A question for those who are or have been married

[IloveViethoney]

To quote the venerable Admiral Ackbar: "IT'S A TRAP!"

I dunno... Smells like a trap to me, a way for a pretty Vietnamese girl to easily get citizenship in another country.

I could be wrong though. I hope I am, for your sake.

She isn't a bad person, and she isn't incredibly interested in coming here.

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

60 years ago, I took my future wife to her senior prom, and in '65 we go married. My Mother and I share the same foundational Scripture: PS 37:5 - "Commit thy way unto the Lord, believe also in Him, and HE will bring it to pass."

We did, and HE did. OFTEN without any great personal awareness of HIS WORKINGS behind the scenes all along.

I couldn't have found a more "complimentary person". Our strengths and weaknesses are such that the TWO of us are essentially one complete team.

it's been a good 58 years.

Wowwwww 58, that's remarkable 😊😊😊😊

 

[IloveViethoney]

This question prompted so many memories for me. When I met my ex husband I prayed, fasted and asked GOD to reveal whether he was "the one".....signs upon signs starting flowing in the direction of yes....we got married, separated twice and eventually divorced. When we got divorced I remember quarelling with GOD, I even had the audacity to tell GOD he failed me....phew thank GOD his mercies are new every morning and I didn't get hit with a lightening bolt 😄. One day though GOD "broke" his silence and showed me HE DID WARN ME NOT TO MARRY MY EX....several times...through people.
In the midst of all the supposed signs that pointed to YES, and they were many, the big whole neon signs of NO was shining too. I just chose to ignore or rather not listen 😔. The error was all mine. A week before we got married my ex out of the blue, told me if I wanted to stop the wedding to go ahead, by then I was starting to feel realllllll unsettled about moving forward but I ignored my inner feelings, the neon signs, my ex giving me an out of the blue exit and told myself we were both born again believers, serving GOD in ministry...we were both worship leaders in our respective churches at the time....this marriage will work.
My wedding day was awful, the honeymoon uneventful and from then it went downhill from there.
After my experience I'm no expert on signs 😆 but listening to GOD, paying attention to his voice and not ours is soooooooooo important when it comes to choosing a mate. Both my ex and I grew up in church, in fact we knew each from childhood and at the time of our marriage he was a widower with two kids but we were unequally yoked, and yes it is possible to be unequally yoked even in the church.
So should the good LORD allow and send someone my way, I'm not gonna place much emphasis on signs and wonders..I will however pay close attention to his voice, which in my case was numerous persons, as he directs my footsteps. 🙂

There are plenty of women out there I could have a good relationship with, and I would assume plenty of men you could have a good relationship with as well. If you take positive interactions as a sign, then that will mislead you. I have also mentioned that even what God puts together will be destroyed if one person isn't doing their part.

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

There are plenty of women out there I could have a good relationship with, and I would assume plenty of men you could have a good relationship with as well. If you take positive interactions as a sign, then that will mislead you. I have also mentioned that even what God puts together will be destroyed if one person isn't doing their part.

Yep both counts are true and that's why especially with your first point about taking positive interactions as a sign, the only interaction I want is paying close attention to when GOD speaks. And your second point is sadly so predominant in marriages. Persons not executing their "roles and functions" in the marriage.

 

[iamsoandso]

Makes sense, I often wonder if a film of my life plays out in Heaven as a sitcom......not that there's anything wrong with that!



Interesting......so it sounds like you're saying that you did seek signs from God, and you feel that He delivered in a way that worked for you? That's cool .



Ha, well I get your sentiment Lynx, but I have known quite a few overseas marriages that did indeed work out. I love Viet Honey, did you feel like you needed more assurance from God about the situation since it was an overseas thing, or was it about the same you would have felt you needed for a "domestic" relationship? Just curious!



Lol thanks, that cracked me up .....sounds like you're saying it can be more of a subconscious movement in a marriage direction? Like, if you find yourself not overthinking it and it just seems natural, that could mean it's right? And what if I like a guy who already owns fifty million tools and gadgets?



