How To Even Meet Someone?
- Thread starter SadBunny
- Start date
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Apparently, Steve has me on Ignore because in another thread, he asked someone what they were talking about when they were replying to me, so I know Steve won't see this post.
But I just wanted to add that his posts get me thinking about how his general summaries of women would work in my life, in case anyone was curious as to how his advice might work out in real life.
There have indeed been many times when I've met guys and pondered about what kind of husbands they would be.
But I'm often thinking about who I know and how they would make wonderful husbands for THEM, and not me.
It's because I'm trying to be realistic in my assessment (knowing I'm probably not right for him,) but know that other women I know could be a much better match.
But I just wanted to add that his posts get me thinking about how his general summaries of women would work in my life, in case anyone was curious as to how his advice might work out in real life.
There have indeed been many times when I've met guys and pondered about what kind of husbands they would be.
But I'm often thinking about who I know and how they would make wonderful husbands for THEM, and not me.
It's because I'm trying to be realistic in my assessment (knowing I'm probably not right for him,) but know that other women I know could be a much better match.
When I was on the dating sites, this was the number-one turn-off was when women were talking to several guys at once.
And who could blame them?
No one wants to feel like a number in a crowd. And there was also a sense of bitterness and assumption that women were often being pursued by several men at once, but the men couldn't even get a simple "hi" back on the dating sites.
I understand this.
It does indeed get very complicated, unfortunately.
Because in cases where it was flipped... Some guys were perfectly fine talking to several women at once, but saw a woman who was doing the same as (a derogatory term.)
This is just me, but if a man was pursuing several women at once, I wouldn't be interested either. I'd feel like a pack of deli meat just waiting for her number to be called out at the counter.
And who could blame them?
No one wants to feel like a number in a crowd. And there was also a sense of bitterness and assumption that women were often being pursued by several men at once, but the men couldn't even get a simple "hi" back on the dating sites.
I understand this.
It does indeed get very complicated, unfortunately.
Because in cases where it was flipped... Some guys were perfectly fine talking to several women at once, but saw a woman who was doing the same as (a derogatory term.)
This is just me, but if a man was pursuing several women at once, I wouldn't be interested either. I'd feel like a pack of deli meat just waiting for her number to be called out at the counter.
They don't exist anymore.
Dating and romance is a journey that can be a lot of fun if you let it. You, like a lot of others on this site, are letting a few past failures dictate the outcome for the rest of your life. Celebrate each victory along the way. For example:
Dating and romance is a journey that can be a lot of fun if you let it. You, like a lot of others on this site, are letting a few past failures dictate the outcome for the rest of your life. Celebrate each victory along the way. For example:
- A successful "hello" or other greeting
- A successful conversation
- A successful first date
- A successful second date
- A successful first kiss
- A successful engagement
- A successful wedding!
I knew a kid in high school who was a year younger than me and had the heart of a lion. As fate has it, he was short, maybe 5'6 and his thick hair accounted for the extra inch. Plus he was a bit homely and would get hung up on a lisp in his speech. But he was a good kidd I liked him.
He had this big time crush on a very pretty girl at school. He knew her and was friends with her but he was sure she needed just a little nudge to win her heart. So he picked a fight with her boyfriend. His heart was noble, but his brains were near sighted.
Her boyfriend was tall, muscular, and good looking and really, a nice guy. I liked him too. He was my age. However, my little buddy with a lion's heart thought all he had to do was win a fight with the guy and steal his girlfriend's heart.
The fight never occurred. They were going to fight after school but the girl caught wind of the whole thing and talked to her little lion and spoke to him like a man. I didn't know what she said but it worked. He called the fight off and told his foe he was lucky. I thought her boyfriend handled it well. He just said "OK".
Later, he told me what the girl had said. She said "I know you would fight for me. There was never a doubt you'd fight like a poet. But it won't win my heart." He was sad for a bit, but he carried what she said like a dagger of steel on his side.
He had this big time crush on a very pretty girl at school. He knew her and was friends with her but he was sure she needed just a little nudge to win her heart. So he picked a fight with her boyfriend. His heart was noble, but his brains were near sighted.
Her boyfriend was tall, muscular, and good looking and really, a nice guy. I liked him too. He was my age. However, my little buddy with a lion's heart thought all he had to do was win a fight with the guy and steal his girlfriend's heart.
The fight never occurred. They were going to fight after school but the girl caught wind of the whole thing and talked to her little lion and spoke to him like a man. I didn't know what she said but it worked. He called the fight off and told his foe he was lucky. I thought her boyfriend handled it well. He just said "OK".
Later, he told me what the girl had said. She said "I know you would fight for me. There was never a doubt you'd fight like a poet. But it won't win my heart." He was sad for a bit, but he carried what she said like a dagger of steel on his side.
