Do You Find Being Around People Exhausting? How Do You Cope?

[seoulsearch]

And yet life goes on.

The funny thing is, of course I value the evaluations of friends and regular posters much more than anyone else in the world...

But admitting it is another matter.

 

[Kainos]

That obvious huh?

I mean it was obvious to me, but I couldn't decide if that meant it was blatantly obvious or I was just very perceptive. But if you noticed it too...

You should've kept playing dumb, she'd never have known that you know.

We're both in trouble now, but I reckon you're verbose enough to outwrite her!

 

[Lynx]

You should've kept playing dumb, she'd never have known that you know.

Were both in trouble now, but I reckon you're verbose enough to outwrite her!

Not really. Church starts in about 15 minutes.

I'll just have to come back later and clean up the debris.

 

[cinder]

Fwiw, I don't think @seoulsearch is an ambivert. I think she's likely an introvert with a high capacity for social obligation and people pleasing. Convincing her it's not her responsibility to take care of everyone or clean up after everyone is the real challenge

 

[seoulsearch]

Fwiw, I don't think @seoulsearch is an ambivert. I think she's likely an introvert with a high capacity for social obligation and people pleasing. Convincing her it's not her responsibility to take care of everyone or clean up after everyone is the real challenge

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that @cinder knows more about me than I do. She also often verbalizes things I'm trying to say with much more clarity -- not to mention, brevity.

In my defense , I should specify that I think God has made me to be highly sensitive to the comfort level of others -- for the good or for the bad. Over the years, I've learned (for my own self-preservation,) to reserve most of energy and possible OCD social tendencies to those I become close to over time.

One of the blessings God has given me is that the people I fuss over most, and possibly worry about "people pleasing", are also the ones who know me well and have my best interests in heart. I never worry about these people taking advantage of my social proclivities, because it's honestly not in their nature.

 

[Tazzo]

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?
.

I do and I do not get energy from people, for some extend I gain energy being around other people and it is great, but I also need time to myself at the end. I enjoy, for example if some relative of mine is throwing some birthday party, I so much enjoy that, being there a half of a day, but at somepoint, or after it, I start to want to get home and close the door behind me. Go sit on a sofa or lay on the bed and stare into nothingness. That is my reset. Nature is another one. Just quietness.

It doesn't really happen, my energy being drained, when I visit my aunt (or if she comes over here), then we are together all the time, can be a 3-5 day trip, but I don't get the urge to go spent alone time. She is an introvert too, and our jokes etc match so well. We do trips to nature or do some work at summer cottage or in some place else. Oh, it is the same thing with my uncle.
On the other hand, my other aunt, she is lovely, but I would need time to reset after a day with her. I guess some people just drain my energy out more.
So I guess it depends who I am with, and with some new people I don't tire myself so quickly either, so it is not just the ones I am used to.

Also, I don't know if it depends on the situation or my overall energy level, but I guess I would tire more if I had to talk about sports or something else I have no interest in, or no clue about. Well, that would sort of leave me quiet and drain my energy.

It's easy to b chatty and friendly when u r able to do it when the time suits u and you're not face to face . The internet and texting etc , gives people so much more control over when and how they interact with others . If this site was a room full of people.....I wouldn't b here .

I feel the complete opposite, it is much easier to communicate face to face. I can see others expressions and communicate via that too, I can see if they are interested in what I am babbling about. Writing is when you cant get (and give out yourself) all the nuances of the other, tiny expressions, tone of their voice, etc.
But also I tend to be quiet (if I dont have a lot to say, if there are a lot of people in a room). But to the some extend I agree, it is not easy to talk with anyone face to face, any given time, there has to be a common ground and interest. And with some people it just clicks.

My posts tend to be long because my goal is always to get people talking, and I think one has to be willing to share a bit of their own story to accomplish that. I've seen some threads over the years where people present a topic or question, but give no background, experience, or reason why they're asking -- and they're not willing to share when asked why, but yet they expect others to share.

I can't relate to that, and I usually don't answer. If the instigator isn't willing to share something, why should the audience?

But that's just my point of view and I understand others have different styles and levels they're comfortable with.

There is a difference in a thought process, for me I think people are not interested in my backround or reasoning etc (taught things die hard..), that people are rather more interested sharing their own experiences etc. I am naturally listener but I am also made/taught to be one when my own thoughts didn't matter and were not wanted, I just needed to listen theirs.
However, I would answer if asked (that might be a diffenrence), because then I would feel like people really want to know.

It is interesting to see people having different view points, on the same thing, some see it this way others the completely the opposite. I guess it is how life and everything around us has made us be and think about things.

It lets me know that the people reading and responding are doing so because they actually want to.

