Woe Is Me!!! How Can I Possibly Escape the MASSIVE HORDES of ALL THESE SUITORS??? (Or Other Persistent People!)

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

This thread was inspired by a conversation going on in "Reasons Why You Would Close Your Account and Come Back Under Another Name."

Our good friend @Tall_Timbers said:

My other 2 alias's are Mugre Pinzon and Trench Taipan, so it would be one of those if I left and came back or if I created a 2nd account to throw off the hordes of ladies who've been pestering me.

This made me laugh so hard I just might have to write an entire thread around this idea (how best to scare off the hordes of suitors we're all trying to escape!)

Go for it! Well, not hordes but have a couple of just won't give up stories worth an airing

And so...

* Do YOU have HORDES of admirers flooding your life with texts, phone calls, and constant proposals of marriage?

* Do YOU have to pull the shades down at night and live by the light of your phone so that your HORDES of suitors won't realize you're at home?

* Do YOU have to escape out the back way (or create another username) because of the HORDES of gentlemen/lady callers who are all trying to talk to you at once?

If so, then THIS is the THREAD FOR YOU! Tell us:

* How do you possibly avoid all the masses? (Eat entire bulbs of garlic at every meal?!)

* (And in all seriousness,) what have you had to do to shake off a perhaps too-persistent suitor?

* Have you had to change phone numbers, contact information, and in worst-case scenarios, even move?

* What advice can you give for slipping away from people who "just can't get the hint"?


This thread isn't just for singles or dating situations. I'm also thinking of things such as:

* The "friend" you haven't heard from in 10 years who finds you on social media -- and wants you to join their multi-level marketing "home business" or donate to some other cause.

* The church members or leaders who keep asking you to volunteer or show up for something you're really not interested in.

* The family members who try to insist you go to this, that, or the other -- even though you keep saying no.

* The people who rampantly pursue you (online or in real life) for attention, sympathy, or to tell you all about the latest laundry list of of problems they're having every time they catch a mere glimpse of you.

Is there anyone out there you're trying to/have gotten away from?

Whether serious or light-hearted, share your stories of avoidance and escape here!

 

[Tall_Timbers]

I don't usually write long posts and fortunately there will be no need to on this topic since Sasquatch is not every women's idea of the ideal man.

I've been fortunate in real life that I haven't had to fend off many advances. I can only think of one situation where a female made advances towards me during my marriage. Unfortunately it wasn't my wife.

I was on the Board of a non profit. I'd been on the Board for nearly a decade and thought it was time to leave but made the mistake of getting voted in for one more year. I was either the Secretary or Treasurer and had worked with the President (the female in this story) for at least a few years. I know she was married and had an infant child, but I didn't know much else about her. She worked as an accountant at a bank. One day I told her I was going to resign from the Board, that I'd been on the Board for long enough. When the next meeting came she announced that she was resigning. Ack. I should have never told her. I did submit my resignation after that and explained to the Board that I'd already let the President know... At one point she told me she loved me. I don't remember the timeline for that. I might have just crossed paths with her somewhere. I was so dumbfounded that I didn't even say a word to her in return.

Fast forward 2 or 3 months and I was sitting in first class and they were Boarding the aircraft. An attractive female who was boarding greeted me and kissed my cheek. I didn't recognize the person. I racked my brain for a while and finally realized it was that lady that was the former President of the Board. She'd turned in to a blonde and while she wasn't overweight before, had lost enough weight to have a healthy model's body.

I felt sad for her because I figure she was either wanting an affair or wanted a new man and her marriage must be falling apart. Proverbs offers many warnings for a man to avoid the snares of such a woman and I'm sure the opposite is true for women avoiding such men. I never saw her after that and soon moved from the state.

If any other women chased after me while I was married I didn't notice it.

 

[HopeinHim98]

Hey Everyone,

This thread was inspired by a conversation going on in "Reasons Why You Would Close Your Account and Come Back Under Another Name."

Our good friend @Tall_Timbers said:





And so...

* Do YOU have HORDES of admirers flooding your life with texts, phone calls, and constant proposals of marriage?

* Do YOU have to pull the shades down at night and live by the light of your phone so that your HORDES of suitors won't realize you're at home?

* Do YOU have to escape out the back way (or create another username) because of the HORDES of gentlemen/lady callers who are all trying to talk to you at once?

If so, then THIS is the THREAD FOR YOU! Tell us:

* How do you possibly avoid all the masses? (Eat entire bulbs of garlic at every meal?!)

