If You Don't Have A Bookmark, Use a Rotisserie Chicken Instead
Use Code “BACON” to Get 50% off Your Life
If Somebody Asks Why You’re Single, Simply Respond with “Supply Chain Issues” and Don’t Elaborate
If Someone Insults You, Say “Exactly” and Confuse Them
If You Want to Look Young and Thin, Hang Around Fat, Old People
If at First You Don't Succeed, Don't It the Way Your Wife Told You To
Don’t Listen to Loud Music in Headphones While Vacuuming
You might just realize when you’re done that the vacuum wasn’t even plugged in.
Never Trust an Electrician with No Eyebrows
All You Need in Life is Duct Tape and WD-40
It’s Better to Pee in the Sink than Sink in the Pee