Seoulsearch Tries To Date Multiple People At Once -- Ending In Epic Failure!

[Lynx]

I'm ignoring all your backpeddling as another bit of grace....which is more grace. Because if I were to call out your huge disingenuousness it would really point out that whole cardboard cutout thing you want hidden about yourself.

Wait, what?

When did she backpedal? I didn't see anything except pedaling forward, with determination.

When seoulsearch backpedals you will know. She will apologize for misunderstanding you. And she will backpedal in the most gracious, hard-to-stay-angry-at way you've ever seen.

I guarantee she hasn't backpedaled at all with YOU, sonny boy. No reason she needs to.

 

[JohnDB]

This does really cut to the chase.

I am of the mind it is high time to throw out the "How to Date Christian Style" books and just try living authentic lives for Jesus, dating has never seemed very authentic to me, more about pretense.

I think you just hit the nail squarely and drove it home in the hearts of many.

There's a thousand miles of difference between being patient and "waiting on God/something". And then there's those who will blame anyone and everyone and anything on why they are alone. These are the ones whose words and actions never really match up.

Let's say for example someone is constantly starting threads on dating relationships while single...how to evaluate other single people for possible marriage material...but then claim that they desire to be single for ever changing reasons. Their words and actions are miles apart.

You can't believe anything they say because they aren't even honest with themselves much less anyone else.

Because people who have a purpose in life and strength of character to actually work diligently to accomplish those tasks in mission work are attractive to most. And those who are all talk and zero accomplishments are the most common of all people. Nothing special whatsoever. These are the majority of Singles I've met in America. It's difficult to get out of that mindset until you get outside of most singles groups.
Tick Tock....the clock is ticking....being patient or "waiting"? Waiting for 50 years?
And Paul?
Didn't get married because of God telling him his future of suffering. He likely didn't want to involve anyone else in that.

 

[Lynx]

And Paul?
Didn't get married because of God telling him his future of suffering. He likely didn't want to involve anyone else in that.

You're copying from seoulsearch. Not dragging a spouse through your problems is EXACTLY what she cited as a primary reason for not getting married.

So now we know why you don't put her on ignore. You're looking for material to copy.

 

[Lynx]

Actually now I'm jealous... You put ME on ignore for saying you should apologize to a lot of single people I know.

I must not say anything you deem worth copying. >.>

 

[seoulsearch]

Actually now I'm jealous... You put ME on ignore for saying you should apologize to a lot of single people I know.

I must not say anything you deem worth copying. >.>

I'll keep asking.

YOU can't be the ONLY special person around here, Buster.

 

[Lynx]

I'll keep asking.

YOU can't be the ONLY special person around here, Buster.

I wish you the best of luck. Being on ignore is very liberating, not to mention a LOT more peaceful. He doesn't argue with me at all anymore. =^.^=

 

[seoulsearch]

I wish you the best of luck. Being on ignore is very liberating, not to mention a LOT more peaceful. He doesn't argue with me at all anymore. =^.^=

I don't mind the arguments so much.

But anyone who's been here a while knows that the one thing I don't like is when people are constantly trying to tear me down without writing their own threads.

I don't mind the tearing down, I know it's part of the territory -- in fact, it's probably the number one reason 99% of people don't even try to write threads on the forum, unless it's in the BDF.

But I'd get a lot more out of it if the other people would be kind enough to present their own thoughts -- a chance to expand their point of view via a group discussion.

It's a whole other ballgame that not many people seem willing to take on.

(I'm certainly not saying AT ALL that I'm somehow better for doing so -- I'm just saying, I'm sure I'd be able to understand people's thoughts and viewpoints a lot better if they did.)

 

[JohnDB]

 

[cinder]

Dating is an activity whose end goal is marriage.
And the prima fascia evidence of your admissions is a failure in your endeavor of dating.

Yet no one in their right mind would say that a person who got into a toxic abusive marriage was successful in dating. Nor would we describe someone having multiple marriages as someone who was even more successful at dating that someone who got married once and stayed married.

