How Do I know who would be a good spouse.

[cinder]

I want to give some sort of answer and I think one good thing to remember and consider is you want to marry the kind of person that you want around in the most difficult and stressful parts of life. Which means you need to know them long enough to know how they handle adversity and tragedy.

 

[Edith]

Hi Edith! Just curious, are the men saying that the ladies at your church are not a good fit for them personally, or are they saying that they would be a bad fit for marriage in general?

They say these young women will be bad fit for marriage in general.

 

[Daisy2]

They say these young women will be bad fit for marriage in general.

It is odd isn't it? Are they seeking other Christians denomination or non believers and why?

 

[Edith]

I want to give some sort of answer and I think one good thing to remember and consider is you want to marry the kind of person that you want around in the most difficult and stressful parts of life. Which means you need to know them long enough to know how they handle adversity and tragedy.

Thank you dear

 

[Edith]

It is odd isn't it? Are they seeking other Christians denomination or non believers and why?

Other denomination.

 

[Daisy2]

Other denomination.

Edith, What is your denomination?

 

[ZNP]

Hey dear CC friends. I am right now at the wedding celebration of a son in church. He is getting married to a girl from another church and he is not the first many before him would not get married to the girls at church, they say these girls are not fit for marriage. This worries me because they cannot say exactly why. so here is my question,
How do you know who is a good spouse?

What are some of the behavior you may have observed in a man or a woman that made you not to get engage with them?

I don't believe anyone can answer that question other than the Lord, so I would pray. Jesus wants us to depend on Him so I would depend on Him to help you with this question as well.

However, I did get some help from the lord on this matter once. I was at University and taking Geology 101, it was supposed to be my major. However, we were driving out to site where we were supposed to find fossils. I felt like I was driving to my death. I had tried to find fossils before and failed. I figured we would get to the site, I wouldn't be able to find any fossils, the teacher would realize that I was not cut out to be a geologists and that would be that. When the bus arrived at our location the Professor told us to go down by the stream and he would talk to us there. We are all standing on the bank and he says he wants us to spread out here and look for fossils. I'm standing there sure I am going to be exposed but looked down at the ground, it was all pebbles so I picked up one. It was a fossil! Every single pebble was a fossil! That is when I understood, Geologists are not good at finding fossils, they are good at finding where fossils will be. We can figure out where to dig for oil or gold or fossils.

In the same way I had grown up in a wealthy town outside of NYC and every marriage I saw was a disaster. By the time I left for college I was certain I never wanted to get married. But this experience with the fossils let me realize that Christians are a peculiar people, they are like fossils. Just because I hadn't seen a good marriage where I came from didn't mean they didn't exist, just meant I was looking in the wrong place.

There are a few verses in the Bible that refer to "old world items" like the name of a flower which is an "old world flower". We don't have a modern equivalent for some of these terms. The best example is the word "blue". We translate it as "blue" because we get blue ink from this creature for the Priestly garments. But they are like squid, only instead of black ink they had blue ink. But this is an old world creature. We don't see them anymore. But think of the "ink" as the words from their mouth or from their pen. This is what comes out of their heart (out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks). Today black ink is very common, the things that come out of people's mouths are like black ink. Gossip, backbiting, bitterness, unforgiveness, all these things are black ink. I would never want to marry a sister whose heart was filled with black ink and you can know what is in her heart because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

 

[Edith]

I don't believe anyone can answer that question other than the Lord, so I would pray. Jesus wants us to depend on Him so I would depend on Him to help you with this question as well.

However, I did get some help from the lord on this matter once. I was at University and taking Geology 101, it was supposed to be my major. However, we were driving out to site where we were supposed to find fossils. I felt like I was driving to my death. I had tried to find fossils before and failed. I figured we would get to the site, I wouldn't be able to find any fossils, the teacher would realize that I was not cut out to be a geologists and that would be that. When the bus arrived at our location the Professor told us to go down by the stream and he would talk to us there. We are all standing on the bank and he says he wants us to spread out here and look for fossils. I'm standing there sure I am going to be exposed but looked down at the ground, it was all pebbles so I picked up one. It was a fossil! Every single pebble was a fossil! That is when I understood, Geologists are not good at finding fossils, they are good at finding where fossils will be. We can figure out where to dig for oil or gold or fossils.