That is really interesting.....there's kind of a stigma against Christian women asking men out (let alone asking a man to marry them!), but God reminded me once that Ruth did it, and it was proper in her case. Her marriage to Boaz even became part of the Messianic lineage, so sounds like God approved . It's funny how we Christians tend to make up rules for ourselves that aren't in the Bible, as if following the Bible wasn't enough to deal with we have to add extra stuff . I wonder why your wife didn't tell you the things she had been shown by God before yall tied the knot? Just wondering!



That is so incredibly sweet! It has never felt that easy or uncomplicated for me personally, but I'm glad it worked out for yall and it does seem to have worked out like that for some of my friends too.

It makes more sense after 50 or so years of marriage.

 

[melita916]

I don’t remember asking for a sign. I remember asking the Lord to keep my feet on the ground because I had a horrible habit of wishful thinking. You know, daydream about perfect scenarios, and then get mad when things didn’t play out like I dreamed lol.

Then one morning, the Lord spoke to my heart asking, “what if My answer is ‘no’?” And that helped me keep things in perspective!

Our friendship developed into more. We’ve been married for almost 7 years.

 

[Snackersmom]

It makes more sense after 50 or so years of marriage.

Ha, well I'm 40 now so I probably don't have 50 years of marriage in me, but I do hope that everything makes sense when I get to heaven at least. And if not then I suppose entertaining the angels could be considered a worthy cause.

I don’t remember asking for a sign. I remember asking the Lord to keep my feet on the ground because I had a horrible habit of wishful thinking. You know, daydream about perfect scenarios, and then get mad when things didn’t play out like I dreamed lol.

Then one morning, the Lord spoke to my heart asking, “what if My answer is ‘no’?” And that helped me keep things in perspective!

Our friendship developed into more. We’ve been married for almost 7 years.

That is really sweet. it sounds like you were comfortable going with the flow of things unless you got a definite "no", but you were also open to hearing a "no". That's neat.

 

[Snackersmom]

This question prompted so many memories for me. When I met my ex husband I prayed, fasted and asked GOD to reveal whether he was "the one".....signs upon signs starting flowing in the direction of yes....we got married, separated twice and eventually divorced. When we got divorced I remember quarelling with GOD, I even had the audacity to tell GOD he failed me....phew thank GOD his mercies are new every morning and I didn't get hit with a lightening bolt 😄. One day though GOD "broke" his silence and showed me HE DID WARN ME NOT TO MARRY MY EX....several times...through people.
In the midst of all the supposed signs that pointed to YES, and they were many, the big whole neon signs of NO was shining too. I just chose to ignore or rather not listen 😔. The error was all mine. A week before we got married my ex out of the blue, told me if I wanted to stop the wedding to go ahead, by then I was starting to feel realllllll unsettled about moving forward but I ignored my inner feelings, the neon signs, my ex giving me an out of the blue exit and told myself we were both born again believers, serving GOD in ministry...we were both worship leaders in our respective churches at the time....this marriage will work.
My wedding day was awful, the honeymoon uneventful and from then it went downhill from there.
After my experience I'm no expert on signs 😆 but listening to GOD, paying attention to his voice and not ours is soooooooooo important when it comes to choosing a mate. Both my ex and I grew up in church, in fact we knew each from childhood and at the time of our marriage he was a widower with two kids but we were unequally yoked, and yes it is possible to be unequally yoked even in the church.
So should the good LORD allow and send someone my way, I'm not gonna place much emphasis on signs and wonders..I will however pay close attention to his voice, which in my case was numerous persons, as he directs my footsteps. 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm sure some of the memories it brought up weren't pleasant ones but I really appreciate your honesty. It does sound like you have gained a lot of wisdom from the experience. I pray that God heals anything in your heart that could still be broken, and brings about every awesome thing He has for you in life. ❤

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm sure some of the memories it brought up weren't pleasant ones but I really appreciate your honesty. It does sound like you have gained a lot of wisdom from the experience. I pray that God heals anything in your heart that could still be broken, and brings about every awesome thing He has for you in life. ❤

