Independent Women

[Texasgal]

How many?

I think that is why God created marriage. When both men and women come to their senses, and call it a draw, they sign an unconditional surrender to each other. (get married)

I was married to a man who could have beaten me up with his both hands behind his back, but what he did was loving and protecting me. But he is long gone in his grave and I will never again find someone like him.

 

[Snackersmom]

I think that is why God created marriage. When both men and women come to their senses, and call it a draw, they sign an unconditional surrender to each other. (get married)

Not sure if this was supposed to be deep or simply funny, but I found it guilty on both counts! 😎😂

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh I understand. It is interesting though to think some create a stigma for independent woman just as some create a stigma for men who do not fit the handy man image. I'm guilty of once being tougher on my oldest boy where I felt the need to toughen him up by exposing him to things like hiking, camping, shooting, etc when in reality his personality is more like Jacob in the Bible. A home body who loves to read and do tasks in the home.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with exposing him to these things, but I just became more patient realizing that he does in fact enjoy it but it isn't what excites him. He may struggle more than my other boys but that's okay.

Yeah, I think that's part of my issues..... church culture tends to make a big deal about gender roles. We act like it's set in stone and has to look a certain way, but like you said Jacob wasn't as "manly" as Esau, yet God chose him to carry on the Abrahamic lineage. And like @zeroturbulence pointed out, P.31 lady was a total boss babe. So were Deborah, Abigail, and Rahab (admittedly, not in an ideal profession, but hey, God found her some noble work!)

Anyway..... I've never really fit the accepted church standard for femininity (my cooking would leave most normal people dazed and asking "Why?!?!), so when stuff like the independence thing comes up I try to figure out if it's something actually wrong that I need to change or work on, or just a misunderstood cultural thing. It sounds like "independence" is mostly just a misunderstood cultural thing. But yall have definitely given me some good food for thought, especially in regard to how it could affect a marriage. Thank you for your input! 😎

 

[Roughsoul1991]

Yeah, I think that's part of my issues..... church culture tends to make a big deal about gender roles. We act like it's set in stone and has to look a certain way, but like you said Jacob wasn't as "manly" as Esau, yet God chose him to carry on the Abrahamic lineage. And like @zeroturbulence pointed out, P.31 lady was a total boss babe. So were Deborah, Abigail, and Rahab (admittedly, not in an ideal profession, but hey, God found her some noble work!)

Anyway..... I've never really fit the accepted church standard for femininity (my cooking would leave most normal people dazed and asking "Why?!?!), so when stuff like the independence thing comes up I try to figure out if it's something actually wrong that I need to change or work on, or just a misunderstood cultural thing. It sounds like "independence" is mostly just a misunderstood cultural thing. But yall have definitely given me some good food for thought, especially in regard to how it could affect a marriage. Thank you for your input! 😎

Oh, I'm not surprised that some churches are either too dogmatic or not true enough to gender roles. Because we know the Bible gives guidance to both genders and sets them apart as well. But once you get to the extreme of not allowing women to wear jeans or the opposite calling a woman a man then we have rejected the truth.

Why?!?!), so when stuff like the independence thing comes up I try to figure out if it's something actually wrong that I need to change or work on, or just a misunderstood cultural thing.

Well, to be honest, I doubt something would be wrong. Just from our online interactions, you sound great as in I wouldn't worry about what others think. As long as nothing in your lifestyle as a woman is counter to God's guidance for women then there is nothing to change.

Of course, that would presuppose what the Bible says specifically on gender roles. I would say that is where the final answer lies.

But I agree, it seems people more rely on personal prejudices than strictly scripture.

 

[GaryA]

What I am kinda gathering from the responses is that its not so much the independence that men dislike, but rather when women announce it/make a big deal about it? 🤔 Like, be independent but just don't tell anyone? Lol. 😆

I have yet to read beyond the post quoted above (post #40)...

I am thinking that what is at the crux of the matter is the idea that - if/once a woman is used to acting-and-operating 'independent' - if/when she gets married, will she totally immerse herself truly-and-fully into the marriage as being one-of-two of a codependent couple? Or, will she [want to] continue to act-and-operate 'independent' [of her husband] - reaching outside of - or beyond - the way a codependent marriage relationship should act-and-operate?

Something along those lines...

 

[GaryA]

I might check out Mark Gungor as well.

I highly recommend the Mark Gungor Marriage Seminar:

 

[GaryA]

Men would rather be single and alone than in a bad relationship.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Men would rather be single and alone than in a bad relationship.


https://x.com/CNviolations/status/1899948516505506002

I think it's common sense to assume no one man or woman wants to be in a bad relationship.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

I was married to a man who could have beaten me up with his both hands behind his back, but what he did was loving and protecting me. But he is long gone in his grave and I will never again find someone like him.

oh really? I see, I am sorry to hear that, you might, you never know.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Not sure if this was supposed to be deep or simply funny, but I found it guilty on both counts! 😎😂

Thanks.

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh, I'm not surprised that some churches are either too dogmatic or not true enough to gender roles. Because we know the Bible gives guidance to both genders and sets them apart as well. But once you get to the extreme of not allowing women to wear jeans or the opposite calling a woman a man then we have rejected the truth.

Definitely..... but there's a huge space between the 2 extremes you mentioned, and the Bible doesn't lay it all out crystal-clear. But yes, I agree, women should not seek to be masculine and vice versa..... It's more the Grey area in-between that I'm pondering right now. Like, just as Jacob didn't fit the accepted standard for manliness, one could argue that the P.31 lady didn't fit the current accepted standard for femininity. She had a head for business, provided for her family, and even appraised and purchased land (I didn't know women were even allowed to do that back then!). And Deborah was literally sent to confront God's chosen man when he didn't do as God told him.....that's not very submissive or deferential lol. 😆

Well, to be honest, I doubt something would be wrong. Just from our online interactions, you sound great as in I wouldn't worry about what others think. As long as nothing in your lifestyle as a woman is counter to God's guidance for women then there is nothing to change.

Of course, that would presuppose what the Bible says specifically on gender roles. I would say that is where the final answer lies.

But I agree, it seems people more rely on personal prejudices than strictly scripture.

Yay I fooled another one! 😜.

Seriously, I do appreciate the sentiment and I don't think most people irl would consider me to be un-feminine, I'm just sorting through some issues and mindsets to figure out what's right. I don't think much (if anything) needs to change right now, but I'm going to keep all this in mind and occasionally read back through the comments. I appreciate your input! 😎

 

[Snackersmom]

I am thinking that what is at the crux of the matter is the idea that - if/once a woman is used to acting-and-operating 'independent' - if/when she gets married, will she totally immerse herself truly-and-fully into the marriage as being one-of-two of a codependent couple? Or, will she [want to] continue to act-and-operate 'independent' [of her husband] - reaching outside of - or beyond - the way a codependent marriage relationship should act-and-operate?

Something along those lines...

Valid concern, but couldn't the same be said for a man who is accustomed to "flying solo"? 🤔

And I realize that husband and wife would and should come to rely on each other, but is codependency ever completely healthy? 🤔