Hey Everyone,
We see posts every day saying, "I'm here to make friends!" Of course, this is wonderful and something I'm sure we almost all came here for.
But what does "friendship" really mean today, and how has it changed over time? Does being "friends" mean you're on someone's personal social media list, or does it mean something more? Was "friendship" different back in other times of your life than it is today?
For instance:
* How many of your neighbors do you personally know?
I remember a time when it seemed normal to know several, if not most, of your neighbors, but for me, it's non-existent. I've actually been in situations where I felt God told me to isolate myself for my own safety, so it's become a bit of a habit now. This is especially true since drugs (particularly smoking various substances) have become very mainstream in areas where I've lived. (I'm not saying anyone who does these is a bad person; but it's likely that I would be invited or pressured to go along with it or participate, which is something I don't want.)
* Is a friend someone you only speak to online, or for you, does a real friend have to be there in person?
My whole life, I've met friends through writing. Back in the day, I had old-fashioned snail mail pen pals whom I wrote for a while and then met in person (long before I could Google them to see if they had a criminal record.) These days, it's all online, though it might take quite a bit of time. I think I met @Pipp here on CC around 2015, maybe 2014, and I just met her in person in 2022. But better late than never, and it was an awesome time!
* Do you make friends at work, in church, or in social groups?
One thing I've really noticed over the years is that people don't want to be "friends," or rather, "associates," outside of a certain place or circumstance. For years, I was perplexed (and hurt) as to why people would talk to me every day at work, every time they saw me at church, etc., but were almost offended when I asked if they wanted to go to lunch or coffee outside of that specific situation.
I finally realized that I think a majority of people today (sometimes including myself,) look at others as a good social obligation or distraction, but nothing more. The person at church likes having someone to small chat with to feel like they belong and are actually "part of a church." The person at work likes having someone who makes them laugh and is a good excuse to stop working and talk to. But that's as far as it goes, and it doesn't seem like many today ever want to go past this.
Have others noticed this too, or have you experienced something different?
* Do you find that your friendships are balanced (fairly equal give and take) or do you find yourself doing most of the giving? How has it affected your approach to future friendships?
I have to admit that one of the reasons I started isolating myself is because people were often asking me for something. Whether it was rides here and there, watching their kids (or pets while they were gone,) financial help (in one case, asking me to co-sign a loan, which I promptly declined.) But when the tables turned, I would then find myself at a loss if I was asking for help from any of these people. (Hence, my stubborn fierceness in trying to be self-reliant.)
As a single person, I sometimes feel targeted by others as an easy pawn to take advantage of when the other person knows they have nothing to give back, not even their time.
Now I know as Christians we should gladly and selflessly serve people without expecting anything back, but I don't think friendships were all meant to be charity cases. God gave us boundaries and I'd like to think that I have learned to better enforce them. I also try to keep in mind that we are often in contact with someone for a time and a season, that the our journey with them was meant to end.
These days I don't have many friends and unfortunately, they are all far away, but I truly think they are the best of the best. I feel truly thankful to have them, but try to always stay open to meeting new people and yes, making real friends.
How about the rest of you?
* What does it mean to you when you or others want to make friends?
* What actually makes a "real" friend in today's modern mix of real-life and digital living?
We see posts every day saying, "I'm here to make friends!" Of course, this is wonderful and something I'm sure we almost all came here for.
But what does "friendship" really mean today, and how has it changed over time? Does being "friends" mean you're on someone's personal social media list, or does it mean something more? Was "friendship" different back in other times of your life than it is today?
For instance:
* How many of your neighbors do you personally know?
I remember a time when it seemed normal to know several, if not most, of your neighbors, but for me, it's non-existent. I've actually been in situations where I felt God told me to isolate myself for my own safety, so it's become a bit of a habit now. This is especially true since drugs (particularly smoking various substances) have become very mainstream in areas where I've lived. (I'm not saying anyone who does these is a bad person; but it's likely that I would be invited or pressured to go along with it or participate, which is something I don't want.)
* Is a friend someone you only speak to online, or for you, does a real friend have to be there in person?
My whole life, I've met friends through writing. Back in the day, I had old-fashioned snail mail pen pals whom I wrote for a while and then met in person (long before I could Google them to see if they had a criminal record.) These days, it's all online, though it might take quite a bit of time. I think I met @Pipp here on CC around 2015, maybe 2014, and I just met her in person in 2022. But better late than never, and it was an awesome time!
* Do you make friends at work, in church, or in social groups?
One thing I've really noticed over the years is that people don't want to be "friends," or rather, "associates," outside of a certain place or circumstance. For years, I was perplexed (and hurt) as to why people would talk to me every day at work, every time they saw me at church, etc., but were almost offended when I asked if they wanted to go to lunch or coffee outside of that specific situation.
I finally realized that I think a majority of people today (sometimes including myself,) look at others as a good social obligation or distraction, but nothing more. The person at church likes having someone to small chat with to feel like they belong and are actually "part of a church." The person at work likes having someone who makes them laugh and is a good excuse to stop working and talk to. But that's as far as it goes, and it doesn't seem like many today ever want to go past this.
Have others noticed this too, or have you experienced something different?
* Do you find that your friendships are balanced (fairly equal give and take) or do you find yourself doing most of the giving? How has it affected your approach to future friendships?
I have to admit that one of the reasons I started isolating myself is because people were often asking me for something. Whether it was rides here and there, watching their kids (or pets while they were gone,) financial help (in one case, asking me to co-sign a loan, which I promptly declined.) But when the tables turned, I would then find myself at a loss if I was asking for help from any of these people. (Hence, my stubborn fierceness in trying to be self-reliant.)
As a single person, I sometimes feel targeted by others as an easy pawn to take advantage of when the other person knows they have nothing to give back, not even their time.
Now I know as Christians we should gladly and selflessly serve people without expecting anything back, but I don't think friendships were all meant to be charity cases. God gave us boundaries and I'd like to think that I have learned to better enforce them. I also try to keep in mind that we are often in contact with someone for a time and a season, that the our journey with them was meant to end.
These days I don't have many friends and unfortunately, they are all far away, but I truly think they are the best of the best. I feel truly thankful to have them, but try to always stay open to meeting new people and yes, making real friends.
How about the rest of you?
* What does it mean to you when you or others want to make friends?
* What actually makes a "real" friend in today's modern mix of real-life and digital living?
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