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You do have a point, but the recipe, or one size fits all, doesn't work for everyone. Both Christ and Paul were single. The art of living for me, is to expect nothing and be happy with little. Envy or trying to have another cards than is given, leads to misery. Believe me, I have lived most of my life miserable, and being content (or telling myself I am and should be) is so much better than waiting for a miracle to happen or meeting Mr. Right.
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Once there was a lion who fought with a bull elephant. The lion killed the elephant and ate well of his kill.
When the lion was done eating he was so proud of killing the bull elephant that he roared his might throughout the jungle. Long and loud did he roar, and all animals trembled at the sound.
A big game hunter followed the sound of the roaring and shot the lion.
Moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
When the lion was done eating he was so proud of killing the bull elephant that he roared his might throughout the jungle. Long and loud did he roar, and all animals trembled at the sound.
A big game hunter followed the sound of the roaring and shot the lion.
Moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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I believe, based on my own experience, that the first date is critical in deciding whether to pursue a potential relationship that may lead to marriage. If you did not enjoy the company of a first date, then there is no reason for a second one.
You can have a lot of fun during the dating process but if the one that you are dating will not have your back and be by your side when tough times enviably come than why waste time in such a relationship?
Two or three dates is sufficient time, at least in my experience, to determine whether a prospect is worth the risks of heartbreak or disappointment, or possibly causing irreparable harm in all areas of your life.
Of course, the guidance of God is key in this process. Much prayer and contemplation is required. You reach a point in your life where you either know what you want, or you don't.
You can have a lot of fun during the dating process but if the one that you are dating will not have your back and be by your side when tough times enviably come than why waste time in such a relationship?
Two or three dates is sufficient time, at least in my experience, to determine whether a prospect is worth the risks of heartbreak or disappointment, or possibly causing irreparable harm in all areas of your life.
Of course, the guidance of God is key in this process. Much prayer and contemplation is required. You reach a point in your life where you either know what you want, or you don't.
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My husband and I were friends for months before we went out on a date. Granted we lived 2 hrs away from each other, so the dates were a month apart lol. Once we became an official couple, a month into it, he said he was gonna marry me. Did it scare me? Not at all. It let me know he wasn’t wasting my time.
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Oh, but I'm here to tell you from experience, that what I've laid out in my posts really does work, especially if the woman is willing to take the first risk. I realize that I've been directing my coaching toward men, but if a woman were to initiate the first contact, it's nearly guaranteed to work.
You see, we men are born clueless about approaching a woman, getting the first date, and building the romance. Yet we are assigned this task by society and are expected to somehow be proficient at it.
If YOU were to assign yourself this task, YOU would guarantee your success by:
1. Letting some poor, clueless fellow off the hook
2. Teaching this clueless dude what you want
3. Taking responsibility for the outcomes
The problem is that most women don't want to take the first risk in a relationship. They rightly assume there will be rejection along the way, so they want it to fall on the man's shoulders.
The problem is that you cannot sit back and let the man do all the work if you are upset with the outcomes.
If this is working for you, fine. But I have to ask, are you simply taking the easy way out here? Are you letting negativity and martyrdom work for you? If so, being miserable is not the most God-honoring way to live. I know this from experience.
It could be that you're also afraid of success just as much as failure. It's this fear of success that can hold people back, just as much as being rejected.
For example, a woman's thought process during a successful encounter with a man might look something like this:
"Oh my goodness, he's coming over here to talk to me! What do I do now? Oh my, he's soooooo good-looking!"
He says hi and you say hi back. He also dares to introduce himself. You suddenly can't remember your name, but somehow, you get it out there to him.
You continue with your internal dialogue. "Oh, I just don't know about this. Why would such a handsome guy want to talk to me, anyway? What's he up to? I bet he's NOT a Christian. If he asks me out, what will I do? I have no clothes to wear, and besides, I certainly don't want to compete with THAT!"
He tries to continue the conversation, but you've decided that, since having any success with this guy would be waaaaaaay too risky, you politely tell him you have to go.
I'm not saying this is you, but if there is any hint of this sort of dialog going on in your head during the courting process, it could derail your efforts rather quickly.
You see, we men are born clueless about approaching a woman, getting the first date, and building the romance. Yet we are assigned this task by society and are expected to somehow be proficient at it.
If YOU were to assign yourself this task, YOU would guarantee your success by:
1. Letting some poor, clueless fellow off the hook
2. Teaching this clueless dude what you want
3. Taking responsibility for the outcomes
The problem is that most women don't want to take the first risk in a relationship. They rightly assume there will be rejection along the way, so they want it to fall on the man's shoulders.
The problem is that you cannot sit back and let the man do all the work if you are upset with the outcomes.