Thank you Dearie, thank you for hearing my story, and I receive your prayers in JESUS' name.
Yes out of the mess came a message and out of a test a testimony and wow did I learn lessons, 😃 but as painful as it was I won't regret because even in the midst of the bad there came out some good.
For instance my ex and I have been divorced for going into 6 years and in those 6 years was bitterness, anger, vexations, blocking, deleting it was bad....but GOD was dealing with me and last year my ex fell sick, I reached out to him not thinking twice about it and we will NEVER get back together....NEVER 😄 but you know what? last week Sunday we prayed with each other over the phone. I cried during that phone call. I never envisioned that would/could ever happen.
I think about how toxic the situation was but GOD being the GOD he is restored two broken people to himself and they were praying for each other, haha praying for each other.
In your face devil.
I WILL BLESS THE LORD AT ALL TIMES, HIS PRAISE SHALL CONTINUALLY BE IN MY MOUTH 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

I don’t remember asking for a sign. I remember asking the Lord to keep my feet on the ground because I had a horrible habit of wishful thinking. You know, daydream about perfect scenarios, and then get mad when things didn’t play out like I dreamed lol.

Then one morning, the Lord spoke to my heart asking, “what if My answer is ‘no’?” And that helped me keep things in perspective!

Our friendship developed into more. We’ve been married for almost 7 years.

Wowow....I'm so blessed and encouraged by these stories....

 

[melita916]

The Lord really is the One who orchestrated everything. Cuz I liked him but he was like “oh she’s a cool friend.” Lololol

 

[Snackersmom]

Thank you Dearie, thank you for hearing my story, and I receive your prayers in JESUS' name.
Yes out of the mess came a message and out of a test a testimony and wow did I learn lessons, 😃 but as painful as it was I won't regret because even in the midst of the bad there came out some good.
For instance my ex and I have been divorced for going into 6 years and in those 6 years was bitterness, anger, vexations, blocking, deleting it was bad....but GOD was dealing with me and last year my ex fell sick, I reached out to him not thinking twice about it and we will NEVER get back together....NEVER 😄 but you know what? last week Sunday we prayed with each other over the phone. I cried during that phone call. I never envisioned that would/could ever happen.
I think about how toxic the situation was but GOD being the GOD he is restored two broken people to himself and they were praying for each other, haha praying for each other.
In your face devil.
I WILL BLESS THE LORD AT ALL TIMES, HIS PRAISE SHALL CONTINUALLY BE IN MY MOUTH 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Now that is some pretty cool stuff right there, Sis! Just goes to show what Jesus can do with our messes if we let Him . You said in your first post that a bunch of signs showed up pointing to "yes".......looking back, do you think they were just coincidences that you interpreted as signs because that's what you were looking for, or do you think there was something deeper at work? I know in the past I've been guilty of seeking signs too much, I don't think it's wrong per se but I was doing it out of anxiety when I should have been trusting God. Any input you have is appreciated if you are willing to share!

The Lord really is the One who orchestrated everything. Cuz I liked him but he was like “oh she’s a cool friend.” Lololol

Sooooo.......what changed his mind? Telllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

Now that is some pretty cool stuff right there, Sis! Just goes to show what Jesus can do with our messes if we let Him . You said in your first post that a bunch of signs showed up pointing to "yes".......looking back, do you think they were just coincidences that you interpreted as signs because that's what you were looking for, or do you think there was something deeper at work? I know in the past I've been guilty of seeking signs too much, I don't think it's wrong per se but I was doing it out of anxiety when I should have been trusting God. Any input you have is appreciated if you are willing to share!



Sooooo.......what changed his mind? Telllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmmmm, beautiful question. Looking back I can definitely say the " signs" were indeed just mere coincidences, and because it hit at the right time, right place I took it to be GOD saying yes and totally closed my ears to his many "No"s..... and the truth is nothing is wrong with signs GOD gave Gideon a sign in Judges 6:36-40, GOD gave Moses signs when he wanted him to get the Israelites out of Egypt, so signs can be useful, but you said something so powerful and I'm sure you didnt realise it 🙂 you said... "I don't think it's wrong per se but I was doing it out of anxiety when I should have been trusting God."
That Dear one was my error....I was 37 when I met my ex hubby, 37....no kids I had everything else but my own family, approaching 40, my dad was ill and wanted to see me get married, he was concerned and I guess I grew anxious and well my dad did get the chance to walk me down the aisle, 5 months later he died from cancer. That is the only thing I dont regret about my failed marriage. My dad got to see his firstborn get married 😊.
But I was anxious for nothing, allowed myself to get misled by mere coincidences, didn't trust GOD and what I never wanted to happen... happened. But so long as there's life I have hope. I have learned from my mistakes, still learning especially when it comes to trusting GOD 🙂.