* (And in all seriousness,) what have you had to do to shake off a perhaps too-persistent suitor?

* Have you had to change phone numbers, contact information, and in worst-case scenarios, even move?

* What advice can you give for slipping away from people who "just can't get the hint"?


This thread isn't just for singles or dating situations. I'm also thinking of things such as:

* The "friend" you haven't heard from in 10 years who finds you on social media -- and wants you to join their multi-level marketing "home business" or donate to some other cause.

* The church members or leaders who keep asking you to volunteer or show up for something you're really not interested in.

* The family members who try to insist you go to this, that, or the other -- even though you keep saying no.

* The people who rampantly pursue you (online or in real life) for attention, sympathy, or to tell you all about the latest laundry list of of problems they're having every time they catch a mere glimpse of you.

Is there anyone out there you're trying to/have gotten away from?

Whether serious or light-hearted, share your stories of avoidance and escape here!

I think I have the problem of being too friendly and therefore encouraging the admirers... my mistake! Many times I'd love to have a friendly relationship with them, but they want more than that. It can be hard to find the sweet spot.

There was one guy from central America who I met last year at a volleyball game. I struck up a conversation with him, asking about his family and such. Then he was sure I liked him, and my friends who knew him had to convince him I was just a friendly person and I didn't feel that way! He was very sheltered growing up and not used to talking to girls, poor guy. But maybe that situation helped him out a bit lol.

Oddly I've had more suitors in the past year and a half than ever in my life, and I'm approaching my upper twenties. And many of the ones lately are high quality guys that I'm honored to have caught their attention. But so far it doesn't seem like God is leading me to marry any of them yet lol.

 

[seoulsearch]

I don't usually write long posts and fortunately there will be no need to on this topic since Sasquatch is not every women's idea of the ideal man.

I've been fortunate in real life that I haven't had to fend off many advances. I can only think of one situation where a female made advances towards me during my marriage. Unfortunately it wasn't my wife.

I was on the Board of a non profit. I'd been on the Board for nearly a decade and thought it was time to leave but made the mistake of getting voted in for one more year. I was either the Secretary or Treasurer and had worked with the President (the female in this story) for at least a few years. I know she was married and had an infant child, but I didn't know much else about her. She worked as an accountant at a bank. One day I told her I was going to resign from the Board, that I'd been on the Board for long enough. When the next meeting came she announced that she was resigning. Ack. I should have never told her. I did submit my resignation after that and explained to the Board that I'd already let the President know... At one point she told me she loved me. I don't remember the timeline for that. I might have just crossed paths with her somewhere. I was so dumbfounded that I didn't even say a word to her in return.

Fast forward 2 or 3 months and I was sitting in first class and they were Boarding the aircraft. An attractive female who was boarding greeted me and kissed my cheek. I didn't recognize the person. I racked my brain for a while and finally realized it was that lady that was the former President of the Board. She'd turned in to a blonde and while she wasn't overweight before, had lost enough weight to have a healthy model's body.

I felt sad for her because I figure she was either wanting an affair or wanted a new man and her marriage must be falling apart. Proverbs offers many warnings for a man to avoid the snares of such a woman and I'm sure the opposite is true for women avoiding such men. I never saw her after that and soon moved from the state.

If any other women chased after me while I was married I didn't notice it.

I truly enjoy reading about your life, Tall. Thank you so much for your honest and transparent answers.

May God bless you for honoring your marriage. 💖

You bring up the excellent point that the struggles don't end just because one gets married. In the whole time I've been here, I've only put 3 people on Ignore and one was a married man who had expressed an attraction to me. To my knowledge, he's no longer here.

I'm not trying to be judgmental though. I understand that for some people, marriage can be lonely. This would actually be one of my worst fears -- being trapped in a marriage in which I felt even more lonely than I do as a single.

Many years ago when there were live chat rooms, I remember when a mod would come in the Singles Room and make us all state publicly whether we were single. She explained that they were having problems with singles and marrieds crossing the line, and some marrieds were hanging out there trying to present themselves as single.

Back then, the written Singles Forum used to have almost exclusively single posters. The only marrieds that showed up were usually self-appointed pastors looking for a flock to lecture over all the immorality they presumed we were committing. Over the years, the landscape has changed. With fewer participants and threads to choose from, people find themselves all over the forum. And a few of our single friends have gotten married, but still grace us with their presence and experiences.