I would love to answer a lot of more threads than I actually do, writing just sometimes seems hard to do, I can have it all ready in my head already but writing (typing) it, I can't get it the way I want.. or then I feel like too much time has passed to answer to them anymore.

@seoulsearch, it's so interesting that you're an introvert! I know you've mentioned it a couple times that I've noticed and I was a little surprised when I first read that in one of your posts. Your posts always seem so outgoing and talkative lol.

Have to agree, Seoul, you seem to be chatty, at least online, so it would make me think you are like that irl.




But now I must go sleep, I maybe can catch 4 hours of it before my shift starts... Sorry for any possible mistakes in my text, too tired to check it out now.

 

[seoulsearch]

I do and I do not get energy from people, for some extend I gain energy being around other people and it is great, but I also need time to myself at the end. I enjoy, for example if some relative of mine is throwing some birthday party, I so much enjoy that, being there a half of a day, but at somepoint, or after it, I start to want to get home and close the door behind me. Go sit on a sofa or lay on the bed and stare into nothingness. That is my reset. Nature is another one. Just quietness.

It doesn't really happen, my energy being drained, when I visit my aunt (or if she comes over here), then we are together all the time, can be a 3-5 day trip, but I don't get the urge to go spent alone time. She is an introvert too, and our jokes etc match so well. We do trips to nature or do some work at summer cottage or in some place else. Oh, it is the same thing with my uncle.
On the other hand, my other aunt, she is lovely, but I would need time to reset after a day with her. I guess some people just drain my energy out more.
So I guess it depends who I am with, and with some new people I don't tire myself so quickly either, so it is not just the ones I am used to.

Also, I don't know if it depends on the situation or my overall energy level, but I guess I would tire more if I had to talk about sports or something else I have no interest in, or no clue about. Well, that would sort of leave me quiet and drain my energy.



I feel the complete opposite, it is much easier to communicate face to face. I can see others expressions and communicate via that too, I can see if they are interested in what I am babbling about. Writing is when you cant get (and give out yourself) all the nuances of the other, tiny expressions, tone of their voice, etc.
But also I tend to be quiet (if I dont have a lot to say, if there are a lot of people in a room). But to the some extend I agree, it is not easy to talk with anyone face to face, any given time, there has to be a common ground and interest. And with some people it just clicks.






There is a difference in a thought process, for me I think people are not interested in my backround or reasoning etc (taught things die hard..), that people are rather more interested sharing their own experiences etc. I am naturally listener but I am also made/taught to be one when my own thoughts didn't matter and were not wanted, I just needed to listen theirs.
However, I would answer if asked (that might be a diffenrence), because then I would feel like people really want to know.

It is interesting to see people having different view points, on the same thing, some see it this way others the completely the opposite. I guess it is how life and everything around us has made us be and think about things.



I would love to answer a lot of more threads than I actually do, writing just sometimes seems hard to do, I can have it all ready in my head already but writing (typing) it, I can't get it the way I want.. or then I feel like too much time has passed to answer to them anymore.




Have to agree, Seoul, you seem to be chatty, at least online, so it would make me think you are like that irl.




But now I must go sleep, I maybe can catch 4 hours of it before my shift starts... Sorry for any possible mistakes in my text, too tired to check it out now.

I love your posts and always find them interesting to read, no matter how much you can write in each sitting. I also think you've mentioned that English is a second language for you?!

I can barely manage with English as my only language, so I give you nothing but mad respect for being able to post so many insights in another tongue!

I love hearing about your life and culture, and find it especially interesting when, such as in this post, you present things I don't experience myself, but can definitely learn from.

 

[seoulsearch]

Have to agree, Seoul, you seem to be chatty, at least online, so it would make me think you are like that irl.
But now I must go sleep, I maybe can catch 4 hours of it before my shift starts... Sorry for any possible mistakes in my text, too tired to check it out now.

I think the reason I sound so chatty in writing is because it's something I've done all my life. Growing up, I wrote to pen pals using good old-fashioned pen-and-paper letters, and I quickly learned the difference between a one-page letter using an entire page to say, "Hi, sorry I haven't written, I've been busy, catch you later, bye," vs. a front-and-back 8-page, typed letter that kept you entranced, like a good story.

I learned to turn most everything into a written narrative in my head. I kept working on transforming a trip to the grocery store into a *hopefully* entertaining 4-page blurb to send off to someone who needed a laugh. And when I wrote to prison inmates, I learned the value of being able to convey everyday events like cleaning and chores into entertainment, because I found that everyday life was what people locked away from such things wanted to hear about most.

