God, Matchmaking, and Singleness

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

ToniA1

New member
Sep 24, 2024
17
6
3
#21
Explain what you mean by 'superficial' as relates to marriages.

Yes, I don't see any depth anywhere. A lot of times, the environment is a big cause of this. In some environments, you're pressured to be fake and it's hard for most people to not succumb and yield to the pressure. Let's be honest: church is probably in the top three of these superficial environments.

And yes, most conversations and friendships (again, depending on where you live: in the US for sure) are surface. The reason for this is a mixture of culture (depending on where you live) and carnal nature. I plan to write a post about man's need to be god and how it's at the core of rebellion and sin (and performance, etc.).

Amen. The world needs to see godly and mature marriages. Psalm 128 is God's desire for every marriage; but God's primary blessings are reserved for believers who walk with Him in living relationship-- a privilege (or job description) first given to Adam and Eve. As Ps. 128 says regarding marriage, the best and bulk of the blessings are reserved for the believer "who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways."
Truly I do agree as it being where you live as a factor. Yes the "church" has definitely suffered when it comes to depth, vulnerability and growth.

Many relationships are simply going thru the motions of being cordial. We are to busy to be real ;(
 

ToniA1

New member
Sep 24, 2024
17
6
3
#22
Explain what you mean by 'superficial' as relates to marriages.

Yes, I don't see any depth anywhere. A lot of times, the environment is a big cause of this. In some environments, you're pressured to be fake and it's hard for most people to not succumb and yield to the pressure. Let's be honest: church is probably in the top three of these superficial environments.

And yes, most conversations and friendships (again, depending on where you live: in the US for sure) are surface. The reason for this is a mixture of culture (depending on where you live) and carnal nature. I plan to write a post about man's need to be god and how it's at the core of rebellion and sin (and performance, etc.).

Amen. The world needs to see godly and mature marriages. Psalm 128 is God's desire for every marriage; but God's primary blessings are reserved for believers who walk with Him in living relationship-- a privilege (or job description) first given to Adam and Eve. As Ps. 128 says regarding marriage, the best and bulk of the blessings are reserved for the believer "who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways."

I can only speak on the "marriages" I observe and have encountered, but many fail to have "real" conversations regarding their struggles. The conversations revolve around the kids and once the kids are gone it's as they don't know who they are. Many of my friends discussed divorce after years of only coexistence no growth. I will say that social media didn't help the situation. Many layers to this conversation but for the most part there are simply tooo Many distractions from my observation.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#23
As the wise man once said: Are marriages made in heaven? Maybe, but so are tornadoes, hurricanes, and lightning.
 

Cameron143

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2022
20,089
6,885
113
62
#24
All marriages aren't the ones God would have chosen had the decision been offered to Him. Marriage, like too many areas of life, are merely the result of human choices.
My aim here isn't to denigrate anyone, but to encourage people to give some thought to how much or little we actually defer to God's choice.
I like what Hudson Taylor wrote:

Enough that God My Father knows
Nothing this faith can dimensions.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

Neither is this to say God will not redeem our poor choices...Romans 8:28. I've been glad for this truth very often.
 

Dymes

Junior Member
Dec 11, 2016
87
52
18
#25
If I ever write more than two paragraphs in a comment, it's only because I'm trying to explain what really can't be explained.

In my experience, if something cannot be explained, I usually do more harm than good trying to explain it.

The Bible, as far back as the OT, makes it clear that the Holy Spirit is the one who teaches both the things of God and really also the things of life (eg. living, science, relationships, architecture, media, government, everything).

I will give God credit for teaching us all things. However I won’t specifically give the Holy Spirit the credit of teaching us math and science etc. Mainly because I believe only the regenerate receive the Holy Spirit. And any heathen can teach math and science lol
Can’t completely disagree with you on Adam being alone and needing a wife. As I stated it was an unpopular opinion of mine. I wouldn’t dare be dogmatic about it although I think there is some truth somewhere in my statement.

You wrote, "God's commands and promises change the more sin affects the original design." God's commands don't change with sin; His Grace does. His will doesn't change; the way He relates to us does. Everything functions by laws, even God Himself.

When I say commands change the more sin effects Man I’m referring to things like divorce. Christ said divorce wasn’t so in the beginning but because the hardness of their hearts it was changed. Or the unpopular opinion on incest that had to take place if Adam and Eve were the only two humans. But of course God later commands us not to have sexual relations with close kin in Leviticus. Stuff like that.