As traffic to this site has slowed, Singles has become more of a "Coffee Shop" hangout of mixed company.

I feel most comfortable posting in Singles, but now I try to post all over the forum now (Miscellaneous and Family,) so that our married friends will hopefully feel more comfortable participating.

Thank you for hanging out with us, and without judging or thinking less of us for not being married!

 

[seoulsearch]

I think I have the problem of being too friendly and therefore encouraging the admirers... my mistake! Many times I'd love to have a friendly relationship with them, but they want more than that. It can be hard to find the sweet spot.

There was one guy from central America who I met last year at a volleyball game. I struck up a conversation with him, asking about his family and such. Then he was sure I liked him, and my friends who knew him had to convince him I was just a friendly person and I didn't feel that way! He was very sheltered growing up and not used to talking to girls, poor guy. But maybe that situation helped him out a bit lol.

Oddly I've had more suitors in the past year and a half than ever in my life, and I'm approaching my upper twenties. And many of the ones lately are high quality guys that I'm honored to have caught their attention. But so far it doesn't seem like God is leading me to marry any of them yet lol.

I can so relate to this!

It's not that I'm the most outgoing, but I tend to ask a person a lot of questions about their life (imagine that!) and care about their perspectives and experiences, which some interpret as romantic interest.

You never know, the reason you spoke to that guy might very well have been to give him some practice talking to a woman, just as you said.

I actually think this is part of my calling in my single life -- at least it seems to be. I used to joke that if I became friends with a guy, it meant he had a girlfriend or a wife on the way -- and it wasn't me! I can think of at least 4 guy friends I had who later got a girlfriend or wife, and the time I had being their friend seemed to be a step ("practice" communicating with a woman) along the way.

You're a very friendly and sweet person, so I can definitely see why you get a lot of suitors.

Keep us posted on how it goes!

 

[cinder]

Let's see. I usually pull out my secret weapon which is the dog that doesn't like strangers so well. If that doesn't help then I just tell people they don't have a chance and if they're fool enough to ask why they'll probably regret the brutal honesty of the response.

Also having life revolve around work, church, dog, and computer doesn't leave much opportunity for the hordes to find me.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

May God bless you for honoring your marriage. 💖

You bring up the excellent point that the struggles don't end just because one gets married. In the whole time I've been here, I've only put 3 people on Ignore and one was a married man who had expressed an attraction to me. To my knowledge, he's no longer here.

Thank you. My marriage is not a good one, but I entered in to the covenant. I asked my now wife to marry me so I can't blame her for the experience I've had since. I want to honor God the best I can in this life. We all have a sin nature, but we can try, and we can turn from sin as often as we mess up.

Here's a story from when I was single. I don't think I've shared it here before... but at my age, who knows? I can't really remember if I've shared it or not since my memory was the first thing to go...

I was deployed to Greece for about 3 1/2 weeks. It was a common place to deploy to and probably my favorite place overseas. I loved Greek food which, by the way, tastes much better in Greece than anywhere else. I could scuba dive and windsurf in my free time, and take long runs along the coast. We stayed in a hotel the US govmint contracted with just a few miles south of Athens. Sometimes a few of us Crew Dogs would visit Mykonos or one of the other islands when we had a couple of days off from flying missions.

One day the group of us who had a day off were all on the beach and some were drinking. There was a female there who was stationed there with the staff that supported us. She got really drunk and at some point came over to me and offered herself to me. I can tell you that that sort of thing was not a common occurrence in my life. I don't remember everything I told her in response but I know I tried to be kind to her. I told her she was attractive, nice, etc., but that I was a Christian and Christians should only do those kinds of things within a marriage.

I could see she felt terrible and probably felt pretty small after that. I prayed for her when I thought about her. During that time period I deployed to Greece fairly often. I don't know if it was the next time I went back or the time after that but when next I saw her she was clearly a new person. That interaction between her and myself helped lead her to Christ and would I go with her to the church she had found. The next Sunday I not only did but took one or two other Crew Dogs with me. I can't tell you how happy I was that she had found Christ and that back on that day at the beach I had made the appropriate choice when faced with the kind of temptation most of us men dream of.

Our behavior really matters. Single or married. We never know when the choices me make might make an eternal difference in the life of another person. We won't always make the right choices, but we should always get back up after we fall and keep trying to make good choices every day of our lives.

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx walks in and looks around...

Flamethrowers work well.