In the same way I had grown up in a wealthy town outside of NYC and every marriage I saw was a disaster. By the time I left for college I was certain I never wanted to get married. But this experience with the fossils let me realize that Christians are a peculiar people, they are like fossils. Just because I hadn't seen a good marriage where I came from didn't mean they didn't exist, just meant I was looking in the wrong place.

There are a few verses in the Bible that refer to "old world items" like the name of a flower which is an "old world flower". We don't have a modern equivalent for some of these terms. The best example is the word "blue". We translate it as "blue" because we get blue ink from this creature for the Priestly garments. But they are like squid, only instead of black ink they had blue ink. But this is an old world creature. We don't see them anymore. But think of the "ink" as the words from their mouth or from their pen. This is what comes out of their heart (out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks). Today black ink is very common, the things that come out of people's mouths are like black ink. Gossip, backbiting, bitterness, unforgiveness, all these things are black ink. I would never want to marry a sister whose heart was filled with black ink and you can know what is in her heart because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

Thank You Brother. From what you say their speech matters thank you. That was long but I read all of it. i will also add that Always give a second look. These my girls will make beautiful and very supportive wives.

 

[Edith]

Edith, What is your denomination?

Mission de l'Eglise Evangelic du Cameroun
an Evangelical church planted and spread nation wide by Korean missionaries.

 

[Doll]

Hey dear CC friends. I am right now at the wedding celebration of a son in church. He is getting married to a girl from another church and he is not the first many before him would not get married to the girls at church, they say these girls are not fit for marriage. This worries me because they cannot say exactly why. so here is my question,
How do you know who is a good spouse?

What are some of the behavior you may have observed in a man or a woman that made you not to get engage with them?

I'd ignore those who attempt to insult women at their church in hat way. They won't say why they're not marriage material but yet they insist they are not marriage material.

Maybe those women turned down a date with those men who now talk them down in return.

Whatever the reason for their slander,those men are showing you they're not marriage material.

I agree others experience isn't helpful to you.

There are a few truisms to consider.

If someone you date lied to you.
If you can't trust them to tell you the truth,you can't trust them.

When someone shows you who they are the first time,believe them.

Blinded by love is a real thing.
Love will let us excuse what clarity of mind would never accept.

Take your time!

Some women are all about marriage.
Men too.

I knew a guy who asked every woman he dated for a few weeks to marry him.
He finally found one who said yes.

He had money. And she took0 him for everything she could get.

If you're starry eyed imagining your wedding day, get that out of your system.
Go to a wedding dress shop. Try dresses on for as long as you like.

Wait.Relax. Be picky. Set standards. Never compromise them. You're talking about the rest of your life.
You've got time.
Take it.

You will never ever get back the time you stay married to the wrong man.
And if you're there overlong, there can come a time when you can just give up.

I read this on a site years ago. It stuck with me.

When we promise to stay married till death parts us, we're never told first that in a bad marriage there are a lot of ways to die.

 

[Snackersmom]

They say these young women will be bad fit for marriage in general.

That's odd... I would say it's downright unchristian to say something like that without giving a reason why. Perhaps the ladies at your church should be thankful they weren't chosen!

That said, the Bible doesn't say anything about marrying within your home church, or even within your own denomination. It only says to marry another solid believer. So I see nothing wrong with what the young man did, except that he shouldn't have spoken poorly of his sisters in Christ.

 

[tourist]

What are some of the behavior you may have observed in a man or a woman that made you not to get engage with them?

Being self-centered, selfish, opinionated, and gossiping to name a few. Those traits are toxic.

 

[AutumnBreeze]

I've realized I have an awful meter when it comes to choosing who to go out with or not. So I'm just trying to get closer to Christ--and in doing so, I hope that He will give me the desires of my heart, and then I trust that He will give me the desires of my heart! (aka He will show me what to want and then will fulfill those desires)

I have 5 things I've thought I'd want in a spouse, so I told God about it. Some things are more serious and some silly. I saw the beard post, and that made me laugh since that's one thing I told God I'd like in a husband! haha

A few things I won't budge on: mustn't be easily angered or currently using any illicit drugs, must love Jesus and enjoy talking about the Bible together.

