Is It a Sin to Have a Favorite Child? What About a Favorite Parent, Sibling, Cousin, etc.?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

That just makes me think about Jesus and how He seemed to favor Peter, John and James over the rest of the apostles. It makes me wonder how the other apostles felt and thought not being able to witness the transfiguration and all the other stuff they missed out on.


🍣

 

[seoulsearch]

That just makes me think about Jesus and how He seemed to favor Peter, John and James over the rest of the apostles. It makes me wonder how the other apostles felt and thought not being able to witness the transfiguration and all the other stuff they missed out on.


🍣

We asked our pastors about this in Lutheran school.

Now I'm thinking about the answers they gave us now that I'm an adult...

I guess I would have to sum it up by concluding that Jesus knew their hearts, level of faith, and endurance -- after all, it's said that Peter was crucified upside down because of his faith. But we read about so many times when Peter stumbled along the way, no one would have known the capacity of how much he could suffer for the Gospel except Jesus.

If I remember right (feel free to correct me if I'm not,) James met a gruesome end as well, being "killed by the sword" for spreading the Gospel. And of course, John was exiled -- and experienced what we now know as the book of Revelation.

So (and this is only my own speculation,) I don't think this was a case of favoritism in the sense that we humans would have, but rather, Jesus knew what was ahead -- and what they would need to prepare for their apparently especially extraordinary callings.

I don't know what the other disciples endured or how they died, but for whatever reason, it seems that Jesus knew and decided Peter, James, and John needed these extra "boosts of faith" to help them succeed.

This pales in comparison, but I've known some families in which one child was put in charge of the estate, etc., not necessarily because of favoritism, but because the parents knew that specific child was the most reponsible and most likely to carry out what they had originally instructed.

 

[MsMediator]

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

First, would you want to have a relationship with them? If not, the matter is closed. If you do, then it follows that you may have more of an obligation to take care of them since you view them as parents. I do not think your biological parents should expect you to care for them. However, in the event you found them poor and needy, I think God would expect you to do something as He would even with a stranger.

 

[MsMediator]

If a child is closer to one parent or siblings, this may be due to reasons other than favoritism. Personals he is closest to the siblings of similar age. Or perhaps, one parent is always working or otherwise absent. It is easier to love a lovable person. As the saying goes, if you want to be loved be loveable. In that sense, favoritism may naturally arise.

 

[Karlon]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

1st of all, mom & dad's family which they had 5 boys, i'm the 2nd born, was massively dissented. mom being greatly antagonistic, argumentative, cold, angry & selfish, destroyed any unity that could have been. no one loved her, in fact at her funeral, 1 person showed up! dad was a cool guy, everybody liked him. all of us favored dad. yes, it's right, at least in my case. there isn't a person here on CC who would have engaged mom as a friend. yes, i favor a cousin. he is just a nice kind person who understands society & can get along with nearly anyone. no extra time with that person or anyone. my wife & i are play-aholics & work-aholics. we don't go out with anyone on the social scale. no one knows i favor that cousin. no consequences. Romans 2:11 says: "for there is no respect of persons with God". humans will always gravitate toward who they like, it's part of making friends & the social life. i do treat everyone the same probably at least 95%.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

I'm not sure if there's an age range you're intending or not. Mostly you seem to be referring to adult children.
But I think favoritism towards a parent is largely based on when you're younger. Some parents do a lot to stay connected to their children, while the other may be distant, always working, caught up in hobbies, etc... not to mention more abusive type parents.
Seems to me if both parents are making genuine efforts to connect and show love, there won't be a favorite. Or not drastically.
Growing up my dad was the more stern, uptight type about many things. The one to tell us no. He wasn't mean, or cold, he was also a silly man that loved comedy. Our mom on then other hand was the more loose and laid back type. If we went to dad and he told us no about something, we ran to mom since she was more prone to say yes haha.
For example when I was 18 me and my best friend wanted to drive to that Christian night that Disney had. It was a few hours away. Neither of our cars were trustworthy enough to drive, so we wanted to get a rental. We had no credit card and, I believe, were too young to rent one on our own.
I knew my dad would never agree. So i asked my mom. She agreed to help us out, and told us to make sure we didn't tell my dad 😂😂
She knew too.