*Lynx goes off to take a cat nap.

 

[HopeinHim98]

One thing that just is so crazy to me about the internet is how many creeps there are. And how indiscriminately they look for victims. I made the mistake of advertising my sewing classes on Craig's list...bad idea! I had no info on my post that indicated how old I was or anything. For all he knew I was a 90 year old grandma. Anyway I deleted all those ads and learned my lesson lol.

 

[seoulsearch]

*Lynx walks in and looks around... Flamethrowers work well. *Lynx goes off to take a cat nap.

We've been hearing for years about this fabled flamethrower -- but none of us have actually seen it.





Are you sure you're actually not thinking of this?!

 

[CarriePie]

I don't currently have any unwanted men after me, that I know of

I do remember a time at work when I was in a relationship with someone from work. Another guy at work, who was married, was apparently interested in me. Him and the guy I was with got into a back forth, "She's with me." The married guy, "Well, she'd rather be with me!" I soon broke up with the guy I was with (not because I wanted to the married guy!). And a few years later the married guy and his wife got a divorce. He'd often try to get me to let him come over. Sometimes he'd claim he wanted to fix my computer. This carried on for years. I think he was married and divorced at least 3 times during that time. I just always responded with, "Haha, aren't you a funny guy!" or "I can fix my own computer, thank you." or "You just want to come over so I'll cook for you. Not happening."

During the same time frame and over the same amount of years, there was a customer who was an unhappily married biker who would come in often and try to chat me up. For a visual, he looked like Johnny Depp lol. He was always trying to get me to hang out with him. I'd just try to be polite, without being too nice. I'd even run into him when I wasn't at work. One time, I ran into him late one night at a convenience store. I was in there to get some Belfonte ice cream and he was getting a big case of beer. He's trying to interest me in coming with him to hang out and drink beers when all the sudden the side of the big case of beer opened up and all the cans flooded out around my feet. Ugh, why was I the one who got this guy's attention? I just want ice cream, dude, leave me alone! lol

And there was another man during this same time frame who would come into the store looking for me. Why??? lol Good grief. Anyway, this particular guy didn't just want to hang out, he wanted me to be his gf. I just always tried to be polite because I was supposed to be polite to the customers (not too polite, mind you! lol). Anyway, one day he came to the service desk. I worked in accounting and I had authority to sign as a supervisor, so I was outside of the office signing off on papers. It was just me and a nice lady named Becky, who actually worked at the desk. He comes around the corner and starts asking questions. Becky started to answer him, 'cause that was her job. He gruffly told her, "I'm not talking to you!! I'm talking to her." And he points at me. Smh 🤦

Then there was the customer who was visiting from outside the U.S. After I helped him and before he left, he told me what hotel he was staying at and told me he wanted me to come to his hotel room when I got off work. I didn't, of course. He was in his early 20s and looked like he was the type of guy who was probably popular when he was in high school, so I was very confused about his intentions. This was just a one time incident though, where as the others were continuous. I never agreed to hang out with any of those guys and fortunately, they didn't know where I lived...or if they did, it was unbeknownst to me.

There are a few other stories. But, anyway, the moral of my story is, if you ever want to work in retail, be prepared to have these kinds of things happen. I didn't hear of others there having these problems, but I can't be the only one. What was my solution? Well, getting away from retail certainly helped lol.

 

[HopeinHim98]

I don't currently have any unwanted men after me, that I know of

I do remember a time at work when I was in a relationship with someone from work. Another guy at work, who was married, was apparently interested in me. Him and the guy I was with got into a back forth, "She's with me." The married guy, "Well, she'd rather be with me!" I soon broke up with the guy I was with (not because I wanted to the married guy!). And a few years later the married guy and his wife got a divorce. He'd often try to get me to let him come over. Sometimes he'd claim he wanted to fix my computer. This carried on for years. I think he was married and divorced at least 3 times during that time. I just always responded with, "Haha, aren't you a funny guy!" or "I can fix my own computer, thank you." or "You just want to come over so I'll cook for you. Not happening."