I did NOT say that you did not have opportunities for marriage in your life....
Stop putting words in my posts that do not exist or psychanalyzing my statements.

I'm not a cardboard cutout....I'm a person here. Please try to remember that. I KNOW that it's difficult for you....but make an effort at least.

Again,
I've said NOTHING SIMILAR TO THIS. STOP PUTTING EXTRA WORDS IN WHAT I POST.
STOP PSYCHOANALYZING PEOPLE. You aren't any good at it.

You did say those things, that's why they're quotes. You must be talking to yourself here as you are far more guilty of treating people like cardboard cutouts than @seoulsearch is. Point of fact I doubt you could find someone who could give you more detailed info on more people on CC than she can. It's kind of her thing, and she's actually really good at analyzing people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. You could have tried clarifying what you did mean. Since you didn't we kind of assume that seoul managed to accurately state your opinions even if you don't want to own up to them.

I am very happily married....I never thought that I would be....but I am...and I'm extremely grateful to God that I finally found the correct formula. I am happy to have a ministry partner and wife who helps me as I am also glad and excited to help her with her endeavors. And since you have ZERO EXPERIENCE WITH THAT you really have no basis upon with to judge the nature of our relationship despite you having once been married. Because if you did....you would understand what I'm relating.
And yes, most definitely you treat people as cardboard cutouts as a sum total of whatever attributes you check boxes on some list you use on them. Whether in person or long distance. It does seem to matter.

Well I expect Seoul will never have the experience of having a wife, but her understanding and judgment are usually pretty solid. But we have to wonder why someone so happily married is not only hanging out in Christian singles spaces, we have some marrieds around here we actually like, but also seems to desperate to convince a bunch of singles how happy his marriage is. Because the pattern we mostly see is singles get married and have a real offline life and don't spend so much of it here online at CC anymore. Can't think of too many people who come around just to post about how happily married they are? Makes us wonder what you're trying to compensate for.

Just as a possibility....you might be hanging around and being influenced by people who despise marriage to begin with despite their claims to the contrary. I'll grant you that grace and suggest that if it is so you are then you need to make better friends.

And finally.....
I'm ignoring all your backpeddling as another bit of grace....which is more grace. Because if I were to call out your huge disingenuousness it would really point out that whole cardboard cutout thing you want hidden about yourself.

Pot meet kettle. Also real offers of grace are never mentioned as offers of grace. That's not grace; that's virtue signaling and Christian one-upmanship. People who have to engage in that are not the more spiritual and godly person in the conversation. And look up the definitions of backpeddling and disingenuousness since you seem to either not know what they mean or else you can't recognize that you're the one practicing them not @seoulsearch .

Missionary work is NOT for everyone. Real Fasting is the training wheels for mission work. It's hot or sometimes cold....it's often brutal on your body. Creature comforts are practically non-existent...and sometimes necessities are that way too. You get aged quickly in the mission field. High stress situations are constant. Situational awareness and good snap decisions are necessary skills. Flexible dietary needs are also a requisite because eating never happens on a consistent schedule and food is never things you get at home.
Mainly because it's NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. But having a friend helping you with your tasks? Absolutely priceless beyond measure.
Because that bit of missionary work you are doing means so much to those who are receiving it....more than you can imagine. And on rare occasion, the good words and dedicated attitude you bring can change an entire community or nation for generations to come.
A person who complains "they don't like my cooking" or "they don't demonstrate their love for me in ways I want" do NOT need to be missionaries as they are still the mission field.

I've been lucky/Blessed with my Ministry Partner/wife....we've changed lives, advocated for those who couldn't speak up for themselves, and preached the Gospel(Good News) Message to EVERYONE...including a few who were supposed to already know it. And then we left the country and fulfilled some missionary work outside of America. Got our minds blown with what God did out there through us. (I think I accidentally changed a nation....dunno yet but some noise was made)

Currently I'm in the middle of nowhere GA....living on a fruit and nut farm. We cause a LOT of mischief.