But naturally if there is a noticeable difference between how one parent is compared to the other, that will draw favoritism. And likely that dynamic doesn't change as they get older.
Of course this may not be the case 100% of the time, but I'd assume it's the primary reason.
So in such cases it makes sense to have a favorite. And having a favorite means doing more for one than another.

In regards to siblings the same can apply. Or sometimes a sibling just naturally gravitate towards another due to having more in common.
I think that's normal, but unfortunately with kids especially, than tends to come out very clearly. They're more prone to saying outright how they feel about the other sibling and not wanting them around. In which case becomes very unhealthy.
It's difficult to be the one on the outs with siblings. I know this first hand. I grew up with three other siblings, who all came from a previous marriage. I was the only child between my parents marriage, as well as the youngest.
At a young age I don't think I noticed a difference, but as I got more and more into my teen years I began seeing it more and more.
I eventually came to a point where I decided that being family meant nothing. And as I've gotten older it continued getting reinforced.
I didn't want to excuse bad behavior or choices by saying "well we're family so I'll let it slide". They believed this, especially towards one another. I did not. So that only created a bigger divide. For a while now I have grown to dislike them more and more.
Frankly if I never had to speak to them again I'd be happy.
One of them died a few years back and I was unphased. I tried to fake some sadness to keep from anyone getting upset with me, but I couldn't muster up much, even.
So yeah. I have never felt bad about this for a second.

As far as cousins and other relatives, I imagine that varies more from family to family. But I'd say mostly it's not really an issue.

 

[seoulsearch]

First, would you want to have a relationship with them? If not, the matter is closed. If you do, then it follows that you may have more of an obligation to take care of them since you view them as parents. I do not think your biological parents should expect you to care for them. However, in the event you found them poor and needy, I think God would expect you to do something as He would even with a stranger.

If a child is closer to one parent or siblings, this may be due to reasons other than favoritism. Personals he is closest to the siblings of similar age. Or perhaps, one parent is always working or otherwise absent. It is easier to love a lovable person. As the saying goes, if you want to be loved be loveable. In that sense, favoritism may naturally arise.

I really appreciate what you shared about possibly helping an estranged parent to the extent that you might help a poor and needy stranger.

I know that my own example of being adopted and unlikely to ever meet her birth parents is not a very relatable example for most.

But I've had a few friends and know several people who were in situations where one or both birth parents abandoned them to a relative, the foster system, etc. In some cases, these parents did the bare minimum; in other cases, they disappeared altogether, never paying child support or doing anything a parent does to raise their child.

Fast forward a few decades later after their lifestyles caught up with them -- and now they suddenly reappeared into their now-adult children's lives expecting to be fully accepted, have a relationship with their grandchildren (whom they've never met until now,) and receive financial assistance -- even though they never did this themselves for their own children.

I can't speak for anyone (as I've heard of a few who wound up reconciling with estranged parents,) but I know I certainly wouldn't be very receptive to someone like that.

Yes, there is such a thing as forgiving. But after being lost for decades to a lifestyle of hedonism and only self-concern, I wouldn't trust them enough to integrate them into my family.

 

[seoulsearch]

1st of all, mom & dad's family which they had 5 boys, i'm the 2nd born, was massively dissented. mom being greatly antagonistic, argumentative, cold, angry & selfish, destroyed any unity that could have been. no one loved her, in fact at her funeral, 1 person showed up! dad was a cool guy, everybody liked him. all of us favored dad. yes, it's right, at least in my case. there isn't a person here on CC who would have engaged mom as a friend. yes, i favor a cousin. he is just a nice kind person who understands society & can get along with nearly anyone. no extra time with that person or anyone. my wife & i are play-aholics & work-aholics. we don't go out with anyone on the social scale. no one knows i favor that cousin. no consequences. Romans 2:11 says: "for there is no respect of persons with God". humans will always gravitate toward who they like, it's part of making friends & the social life. i do treat everyone the same probably at least 95%.

I'm very sorry you went through this, Karlon.

I'm glad you had a wonderful father and I'm sure he was very proud of the driven, hard-working person you grew up to be.