During the same time frame and over the same amount of years, there was a customer who was an unhappily married biker who would come in often and try to chat me up. For a visual, he looked like Johnny Depp lol. He was always trying to get me to hang out with him. I'd just try to be polite, without being too nice. I'd even run into him when I wasn't at work. One time, I ran into him late one night at a convenience store. I was in there to get some Belfonte ice cream and he was getting a big case of beer. He's trying to interest me in coming with him to hang out and drink beers when all the sudden the side of the big case of beer opened up and all the cans flooded out around my feet. Ugh, why was I the one who got this guy's attention? I just want ice cream, dude, leave me alone! lol

And there was another man during this same time frame who would come into the store looking for me. Why??? lol Good grief. Anyway, this particular guy didn't just want to hang out, he wanted me to be his gf. I just always tried to be polite because I was supposed to be polite to the customers (not too polite, mind you! lol). Anyway, one day he came to the service desk. I worked in accounting and I had authority to sign as a supervisor, so I was outside of the office signing off on papers. It was just me and a nice lady named Becky, who actually worked at the desk. He comes around the corner and starts asking questions. Becky started to answer him, 'cause that was her job. He gruffly told her, "I'm not talking to you!! I'm talking to her." And he points at me. Smh 🤦

Then there was the customer who was visiting from outside the U.S. After I helped him and before he left, he told me what hotel he was staying at and told me he wanted me to come to his hotel room when I got off work. I didn't, of course. He was in his early 20s and looked like he was the type of guy who was probably popular when he was in high school, so I was very confused about his intentions. This was just a one time incident though, where as the others were continuous. I never agreed to hang out with any of those guys and fortunately, they didn't know where I lived...or if they did, it was unbeknownst to me.

There are a few other stories. But, anyway, the moral of my story is, if you ever want to work in retail, be prepared to have these kinds of things happen. I didn't hear of others there having these problems, but I can't be the only one. What was my solution? Well, getting away from retail certainly helped lol.

Lol yes I relate! At the last store I worked at I had one guy ask me out and a couple others seemed on the verge lol. The one that actually asked I feel so bad for cuz I think it took him awhile to get the guts up. I didn't tell him no right away but next time he came in I tried to let him down gently. He was super nice and respectful about it tho!

One of the other guy's mom actually basically asked if I would consider dating her son lol. I told her I was in a relationship so that was a good excuse. And true. I started dating a guy in December but we're on hold currently. I have too many concerns to do proceed right now.

 

[CarriePie]

One of the other guy's mom actually basically asked if I would consider dating her son lol.

Ugh, yes, I had this sort of thing happen too. I worked with a lady that was trying to set me up with her son and another lady who was trying to set me up with her brother and another lady was trying to set me up with her husband's best friend
Y'all, I came here to work, not find someone!

 

[Snackersmom]

Thank you. My marriage is not a good one, but I entered in to the covenant. I asked my now wife to marry me so I can't blame her for the experience I've had since. I want to honor God the best I can in this life. We all have a sin nature, but we can try, and we can turn from sin as often as we mess up.

Here's a story from when I was single. I don't think I've shared it here before... but at my age, who knows? I can't really remember if I've shared it or not since my memory was the first thing to go...

I was deployed to Greece for about 3 1/2 weeks. It was a common place to deploy to and probably my favorite place overseas. I loved Greek food which, by the way, tastes much better in Greece than anywhere else. I could scuba dive and windsurf in my free time, and take long runs along the coast. We stayed in a hotel the US govmint contracted with just a few miles south of Athens. Sometimes a few of us Crew Dogs would visit Mykonos or one of the other islands when we had a couple of days off from flying missions.

One day the group of us who had a day off were all on the beach and some were drinking. There was a female there who was stationed there with the staff that supported us. She got really drunk and at some point came over to me and offered herself to me. I can tell you that that sort of thing was not a common occurrence in my life. I don't remember everything I told her in response but I know I tried to be kind to her. I told her she was attractive, nice, etc., but that I was a Christian and Christians should only do those kinds of things within a marriage.

I could see she felt terrible and probably felt pretty small after that. I prayed for her when I thought about her. During that time period I deployed to Greece fairly often. I don't know if it was the next time I went back or the time after that but when next I saw her she was clearly a new person. That interaction between her and myself helped lead her to Christ and would I go with her to the church she had found. The next Sunday I not only did but took one or two other Crew Dogs with me. I can't tell you how happy I was that she had found Christ and that back on that day at the beach I had made the appropriate choice when faced with the kind of temptation most of us men dream of.

Our behavior really matters. Single or married. We never know when the choices me make might make an eternal difference in the life of another person. We won't always make the right choices, but we should always get back up after we fall and keep trying to make good choices every day of our lives.

Thank you so much for sharing this story. If there was a snot-crying reaction I'd click that one haha 🥲.

