Searching for male advice

[Andrias_Yochanan]

Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

 

[Lynx]

First: Howdy and welcome to the forum.

Second: If you're referring to distance in km, you are WAY too far away to hang out at my church in Tennessee, USA. But if you're ever by some chance in the neighborhood...

Third: Nobody here can give you any GOOD advice because we don't know you or the lady. But we're definitely gonna give you advice anyway. Just wait. There will be opinions from all sides flooding in as soon as people wake up and check the forum.

 

[ResidentAlien]

Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

When you say you're "thinking about it," what do you mean? You mean you're thinking about the fact that she "likes" you? And what does that mean? Are you thinking about a possible romantic relationship with her?

 

[Karlon]

Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

your life is similar to mine. i never had a lot of friends except when i lived in Massachusetts for 3 & a half years. people behaved differently there, they were gregarious. it took me decades to stop looking at women with intentions. as born again Christians, we know we have the forgiveness of sins thru the blood of Jesus. we may recall the past but what overtakes that is we are forgiven. yes, i am a loner too, mostly. the only friends we have are when we'e out & meet new people at a restaurant or an event, usually Saratoga. where i grew up, there is a long standing stronghold of unfriendliness. & it's been spoken about in that area. John Bunyan, an old time preacher, even spoke of it when he was turing the middle area of N.Y. this woman could be your blessing from God. if you are a born again Christian, you always have the Holy Spirit too lead, teach & guide you in life. but 1st, TAKE THIS SLOW WITH GREAT GODLY PATIENCE!!!!!!!!! now-a-days, we have to triple check things or people. ask Jesus for wisdom & apply it like Jesus would. also, very important, find a way to structure your thoughts, speakings & actions with a smile on your face to enjoy this possibility of a relationship. if she is a Christian woman, that's the best hope you can have. if i was dating, i would no longer make the 1st move of a handshake, friendly touch or a kiss. that's for the woman to initiate. blessings to you Andrias.

 

[RodB651]

And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

We do have to live with the consequences of our former decisions...

I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't find happiness with someone, I think that will depend on you and her.

Now prepare yourself for the shock and awe of those that like to pound folks over the head with scriptures and opinions...

I might have more to add later.
🙂

 

[NightTwister]

Well, I've been married 5 times, so never say never...

 

[Dino246]

Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

Hello and welcome to CC!

I've been a Christian for over 30 years, and was a Christian when I first married almost 30 years ago. That marriage ended; her choice to walk away and commit adultery (yes, in that order, as far as I know). I wrestled through the question of remarriage and concluded that for me, it was permissible.

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

Hello and welcome to CC!

I've been a Christian for over 30 years, and was a Christian when I first married almost 30 years ago. That marriage ended; her choice to walk away and commit adultery (yes, in that order, as far as I know). I wrestled through the question of remarriage and concluded that for me, it was permissible.

Well - it seems, you have been the party that was not guilty.

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

I might have to clearify.

Well, I've been married 5 times, so never say never...

I guess, you have been living in sin and not in Gods will, before you were a Christian, right? As I did. And no more marriages after you were born again?

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

When you say you're "thinking about it," what do you mean? You mean you're thinking about the fact that she "likes" you? And what does that mean? Are you thinking about a possible romantic relationship with her?

I'm not thinking about a "possible romantic relationship", I'm thinking about marriage, of course, because that's really the only way a man and a woman should relate to each other.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Hello,

I just realized - I have absolutely nobody to talk to. No (older - or someone longer and stronger in the faith as I am) brother I could contact and ask.
I have been born again almost exactly 3 years ago and since then I'm pretty much on my own, because I couldn't find a suitable fellowship yet.
I know one, where I originally come from, but that is 500km away.
I spent my vacation on a tent evangelisation in my home region and that was prime Christian fellowship like I never experienced, a really very blessed time, BUT - I now face a challenge or rather question, because I encountered something.

