I actually did a search on youtube for the 4 gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and they seem to all be there. I loaded up another one before I went to sleep this morning but have left it on pause and haven't got to it yet since I found some interesting videos with an astrophysicist named Hugh Ross who gives scientific examples showing how science proves God. It seemed like something my cousin would be into so I sent him some links and kind of got hooked on his stuff and haven't got around to starting up the others gospels yet. Thanks you for your testimony. I've always found it interesting how so many different events can lead people towards God. Over the years I've heard of how both good and bad things can become a catalyst for people to either finally acknowledge Him or to finally discover Him.
I guess I can share some of my testimony as well of How I got saved, granted, it wasn't until recently that I feel like I truly accepted salvation. I got saved I believe when I was 15 or 16 ( I have horrible memory so I'm not 100% if that's accurate) right before I could go through with a suicide attempt. The furthest back I can remember being depressed was actually when i was around 8 years old and I unfortunately never grew out of my depression. I did not have a great childhood due to always being verbally and sometimes physically abused by my father. I was also always pushed to do my best in everything but whenever I messed up while trying my dad would be highly disappointed in me or just yell at me for not trying harder. Then over the years I was called dumb so much that I just stopped ever trying to do things and grew a defeatist mindset. There's no point in trying to do this or that when I won't succeed so I'll just do nothing instead, was how I decided to live my life. Even in my preteen years I always assumed one day i would be homeless since my family was nearly homeless more times than I can remember. Then Finally I decided there's no point in living since I never enjoyed my life anyways and decided to end it. But as I was just about to do it (won't state how because I figure there's no need for details that could give someone dark ideas), out of nowhere I heard disturbing and loud shrieks, as well as people screaming my name while sounding in a lot of pain. While that was going on my entire field of vision turned from my room into a border of absolute darkness filled in the middle with fire. I instantly could only assume I was either seeing a vision of hell or was just imagining it in an attempt to stop myself from continuing on. But instead of just not going through with it, I decided to pray as well because if that was a vision rather than my imagination, I didn't want to end up there. That may be the first time I truly hoped for change, but unfortunately I quickly went back to how I was because I honestly didn't know how else to be. I read the bible but couldn't really understand much other than how to be saved, yet my mentality made me assume I would mess up like I always did so throughout the years I kept vaguely trying to change my mindset and lifestyle but kept falling back into it. But for the first time in my life, just those couple of days ago, I finally feel like something has truly change in my way of thinking and in my spirit. I finally realized that I will always fail because I am only doing everything by myself and never trusted in God to do things along side me.
I can't quite put into words everything and I'm sure what I've already written has been a jumbled mess that barely makes sense, so I guess I will leave it here. All I can say for now is that I finally trust God to change what he will change in me as I solely focus on him and try not to focus on myself. Because myself has never been close to correct. Also, thanks again for the link, i now have that one lined to watch once I finish my current videos and then finish the gospel of Mark.