If this is working for you, fine. But I have to ask, are you simply taking the easy way out here? Are you letting negativity and martyrdom work for you? If so, being miserable is not the most God-honoring way to live. I know this from experience.
It could be that you're also afraid of success just as much as failure. It's this fear of success that can hold people back, just as much as being rejected.
For example, a woman's thought process during a successful encounter with a man might look something like this:
"Oh my goodness, he's coming over here to talk to me! What do I do now? Oh my, he's soooooo good-looking!"
He says hi and you say hi back. He also dares to introduce himself. You suddenly can't remember your name, but somehow, you get it out there to him.
You continue with your internal dialogue. "Oh, I just don't know about this. Why would such a handsome guy want to talk to me, anyway? What's he up to? I bet he's NOT a Christian. If he asks me out, what will I do? I have no clothes to wear, and besides, I certainly don't want to compete with THAT!"
He tries to continue the conversation, but you've decided that, since having any success with this guy would be waaaaaaay too risky, you politely tell him you have to go.
I'm not saying this is you, but if there is any hint of this sort of dialog going on in your head during the courting process, it could derail your efforts rather quickly.
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Oh, but I'm here to tell you from experience, that what I've laid out in my posts really does work, especially if the woman is willing to take the first risk. I realize that I've been directing my coaching toward men, but if a woman were to initiate the first contact, it's nearly guaranteed to work.
You see, we men are born clueless about approaching a woman, getting the first date, and building the romance. Yet we are assigned this task by society and are expected to somehow be proficient at it.
If YOU were to assign yourself this task, YOU would guarantee your success by:
1. Letting some poor, clueless fellow off the hook
2. Teaching this clueless dude what you want
3. Taking responsibility for the outcomes
The problem is that most women don't want to take the first risk in a relationship. They rightly assume there will be rejection along the way, so they want it to fall on the man's shoulders.
The problem is that you cannot sit back and let the man do all the work if you are upset with the outcomes.
If this is working for you, fine. But I have to ask, are you simply taking the easy way out here? Are you letting negativity and martyrdom work for you? If so, being miserable is not the most God-honoring way to live. I know this from experience.
It could be that you're also afraid of success just as much as failure. It's this fear of success that can hold people back, just as much as being rejected.
For example, a woman's thought process during a successful encounter with a man might look something like this:
"Oh my goodness, he's coming over here to talk to me! What do I do now? Oh my, he's soooooo good-looking!"
He says hi and you say hi back. He also dares to introduce himself. You suddenly can't remember your name, but somehow, you get it out there to him.
You continue with your internal dialogue. "Oh, I just don't know about this. Why would such a handsome guy want to talk to me, anyway? What's he up to? I bet he's NOT a Christian. If he asks me out, what will I do? I have no clothes to wear, and besides, I certainly don't want to compete with THAT!"
He tries to continue the conversation, but you've decided that, since having any success with this guy would be waaaaaaay too risky, you politely tell him you have to go.
I'm not saying this is you, but if there is any hint of this sort of dialog going on in your head during the courting process, it could derail your efforts rather quickly.
You see, we men are born clueless about approaching a woman, getting the first date, and building the romance. Yet we are assigned this task by society and are expected to somehow be proficient at it.
If YOU were to assign yourself this task, YOU would guarantee your success by:
1. Letting some poor, clueless fellow off the hook
2. Teaching this clueless dude what you want
3. Taking responsibility for the outcomes
The problem is that most women don't want to take the first risk in a relationship. They rightly assume there will be rejection along the way, so they want it to fall on the man's shoulders.
The problem is that you cannot sit back and let the man do all the work if you are upset with the outcomes.
If this is working for you, fine. But I have to ask, are you simply taking the easy way out here? Are you letting negativity and martyrdom work for you? If so, being miserable is not the most God-honoring way to live. I know this from experience.
It could be that you're also afraid of success just as much as failure. It's this fear of success that can hold people back, just as much as being rejected.
For example, a woman's thought process during a successful encounter with a man might look something like this:
"Oh my goodness, he's coming over here to talk to me! What do I do now? Oh my, he's soooooo good-looking!"
He says hi and you say hi back. He also dares to introduce himself. You suddenly can't remember your name, but somehow, you get it out there to him.
You continue with your internal dialogue. "Oh, I just don't know about this. Why would such a handsome guy want to talk to me, anyway? What's he up to? I bet he's NOT a Christian. If he asks me out, what will I do? I have no clothes to wear, and besides, I certainly don't want to compete with THAT!"
He tries to continue the conversation, but you've decided that, since having any success with this guy would be waaaaaaay too risky, you politely tell him you have to go.
I'm not saying this is you, but if there is any hint of this sort of dialog going on in your head during the courting process, it could derail your efforts rather quickly.
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