At one point in those years I worked through the topic of divorced and re-marriage. (I'm divorced twice...)
And - although it included some sorrow - I came to the conclusion, that it is not for me any more. Although I know the argument, that some people think everything is washed clean through the new birth - I couldn't see that. We have to live with the consequences of our former decisions. And a walk with JESUS is not pain free and we are not guaranteed happiness.

The LORD freed me from any pain or difficulty to fight desires or lustful thoughts - it is really easy, I'm celibate and 100% chastely since then.
And reading Paul I see, I might be one of the blessed, for whom being alone is quite possible without pain or strain. I've always been a loner anyway and the worst and challenging times in my life have been relationships. So - that might be my path.

BUT I encountered something. A woman, a possibilty. It is not that I fell in love or was smitten. I don't look for suitable women for marriage and what I like I dismiss very quickly anyway, because that is always only rooted in beauty.

But I became aware, or rather was made aware that this woman likes me.

And now here I am, thinking about it since then and having no one to talk to, no advice from someone with a truly Christian perspective.

Thank for everything and God bless all of you!

You are possibly settled on living where you are at the rest of your life.
There's nothing wrong with that. I have no plans of moving and am content. Some may suggest looking for the best church you can find and moving to that community. A lot of people do that. I just wouldn't expect that the pastor will necessarily want to be close friends. There's likely others who will though. Just a thought of one option that comes to mind.

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

You are possibly settled on living where you are at the rest of your life.
There's nothing wrong with that. I have no plans of moving and am content. Some may suggest looking for the best church you can find and moving to that community. A lot of people do that. I just wouldn't expect that the pastor will necessarily want to be close friends. There's likely others who will though. Just a thought of one option that comes to mind.

I'm really not settled to live here for the rest of my life. In fact there will be change in the not too far future, because I live in an apartment in a house and my landlord recently died and the landlady will most likely move away soon.
Not much is keeping me here, other then my teenage daughter, that doesn't visit me any more since a few years. But at this point I'm not willing to leave her already.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I'm not thinking about a "possible romantic relationship", I'm thinking about marriage, of course, because that's really the only way a man and a woman should relate to each other.

I may stay single the rest of my life and serve the Lord full time if He makes that possible. I've wanted to marry since high school and probably should have às soon as I found a virtuous compatible woman. However, I focused on school, ministry and work as much as I had time for thinking the relationship would come later. As things worked out I never married.

I came close to marrying a lady who was divorced and believe that I came under severe discipline for considering violating the Multiple times Jesus warned against it.<
Just a friendly reminder that Jesus gives us all. I came close to dying for that and God showed mercy when I repented as a Believer who might have left this world early.

I did not repent of that sin to be saved, but rather because I was saved so I was treated accordingly. A lot of preachers mix those two things up, so I have to mention for those who read this.

 

[ResidentAlien]

I'm not thinking about a "possible romantic relationship", I'm thinking about marriage, of course, because that's really the only way a man and a woman should relate to each other.

I understand, I was just wondering if you were thinking along those lines; that is, something more than friendship. If you've been celibate for awhile and are at peace with it then you're in a pretty good position to take things slow and get to know this woman as a person. I'm assuming from what you've said, your previous marriages were before the Lord found you. If that's the case, I see no reason why marrying again would be a problem. However, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul advises believers to stay in whatever state they were in when called. Not as a command from the Lord, but as wise advice. Personally, as someone who has been blessed with celibacy, I would find it very hard to give it up and get involved again. But you have your own life to live, so I pray the Lord will give you wisdom.

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

I may stay single the rest of my life and serve the Lord full time if He makes that possible. I've wanted to marry since high school and probably should have às soon as I found a virtuous compatible woman. However, I focused on school, ministry and work as much as I had time for thinking the relationship would come later. As things worked out I never married.

I came close to marrying a lady who was divorced and believe that I came under severe discipline for considering violating the Multiple times Jesus warned against it.<
Just a friendly reminder that Jesus gives us all. I came close to dying for that and God showed mercy when I repented as a Believer who might have left this world early.

