I'm 15. I am a new believer, and have some trauma over what i've done. I also only am online between 12 and 3 am whatever my timezone is.
Humans can be stubborn and prideful. It often takes being broken for us to put those aspects aside and become willing to change and heal. Only a broken heart can heal.
In regards to what you've done in your past, you should look up Paul's story in the New Testament.
Paul (then called Saul) was a religious man, but not a Godly man. He hated Christians so much he decided to kill them all. And that's what he proceeded to attempt to do. So he went on a killing spree.
But God had other plans for him. Long story short Saul got saved, was renamed to Paul, and ended up writing most of the New Testament. So much of what you read in the NT was written by a former Christian hater and murderer. He one of the most respected and influential writers in the bible.
Or how about Peter, one of Jesus inner circle. During Jesus crucifixion he became so scared he denied knowing Jesus at all, despite spending years following Jesus. Despite this he repented of his sin of denying Jesus and Jesus went on to say about Peter that he was the rock on which his (Jesus) church will stand.
Now I don't know your past, but is your past any worse than these two men? And look at how respected they became in God's eyes, as well as many readers of the bible.
Sometimes the things we've done haunt us. But this is not from God. God forgives. Our goal is to follow in God's footsteps and forgive ourselves. It may not happen overnight. And oftentimes takes both time and effort to heal from, but that you are bothered by it is still a good sign.
Remorse for your actions is a form of brokenness. And this can be a catalyst for change and healing, IF you choose to utilize it. And this means learning to forgive yourself and discover God's grace.
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