Not to be a downer

[ForgiveMeGod]

But sometimes I just wish I was dead already. When life seems to be going great, it all just falls apart every time and that just might be a mood swing talking. Just wish the mountains and valleys would be a flat path. If I can choose not to have a high of emotion or a low of emotion, I would choose neither, but it tends to fluctuate, which makes being connected to a person like me, almost impossible. It’s almost like my only option is to serve God, even when I have a burning desire. I could easily just go to a club or a bar and find someone. Like literally, I’ve had moments where I walk into a club before I was a Christian and women would approach me, even wrap themselves around me to try and kiss me, without even meeting them. Now I have no desire to go to those places because i‘m pretty sure a faithful Christian woman won’t be there, especially in Southern California! I even question the women at church and in Christian communities. I always thought being a Christian would be different but I already drank the punch! I’ve done a lot of great things for the Christian community and have had a lot of failures. I pray for a Christian wife that I am physically, spiritually and emotionally attracted to. I will continue to serve God like I always do. Just hope he continues to prepare me in every way and I appreciate everyone here who has my best interest in mind.

Is this Godly sorrow?

 

[crmvet]

Philippians 4:19

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Philippians 4:19

Thank you crmvet, much appreciated.

 

[jacko]

When I have my mood swings, and I feel really down… I go to the park and I pray and I walk and sometimes I cry, physically,… and I cry out to the Lord… and for the Lord to give me peace… and I’ll be honest it doesn’t always work.. Sometimes I just walk and walk and walk.. at least I’ll be tired at night and usually sleep a little better.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

When I have my mood swings, and I feel really down… I go to the park and I pray and I walk and sometimes I cry, physically,… and I cry out to the Lord… and for the Lord to give me peace… and I’ll be honest it doesn’t always work.. Sometimes I just walk and walk and walk.. at least I’ll be tired at night and usually sleep a little better.

I actually cried my eyes out last night. Someone on here corrected my behavior and it reminded me of something my old best friend Josh would do. The person stood up for someone’s faith that I am guilty of not believing, and truly put the fear of God in me, as if it was Jesus himself correcting my behavior.

I miss my friend.

i definitely need to walk. I just talked to my nurse practitioner today about that, and my insomnia. Now he wants to lower even other medications, such as my bipolar medication that I just got put on a few months ago, which I’m sure my family will be happy about and i think a lot of people on here would approve of and today, I got prescribed melatonin for sleep.

Now I know melatonin long term is probably not the best, but should help for now, as I figure out other natural ways for sleep, such as exercise, better diet, prayer meditations and reading, etc.

 

[Daniel_Hoseiny]

this Godly sorrow?

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Seems more on the worldly sorrow column

 

[Bingo]

"It is always commendable to share from the heart. This type of "platform" often
opens the heart to hopefully share heartfelt events in one's life...it's called 'Christian fellowship'.

 

[Karlon]

But sometimes I just wish I was dead already. When life seems to be going great, it all just falls apart every time and that just might be a mood swing talking. Just wish the mountains and valleys would be a flat path. If I can choose not to have a high of emotion or a low of emotion, I would choose neither, but it tends to fluctuate, which makes being connected to a person like me, almost impossible. It’s almost like my only option is to serve God, even when I have a burning desire. I could easily just go to a club or a bar and find someone. Like literally, I’ve had moments where I walk into a club before I was a Christian and women would approach me, even wrap themselves around me to try and kiss me, without even meeting them. Now I have no desire to go to those places because i‘m pretty sure a faithful Christian woman won’t be there, especially in Southern California! I even question the women at church and in Christian communities. I always thought being a Christian would be different but I already drank the punch! I’ve done a lot of great things for the Christian community and have had a lot of failures. I pray for a Christian wife that I am physically, spiritually and emotionally attracted to. I will continue to serve God like I always do. Just hope he continues to prepare me in every way and I appreciate everyone here who has my best interest in mind.