Also, the fact that your marriage isn't a happy one makes your fidelity all the more impactful. I salute your respect for the covenant, Sir! 🧑‍✈️

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Everyone,

This thread was inspired by a conversation going on in "Reasons Why You Would Close Your Account and Come Back Under Another Name."

Our good friend @Tall_Timbers said:





And so...

* Do YOU have HORDES of admirers flooding your life with texts, phone calls, and constant proposals of marriage?

* Do YOU have to pull the shades down at night and live by the light of your phone so that your HORDES of suitors won't realize you're at home?

* Do YOU have to escape out the back way (or create another username) because of the HORDES of gentlemen/lady callers who are all trying to talk to you at once?

If so, then THIS is the THREAD FOR YOU! Tell us:

* How do you possibly avoid all the masses? (Eat entire bulbs of garlic at every meal?!)

* (And in all seriousness,) what have you had to do to shake off a perhaps too-persistent suitor?

* Have you had to change phone numbers, contact information, and in worst-case scenarios, even move?

* What advice can you give for slipping away from people who "just can't get the hint"?


This thread isn't just for singles or dating situations. I'm also thinking of things such as:

* The "friend" you haven't heard from in 10 years who finds you on social media -- and wants you to join their multi-level marketing "home business" or donate to some other cause.

* The church members or leaders who keep asking you to volunteer or show up for something you're really not interested in.

* The family members who try to insist you go to this, that, or the other -- even though you keep saying no.

* The people who rampantly pursue you (online or in real life) for attention, sympathy, or to tell you all about the latest laundry list of of problems they're having every time they catch a mere glimpse of you.

Is there anyone out there you're trying to/have gotten away from?

Whether serious or light-hearted, share your stories of avoidance and escape here!

I would welcome an admirer. I wanted to avoid some people because I felt they were trying to bully me.

 

[Mem]

I would welcome an admirer. I wanted to avoid some people because I felt they were trying to bully me.

 

[Mem]

Sorry... my browzer timed out before I could explain, after posting this pic, why it came to mind as I was thinking of what I'd look like telling @zeroturbulence of my opinion that he struck me as a beautiful man.

 

[Lynx]

Ugh, yes, I had this sort of thing happen too. I worked with a lady that was trying to set me up with her son and another lady who was trying to set me up with her brother and another lady was trying to set me up with her husband's best friend
Y'all, I came here to work, not find someone!

Ugh, yeah!

I try to be polite, because they really do think they are doing us a favor. But they are not. They really are not.

At least my gray has finally grown in, so women don't try to set me up with their teenage nieces anymore. That gets so incredibly awkward.

 

[LifelongLearner]

Hey Everyone,

This thread was inspired by a conversation going on in "Reasons Why You Would Close Your Account and Come Back Under Another Name."

Our good friend @Tall_Timbers said:





And so...

* Do YOU have HORDES of admirers flooding your life with texts, phone calls, and constant proposals of marriage?

* Do YOU have to pull the shades down at night and live by the light of your phone so that your HORDES of suitors won't realize you're at home?

* Do YOU have to escape out the back way (or create another username) because of the HORDES of gentlemen/lady callers who are all trying to talk to you at once?

If so, then THIS is the THREAD FOR YOU! Tell us:

* How do you possibly avoid all the masses? (Eat entire bulbs of garlic at every meal?!)

* (And in all seriousness,) what have you had to do to shake off a perhaps too-persistent suitor?

* Have you had to change phone numbers, contact information, and in worst-case scenarios, even move?

* What advice can you give for slipping away from people who "just can't get the hint"?


This thread isn't just for singles or dating situations. I'm also thinking of things such as:

* The "friend" you haven't heard from in 10 years who finds you on social media -- and wants you to join their multi-level marketing "home business" or donate to some other cause.

* The church members or leaders who keep asking you to volunteer or show up for something you're really not interested in.

* The family members who try to insist you go to this, that, or the other -- even though you keep saying no.

* The people who rampantly pursue you (online or in real life) for attention, sympathy, or to tell you all about the latest laundry list of of problems they're having every time they catch a mere glimpse of you.

Is there anyone out there you're trying to/have gotten away from?

Whether serious or light-hearted, share your stories of avoidance and escape here!

Wow! Some pretty deep stuff there but you ROCK at making such things comfy soulsis, there's fun and fluffy too. A few things to sort but another of your posts i'm bookmarking, hugs and all that's good for now.