(This is why God was able to tell Moses about the parents' sins passing to the children long after it was already

This statement is a little iffy to me if you are referring to Ex 34:7. I get what you are saying but I’m not sure I would use that verse to explain it.
.
Oh thanks for the reply advice. I read the quote and answer as I read. I been struggling trying to figure this thing out again lol. It’s been a while since I been on.
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#26
By saying "I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills," you implied that God's matchmaking skills are somehow faulty, so do not go rewording what you originally said.

Also, do not think so highly of yourself. I can assure you that I do not need you or anybody else to provoke me to think intentionally.
Yes indeed: "I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking advice." There are people who are outright rejecting God. It isn't our place to snub anyone, even when they're in the wrong. God is the only Person who is righteous enough to snub anyone. He will be doing that to many people at the Judgment.

There's a saying by Dr. Seuss about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I leave adversarial people the task of interpreting what I say however they want. Those who aren't adversarial can just ask me what I mean and leave it at that.

As for thinking highly of myself, I think extremely highly of myself. It took me years to realize it was even a thing to think highly of yourself and years to realize that that is actually a good thing. Girls told me I was "picky" about women. I didn't realize till later that I was. An ex-girlfriend told me the way I carried myself communicated to the average woman to stay away. I was aware of this but it took me a while to realize why that was. Those are good things, but not good things to everyone.

Everyone sees it differently but it's all one thing. Women I rejected saw it as conceit (translation: "Kill him!"). My aunt told me one day when I was at her place, "You walk around like you own my house." She wasn't saying it as a good thing... but it actually is a good thing, just not to her. My grandma told me one day when I brought her some food that I served her like a dignified gentleman.

Paul said of himself and others who ministered for Christ, "We are to God the Fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the [perishing] we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to [those who are being saved] the aroma of life leading to life" (2Cor. 2:15-16).

It was established to Paul that God was pleased with him and his fellow ministers. But when it came to people, well, some were pleased with him and some weren't. I like to be that way as well.
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#27
I can only speak on the "marriages" I observe and have encountered, but many fail to have "real" conversations regarding their struggles. The conversations revolve around the kids and once the kids are gone it's as they don't know who they are. Many of my friends discussed divorce after years of only coexistence no growth. I will say that social media didn't help the situation. Many layers to this conversation but for the most part there are simply tooo Many distractions from my observation.
Do you think those people being cordial prefer to be real?

And yes, too many distractions. My focus really moved to marriage problems after I'd seen and heard about them for so many years. It's sort of like you keep hearing about something interesting until you decide to go check it out for yourself. I didn't know the issues surrounding marriage (really, romantic relationships) were so legit, relevant, and pressing until I decided to pay attention.

This is the singles forum so I guess I can write posts about some dynamics surrounding these problems. I was thinking I had to be married and write about that in the family forum. I'll make a reminder to start some threads on it later tomorrow.
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#28
Oh thanks for the reply advice. I read the quote and answer as I read. I been struggling trying to figure this thing out again lol. It’s been a while since I been on.
So, above is how what you wrote appears when you answer within the quote: it doesn't show up so again it's best to reply under the quoted comment instead of within it. I'll respond by putting your name before your response and mine before mine:

Dymes: In my experience, if something cannot be explained, I usually do more harm than good trying to explain it.

ValleyAnt: One of the Holy Spirit's main job descriptions is to explain things that can't be explained. Even in the ancient world many people knew God as someone who uncovers what is covered. In Genesis 41 when Joseph explained (interpreted) Pharaoh's dreams to him, Pharaoh insisted that Joseph-- though he was a foreigner-- must be Chancellor of Egypt (or second in command) stating, "Can we find such a one as this, a man in whom is the Spirit of God? Inasmuch as God has shown you all this, there is no one as discerning and wise as you. You shall be over my house, and all my people shall be ruled according to your word; only in regard to the throne will I be greater than you.”

