~Chuckle for the Day~
- Thread starter Bingo
- Start date
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A Little Girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The Teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
Human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
Very small. The Little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
Was physically impossible.
The Little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The Teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The Little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
..........................................................................
A Kindergarten Teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were Drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As She got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The Girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The Teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without Missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
'They will in a minute.'
.......................................................................
A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and Six-year-olds.
After Explaining the commandment to 'Honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she Asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
Brothers and sisters?'
From The back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou
Shall not kill.'
........................................................................
ONE Day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
At the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
Several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
Brunette head.
She Looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your
Hairs white, Mum?'
Her Mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and
Make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The Little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are White?'
..............................................................................
The Children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
Persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just
Think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
Up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael, He's a doctor.'
A Small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the
Teacher, she's dead.'
...................................................................................
A Teacher Was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood Trying to make The matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, The blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in
The face.' 'Yes,'
The class said.
'Then Why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions
The blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A Little fellow shouted, Cause
Your feet ain't empty.'
...................................................................................
The Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
School for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
Apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only
ONE. God is watching.'
Moving Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
Large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A Child had written a note, 'Take all you want…… God is watching the apples.'
The Teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
Human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
Very small. The Little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
Was physically impossible.
The Little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The Teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The Little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
..........................................................................
A Kindergarten Teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were Drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As She got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The Girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The Teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without Missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
'They will in a minute.'
.......................................................................
A Sunday School teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and Six-year-olds.
After Explaining the commandment to 'Honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she Asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
Brothers and sisters?'
From The back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou
Shall not kill.'
........................................................................
ONE Day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
At the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
Several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her
Brunette head.
She Looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your
Hairs white, Mum?'
Her Mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and
Make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The Little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are White?'
..............................................................................
The Children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
Persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just
Think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
Up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael, He's a doctor.'
A Small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the
Teacher, she's dead.'
...................................................................................
A Teacher Was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood Trying to make The matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, The blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in
The face.' 'Yes,'
The class said.
'Then Why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions
The blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A Little fellow shouted, Cause
Your feet ain't empty.'
...................................................................................
The Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
School for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
Apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only
ONE. God is watching.'
Moving Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
Large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A Child had written a note, 'Take all you want…… God is watching the apples.'
sally: "i wonder what's wrong with that tall blonde guy over there, just a minute ago he was getting very friendly with me, & then, all of a sudden, he turned pale, walked away & won't even look at me anymore".
linda: "maybe he saw me come in, he's my husband".
linda: "maybe he saw me come in, he's my husband".
I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking e driving. This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI. As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, this year, it happened to me. I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine.
It was held at a great Mexican restaurant. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before. I took a taxi home.
On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. These roadblocks can be anywhere and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.
The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
If you want to borrow it, give me a call.
Well, this year, it happened to me. I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine.
It was held at a great Mexican restaurant. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before. I took a taxi home.
On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. These roadblocks can be anywhere and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.
The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
If you want to borrow it, give me a call.
the man walked into the house panting & almost completely exhausted. "what happened Honey"?, inquired his wife. "it's a great new idea i have," he gasped. i ran all the way home behind a bus & saved 50 cents". "that wasn't very bright", said his wife. "why didn't you run behind a taxi & save three dollars"?
the dinner-nothing joke is my favorite.
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"