 

[Karlon]

I'm very sorry you went through this, Karlon.

I'm glad you had a wonderful father and I'm sure he was very proud of the driven, hard-working person you grew up to be.

yes, he was proud. everytime i see 1 of his friends, they all say the same thing, "was your father Stanley"? & i say, "yes". "oh, what a nice guy he was"! as fas my ambition, i had to learn it because my mom wouldn't let us do anything. 1 day when i was 20, just like a microsecond's time, i woke up to reality & became more ambitious. (at the time, i had a full time job & was playing in a band).

 

[seoulsearch]

I'm not sure if there's an age range you're intending or not. Mostly you seem to be referring to adult children.
But I think favoritism towards a parent is largely based on when you're younger. Some parents do a lot to stay connected to their children, while the other may be distant, always working, caught up in hobbies, etc... not to mention more abusive type parents.
Seems to me if both parents are making genuine efforts to connect and show love, there won't be a favorite. Or not drastically.
Growing up my dad was the more stern, uptight type about many things. The one to tell us no. He wasn't mean, or cold, he was also a silly man that loved comedy. Our mom on then other hand was the more loose and laid back type. If we went to dad and he told us no about something, we ran to mom since she was more prone to say yes haha.
For example when I was 18 me and my best friend wanted to drive to that Christian night that Disney had. It was a few hours away. Neither of our cars were trustworthy enough to drive, so we wanted to get a rental. We had no credit card and, I believe, were too young to rent one on our own.
I knew my dad would never agree. So i asked my mom. She agreed to help us out, and told us to make sure we didn't tell my dad 😂😂
She knew too.

But naturally if there is a noticeable difference between how one parent is compared to the other, that will draw favoritism. And likely that dynamic doesn't change as they get older.
Of course this may not be the case 100% of the time, but I'd assume it's the primary reason.
So in such cases it makes sense to have a favorite. And having a favorite means doing more for one than another.

In regards to siblings the same can apply. Or sometimes a sibling just naturally gravitate towards another due to having more in common.
I think that's normal, but unfortunately with kids especially, than tends to come out very clearly. They're more prone to saying outright how they feel about the other sibling and not wanting them around. In which case becomes very unhealthy.
It's difficult to be the one on the outs with siblings. I know this first hand. I grew up with three other siblings, who all came from a previous marriage. I was the only child between my parents marriage, as well as the youngest.
At a young age I don't think I noticed a difference, but as I got more and more into my teen years I began seeing it more and more.
I eventually came to a point where I decided that being family meant nothing. And as I've gotten older it continued getting reinforced.
I didn't want to excuse bad behavior or choices by saying "well we're family so I'll let it slide". They believed this, especially towards one another. I did not. So that only created a bigger divide. For a while now I have grown to dislike them more and more.
Frankly if I never had to speak to them again I'd be happy.
One of them died a few years back and I was unphased. I tried to fake some sadness to keep from anyone getting upset with me, but I couldn't muster up much, even.
So yeah. I have never felt bad about this for a second.

As far as cousins and other relatives, I imagine that varies more from family to family. But I'd say mostly it's not really an issue.

I like your discussion of what does and does not constitute family, and what that can mean.

Yes, when I wrote this thread, I was thinking about that the consequences can be of someone in the family being favored -- but there's so many angles to the topic I hadn't quite fleshed out the exact direction I was going in.

Since I don't have any blood relatives, I've always been interested in how people define families -- and how they act out because of it.

I've always despised the saying "blood is thicker than water."

Yeah, I suppose it works for some.

But when I need water and an entire lifeline, it wasn't blood relatives or even people of my own race who came to my rescue, but a poor hard-working couple in the middle of nowhere -- with nothing but God and what they believed He had called them to (me!)

 

[blueluna5]

Hey Everyone,

A recent thread has really had me thinking.

It seems to be a general consensus that while most parents seem to gravitate to a child who is most like them and show him/her favoritism, the expression of that favoritism can be very damaging to the family. (Several stories in the Bible illustrate this -- Joseph, whose brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery instead; Esau, favored by his father, and Jacob, favored by his mother, which literally tore the family apart.)