 

[melita916]

Sooooo.......what changed his mind? Telllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I stand corrected lol. I asked him, and he said, “I liked you! But I asked the Lord, ‘if she’s a godly woman, help me fall in love with her.’”

 

[Snackersmom]

Hmmmmm, beautiful question. Looking back I can definitely say the " signs" were indeed just mere coincidences, and because it hit at the right time, right place I took it to be GOD saying yes and totally closed my ears to his many "No"s..... and the truth is nothing is wrong with signs GOD gave Gideon a sign in Judges 6:36-40, GOD gave Moses signs when he wanted him to get the Israelites out of Egypt, so signs can be useful, but you said something so powerful and I'm sure you didnt realise it 🙂 you said... "I don't think it's wrong per se but I was doing it out of anxiety when I should have been trusting God."
That Dear one was my error....I was 37 when I met my ex hubby, 37....no kids I had everything else but my own family, approaching 40, my dad was ill and wanted to see me get married, he was concerned and I guess I grew anxious and well my dad did get the chance to walk me down the aisle, 5 months later he died from cancer. That is the only thing I dont regret about my failed marriage. My dad got to see his firstborn get married 😊.
But I was anxious for nothing, allowed myself to get misled by mere coincidences, didn't trust GOD and what I never wanted to happen... happened. But so long as there's life I have hope. I have learned from my mistakes, still learning especially when it comes to trusting GOD 🙂.

I stand corrected lol. I asked him, and he said, “I liked you! But I asked the Lord, ‘if she’s a godly woman, help me fall in love with her.’”

Thank you both for your stories and input!

 

[DaughterofGOD1625]

Thank you both for your stories and input!

You're welcome ☺

 

[Lanolin]

Is it you just wanted to marry for your parents sake. Hmm interesting.

One of my divorced friends I asked her why she got married and she said 'because he played Jesus in the church play'

She said he was born again but he cheated on her two years after the marriage. I am always hearing horror stories like these. I dont know why. Or the one about the charismatic pastor who cheats on his wife and beds all the women in church. Im like what, it just sounds like a harem. I had one pastor who actually said when he was young, he just went to church to 'check out the talent'.

Women are not immune, having a church going hubby is like a status symbol..but then another worship leader comes along who has even MORE of a following. Im like why, is it just all for show?

 

[Snackersmom]

Is it you just wanted to marry for your parents sake. Hmm interesting.

One of my divorced friends I asked her why she got married and she said 'because he played Jesus in the church play'

She said he was born again but he cheated on her two years after the marriage. I am always hearing horror stories like these. I dont know why. Or the one about the charismatic pastor who cheats on his wife and beds all the women in church. Im like what, it just sounds like a harem. I had one pastor who actually said when he was young, he just went to church to 'check out the talent'.

Women are not immune, having a church going hubby is like a status symbol..but then another worship leader comes along who has even MORE of a following. Im like why, is it just all for show?

Hi Lanolin! 👋 My parents have never pressured me to get married, so I don't think that's it. I've always been a bit of a hopeless romantic, but I'm pretty realistic too. I accept that God might truly want me to stay single and if so I can be obedient to that, but I can't honestly say it's what I would have chosen. He does know best though, and I realize I can be a bit feisty and independent (it's a farmer thing lol), so I might be terrible at being a wife if I tried it, who knows? 🤷‍♀️

Mostly my reason for starting this thread was to understand better how others were able to feel confident in such a big decision. I have always wondered what confidence like that would look or feel like, so I thought I'd get perspectives from those with actual experience.