When and where was this missionary work you claim to have done? Because a fruit and nut farm in the state of Georgia, doesn't sound like such a difficult mission field. And I've been to the mission field this century and many places are no longer as remote and difficult as you make it out to be here, and most of the missionaries I know (even the ones in situations that could be described like you describe above) would never talk about their lives or experiences the way you are here. But you seem to be able to make that missionary experience that was "not about you anymore" all about you and how wonderful it was to do it married. Didn't Jesus say something about those who do good and brag about it to be admired by others and that they've received all their reward already? What did he call them? Oh yeah hypocrites, actors, disingenuous posers. Matthew 6 if you need the reference.

 

[Lynx]

cinder remind me to never tick you off. Or try to act all prideful around you. Ever.

 

[cinder]

cinder remind me to never tick you off. Or try to act all prideful around you. Ever.

Yeah don't do that. Not that I think it will ever be a problem.

 

[HeIsHere]

Because people who have a purpose in life and strength of character to actually work diligently to accomplish those tasks in mission work are attractive to most. And those who are all talk and zero accomplishments are the most common of all people.

Nothing more beautiful than a person (male / female) who exemplify purpose and strength, a real rarity these days.

The "church" seems to have taken up navel gazing like the rest of western society.

 

[Snackersmom]

if you're willing to talk about it; were you 'burned' by someone (or more) that you were seeing? If so, what was the gist of the most impactful one?

The handful of men I have spent time getting to know by my own choice have all been great, if I have any regrets in that regard it would be any hurt or pain I may have caused them. Not that I didn't experience any pain on my end of things, but that's just part of life and I tolerate pain pretty well. I don't mean this as a martyr comment in any way, but generally speaking it hurts me to hurt other people.

However, I have had some unpleasant experiences with guys who thought I should date them and I did not agree. Thankfully I never had to get the police involved (probably because I was still living at home at the time and therefore a harder target), but a few of them did give me a pretty good scare.

So in short, if a guy seems interested and I discern that he's a good guy, I want to push him away to protect him.

And if he seems interested but I don't think he's a good guy (or not trustworthy or whatever), I want to push him away to protect myself.

The ones I'm most comfortable with are the good guys who don't seem to have any romantic interest in me. Those are the easiest to get close to lol.

I have been "burned" some by male authority figures, and it's kind of hard for me to not see a potential husband as an authority figure. So that probably does tie in to this somehow but I'm working on it and trying to have a better/healthier view of it.

Absolutely yes, me keeping me from getting prematurely attached. Mainly because they are a bad match, or someone who would be bad for anyone.

So it doesn't sound like you are trying to keep the ladies from getting prematurely attached, interesting . On my end of things, I really only worry about the guys getting prematurely attached . Not that I'm incapable of reckless dreaming/hoping; I'm just pretty quick to slap myself back to reality. If anything I'd be more likely to drag my feet than get ahead of myself. Perhaps it's just the difference between men and women?

I've been so blessed with knowing so many good people. And I know very well everyone is imperfect; otherwise, I wouldn't have so many close family and friends. But by-in-large my dating partners have been a disappointing contrast. Is my selection process dysfunctional, poor luck of the draw, cultural issues, supernatural intervention?

I think this one was supposed to be rhetorical? If not I'd be happy to give a shot at answering, but my guess could be dreadfully off the mark! If I were to try to answer, it would be helpful to know more about your selection process/criteria .

But you do have me curious, how do you define a guy getting inappropriately attached to you?

Inappropriate attachment exists of course . But what is it? It's something worthwhile to think about. Is it only when you don't feel the same way? Is it time? Is it how much they really know you?

We know about love at first sight, and couples getting happily married for life after a few days. A very good match can happen, right? I think we can discern when it's too soon based on the shared experience and commonsense; but is it inappropriate for someone to like you a lot before you like them? Surely that alone doesn't make it bad, evil, toxic, or a "red flag", right? People can tap any necessary relationship brakes without a breakup, right?, without the need of you "pushing them away" as you put it? To make space for a healthy relationship, can you imagine a scenario where it's okay, and one where it's not?