I think just about every human being has experienced feeling closer to and "favoring" one person over another, but the general conclusion is that it's not right, even a sin, to outwardly show extreme favoritism to a child (sometimes a parent might even favor their child over their spouse, etc.)

I understand that the concern in this situation is how the favoritism affects the child, parents, siblings, and family development -- but what about when a child favors a parent, sibling, cousin, etc.?

Is it considered "wrong" in the same way, and for the same reasons? Why or why not?

I'm at an age where almost all my peers are having to think about how to best care for aging parents, grandparents, step-parents, and in-laws. And it's interesting to me so see how this plays out after the culmination of decades of how someone was treated by their family -- especially when one parent or parental figure is favored over another.

For example, an adult child might choose to throw all their efforts and resources into caring for the parent/grandparent who cared for them the most, leaving the others to survive on their own, or perhaps choosing to not have any contact with them at all.

In my own case, I am adopted, and see my adoptive parents as being my "real" and only parents. If for some reason my biological parents found me (there's no record so I'm not anticipating this -- it's just something I've pondered,) my first loyalty, of course, would be to the people who have loved me through thick and thin, sent me to Christian schools, paid for all the medical complications that arose during my early years, etc.

But the Bible says, "Honor your father and mother." (Exodus 20:12, as well as other various passages.)

I have often wondered what God would require of me in the case of honoring my biological father and mother, if they were ever part of my life.

I am also of an age where, if I got married, I know most Christians I talk to believe a prenuptial agreement means you don't trust your spouse -- but I would have a legal document in place stating that if I died and my parents were still alive, part of what I left would be designated to their care. And it's not because I'm someone who is somehow so attached to her parents that she can't do anything without them. It's because I can only try to understand the love it took to take a stranger's child into their home and make her their very own (after all, isn't that what God does for us?) And I know I could never repay such a selfless act, but I believe in at least trying my best to return at least some of the love I was given as best as I can.

What about for you?

* Do you favor a certain parent, or one parental figure over another? Do you think this is right or wrong, and why? What about if you favor a sibling, cousin, friend, etc.?

* Does your favoritism show? (Do you spend extra time, love, money on that person?) How does it affect others around you?

* When your favored parent/parental figure needs care, does your favoritism show in how you allocate your resources? (Do you put more into that person rather than the other parent?)

* What consequences have you seen favoritism have on you, your families, and others? (Tell us about stories of those you know if this doesn't apply to you personally.)

* Is such favoritism Biblical? Why or why not? And as Christians, what would we be doing about it?

I'm looking forward to hearing what others think and have gone through regarding this as well.

Yes, it's a sin to have a favorite kid, sibling, parent, etc.

James 2:9 if you show favoritism, you commit sin.

Romans 2:11 God does not show favoritism.

As a parent I can't imagine having a favorite kid. I think it's so strange. But I knew parents growing up who clearly favored a child, typically a blended family situation though.

Jacob was actually the reason for what happened to Joseph. Had he not favored Joseph so much his brothers wouldn't have sold him. The brothers actually changed their way. They regretted what happened to Joseph and wouldn't harm any other brother including Benjamin.

"He has made all things beautiful in its time."

Favoritism is not righteous. The brothers had a right to be jealous. Their dad clearly favored another. But it led them to sin.

So why do people show favoritism then? It happens all the time. It could be bc they are narcissistic and see their kids as property. So highly successful kid is their accomplishments as well.

In the case of Jacob I think he probably did bc he loved Rachel so much and it took a long time to have a baby with her. So that baby was a reflection of his love for Rachel.

People also show favoritism for other reasons. They might see a reflection of something they don't like about themselves in the other child. Or something they wish to be in the favored child. But in the end it's all a lie and not actually love.

 

[Lynx]

I never had kids, but I know I definitely have a favorite parent.

After my parents divorced my mother talked bad about my father every chance she got. This extended to disparagements against dad's side of the family. To this day she will throw in the odd side comment to tear somebody on that side of my family down. "Is Diane still fat?" Dude. There is no possible gain to be had from such unwarranted snark. Give it a rest already.

I have never heard my father say anything disparaging about mom. Not one single time.