 

[JohnDB]

Hey everyone, most of you don't know me but I used to haunt these forums a lot back in the day. *waves*

I've been wondering about something for a while now and thought I'd get perspectives from those who have actual experience:

When you decided to marry your spouse, how did you "know" it was the right thing, or what God wanted? Like, did you ask for a sign, just had peace about it, felt like God told you something, etc?

I debated about posting this in singles, but it seems a good number of us are or have been married at some point. I would also be interested in hearing the perspectives of those who married and regretted it, thought they got ahead of God, etc. but I know that can be a really sensitive issue and I totally respect that!

Full disclosure: I have never been married and am not currently dating anyone, so I'm not looking for advice so much as wanting to hear other perspectives and experiences.

For me....
I have a lot of "tokens". Meaning I can do a LOT of things that some women find attractive. I'm older for one and fairly healthy at the same time. You wouldn't believe the number of guys my age with diabetes and/or high blood pressure. Then I don't have any serious vices like porn, gambling, chemical dependency or anger management.
No felony criminal records either.

These things right there beat out 70% of my peers.
As a seriously dedicated Christian that elevates my status to almost unicorn level. I'm a myth that doesn't exist. Add in my education level and I'm a legend.

I'm so off the charts that most women don't believe that I exist...they dont even wish for a guy like me....but I've ALWAYS had a thing for the smart girls. (Masters level or better education)

So....
When my wife demonstrated to me that she knew me, understood my motivations, instead of the many tokens I have surrounding me...and decided she really liked who I was and not so much the things I do or know how to do....
I fell in love.

She wasn't actually sure that she believed I really was a fully trained fine dining chef. (I didn't cook fancy around her for a while) But when I baked and decorated our 4 tier Brides cake for our wedding....she knew it then. (It was at least a $3k cake) they ate all of it....we barely got away with our topper. (Italian buttercream is not exactly common...even in bakeries)

But that was how I knew....she knew me, the guy beyond all my talents who was a very dedicated Christian man that loved God more than I was ever going to love her. And she wanted to come along for the ride. She has never "needed" me to make her life livable....didn't need me to pay her bills or protect her from her past or other guys. She just wanted to live with me and be there for the journey. To help by getting in where she fit in.

And she does it wonderfully. Beyond my wildest expectations. She has her own bag of talents she brings to the table. Together we seem almost magic at times. We definitely are more than the sum of our parts. (I think God has something to do with that)

My wife is my best friend and confidante. So glad she is there.

 

[Snackersmom]

For me....
I have a lot of "tokens". Meaning I can do a LOT of things that some women find attractive. I'm older for one and fairly healthy at the same time. You wouldn't believe the number of guys my age with diabetes and/or high blood pressure. Then I don't have any serious vices like porn, gambling, chemical dependency or anger management.
No felony criminal records either.

These things right there beat out 70% of my peers.
As a seriously dedicated Christian that elevates my status to almost unicorn level. I'm a myth that doesn't exist. Add in my education level and I'm a legend.

I'm so off the charts that most women don't believe that I exist...they dont even wish for a guy like me....but I've ALWAYS had a thing for the smart girls. (Masters level or better education)

So....
When my wife demonstrated to me that she knew me, understood my motivations, instead of the many tokens I have surrounding me...and decided she really liked who I was and not so much the things I do or know how to do....
I fell in love.

She wasn't actually sure that she believed I really was a fully trained fine dining chef. (I didn't cook fancy around her for a while) But when I baked and decorated our 4 tier Brides cake for our wedding....she knew it then. (It was at least a $3k cake) they ate all of it....we barely got away with our topper. (Italian buttercream is not exactly common...even in bakeries)

But that was how I knew....she knew me, the guy beyond all my talents who was a very dedicated Christian man that loved God more than I was ever going to love her. And she wanted to come along for the ride. She has never "needed" me to make her life livable....didn't need me to pay her bills or protect her from her past or other guys. She just wanted to live with me and be there for the journey. To help by getting in where she fit in.

And she does it wonderfully. Beyond my wildest expectations. She has her own bag of talents she brings to the table. Together we seem almost magic at times. We definitely are more than the sum of our parts. (I think God has something to do with that)

My wife is my best friend and confidante. So glad she is there.

Interesting. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad y'all found each other!