If Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Won't Marry

[Karlon]

If you had a boyfriend or girlfriend who you were willing to marry how long would you wait before breaking it off?

Ladies, how long would you date a man for if he doesn't propose before you break it off?

Men if you propose and she says sh is not ready would you keep dating her? If so for how long?

Personally, I think it is important to discuss marriage, expectations about what marriage is supposed to be, marital roles, plans about children, etc. before a proposal and breaking up fast if values and goals are irreconcilable different. Dating just to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to meet percieved recreational, emotional, or social needs can waste time and lead to temptation.

Feel free to post if:
1. You genuinely want to discuss this topic
Or
2. You like to beat up children and old people....and pets and you want to post on why this is not a good topic for this forum or why people shouldn't get married these days.

if i proposed to my girlfriend which means we were dating, generally speaking, a couple of years & she said no & given the fact that i wanted to be married, i would break it off right then & there. think about this: if you dated for 2 years that must mean you got along well. it also means she's far from marrying. no one should make you wait.

 

[MsMediator]

I heard some guy on TV say he wanted to marry 'an independent woman.' I don't get the appeal. If a man finds out a woman he is dating feels like the idea those lyrics express, like she is going to get 'caged' by a relationship, it might be best to find a woman who'd appreciate being married without feeling 'caged.'

She will only feel caged if he tries to change her or doesn't let her do what she wants.

There is compromise in marriage but if she feels she is giving up too much she can feel caged.

That's why it is important to make sure lifestyle and personality are compatible before marriage. Like, you can't marry someone who loves the club and then expect him/her to stay at home after marriage. Or, marry someone who is opinionated before marriage and then try to silence him/her after.

An independent woman just means she doesn't need a man, but wants one.

 

[Lynx]

An independent woman just means she doesn't need a man, but wants one.

This is the most perspicacious statement so far in this thread.

 

[Lynx]

if i proposed to my girlfriend which means we were dating, generally speaking, a couple of years & she said no & given the fact that i wanted to be married, i would break it off right then & there. think about this: if you dated for 2 years that must mean you got along well. it also means she's far from marrying. no one should make you wait.

Ideally I imagine it would be no surprise to my lady when I propose marriage. I'm not big on major dramatic moments like proposing. I imagine we would discuss it a lot and come to a mutual agreement instead of getting down on one knee and popping the question.

Of course I could be wrong. I've never been there before. Maybe it will be completely different. But I would like for it to be a discussion and mutual agreement instead of a big dramatic proposal.

 

[tourist]

I would give her a month.

 

[tourist]

I met my husband in 2015. We got engaged 2016. Married in 2017. We were in our 30s, so we weren’t about to waste each others time lol.

Exactly. You reach a point in your life when you either know what you want, or you don't. Why waste precious years being tentative. You and your hubby moved right along in a timely fashion.

 

[tourist]

if i proposed to my girlfriend which means we were dating, generally speaking, a couple of years & she said no & given the fact that i wanted to be married, i would break it off right then & there. think about this: if you dated for 2 years that must mean you got along well. it also means she's far from marrying. no one should make you wait.

Fully concur with your estimation.

 

[tourist]

Nope, I would never date someone who isn't marriage minded. My time and freedom are more precious. If I was going to make any sacrifice, it would be for someone I intend to marry. If a guy is giving me a wishy washy response the relationship would end.

My rule was to never to continue dating a woman that I would not consider marrying.

 

[Karlon]

Ideally I imagine it would be no surprise to my lady when I propose marriage. I'm not big on major dramatic moments like proposing. I imagine we would discuss it a lot and come to a mutual agreement instead of getting down on one knee and popping the question.

Of course I could be wrong. I've never been there before. Maybe it will be completely different. But I would like for it to be a discussion and mutual agreement instead of a big dramatic proposal.

of the 1,000 issues there are to discuss in marriage, the 1 i'm thinking now is learn that women change there ways as soon as they are married for the worse. they begin to think: "i got him now" "how can i use him" "i know how i can control him". blessings to you lynx.