This is the part that blew my mind .....I guess I would define inappropriate attachment as too short of a time, therefore not knowing me well enough for it to be anything beyond superficial reasons (and also refusing to take "no" for an answer). Yet I, myself, have experienced what I can only describe as "love at first sight", and it wasn't based on looks at all....it was like I instantly saw into his soul and liked what I found. I don't know any other way to describe it, but it was incredibly strong and powerful. I know the feeling wasn't anything sinful and really it felt like it was spiritual . So I don't see any reason why a guy couldn't have the same experience upon meeting me but the thought is still kinda scary. So maybe that is an issue unto itself.

I appreciate you bringing up the questions, I really hadn't thought about it this way until you mentioned it!

 

[Lynx]

The handful of men I have spent time getting to know by my own choice have all been great, if I have any regrets in that regard it would be any hurt or pain I may have caused them. Not that I didn't experience any pain on my end of things, but that's just part of life and I tolerate pain pretty well. I don't mean this as a martyr comment in any way, but generally speaking it hurts me to hurt other people.

However, I have had some unpleasant experiences with guys who thought I should date them and I did not agree. Thankfully I never had to get the police involved (probably because I was still living at home at the time and therefore a harder target), but a few of them did give me a pretty good scare.

So in short, if a guy seems interested and I discern that he's a good guy, I want to push him away to protect him.

And if he seems interested but I don't think he's a good guy (or not trustworthy or whatever), I want to push him away to protect myself.

The ones I'm most comfortable with are the good guys who don't seem to have any romantic interest in me. Those are the easiest to get close to lol.

*Lynx starts taking notes... Hmm, act interested to keep her away... Interesting...


Sooooo, Snackersmom: What are you doing this Saturday night?

 

[Lynx]

I use the text to speech/read aloud option sometimes. I just sit in my comfy chair, rest my eyes and listen to a longer article. Most browsers have it. Might have to download it. For some you just highlight the text (Shift + End) and select read aloud.

Yeah but that requires highlighting the text. Not compatible with driving and awkward to do on a smartphone interface.

I want a forum button at the top right of the post that you can tap and the computer will read the post to you. Text-to-speech is already in place. "Apply to contents of post" should be fairly straightforward.

I know, I know. I'm talking to the wrong audience. But the programmer who designed this forum structure really needs to hear about this.

 

[Snackersmom]

*Sooooo, Snackersmom: What are you doing this Saturday night?

Wha....uhhh..NOOOOOOO............."backs slowly out of the thread and refuses to log in for several days" 😆😂😜

 

[Lynx]

Wha....uhhh..NOOOOOOO............."backs slowly out of the thread and refuses to log in for several days" 😆😂😜

Huh. It works.

My membership in the SSS club (Still Successfully Single) is safe for another day.

 

[stingray72]

God has told me otherwise but i told him if its better for me to be single than so be it. I want to be sold out for him.

 

[seoulsearch]

God has told me otherwise but i told him if its better for me to be single than so be it.

You believe God has told you that you will get married, Stingray? Do you think He gave you a timeline?

This has always been a fascinating topic to me.

I've known many people who believed God was telling them they would marry, or someone else told them they had a prophetic word for them and told them they would marry.

For some, this came to pass; for some it didn't; some did marry, but wound up divorcing; a small few wound up in happy Christian marriages.

But if it doesn't work out, this always leaves me wondering -- Did someone hear incorrectly/misinterpret? Was the person actually NOT suppose to marry? Was the person only hearing what they wanted to hear? If they were supposed to marry and wound up divorcing, why was there no mention of this in the prophetic word? How could it really be God telling them to marry when He knew they would divorce (and we all know He hates divorce)?

And for the people it DOES work for, what can we learn from them so that we, too, can truly recognize a word from God?

Sorry... these are just my musings.

I hope you'll keep us posted on how things go!

 

[stingray72]

He has told me i would be married and how many children i would have but no timeline. I did hear this prophetically through someone else but the only thing that didnt ring true was how many children. There was much more prophesied that i No was God so well have to wait and see about the kids number.