Is this Godly sorrow?

i don't think so. seems to me, you possibly are engaging in events with the wrong attitude & intentions. also, you should ask Jesus what His plan is for you. ambivolence has you under control. know that the devil has control of you. all Christians can simply cast out the devil immediately: James 4:7! Jesus should be #1 for all Christians meaning you want to think, speak & act like Jesus constantly: Matthew 5:48. but you can be overwhelmed in trying to hard. find that pleasing joyful cheery balance in life. it is clear here that you have to, "stop, look & listen". meaning, slow down big time, find your favorite place & talk with Jesus with no noise around. & don't rush! yes, being a Christian is different if your heart, mind, body, soul, conscious & spirit align with Jesus! study Romans 12:2, 1st John 3:20-22 John 14:13,14, John 16:13 & John 14:26. take a deep look into Hebrews 4:12

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

"It is always commendable to share from the heart. This type of "platform" often
opens the heart to hopefully share heartfelt events in one's life...it's called 'Christian fellowship'.


View attachment 269937

i tend to over share my heart, instead of guard my heart. The goal is that someone else who maybe going through something similar can benefit, even though it feels like apart of me is cut off.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

i don't think so. seems to me, you possibly are engaging in events with the wrong attitude & intentions. also, you should ask Jesus what His plan is for you. ambivolence has you under control. know that the devil has control of you. all Christians can simply cast out the devil immediately: James 4:7! Jesus should be #1 for all Christians meaning you want to think, speak & act like Jesus constantly: Matthew 5:48. but you can be overwhelmed in trying to hard. find that pleasing joyful cheery balance in life. it is clear here that you have to, "stop, look & listen". meaning, slow down big time, find your favorite place & talk with Jesus with no noise around. & don't rush! yes, being a Christian is different if your heart, mind, body, soul, conscious & spirit align with Jesus! study Romans 12:2, 1st John 3:20-22 John 14:13,14, John 16:13 & John 14:26. take a deep look into Hebrews 4:12

I think the ambivalence comes from a relationship that I just got out of. We had an amazing connection but because I wasn’t physically attracted to her, I didn't want to lead her on and have her find out down the road, so I ended the relationship. We probably had more in common, belief and values wise than anyone I’ve ever met. We connected on an emotional and spiritual level. We even brought up hard convictions and we seemed to be on the same page with everything. The thing is, she is still on this website and it is clear she moved on but yes, you are probably right about the devil in control. I still have the Holy Spirit inside but I’m pressed in on all sides.

i also live with my mother and it seems like the devil is using her to emotionally abuse me and coercive control me, causing me to become more and more isolated.

Also, I talk more like the world more than anything, as this last month and a half has been almost the most I’ve fellowshipped with other Christians in almost my whole life. Ive had a lot of one on ones with fellow brothers and sisters in the world but never like this. So I definitely don’t want that to go away. I only really got into reading the Bible for only two years now, completing this past summer. So maybe that is why I dont fully speak like Jesus’. But I still read and listen to it, just not for the past week.

i took a screenshot of your post and am going to read those verses and possibly those books out loud, so they are spoken out of me, so the demons or devil hears me and flees.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

i don't think so. seems to me, you possibly are engaging in events with the wrong attitude & intentions. also, you should ask Jesus what His plan is for you. ambivolence has you under control. know that the devil has control of you. all Christians can simply cast out the devil immediately: James 4:7! Jesus should be #1 for all Christians meaning you want to think, speak & act like Jesus constantly: Matthew 5:48. but you can be overwhelmed in trying to hard. find that pleasing joyful cheery balance in life. it is clear here that you have to, "stop, look & listen". meaning, slow down big time, find your favorite place & talk with Jesus with no noise around. & don't rush! yes, being a Christian is different if your heart, mind, body, soul, conscious & spirit align with Jesus! study Romans 12:2, 1st John 3:20-22 John 14:13,14, John 16:13 & John 14:26. take a deep look into Hebrews 4:12

if I left this website, I’m not sure where I’d be able to get this type of fellowship community but it might be for the best, just so I’m not here with the wrong intentions. Cause it seems like I’m here with the wrong intention.

 

[Mem]

Is this Godly sorrow?

I figure the difference between the two pivots on whether it is internal or external. For example, although an inward self-examination is absolutely necessary, worldly sorrow focuses on that "I have sinned" and so it is a sort of self-pity that just wants to die, but godly sorrow sees the one that he has sinned against and that makes them sorrowful unto repentance (unto life (God), believing there is hope (if only) in Him). They don't condemn themselves to death because they believed the message of the gospel and have found hope in it and so have hope for others. They don't want to be better for being better's sake, but they want to be better to improve others' lives as much as their own. They eventually 'remember' they are loved in spite of their sin. I just can't imagine that anyone considering suicides is convinced of the reality that they are loved but, because if they knew love they would know that love "endures all things (1Cor13:7)."

