that it can just as easily not work out well for someone near your age as with someone older/younger.

I've just always thought that if both persons are of legal age, it just doesn't really bother me who is dating who when it comes to age. I'm more concerned if they have a healthy dynamic.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

For me, maturity matters more than age. I'm someone who has always been considered much older than my years. For example, when I changed schools in the 5th grade, the students thought I was the new teacher not the new student lol.

I have been in relationships with younger and older. I have found that, just for me personally, I have yet to get along well someone closer to my age when it comes to a potential relationship or an actual relationship.
My longest relationship (7 years) was with an older gentleman. We had a large age gap, but it never bothered either my family and friends, nor his family and friends. His family and friends became my friends (and they are still my friends). Having shared interests is also very helpful. I like to have a balance. I think it's good to have several mutual interests that you can do to spend time together. And, I think it's healthy to have a few interests that you enjoy separately.

I have also been in a potential relationship with someone 7 years younger. Younger does have its challenges. I think for me, it especially does since I'm an old soul. Music and movie tastes can be very different. Interests can be very different. Even where you'd prefer to eat when you go out can be very different. Do you let differences bring you together, or tear you apart? Do you think of it as opening your life to a new experiences? Do you accept each other's differences? Growing in relationships, and life in general, can be very tough. But, growing from birth until death keeps us from being stagnant. Is it a healthy growth? That's an important question.

By contrast, the most miserable relationship I've been in was with someone closer to my age and we had zero interests in common. But, what was the killer for me, was that my interests were not taken into consideration. Everything was about him: where we ate, what we listened to, what we watched, etc. I felt like I couldn't be me. So, whatever age differences there might be, please be sure you are allowed to be you. Give and take equally. Mind you, I don't think it was a bad relationship because of our ages or me being an old soul. It's just that it can just as easily not work out well for someone near your age as with someone older/younger.

I've just always thought that if both persons are of legal age, it just doesn't really bother me who is dating who when it comes to age. I'm more concerned if they have a healthy dynamic.

Age was never an issue, older or younger.
It was the lack of emotional stability and psychopathy.

Kathleen when I worked too many hours.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Women in their 20s who identify as girls need a mature man.
Adult Pro Max

 

[Bob47]

Edith, actually I didn't say that quote was from my preacher. I said I read it somewhere, don't even remember where. And I don't agree with whoever he was either. But I imagine he was joking and we don't know what kind of audience he was speaking to. If it was a joke it's probably not a very good one. And yes there are beautiful, kind, warm hearted women everywhere. In my case the ones I know happen to be taken but I believe the right one will come along if it's in God's plan.

 

[Karlon]

I've recently been hearing about how men in their 20s are pursuing women in their 30s and 40s. To be clear, it's not the women going after younger men, the men want an older woman! And it got me thinking...

Typically we've seen older men going after much younger women, for example, Leo DiCaprio who won't date a woman over 25 yet he's 50 years old. This is somewhat accepted and sometimes even expected in society, maybe the age gap isn't always quite that big but an older man with a younger woman is totally normal. However, when a woman dates a younger man she's called a "cougar."

Why does it matter who is older?
Does age actually matter or is it about your stage in life?
Is location and or cultural upbringing a factor?

I knew a couple from church a while back, she was about seven years older than her husband and seemed to feel a bit embarrassed by that, like it was taboo and needed to be kept secret.
Would a husband feel ashamed if he's the older one?

I know most of us here are happily single, but I'm wondering for those of you who are searching or open to a relationship, what is your age gap preference? Would you date only younger or only older? Five, ten, or even twenty years? What's your reasoning behind your age range?

I think I'd be okay with ten years younger or ten years older. I don't want to date someone who is still in college but I don't want to date someone with AARP either.
(*Note, for those outside North America, AARP is a nonprofit organization dedicated to those over the age of 50.)

in the many plausible differences of dating, 1st Samuel 16:7 shall be considered. we all know that "age groups" think alike so be careful of a vast difference on that subject. it's easy for an older gentleman to desire to date a young beautiful girl because of her beauty however, the thoughts, habits, & desires can be massively different unless she is very concentrated & natural on being a supporter in dating & matrimony. every girl i've been with since 1992 was older than me, including my wife now. in fact. last time i was interested in dating, ( 2016 ), i said to myself, "i want a younger girl this time". God had other plans. my wife is almost 8 years older than me. sure, location & cultural upbringing is hugely important. even regionally, people think, speak & act different. husband, shamed, older: most times, not ashamed, that's what guys desire ubiquitously. if my wife should happen to rise to Jesus before me & i owned a desire to date, i would pursue a younger woman. why? to take care of me because i'm on the older side now!

 

[Edith]

Edith, actually I didn't say that quote was from my preacher. I said I read it somewhere, don't even remember where. And I don't agree with whoever he was either. But I imagine he was joking and we don't know what kind of audience he was speaking to. If it was a joke it's probably not a very good one. And yes there are beautiful, kind, warm hearted women everywhere. In my case the ones I know happen to be taken but I believe the right one will come along if it's in God's plan.

Dear Bob, you are part of the good ones. the fact that you came back to explain got to me. thank you brother

 

[Edith]

I like what Carrie is saying. The problem is not the age gap. it lies on the amount of effort each party is ready to put in to make the relationship work.

 

[Mordy]

Is 27 years too much???

 

[HeIsHere]

Is 27 years too much???

I thought you were not interested in dating?

 

[Suze]

What matters is what the Bible says.
You will get all the typical answers from virtue signaling age gap drama queens. Yet the same will conveniently ignore prohibitions against marriage the Bible is clear about.

When reading the books of Kings and Chronicles , it's interesting to work out just how young some of these Kings must have been where their own children were born , if I remember correctly , one of them was only 11 when he fathered his son , I'm guessing that the child's mother was older than the father but I suppose I could b wrong

 

[Suze]

Age difference doesn't matter. I've tried older and younger with the same result.

Me too , twelve years older than me and twelve years younger than me . Hubby is 1 and a half years older . If I could advise young women , I would say to keep away from men who r very much older than u , chances r u will end up being their nurse , if u don't mind that go ahead .

 

[NightTwister]

Me too , twelve years older than me and twelve years younger than me . Hubby is 1 and a half years older . If I could advise young women , I would say to keep away from men who r very much older than u , chances r u will end up being their nurse , if u don't mind that go ahead .

Once you get into different generations it's a lot harder. You don't have the same cultural references.