If you read Daniel chapters 2 and 4, you'll find another pagan monarch coming face to face with this foundational aspect of God and, after Daniel had explained (interpreted) his dreams to him, praised God as King over all kings and God over all gods: "King Nebuchadnezzar fell on his face, prostrate before Daniel, and commanded that they should present an offering and incense to him. The king answered Daniel, and said, 'Truly your God is the God of gods, the Lord of kings, and a revealer of mysteries, since you could reveal this secret.' Then the king promoted Daniel and gave him many great gifts; and he made him ruler over the whole province of Babylon, and chief administrator over all the wise men of Babylon." So yes, this facet of God (one who reveals mysteries and hidden things) is a major facet of God which doesn't only affect believers positively but also has tremendous effect on both pagans/heathens and rulers (and pagan rulers). In short: God wants believers to be able to explain things that can't be explained by relying on Him (and asking Him) to give them the ability/gift/enabling/anointing to understand those hidden things, otherwise, Paul couldn't have prayed for the Ephesians, stating to them " that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know" (Eph. 1). This is the same spirit (an aspect of God or the Holy Spirit) that was in-- and that descended and ascended on-- OT Saints like Joseph, Daniel, Solomon, David, Deborah, Abigail, the prophets, etc. It's even more available to believers today.

Dymes: I will give God credit for teaching us all things. However I won’t specifically give the Holy Spirit the credit of teaching us math and science etc. Mainly because I believe only the regenerate receive the Holy Spirit. And any heathen can teach math and science lol.

ValleyAnt: I don't know one invention or innovation that came through a christian. And mostly, I don't know any of those that came to anyone directly from God. But God speaks many different ways and reveals things many different ways. He reveals things to everyone, not just to christians. The Bible says that He reveals more things to people who consider things more (ie. people who think intentionally) than He does to people who consider things less. This applies to everyone-- christian and non. Solomon was given both spiritual wisdom and natural wisdom; both came from God, so if God gave Solomon natural wisdom, who gives it to those who don't know God? In Proverbs 24, you meet a guy who everyone knew was lazy because it was obvious. But Solomon wanted to understand what wasn't visible or obvious, so he started thinking. He said, "When I saw [the lazy man's unkempt property], I considered it well; I looked on it (pondered, intentionally thought about it) and then I received understanding." Solomon understood that that man got where he was by a little compromise and complacency at a time; he would not have realized that if he hadn't thought intentionally about it. He would just have dismissed the man as a lazy bum like everyone else did. Intentional thinking (considering) and understanding go together; they're travel mates. Therefore, the Bible often talks about 'the fool' who never thinks, equating a lack of intentional thinking to foolishness (and it is).

And in 2Timothy 2:7 Paul tells Timothy, "Consider what I say, and the Lord will give you understanding in all things." This means that if you employ your mind to think intentionally (regarding the things of God), God will give you the ability to understand everything else (ie. He will give you an understanding or discerning spirit or the "spirit of wisdom and revelation"). If you take a little money and invest it well, you can make a lot more money from it. And if you take the little you know or are told and consider (think about) it (contemplate, mull over), God will add a lot more to that little you started with. This principle is all through the Bible and also all through the natural world. So yes, the Holy Spirit teaches math and science-- just a lot more indirectly than we might think. Everything that is good and perfect does come from God-- to some more directly, and to others more indirectly. As Jesus said, "[God] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matt. 5). God blesses and gives good things to everyone.

Dymes: When I say commands change the more sin effects Man I’m referring to things like divorce. Christ said divorce wasn’t so in the beginning but because the hardness of their hearts it was changed. Or the unpopular opinion on incest that had to take place if Adam and Eve were the only two humans. But of course God later commands us not to have sexual relations with close kin in Leviticus. Stuff like that.

ValleyAnt: Got it.
 
Nov 14, 2024
570
359
63
#29
Paul said of himself and others who ministered for Christ, "We are to God the Fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the [perishing] we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to [those who are being saved] the aroma of life leading to life" (2Cor. 2:15-16).

It was established to Paul that God was pleased with him and his fellow ministers. But when it came to people, well, some were pleased with him and some weren't. I like to be that way as well.
2Co 2:14
Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.

2Co 2:15
For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ, in them that are saved, and in them that perish:

2Co 2:16
To the one we are the savour of death unto death; and to the other the savour of life unto life. And who is sufficient for these things?

2Co 2:17
For we are not as many, which corrupt the word of God: but as of sincerity, but as of God, in the sight of God speak we in Christ.

Your terrible misapplication of these verses aside, Paul was using a similitude here to describe the immense responsibilities of ministers of the gospel.

Back in Paul's day, when a conquering king returned from a victory, a parade of sorts would be held in his honor. Incense would be burned during the tribute, and the aroma or savor of that incense was to the prisoners of war the savor of death unto death while simultaneously being the savor of life unto life to those on the king's side or to those who were sharing in his victory.