I did not repent of that sin to be saved, but rather because I was saved so I was treated accordingly. A lot of preachers mix those two things up, so I have to mention for those who read this.

Yes, I can see that very much. We are not only to keep his commandments to be save(d), but also having a good life, as HE intended us to have.
My questions would be: Was that a woman saved after her divorce? Would it still be tempting someone to commit adultery?
I'm liking your orthodoxy btw. Most of the times I'm the one being strikt with others. I seem to need it right now.
My loneliness makes me open to temptation, seemingly...

 

[Andrias_Yochanan]

I understand, I was just wondering if you were thinking along those lines; that is, something more than friendship. If you've been celibate for awhile and are at peace with it then you're in a pretty good position to take things slow and get to know this woman as a person. I'm assuming from what you've said, your previous marriages were before the Lord found you. If that's the case, I see no reason why marrying again would be a problem. However, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul advises believers to stay in whatever state they were in when called. Not as a command from the Lord, but as wise advice. Personally, as someone who has been blessed with celibacy, I would find it very hard to give it up and get involved again. But you have your own life to live, so I pray the Lord will give you wisdom.

Thank you very much for your prayers.
I seem to be tempted in a state of weakness, I guess.

But - let's assume in theory, sacraments and baby baptism are real - then there really is no new birth and EVRYTHING you did, before walking witrh the Lord properly, mattered.
I personally believe, I'm a new creation and the old man died, but a lot of people, believing in JESUS, disagree...

 

[ResidentAlien]

One thing I've learned in my years on this earth: just because a woman expresses interest in me, that doesn't mean I have to be interested in her. ; )

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Yes, I can see that very much. We are not only to keep his commandments to be save(d), but also having a good life, as HE intended us to have.
My questions would be: Was that a woman saved after her divorce? Would it still be tempting someone to commit adultery?
I'm liking your orthodoxy btw. Most of the times I'm the one being strikt with others. I seem to need it right now.
My loneliness makes me open to temptation, seemingly...

I understand totally. Being single all my life is a blessing in some ways. Loneliness is an issue. I have no personal friends that know how to comfort during times of grief. A good wife can be a major benefit. No doubt about it. If it were my choice, I would do what I wanted to. I got warned though and almost died, and experienced severe suffering at a time I needed encouragement instead.
I didn't make the rules though, so I have to stop and think about the fact that our Father knows best. The last couple times that I was attracted to a divorced woman and she towards me, I had to think back. That doesn't mean that friendships are off limits.
I've dated a lot and made a lot of friends over time, but had to keep things in perspective and keep in the Word for strength.

I have to try to get sleep so I can't get into answering your question right now. But I'll link to some verses in the NT for you to start with a NT word study that might help. (Sorry the term "divorce " wasn't working in my search for some reason. Here's a start though. I will pray for you friend. God's way and direction has good promises.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

I'm ready to go to bed and just checked my subscriptions first. This
Just came up. I haven't listened to the entire video yet but thought I'd share this short in case you wanted to. Dr Josh Axe channel is linked in the lower left of the video.

 

[JohnDB]

Nothing strokes your ego like a pretty woman being attracted to you...especially if you are lonely.

And it's not the woman that you really want as much as friends. Because you know nothing about her. She knows nothing about you.

You need to get involved in your community. Make friends and acquaintances....drink $5 coffee with some guys and solve world problems. Go to a men's retreat with a church group. Get some hobbies. Hunt down your teenage daughter and be a dad. Doesn't matter if it seems like she doesn't want to talk with you...she really is just testing you to see if you want to talk with her. You don't have to shower her with stuff but gift certificates to a jewelry store or clothes store are ALWAYS welcome for her....maybe a gift card for a Starbucks or some other coffee shop. (The girl has friends)
But basically just listen to her talk and ask questions. (Don't lecture her...despite the urge to fill her ears)
You are a rich man if you have a child...and a teenager needs her dad moreso than at anytime before. Never never let a child get away like that. Just hug her and tell her you love her. Tell her you miss her....the normal "of course" type stuff. That's all it takes.