Finding out if date is a virgin, married, has children

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Gojira

Guest
#61
#61
notmyown said:
this is all true, but Gojira has a point. i married a new Christian in 1980. he had a past, and that past existed in the '60s and '70s. had i taken a hard line on the issue, i would have missed out on the last 44 years of, like, 98.8% delight. :)
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Thank you.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#62
Jan 16, 2021
6,187
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#62
What people want versus what they need are often two completely separate things that seldom meet.

People want to win the PowerBall too....but they don't have the self discipline or skills to manage a win. Others want fame through video platforms....that doesn't work out for them either.
So...how is it so different for people when it comes time for picking out a spouse?
(It isn't)

After the romance wanes you need to somehow make a friend out of a spouse...and not just a casual friend but your best friend. But instead of putting romance first and foremost in creating a relationship with someone what is SO WRONG with putting friendship first and foremost and romance secondary?

Call it wasting time or whatever you want....but it's the aspect that will make or break a relationship.

Some of the posters here....it's obvious that they really have issues with this concept. No self awareness whatsoever. How they function in society is a mystery. But I've seen this before. Odd mix for sure. Say one thing but do another.
 
Moses_Young

Moses_Young

Well-known member
#63
Sep 15, 2019
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#63
presidente said:
I got married before the close of the 1900's. Things were different back then, but fornication was still rampant in the US.

A friend of mine recently got engaged. I heard some of his dating stories. One woman he was phone or online dating with that he flew hundreds of miles to go visit, on a visit to family in the area, told him after he got there that she had been divorced. She had plenty of opportunities to share it before. I recently heard someone on YouTube talking about how some single mothers will mention that they have children after dating a man for a while.

When I was young and single, I wanted to marry a virgin. While that is rare these days, it is perfectly reasonable. That's certainly the impression I get from reading the Bible, at least.

I was thinking of doing a video or writing something on finding a spouse maybe someday. I wanted to get some opinions. Is it appropriate to ask these questions on a first day?
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I think it's worth asking. Why waste your time or hers (not to mention emotions), if unvirginity is going to be a deal breaker?

I remember once I left it too late to ask (I just presumed, thinking it was like bible times) - it must've been the fourth or fifth date when I found out, and she was upset when I broke up afterward. Probably I was naive, but these days, there's no depths of depravity that people won't plumb and think it's totally normal (murdering kids is another one, but the virginity question addresses this too - a woman can't murder kids in her womb if her womb is unused/undefiled). As someone pointed out, these days, it's probably even worth checking she was born a girl. Confirmation of virginity is relatively minor in comparison to some of the necessary checks.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#64
May 29, 2013
9,160
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#64
Moses_Young said:
I think it's worth asking. Why waste your time or hers (not to mention emotions), if unvirginity is going to be a deal breaker?

I remember once I left it too late to ask (I just presumed, thinking it was like bible times) - it must've been the fourth or fifth date when I found out, and she was upset when I broke up afterward. Probably I was naive, but these days, there's no depths of depravity that people won't plumb and think it's totally normal (murdering kids is another one, but the virginity question addresses this too - a woman can't murder kids in her womb if her womb is unused/undefiled). As someone pointed out, these days, it's probably even worth checking she was born a girl. Confirmation of virginity is relatively minor in comparison to some of the necessary checks.
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In my early 20's, there was a girl I met at a prayer meeting who was really pretty, and I felt connected to her, like I could feel her emotions, and stuff like that. Soon after I met her, I'd gotten something like a fuzzy word of knowledge about her, and she confessed some stuff that indicated she wasn't a virgin. So I never pursued anything with her, though I might have been interested if she was a virgin. She subtly indicated some interested in me once, right after having some boy troubles with another guy. I didn't follow up on the subtle cue. But she was pretty and sweet and all that. Another guy at church, a nice guy, dated her after that. She seemed like she always had to have a boyfriend.

Maybe a couple of years later, I was overseas, and I started dating this girl from another country, and I started to get the impression that I could do anything with her I wanted, which was a little concerning. Then she confessed she'd had sex with a previous boyfriend, and I realized I needed to break up with her. I suppose if I'd thought about it I would have realized since I was wanting to marry a virgin I should break up. But my convictions against senseless 'recreational dating' not aimed at marriage were not as strong then. But I think I was mainly concerned when I found out that she was not a virgin that the one thing keeping me from sleeping with her was me, and she wouldn't have been putting up resistance, so I broke it off. She got the impression that I was breaking it off because she wasn't a virgin and seemed to completely understand that without being wrongly indignant like a lot of anti 'slut shaming' girls nowadays would be in the west. I didn't correct her on that. We hadn't dated long, and ended amicably.

As far as finding out if someone is 'born again.' I wouldn't base it on whether they answered the question, 'Are you born again' correctly. I'd want to know what their faith is like, rather than the lingo they use. Someone can use 'born again' and not be born again, or not use the term and have genuine faith. They even use the term 'born again virgin' nowadays, and one doesn't have to be born again or a virgin to use that term.
 
Cameron143

Cameron143

Well-known member
#65
Mar 1, 2022
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#65
Dating for Christians, in my view, should be for the purpose of marriage. And since we all have different preferences in a variety of areas, we all have our list of deal breakers. Starting with your deal breakers is wise because it saves time and avoids false expectations. Most of the the harm caused by failed relationships can be avoided if you get the right person to begin with.
 
2ndTimeIsTheCharm

2ndTimeIsTheCharm

Well-known member
#66
Feb 17, 2023
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#66
presidente said:
I suppose it depends on how the date was set up. If it were a blind date, the couple might not talk beforehand.

The marriage and children questions aren't as touchy as the virginity question. Asking someone if they are a virgin might seem strange or rude, but maybe more uncomfortable for nonvirgin singles than for virgins.

Then there is the issue that to a Christian who says he/she has said he/she has never been married, "Do you have children?" might be considered a rude question, but so many singles have had children these days.
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Oh, I see. I personally don't believe in just jumping into a date with people I don't know well. Like, what is the rush???


👒
 
Moses_Young

Moses_Young

Well-known member
#67
Sep 15, 2019
9,969
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#67
2ndTimeIsTheCharm said:
Oh, I see. I personally don't believe in just jumping into a date with people I don't know well. Like, what is the rush???👒
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I think it depends on where you live. In places with lower populations, it's not always the case that any of the people one knows is eligible for marriage, let alone suitable. I agree that what you describe is more desirable, but don't believe its always possible except in more populous areas.

The requirement is again made harder for Christians - in any population, the percentage of Christians is usually significantly smaller than the total population.
 
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