 

[Lynx]

of the 1,000 issues there are to discuss in marriage, the 1 i'm thinking now is learn that women change there ways as soon as they are married for the worse. they begin to think: "i got him now" "how can i use him" "i know how i can control him". blessings to you lynx.

Gee that's... cheerful!

 

[tourist]

This is the most perspicacious statement so far in this thread.

I agree. Of course, I had to google 'perspicacious' first.

 

[tourist]

of the 1,000 issues there are to discuss in marriage, the 1 i'm thinking now is learn that women change there ways as soon as they are married for the worse. they begin to think: "i got him now" "how can i use him" "i know how i can control him". blessings to you lynx.

It's all part of the training process.

 

[Karlon]

Gee that's... cheerful!

i don't mean to disillusion you but that's 1 of the top areas of concern sincerely, blessings to you

 

[JohnDB]

Two years seems like a long time to me. IMO, it depends on ages, too. If a woman is 39, wants children, and has never married, a man considering her as a wife needs to make a decision fast, and so should she. The egg timer is ticking.

College students at 18? Four or five years seems reasonable. Give him a year after he graduates to get settled in a job.

Before mid-20's, 2 years may be okay. Close to 30? Maybe a year, IMO.

Putting pressure on someone after a few months seems unreasonable. Letting someone go after a few dates if you realize they aren't marriage-focused seems reasonable. Don't want kids and you do? Next. Totally different ideas of the role of husband and wife? Next. Potential spouse is okay with gay marriage or castrating kids? Next. Will divorce over emotional issues or not getting along? Next.

I had a conversation with my wife five months and a few days after our first conversation. We figured out we'd been briefly introduced maybe a year before. We spent an awful lot of time getting to know each other. I also 'prayed through' before proposing. Marriage seemed to be the direction God was directing us toward and speaking to us about. We have been together over 20 years.

Usually at some point in a dating relationship there is a point at which commitment should be discussed.

Young Men are forever seeking gravitas...and to a lot of them a spouse seems like a great way to obtain that. Kids however, seem like too much responsibility for most young guys.
(I love kids but just repeating what I've heard)

Young women are all about the attention and nice things guys bring into a relationship...but generally have a more difficult time understanding why guys commit or what is actually required of being a spouse. (And it isn't about being dependent upon him)

Two self sufficient independent people who join together is part of the recipe for marriage success....but I'm getting away from the focus of this thread.

Guys will commit to a woman who is supportive of his goals....not because they get sex. In fact if a guys gets sex from a woman before marriage he is less likely to respect her...not that he won't express frustration from his many attempts to initiate a sexual encounter. That's expected...even from the "good guys".
And women expect a man to initiate a sexual encounter with pressure...and will begin to doubt his attraction to her if he doesn't try. (If you think this is confusing do not feel alone)
But the success of the relationship is in not having sex.

What people say is one thing...what they do is another.

 

[Gideon300]

what statistics

GET him to commit, how? Lol

You mean, propose to him?

That's a very interesting point you've made. In spite of all the changes in male/female relationships over the decades, one thing at least has not changed. Women expect the man to propose. There are some men who are unable to read the signs that a woman is interested. Me, for example.

In some cultures, men have become so paranoid about relationships that they simply avoid them completely. It's become too hard and the emotional cost is too high. The USA definitely is in that category. You would hope that Christians would be able to avoid the pitfalls and marriage would be the norm. I don't have any information about that.

 

[Gideon300]

of the 1,000 issues there are to discuss in marriage, the 1 i'm thinking now is learn that women change there ways as soon as they are married for the worse. they begin to think: "i got him now" "how can i use him" "i know how i can control him". blessings to you lynx.