 

[Karlon]

I think the ambivalence comes from a relationship that I just got out of. We had an amazing connection but because I wasn’t physically attracted to her, I didn't want to lead her on and have her find out down the road, so I ended the relationship. We probably had more in common, belief and values wise than anyone I’ve ever met. We connected on an emotional and spiritual level. We even brought up hard convictions and we seemed to be on the same page with everything. The thing is, she is still on this website and it is clear she moved on but yes, you are probably right about the devil in control. I still have the Holy Spirit inside but I’m pressed in on all sides.

i also live with my mother and it seems like the devil is using her to emotionally abuse me and coercive control me, causing me to become more and more isolated.

Also, I talk more like the world more than anything, as this last month and a half has been almost the most I’ve fellowshipped with other Christians in almost my whole life. Ive had a lot of one on ones with fellow brothers and sisters in the world but never like this. So I definitely don’t want that to go away. I only really got into reading the Bible for only two years now, completing this past summer. So maybe that is why I dont fully speak like Jesus’. But I still read and listen to it, just not for the past week.

i took a screenshot of your post and am going to read those verses and possibly those books out loud, so they are spoken out of me, so the demons or devil hears me and flees.

remember, don't fight the devil, RESIST him: James 4:7. i know a guy who had a girlfriend in which he says was the best g..f. he ever had. & it was a long relationship, in the decades, but they never talked marriage. he got married later on to someone else. well, get out now, get your own place. what a change you'll see IMMEDIATLY! a relationship with Jesus is a lifelong commitment, always growing in grace & knowledge of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. take a look into 2nd Timothy 2:7 & 15.

 

[jacko]

Whether it’s earthly sorrow or godly sorrow, just pray to our Lord to give you peace. Whatever your problems are pray can only help

 

[Mem]

Paul claimed to be the chief of sinners, but I'd give him a run for his money (...would that be a sin? ) But I don't care what anyone thinks of me, because I know Jesus has seen me at my ugliest, even some that no one else has seen (and probably even some that I haven't seen myself), but didn't let that come between me and His love. Whatever you do, know that. And if you don't know that, ask Him, personally. He has made Himself 'unavailable' to anyone.

 

[Karlon]

Paul claimed to be the chief of sinners, but I'd give him a run for his money (...would that be a sin? ) But I don't care what anyone thinks of me, because I know Jesus has seen me at my ugliest, even some that no one else has seen (and probably even some that I haven't seen myself), but didn't let that come between me and His love. Whatever you do, know that. And if you don't know that, ask Him, personally. He has made Himself 'unavailable' to anyone.

unavailable? not so.

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

I figure the difference between the two pivots on whether it is internal or external. For example, although an inward self-examination is absolutely necessary, worldly sorrow focuses on that "I have sinned" and so it is a sort of self-pity that just wants to die, but godly sorrow sees the one that he has sinned against and that makes them sorrowful unto repentance (unto life (God), believing there is hope (if only) in Him). They don't condemn themselves to death because they believed the message of the gospel and have found hope in it and so have hope for others. They don't want to be better for being better's sake, but they want to be better to improve others' lives as much as their own. They eventually 'remember' they are loved in spite of their sin. I just can't imagine that anyone considering suicides is convinced of the reality that they are loved but, because if they knew love they would know that love "endures all things (1Cor13:7)."

I think it might be more external.

I know God loves me. It’s just hard for me to endure all things sometimes, though I do have times of suffering and seek God during the experience.

 

[Mem]

unavailable? not so.

dah! I could've sworn that I had written "He hasn't made Himself unavailable to anyone."... That's what I was thinking when, it is now made obviously to me that, I failed (facepalm).

 

[ForgiveMeGod]

Paul claimed to be the chief of sinners, but I'd give him a run for his money (...would that be a sin? ) But I don't care what anyone thinks of me, because I know Jesus has seen me at my ugliest, even some that no one else has seen (and probably even some that I haven't seen myself), but didn't let that come between me and His love. Whatever you do, know that. And if you don't know that, ask Him, personally. He has made Himself 'unavailable' to anyone.

I thought I was the biggest sinner of them all. I started writing a three part testimonial of my life story leading up the year I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior and the moderators deleted it. I probably said too much!