Because of this, I often observe things in life as if I'm going to write about it. I'm thinking out descriptions -- including memes and pictures I would include -- into written paragraphs I can "see" in my head.

And, thanks to some VERY tolerant far-away friends who put up with all my nonsense, this allows me to test practice what I learn on the go, almost every day in real life.

But in person, the storybook closes and takes a break... Because like you, I find that's usually a time to do more listening and strategic inquiring rather than turning myself into the narrator.

 

[Sanders]

I'm an introvert fer sure, but I'm more comfortable around people than I was when I was young. When you're young there are other things rolled in with the introversion or extroversion: insecurities, unsure of one's place in the world, etc. While still an introvert, it is much easier for me to function in a group (if I have to).



I met a new person at a Bible study recently and he said something about needing to share Christ with people, and that it can be hard. I responded that I think Jesus is okay with me being me, and if the Holy Spirit wants to use me, he will in his time and place. I've thought about that encounter since it occurred, and think maybe the sweet spot might be in the middle of what the two of us said. It shouldn't be hard, but we should look for opportunities and make use of them whether or not the Holy Spirit hits us over the head with that boldness He can give us at times.

I spend most of my time alone, which is good for me, so my batteries usually stay charged.

I have a story I want to share... but have to run to a Ministry meeting. Hopefully I'll remember later.

Hi, I would like to hear your story. I enjoy everything you write. I sense a calm and peace to read your responses. Thanks for your time. )

 

[Sanders]

Ah, the conundrum of introversion. The Kingdom of God is within? No problem! God's children are gregarious (social) like sheep? Oh no...

I'd have felt more at home if God had likened his children to some solitary creature like a moose. But I've had to concede that sheep flock together, graze together, and stay together.

My own burnout used to stem from maintaining social niceties with lots of people. I was never one to fake connection, so propping up my social circle was an uphill struggle.

I'll always cherish my moments of solitude, but I count it a blessing whenever I get to keep company with others who belong to the Body of Christ. Engaging in fellowship has revealed that my introversion was never the problem. I'm inspirited by true connection. Depletion was a consequence of trying to vibe with people who were inherently empty.

This------> "Depletion was a consequence of trying to vibe with people who were inherently empty." I add that I totally concur with this statement and thank you for sharing it.

 

[Sanders]

Hey Everyone,

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

I grew up in situations where I was around people all the time -- at home with family, in school, at work, away at college, then marriage -- and it was only when my then-husband left for his girlfriend that I was truly alone for the very first time. And it was devastating. The worst sound of all was coming home and throwing my keys on the table, only to hear the emptiness echo throughout the house.

Over many years, I've found that almost the opposite has happened -- I need time alone to recover from being around bouts of people.

Even if I got married, I'm sure I would need to explain to him, "I love you very much, but I'm going to need pockets of time and space (like sitting alone reading or listening to videos in another room) in order to feel like myself again."

I don't know if people can change from being extroverts to introverts over time/vice versa, or if our tendencies just change with our situations, but the older I get, the more I need to "build up" an emotional storage to be around people. It might be that I'm the type of person whom others often unload their traumas to (and I don't mind -- I think that's part of my calling,) but I find it's taking more and more to bounce back. I've long said I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed, but it's getting harder to maintain.

The more intense the encounters, the more severely I need to withdraw, and the longer it takes to recover. And it starts to wear down my mental and physical health if I don't have that time to replenish.

My favorite people to be around are others who understand and respect alone time, and often need it for themselves. I've been around friends when we are in different rooms -- in the same house or hotel -- but neither of us is ready to step out into the world yet, so we just sit in our rooms and text for a while.

Can others out there relate to this?

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?

* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?


I'm just an everyday gal who's been asking God if my introversion is keeping me from doing His will, and I'm wondering how others cope with similar things.

I literally felt as though I was reading my daughter's words as I read your post. Thank you for taking time to share your life and heart with us here. It is beautiful. I respect true introverts. My precious daughter is one. Her husband is a true extrovert. I am glad to know learn more about this personality type. For me, well, I'm an ambivert, I land right in the middle of "extro/intro". I cherish time with people and cherish time alone. I require and desire both. I think none of us can fall into one static category for our entire life, usually not anyway, for we grow and mature through life and at different speeds. When I was much younger I was shy, always hiding behind my mother, then as life progressed I experience all kinds of abusive people including co-workers, supervisors, pastors..... I believe God builds our character through these experiences. I am thankful for those very tough times. Later in life after many moves, trials, and losses, I became rather introverted but not by choice. I love to be around people. I don't trust easily but also believe I have gained more of God's wisdom from my life expeiences of vulnerability and too much trust. I love to be around seasoned people who have respect and care for others. I, too, am a person who has others share and vent with me their deeper troubles. Listeners need to be heard too. I know that my relationship with Jesus keeps me, and by that I mean literally "Keeps Me" in a safe place as being held, loved, comforted, known, filled with hope, and stable. You know, Jesus found me, I did not find Him. I am so glad He did! He never gave up on me. He'll never give up on you!

