The Right Time.

[Dolapo]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Barring in mind that in a christian faith relationship, nothing should be hidden. But revealed with timing and wisdom.

 

[keepingthingsreal]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

I would think that the other person should be told right up front. I mean, if marriage is the end goal, then that relationship is going to include the child, so the other party should know what they are potentially signing up for.

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Honestly. Just tell the other person. They have a right to know. Also, if they find out later rather than earlier, then wouldn't they wonder what else is being kept from them? Honesty is the best policy.

 

[MsMediator]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Barring in mind that in a christian faith relationship, nothing should be hidden. But revealed with timing and wisdom.

You should let them know before you even meet up, or on the first date latest.

 

[Lynx]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Barring in mind that in a christian faith relationship, nothing should be hidden. But revealed with timing and wisdom.

If I was dating you, I would want to know on the first date. I wouldn't want to get 6 months into a relationship and then find out about it.

Him actually meeting the child, that might be different. I have heard a parent say that he made a ground rule that he would have to go out with a lady for a certain amount of months before he introduced the lady to his daughter, because he did not want his daughter having to adjust to girlfriends over and over. He wanted to be reasonably certain this was a stable relationship before he put his daughter through that kind of adjustment.

 

[Lynx]

However this does remind me of a Sherlock Holmes story, about a yellow face...

 

[Subhumanoidal]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Barring in mind that in a christian faith relationship, nothing should be hidden. But revealed with timing and wisdom.

I don't care for going on dates to begin with (just my view for myself), I prefer to start as friends and let that turn into romantic feelings. Or not, depending.
I break the number one rule of dating. I don't hold back about all the struggles and problems I contend with (and it's a lot).
Of course I think how you present it can have an affect. If you go on and on, especially in an emotional state, that could be a turn off.
However, if you state things matter-of-factly and dont dwell too long, unless asked questions.
You may not want to dump it all at once, but prioritize and share over a few dates. Having a kid should be top priority on your list. Some don't want children, others don't want to be a step father. But I would not introduce them to your child early on. Let the relationship grow and stabilize. It's easier on children when things go south in a relationship if they don't know the guy. So introducing them early is a bad idea.

So far I cannot recall anyone who has loss interest after I shared with them. It could happen, but it hasn't happened to me, with some even talking marriage.

Full honesty, no holding back, is my view. If they lose interest, good, you've weeded out someone that would only be resentful if they stayed, or just leave you after you're already invested in that person.

 

[Grock89]

If you are searching for a life partner in marriage...perhaps you should be honest with him from the get go

 

[Gideon300]

1. When is the right time in a relationship, for a prospective partner to tell the other that he or she has a child?

2. How should he or she go about giving out the information?

Barring in mind that in a christian faith relationship, nothing should be hidden. But revealed with timing and wisdom.

Immediately. I married a woman who had two young children. I would have had a fit if she had hidden it from me even for a moment.

 

[Grock89]

Immediately. I married a woman who had two young children. I would have had a fit if she had hidden it from me even for a moment.

But why would you have had a fit? It isn't easy informing someone about it especially maybe if the person had a bad experience before after telling someone it can make a person anxious about it...and what if the person tells you after like a few dates is that ok? I'm all for opening up from the onset but I do understand some people have had bad experiences of rejection after telling the partners of their child/children.

 

[Dolapo]

Hmm

If I was dating you, I would want to know on the first date. I wouldn't want to get 6 months into a relationship and then find out about it.

Him actually meeting the child, that might be different. I have heard a parent say that he made a ground rule that he would have to go out with a lady for a certain amount of months before he introduced the lady to his daughter, because he did not want his daughter having to adjust to girlfriends over and over. He wanted to be reasonably certain this was a stable relationship before he put his daughter through that kind of adjustment.

Hmm...I like this. It's good to be sure of such relationship, because children are very sensitive to actions and statements. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[Dolapo]

You should let them know before you even meet up, or on the first date latest.

On a first date or meeting? Hmmm🤔

 

[MsMediator]

First meeting.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

But why would you have had a fit? It isn't easy informing someone about it especially maybe if the person had a bad experience before after telling someone it can make a person anxious about it...and what if the person tells you after like a few dates is that ok? I'm all for opening up from the onset but I do understand some people have had bad experiences of rejection after telling the partners of their child/children.

Yes, but, isn't it worse to wait? Firstly, they may be unhappy you waited and thus makes them potentially angry, causing even more pain.
Secondly, you're also risking that you grow more attached to them, and if they're unhappy with your announcement it would be even harder that way.
Lastly, being rejected, in that case, isn't bad. Its good. It shows that that person is not right for you and the relationship would go bad further down the line.
All in all the sooner they know, the better. Its best for everyone involved.

 

[Gideon300]

But why would you have had a fit? It isn't easy informing someone about it especially maybe if the person had a bad experience before after telling someone it can make a person anxious about it...and what if the person tells you after like a few dates is that ok? I'm all for opening up from the onset but I do understand some people have had bad experiences of rejection after telling the partners of their child/children.

Two things: the first is a trust issue. The second is rather more mundane. Can the potential spouse handle children not their own? Is it financially viable and practicable? I went from no kids, sharing a house to a wife and one kid. A week later, child #2 showed up and wanted to live with us instead of her natural father. I got a second job, working 12 hours straight on the weekend to cover expenses. Eventually I was promoted, but it was tough for a while.

I discovered that you do not just marry the mother. My ex was overly protective of her son, who nearly died at birth. That created all kinds of problems in the relationship. After the break up, dated a few single mothers - briefly. One of the women had a 21 year old son. He was hostile even though I had little to do with him. The mother fretted over him as if he was a toddler. No thanks.

Obviously it is possible to have a good relationship with someone who already has children. However, I reckon it's better to be upfront and risk rejection immediately than to be secretive and be rejected later.

 

[Grock89]

That's quite a good p

Two things: the first is a trust issue. The second is rather more mundane. Can the potential spouse handle children not their own? Is it financially viable and practicable? I went from no kids, sharing a house to a wife and one kid. A week later, child #2 showed up and wanted to live with us instead of her natural father. I got a second job, working 12 hours straight on the weekend to cover expenses. Eventually I was promoted, but it was tough for a while.

I discovered that you do not just marry the mother. My ex was overly protective of her son, who nearly died at birth. That created all kinds of problems in the relationship. After the break up, dated a few single mothers - briefly. One of the women had a 21 year old son. He was hostile even though I had little to do with him. The mother fretted over him as if he was a toddler. No thanks.

Obviously it is possible to have a good relationship with someone who already has children. However, I reckon it's better to be upfront and risk rejection immediately than to be secretive and be rejected later.

thats a very practical.example...im satisfied with the answer ...I now see the bigger picture of effects of delay on both parties including the children involved . Thankyou for the honesty

 

[Gideon300]

That's quite a good p
thats a very practical.example...im satisfied with the answer ...I now see the bigger picture of effects of delay on both parties including the children involved . Thankyou for the honesty

Nothing like lived experience to teach us.