 

[seoulsearch]

Thank you. My marriage is not a good one, but I entered in to the covenant. I asked my now wife to marry me so I can't blame her for the experience I've had since. I want to honor God the best I can in this life. We all have a sin nature, but we can try, and we can turn from sin as often as we mess up.

Here's a story from when I was single. I don't think I've shared it here before... but at my age, who knows? I can't really remember if I've shared it or not since my memory was the first thing to go...

I was deployed to Greece for about 3 1/2 weeks. It was a common place to deploy to and probably my favorite place overseas. I loved Greek food which, by the way, tastes much better in Greece than anywhere else. I could scuba dive and windsurf in my free time, and take long runs along the coast. We stayed in a hotel the US govmint contracted with just a few miles south of Athens. Sometimes a few of us Crew Dogs would visit Mykonos or one of the other islands when we had a couple of days off from flying missions.

One day the group of us who had a day off were all on the beach and some were drinking. There was a female there who was stationed there with the staff that supported us. She got really drunk and at some point came over to me and offered herself to me. I can tell you that that sort of thing was not a common occurrence in my life. I don't remember everything I told her in response but I know I tried to be kind to her. I told her she was attractive, nice, etc., but that I was a Christian and Christians should only do those kinds of things within a marriage.

I could see she felt terrible and probably felt pretty small after that. I prayed for her when I thought about her. During that time period I deployed to Greece fairly often. I don't know if it was the next time I went back or the time after that but when next I saw her she was clearly a new person. That interaction between her and myself helped lead her to Christ and would I go with her to the church she had found. The next Sunday I not only did but took one or two other Crew Dogs with me. I can't tell you how happy I was that she had found Christ and that back on that day at the beach I had made the appropriate choice when faced with the kind of temptation most of us men dream of.

Our behavior really matters. Single or married. We never know when the choices me make might make an eternal difference in the life of another person. We won't always make the right choices, but we should always get back up after we fall and keep trying to make good choices every day of our lives.

Thank you so much for sharing this story. If there was a snot-crying reaction I'd click that one haha 🥲. Also, the fact that your marriage isn't a happy one makes your fidelity all the more impactful. I salute your respect for the covenant, Sir! 🧑‍✈️

Something else I wanted to reiterate that Snacker's post reminded me of...

One of the reasons I appreciate your posts so much @Tall_Timbers is that you are openly honest about marriage being difficult.

There are several married members here whom I love to listen to about the happy times with their spouses, but if I can be honest, I've known of many more unhappy or at least very troubled marriages than happy ones, Christian or not. I've also known several Christian couples who went through separations, sometimes permanently.

Now of course, I realize marriage in one of the most personal aspects of life, and that many people wouldn't want to air their problems or grievances, but I'm thankful that you give us an honest outlook.

I seem to run into 3 types of Christians who are married:

1. Those who are generally happily married and happy to share their experiences, but still encourage and respect singles, even if they don't get married.

2. Those who are generally happily married, but are always telling us singles we need to hurry up and do our part because we're not real or whole Christians if we don't get married. This group also frequently seems to appoint itself to try to "police" single's behavior through various shaming and preaching, apparently trying to curb all the debauchery they assume every single is committing.

3. Christians who are married and most try to put up their best front, but behind it all, they're caught in some very bad situations. Some are downright miserable, but they don't dare say a word or admit it, because they know that's not the "proper" thing to do in the Christian community, and will be met with a slew of criticism if they do.

The majority of people I've met in life are, heartbreakingly, in the 3rd category. When talking to other singles, I know I'm not alone -- many singles I know have seen the results of troubled marriages within their own families -- and this is what makes so many of us cautious about marriage.

We all know that marriage isn't a car, or a house, or anything we can trade in for something else. We are well aware that marriage is permanent, and that's why some of us stand on the side for so long. It seems all to easy to get trapped into a bad situation -- and there is no way out -- except death. (If I were trapped in a bad marriage, I would pray continuously to God that I would die as soon as possible.)

But somehow that often gets seen as us doing something wrong, when I think many are just trying not to get ourselves into situations very few are willing or able to teach us about or admit.

TallTimbers, I am very sorry for the challenges you are going through and I pray for you and your family when I see your posts.

But I also want to thank you for having the courage to be honest with us, because I think you're one of the few who understands and accepts why many of us here are single, or have chosen to be single for so long.

And I know that I for one will always be appreciative of that.