Paul's intended similitude was that when Christ returns as the ultimate conquering king, the result will be death to his enemies, and life to his servants. The aroma or savor Paul spoke of was the savor of his knowledge, which comes by way of a proper gospel presentation, and not Paul or other ministers themselves. Realizing the two possible and extreme outcomes of his gospel presentation, Paul not only recognized his need to not corrupt the word of God, but he also asked Who is sufficient for these things? because he recognized that the outcome of his preaching would be eternal damnation for those who rejected it, and eternal life for those who received it.

In no way, shape, or form was Paul displaying a pompous view of himself here, and this seems to be what you have tried to do in regard to yourself by terribly twisting his words and his intent.

Try humility.

After all, God resists the proud, and he gives grace to the humble.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,660
113
#30
Yes indeed: "I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking advice." There are people who are outright rejecting God. It isn't our place to snub anyone, even when they're in the wrong. God is the only Person who is righteous enough to snub anyone. He will be doing that to many people at the Judgment.

There's a saying by Dr. Seuss about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I leave adversarial people the task of interpreting what I say however they want. Those who aren't adversarial can just ask me what I mean and leave it at that.

As for thinking highly of myself, I think extremely highly of myself. It took me years to realize it was even a thing to think highly of yourself and years to realize that that is actually a good thing. Girls told me I was "picky" about women. I didn't realize till later that I was. An ex-girlfriend told me the way I carried myself communicated to the average woman to stay away. I was aware of this but it took me a while to realize why that was. Those are good things, but not good things to everyone.

Everyone sees it differently but it's all one thing. Women I rejected saw it as conceit (translation: "Kill him!"). My aunt told me one day when I was at her place, "You walk around like you own my house." She wasn't saying it as a good thing... but it actually is a good thing, just not to her. My grandma told me one day when I brought her some food that I served her like a dignified gentleman.

Paul said of himself and others who ministered for Christ, "We are to God the Fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the [perishing] we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to [those who are being saved] the aroma of life leading to life" (2Cor. 2:15-16).

It was established to Paul that God was pleased with him and his fellow ministers. But when it came to people, well, some were pleased with him and some weren't. I like to be that way as well.
Again, are you single or married?
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#31
Again, are you single or married?
Yes, I'm single. It's thrilling. Freedom is a man's greatest need. But I'm also feeling how Adam must have felt when he was walking with God and had no need... except that one need he didn't have a grid for. This feeling definitely is from God (or you can say biological on the physiological level) because it isn't the way I'm naturally geared. Okay, I won't go into the contradictory complexities of that.

I think you asked this before but I missed it replying to other comments.
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#32
2Co 2:14
Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ, and maketh manifest the savour of his knowledge by us in every place.
That's as far as I read. I think it's proper to tell you I've put you on ignore. You're welcome to keep following my posts.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,660
113
#34
That's as far as I read. I think it's proper to tell you I've put you on ignore. You're welcome to keep following my posts.
I'll pass. You will be on my ignore list momentarily yourself.
Being put on ignore is very liberating. You can say whatever you want about somebody and they don't even know. You can post counterpoints to their assertions and they won't know to argue about it. :D
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,660
113
#35
Yes indeed: "I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking advice." There are people who are outright rejecting God. It isn't our place to snub anyone, even when they're in the wrong. God is the only Person who is righteous enough to snub anyone. He will be doing that to many people at the Judgment.

There's a saying by Dr. Seuss about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. I leave adversarial people the task of interpreting what I say however they want. Those who aren't adversarial can just ask me what I mean and leave it at that.

As for thinking highly of myself, I think extremely highly of myself. It took me years to realize it was even a thing to think highly of yourself and years to realize that that is actually a good thing. Girls told me I was "picky" about women. I didn't realize till later that I was. An ex-girlfriend told me the way I carried myself communicated to the average woman to stay away. I was aware of this but it took me a while to realize why that was. Those are good things, but not good things to everyone.

Everyone sees it differently but it's all one thing. Women I rejected saw it as conceit (translation: "Kill him!"). My aunt told me one day when I was at her place, "You walk around like you own my house." She wasn't saying it as a good thing... but it actually is a good thing, just not to her. My grandma told me one day when I brought her some food that I served her like a dignified gentleman.

Paul said of himself and others who ministered for Christ, "We are to God the Fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. To the [perishing] we are the aroma of death leading to death, and to [those who are being saved] the aroma of life leading to life" (2Cor. 2:15-16).

It was established to Paul that God was pleased with him and his fellow ministers. But when it came to people, well, some were pleased with him and some weren't. I like to be that way as well.
I'm going to hazard a guess you are a troll.

I do know multiple people who are equally arrogant. In fact I know a few who are even more conceited, if you can believe that. I have no difficulty believing you are this prideful.