So yeah. I have a favorite.

 

[seoulsearch]

Yes, it's a sin to have a favorite kid, sibling, parent, etc.

James 2:9 if you show favoritism, you commit sin.

Romans 2:11 God does not show favoritism.

As a parent I can't imagine having a favorite kid. I think it's so strange. But I knew parents growing up who clearly favored a child, typically a blended family situation though.

Jacob was actually the reason for what happened to Joseph. Had he not favored Joseph so much his brothers wouldn't have sold him. The brothers actually changed their way. They regretted what happened to Joseph and wouldn't harm any other brother including Benjamin.

"He has made all things beautiful in its time."

Favoritism is not righteous. The brothers had a right to be jealous. Their dad clearly favored another. But it led them to sin.

So why do people show favoritism then? It happens all the time. It could be bc they are narcissistic and see their kids as property. So highly successful kid is their accomplishments as well.

In the case of Jacob I think he probably did bc he loved Rachel so much and it took a long time to have a baby with her. So that baby was a reflection of his love for Rachel.

People also show favoritism for other reasons. They might see a reflection of something they don't like about themselves in the other child. Or something they wish to be in the favored child. But in the end it's all a lie and not actually love.

Thank you for such a thoughtful, insightful post @blueluna5.

Especially regarding the point about blended families -- even in Biblical times (Joseph and all his brothers from other mothers,) things didn't go so well.

I have to think about this for my own self as well. Years ago when I was on the dating sites, one guy approached me who was a single dad, and he said that one of his absolutes when looking for a woman was that she must NOT have any children, because he didn't want his son to have any competition for her attention. (I don't know how he felt about having more children, as they would have certainly been "competition," but I didn't chat with him long enough to find out.)

From a parental perspective, I can understand this. At one point, being adopted myself, I wanted kids by birth and by adoption and wondered if there really was some "magical" element to biology, as some people seem to think... I wondered if I would have favored my biological children over my adopted children. Truthfully, I'm pretty sure I would have been like most people, gravitating towards the the child(ren) I had the most in common with.

It's a rare and beautiful thing indeed for families with children from varying biological backgrounds and their parents/co-parents love both their blended family members and biological family members equally.

 

[seoulsearch]

I never had kids, but I know I definitely have a favorite parent.

After my parents divorced my mother talked bad about my father every chance she got. This extended to disparagements against dad's side of the family. To this day she will throw in the odd side comment to tear somebody on that side of my family down. "Is Diane still fat?" Dude. There is no possible gain to be had from such unwarranted snark. Give it a rest already.

I have never heard my father say anything disparaging about mom. Not one single time.

So yeah. I have a favorite.

I'm really sorry for this. I've heard stories like this from others with split families and I would go nuts if I had to constantly hear someone talk badly about my parents (even if it was from the other parent.)

Many kudos and much respect to your Dad.

 

[timemeddler]

favoritism is sin, being closer to certain individuals is not. be mindful of the difference.

 

[Karlon]

i never had kids but dated women awhile back who had them. to everyone who believes favoring kids is a sin: there have been hundreds of parents of star athletes. mr. williams, dad of venus & serena, spent huge amounts of time with them teaching them tennis. so that includes driving them here & there, making plans for them & all else. he did not spend the same amount of time with his other daughters. & then there's handicapped kids. if a parent doesn't favor a handicapped kid, that parent is not rendering proper attention. too, parents favor kids who have talent to play an instrument. lots of rock star parents do that.

 

[blueluna5]

Thank you for such a thoughtful, insightful post @blueluna5.

Especially regarding the point about blended families -- even in Biblical times (Joseph and all his brothers from other mothers,) things didn't go so well.

I have to think about this for my own self as well. Years ago when I was on the dating sites, one guy approached me who was a single dad, and he said that one of his absolutes when looking for a woman was that she must NOT have any children, because he didn't want his son to have any competition for her attention. (I don't know how he felt about having more children, as they would have certainly been "competition," but I didn't chat with him long enough to find out.)