I just look around at the relationships I do see and make mental notes of those characteristics I do love to see in those marriages. So it is tough if you don't have those kinds of marriages around you.

I'm still single, so I'm allowed to change my mind on things, Edith! lol

 

[Lynx]

Certainly no one wants to get snared by a gold digger or cheater.


If someone is already at the stage of marriage, I would hope there is an established amount of love by that point. If there is love, and the two are Christians, then the relationship is hopefully growing into a phase of deepening that love through a married covenant with one another and God. There is a reason people should really understand the weight of biblical covenants, but also a deeper understanding of bible verses on love and forgiveness. Forgiveness? Yes, because there will be times where couples have to learn to forgive one another, as honesty and forgiveness are very important for relationships that are built on love and grace. In a relationship, both sides could become guilty of being unfriendly over one thing or another, and there could be difficult consequences by actions on both sides, the one who did the hurting, but also the other by how they react and respond. But, the bible gives us verses of how we humans are to uphold love, and love covers a multitude of sins (or wrong doings). So, if a relationship is based on genuine love, then true love will prevail and a couple will overcome their trials.
.
Here are some bible verses, but I do recommend couples deep dive into more verses on love and forgiveness to help with their relationship's foundations.

1 Peter 4:8
John 13:34-35
1 Corinthians 13:2-7
Matthew 6:14-15
Colossians 3:13

If there isn't a good foundation to a couple's relationship, then they might want to focus on what it means to live their lives with God at the forefront of everything.

Love wash over
A multitude of things
Make us whole again

 

[Lynx]

no. now-a-days, finding the right spouse is an interogation. you must triple check!

Even if I have nothing to hide, an interrogation sounds onerous. I think I'll just pass and remain single.

 

[Karlon]

Even if I have nothing to hide, an interrogation sounds onerous. I think I'll just pass and remain single.

you know what's best for you. what i mean is extra checking must be performed these days because people just don't behave as well as they used to decades ago.

 

[Edith]

I've realized I have an awful meter when it comes to choosing who to go out with or not. So I'm just trying to get closer to Christ--and in doing so, I hope that He will give me the desires of my heart, and then I trust that He will give me the desires of my heart! (aka He will show me what to want and then will fulfill those desires)

I have 5 things I've thought I'd want in a spouse, so I told God about it. Some things are more serious and some silly. I saw the beard post, and that made me laugh since that's one thing I told God I'd like in a husband! haha

A few things I won't budge on: mustn't be easily angered or currently using any illicit drugs, must love Jesus and enjoy talking about the Bible together.

I just look around at the relationships I do see and make mental notes of those characteristics I do love to see in those marriages. So it is tough if you don't have those kinds of marriages around you.

I'm still single, so I'm allowed to change my mind on things, Edith! lol

- Best decision Ever getting closer to Christ. He will definitely make your path straight.
- Something I am very scared of are addictions. in my society it's still a taboo and mostly done by thief's and gangsters. Though some sane people are in it too.

 

[Edith]

Hi Edith! Just curious, are the men saying that the ladies at your church are not a good fit for them personally, or are they saying that they would be a bad fit for marriage in general?

The boys say the girls are generally a bad fit for marriage

 

[Lynx]

The boys say the girls are generally a bad fit for marriage

Boys will grow up eventually, at least most of them. It may take a while, but generally it's worth the wait. Tell the girls to just be patient until the boys grow up enough to appreciate them.

I'm pretty sure I didn't really grow up until I was 32. Like I said, it may take a while.

 

[Edith]

Boys will grow up eventually, at least most of them. It may take a while, but generally it's worth the wait. Tell the girls to just be patient until the boys grow up enough to appreciate them.

I'm pretty sure I didn't really grow up until I was 32. Like I said, it may take a while.

You are right I have never really seen it that way. Thank You dear Lynx.