But the phrasing is just all wrong. It's not the way a normal person would talk, at least not all the arrogant people I know.

You sound more like a character in a book, one that the author wants to make blatantly clear is very prideful. You sound like a book character that the author wants to make the reader hate.

It's almost like you are deliberately trying to make people here hate you. But that doesn't make any sense. Why would you want to do that?

I mean, I know trolls want to do that, so if you are indeed a troll that would make sense. But I still don't understand why trolls in general want to do that.
 
Nov 14, 2024
570
359
63
#36
Being put on ignore is very liberating. You can say whatever you want about somebody and they don't even know. You can post counterpoints to their assertions and they won't know to argue about it. :D
I have already said all that needed to be said directly to that member, and, as expected, he did not want to hear it. It's kind of sad, actually. When I first encountered him here, I reached out to him. I even gave him my email address, and we exchanged a couple of emails. It was not long before I began to notice his arrogance, and, of course, the twisting of scripture which always accompanies the same. As far as his assertions are concerned, I will leave them for others to either accept or refute. Personally, I expect nothing good from his posts unless he learns some humility, so I have no desire to read anything that he has to say.

Psa 138:6
Though the LORD be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,660
113
#37
Personally, I expect nothing good from his posts unless he learns some humility, so I have no desire to read anything that he has to say.
Maybe nothing directly profitable... But there is some value in entertainment.
 
Jun 26, 2024
44
40
18
#38
This is for men and women.

I believe God is a matchmaker, not in the sentimental sense but in the actual sense. Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills. But I believe that God wants marriages, and relationships of every kind, to be perfectly synced, unified, and without any internal issues.

God is a matchmaker, but you don't really hear about matchmaking in christian circles. You have christian dating apps and christian singles ministries here and there, but matchmaking in person-- especially informally which really is the best way to do it, just like meeting your mate in the wild is the best way-- isn't something you really hear about. I know and see a lot of christians who are single and don't want to be. Singleness is okay for some people but literally unhealthy for most. I think among christians, churches, and ministries there should be a lot more intentionality, organicness, and informality when it comes to matchmaking (and really, when it comes to everything else).

So, for the single men and women who want to marry or who want a relationship, what are some of the things you struggle with while being single? Some single people are upset with the opposite sex; some are upset with themselves; some are upset with couples who are in relationships; some are upset with the whole world; and some are upset with God. How are the singles here managing your singleness alongside of life and everything life entails?
"This is for men and women.

I believe God is a matchmaker, not in the sentimental sense but in the actual sense. Of course, the first match He made didn't work out great and now the whole world is suffering for it, so I wouldn't snub anyone for doubting God's matchmaking skills"

Am sorry but this doesn't sit well with me. God made a perfect match between Adam and Eve. He made everything between around them.

God is the perfect match maker outside him there's no other
 
Nov 14, 2024
138
45
28
Kansas
#39
I'm going to hazard a guess you are a troll.

I do know multiple people who are equally arrogant. In fact I know a few who are even more conceited, if you can believe that. I have no difficulty believing you are this prideful.

But the phrasing is just all wrong. It's not the way a normal person would talk, at least not all the arrogant people I know.

You sound more like a character in a book, one that the author wants to make blatantly clear is very prideful. You sound like a book character that the author wants to make the reader hate.

It's almost like you are deliberately trying to make people here hate you. But that doesn't make any sense. Why would you want to do that?

I mean, I know trolls want to do that, so if you are indeed a troll that would make sense. But I still don't understand why trolls in general want to do that.
I invite you to use discernment. It's impossible to know much about anyone without spiritual discernment. I was in at least one church where five satanist plants were exposed after having been in the church for 15 years. It took that long to expose them because no one was using spiritual discernment. They were on guard (the natural state of man to judge everything primarily out of or by his/her need to remain safe from harm), and they only judged those people by outward appearances and how they 'seemed'. Well, they seemed christian but were exposed to be molesting kids, raping women, torturing men, poisoning the church gathering food they always volunteered to make, and cursing people into all kinds of sickness (and maybe death). Spiritual discernment also makes you patient with people and you aren't easily offended. The sinners, heathens, and pagans around Jesus didn't rub Him the wrong way; only the self-righteous religious leaders and people did. christians should strive to be the same.
 

daisyseesthesun

Well-known member
Aug 23, 2024
780
438
63
#40
Valley, you have rejected good counsel I doubt you will find answers if you don't have a willingness to accept truth.