From a parental perspective, I can understand this. At one point, being adopted myself, I wanted kids by birth and by adoption and wondered if there really was some "magical" element to biology, as some people seem to think... I wondered if I would have favored my biological children over my adopted children. Truthfully, I'm pretty sure I would have been like most people, gravitating towards the the child(ren) I had the most in common with.

It's a rare and beautiful thing indeed for families with children from varying biological backgrounds and their parents/co-parents love both their blended family members and biological family members equally.

Yea I'm not sure what the answer is. I don't see my biological kids as little clones. They have similarities such as their smile or eyes. But they have their completely own personalities. They really don't act anything like I did as a kid, which is nice actually bc it would be boring if they did. Things are so different now. They look at me like a dinosaur bc I played in a sprinkler as a kid.

But I'm a teacher and my students look at me the same way. 🤣 idk biology doesn't mean as much the older I get. I could easily love another kid as my own if I was raising them. That's what makes them your family.

But some people have a big problem with it. I think it's a psychological issue though bc I even know families who favor 1 of their own biological kids over another biological kid. You can't even make sense of it.

 

[j55]

I like this thread, and replys. Its a honest topic. Yes, I try hard not to show favoritism. James chapter 2, you show favoritism, you commit sin. Leviticus chapter 19:15. You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great. But in righteous shall you judge your neighbor.
Christian people use discernment to who we associate with. Who do we want to be in company with ??. Psalm chapter 11:5. God hates wicked people. The world will corrupt you. Satan uses wicked people to try to corrupt people.
Wicked, there thoughts, Proverbs 15:26, there empty religion Proverbs 15:8. There evil deeds Psalm 5:5, . Because its rebellion against God. Wicked have free will, and are constrained by there own decisions. They won't repent, and give up there habitual sinning life styles. They don't want to submit to God. Wicked mock and persecution of the righteous. God doesn't show favoritism. His judgement is fair.
Psalm chapter 145.
The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. No, I personally hate Reprobates. Its righteous indignation. Psalms chapter 97. Let those who love the Lord Hate Evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones, and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

No, I can't be friends with Reprobates. They choose to camp with Satan. They're enemies of the cross. Wisdom 2:10 . Never trust your enemy. For its like iron rusts, so is his wickedness. 12:16. An enemy utter honey words, but his heart is scheming to cast you to the pit.
Satan is schemer. Reprobates have the mentality of Satan. You never trust a enemy. They plot evil, use bait tactics. To hate evil doers isn't favoritism. Proverbs chapter 24. Don't be envious of evil people, and don't try to make friends with them. Christian people need to wisely to choose who we associate with.
Satan has the world corrupted, and he will try to corrupt you. Peace.

 

[Lynx]

I like this thread, and replys. Its a honest topic. Yes, I try hard not to show favoritism. James chapter 2, you show favoritism, you commit sin. Leviticus chapter 19:15. You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great. But in righteous shall you judge your neighbor.
Christian people use discernment to who we associate with. Who do we want to be in company with ??. Psalm chapter 11:5. God hates wicked people. The world will corrupt you. Satan uses wicked people to try to corrupt people.
Wicked, there thoughts, Proverbs 15:26, there empty religion Proverbs 15:8. There evil deeds Psalm 5:5, . Because its rebellion against God. Wicked have free will, and are constrained by there own decisions. They won't repent, and give up there habitual sinning life styles. They don't want to submit to God. Wicked mock and persecution of the righteous. God doesn't show favoritism. His judgement is fair.
Psalm chapter 145.
The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. No, I personally hate Reprobates. Its righteous indignation. Psalms chapter 97. Let those who love the Lord Hate Evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones, and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

No, I can't be friends with Reprobates. They choose to camp with Satan. They're enemies of the cross. Wisdom 2:10 . Never trust your enemy. For its like iron rusts, so is his wickedness. 12:16. An enemy utter honey words, but his heart is scheming to cast you to the pit.
Satan is schemer. Reprobates have the mentality of Satan. You never trust a enemy. They plot evil, use bait tactics. To hate evil doers isn't favoritism. Proverbs chapter 24. Don't be envious of evil people, and don't try to make friends with them. Christian people need to wisely to choose who we associate with.
Satan has the world corrupted, and he will try to corrupt you. Peace.

Do you have kids?