That's why Christians should have some maturity before they marry. Women often mean well, but the man is not a project to work on. Some women manipulate the man then complain that he's not the man she married. It is instinctive for the woman to want to change the man. That has to be resisted. The man must not give in and the woman must realise that it's not acceptable.

Obviously a great deal changes when a couple marry, especially when children are involved. It can be heaven or hell on earth. Walking in the Spirit, forgiving offences, loving each other in the right way will lead to a blessed marriage. The alternative is misery and eventually, divorce. We get to choose how our lives will go. I would advise everyone interested in marriage to look up Mark Gungor. He's brilliant and very funny, a rare combination.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

But I only reply to these topics because people seem to have misconceptions about what it is to be SINGLE

I mean you no disrespect whatsoever, but you seem to have major misconceptions about what it means to be married.

Let me begin by honestly saying that I am sorry that you have had bad experiences with men. Men, especially unregenerate men, can be dogs, and, sad to say, that classification also applies to many men who profess to be Christians.

At the same time, however, whether or not you have ever personally met or dated one, there are still genuine Christian men on this planet who treat women the way that God ordained for them to treat women. You seem content being single, and that is fine. Should you ever desire to find a potential spouse, then I truly hope that God brings a genuine Christian man your way.

You explained why you responded in what I quoted, and I will explain why I am responding here.

On the one hand, I know that the way that you regularly describe CERTAIN men and relationships is valid.

On the other hand, you seemingly paint with way too broad of a brush because I know that there is at least one godly Christian man still out there, and he would never treat a woman in the manner in which you often describe in your posts.

Again, I mean you no disrespect whatsoever, but, for your own sake, please do not throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater. That leads to cynicism, and that is never a good thing.

 

[Lynx]

I mean you no disrespect whatsoever, but you seem to have major misconceptions about what it means to be married.

Let me begin by honestly saying that I am sorry that you have had bad experiences with men. Men, especially unregenerate men, can be dogs, and, sad to say, that classification also applies to many men who profess to be Christians.

At the same time, however, whether or not you have ever personally met or dated one, there are still genuine Christian men on this planet who treat women the way that God ordained for them to treat women. You seem content being single, and that is fine. Should you ever desire to find a potential spouse, then I truly hope that God brings a genuine Christian man your way.

You explained why you responded in what I quoted, and I will explain why I am responding here.

On the one hand, I know that the way that you regularly describe CERTAIN men and relationships is valid.

On the other hand, you seemingly paint with way too broad of a brush because I know that there is at least one godly Christian man still out there, and he would never treat a woman in the manner in which you often describe in your posts.

Again, I mean you no disrespect whatsoever, but, for your own sake, please do not throw out the proverbial baby with the bathwater. That leads to cynicism, and that is never a good thing.

You must be new here. Misconceptions and broad-brushing are Lanolin's hallmarks.

 

[seekingthemindofChrist]

You must be new here. Misconceptions and broad-brushing are Lanolin's hallmarks.

Perhaps, but I take no pleasure in that.

To some extent, and usually to a very large extent, our views are formed by or based upon our own life's experiences. When I read Lanolin's posts, I do truly recognize truth in them, but not absolute truth. In other words, the types of things which she regularly describes truly do happen, but not with everybody.

I can tell you one thing for sure...

I am definitely not like any of the men I have ever heard her describe in her posts. Not even close.

In fact, and I probably should not say this because it will more than likely be misconstrued, if I lived near Lanolin, then I would invite her out. Not necessarily on a date, but at least out as friends. Why? Well, if for no other reason, then solely so she could see for herself that there still are decent Christian men on this planet who treat women the way that they ought to be treated.

Of course, she would probably turn down my offer, and that is fine. Then again, seeing how I am so irresistible (to mosquitoes and snarling dogs), SPARKS MIGHT FLY!!! (after she tasered me)

 

[Lynx]

What people say is one thing...what they do is another.

You need to meet some better people. Not intrinsically better, but people who know a better way to live. Some people I know, say and do match.