 

[Sanders]

The funny thing is, of course I value the evaluations of friends and regular posters much more than anyone else in the world...

But admitting it is another matter.

Please expound. )

 

[seoulsearch]

The funny thing is, of course I value the evaluations of friends and regular posters much more than anyone else in the world... But admitting it is another matter.

Please expound. )

Lol!

I was joking that Lynx's opinions about my social tendencies don't count, but in truth, I highly value what my friends say.

It's just that when they point it out, it's kind of like when your Mom catches you with your hand in the cookie jar -- you know you're "caught", and you're supposedly "in trouble."

I was joking that this is something I figuratively and literally try to avoid.

 

[RodB651]

It's just that when they point it out, it's kind of like when your Mom catches you with your hand in the cookie jar -- you know you're "caught", and you're supposedly "in trouble."

But the cookie is worth it!!!

 

[seoulsearch]

But the cookie is worth it!!!

I remember when we had a thread about which kind of cookie would be worth getting a whooping for if we got caught...

Why am I not surprised Rodney is still trying to be an instigator!

 

[Daisy2]

I have to say that , I've discovered that if u ask someone not to do something , they will invariably do exactly what u have asked them not to . For example , my mother in law is mad about dogs and although I like dog's , I'm more of a cat person . Very often , when I used to c her , she would tell me some heartbreaking story of a cat that had been killed or wounded etc . After she had done this a couple of times my hubby had a quiet word with her and asked her not to talk about animal cruelty to me as it really upsets me . She's worse than ever for it now , since he asked her not to mention anything about it . I've noticed this a few times in my life and I find it very strange . In every other way my mother in law is so nice to me , so it's hard for me to believe that she's doing it on purpose but what other explanation is there ? I've since learned to never let anyone know what kind of things upset me . I don't like not being honest and straight forward with people but I do not allow anyone to know what kind of things upset me and it seems to b the right thing to do , sadly .

Suze, Yes that's exactly what one should do. You don't have to be dishonest just say things that mildly annoy you or better yet annoys them too that way they will never do it.

The bible say Mary held a great many things in her heart. This i think meant she didnt speak much but why do you think that is? I think one of the reasons God chose Mary was that she didn't speak much. Are adversary the devil uses what we say against us. I think it something like this. We all know Christians are tempted by many demons. They kind of leave you alone your not a Christian but as soon as you become a Christian It feels like all of hell is after you. What happens after a few years is it lessens as our faith grows stronger and it's not as bad. Unfortunately the people we are around that arnt Christian or christians with weak armor are more susceptible to their attacks. This is why I think the bible says your enemies are people of your own house.

 

[Lanolin]

* Do you find being around people exhausting? Why or why not? (Extroverts -- those who draw their energy from being around people -- utterly fascinate me and I often wonder what it's like to be one. If we have an extroverts here, I would love to hear your perspective!)
Yes. Why..because maybe its just too much going on for my brain, and I can't multi-task all the time, I only have two hands, two eyes and two feet. Especially if things are chaotic.

* Are there only certain people that exhaust you, but not others? Or are there certain people you find energizing rather than exhausting? Give us some examples.
Children can be demanding, but adults can as well and not realise it. Needy people. Though I might be one of those myself, being an annoying younger sister who needed attention.

* Does it depend on the situation? (Work vs. social; school vs. church, birthday party or holiday vs. chill get-together, etc.)
I don't do well in big churches where I don't know anybody. Being the new girl at school, church, workplace. You have to make friends fast and if people are not friendly I feel like its a waste of time to go to an event and be frozen out or ostracised for whatever reason. Not fitting in perhaps or wearing the wrong clothes, not having the right amount of salary, being the 'wrong' ethnicity, not speaking the language...

* What things do you have to do in between times of being around people to "reset yourself" again?
Nap, read a book, listen to some music, go on forums - thanks CC. Touch grass, garden. Talk to God, have a bath.


* Do you ever feel God tells you that you're TOO introverted -- and you need to start stepping out more to serve in the way He's calling you?

 

[Lanolin]

Last question..does God tell me that I'm TOO introverted. Not really. He knows I'm quiet and soft spoken at times. I don't do the preaching to the choir thing, but He can put me IN the choir if He wants.

Also when two or three gather...He didn't say He needed a quorum of 10, I think that's just in OT days.