Being a good friend to a bad friend
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I’ve been not just a bad friend but a absolutely terrible friend to a lot of people over the course of my unsaved life. I don’t think they would come straight out and say it out of niceties but its been quite evident. Most distanced from me when I didn’t even notice it. The screen names on Facebook friend list stayed but the relationships faded. I’d send messages and never get response. I’d call old numbers and if I’d get ahold of someone we just didn’t have much to talk about to move into a future conversation. No willingness from them to reconnect was the general response and it hurt and stung a bit. If I pushed into friendship they broke all contact. It was after I got saved and deleted Facebook I realized I didn’t have any current friends speaking into my life. Even family to this day it’s like they want nothing to do with me but the absolute minimum with me. 2 years went by with no old friends reaching out to me. So I’m pretty much starting from scratch friendship wise. Starting with Bible study groups, Church connections this time rather than old friends I used to party with back in the day. So I’m hopeful God will raise up new relationships for me in the coming years for now God has me kinda on a desert road season with friendship
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Great topic to start the Wednesday morning with some coffee.
Do i have bad friends?
Yes, i used to and i still do. They started since high school when they were doing drugs like marijuana or cocaine and they wanted me to try them. I declined but i didn't judge them and i guess they liked that and wanted to hang around with me too.
How do i remain being a good friend?
Hmm, just being myself? Help em out when i can and most importantly never judge them.
But your third question here is interesting.
Would i become a bad friend to them if i abandoned them?
This is a strange question because first of all why would you assume that's bad? I mean, even God Himself said that after a certain time you shake the dust off your feet and move on. You're not going to change the lives of every friend but just by being yourself and loving God first, you can show some of your friends that there might be other options other than the path they're in.
So i don't know if your third question makes a lot of sense but feel free to expand more on it.
Do i have bad friends?
Yes, i used to and i still do. They started since high school when they were doing drugs like marijuana or cocaine and they wanted me to try them. I declined but i didn't judge them and i guess they liked that and wanted to hang around with me too.
How do i remain being a good friend?
Hmm, just being myself? Help em out when i can and most importantly never judge them.
But your third question here is interesting.
Would i become a bad friend to them if i abandoned them?
This is a strange question because first of all why would you assume that's bad? I mean, even God Himself said that after a certain time you shake the dust off your feet and move on. You're not going to change the lives of every friend but just by being yourself and loving God first, you can show some of your friends that there might be other options other than the path they're in.
So i don't know if your third question makes a lot of sense but feel free to expand more on it.
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Good and bad can be subjective with friendship.
If you have a friend who drinks a lot, and is always in danger of having his power cut off because he can't afford the electric bill, are you a good friend if you keep feeding him money to get by? He will call you a bad friend if you refuse.
If you have a friend who drinks a lot, and is always in danger of having his power cut off because he can't afford the electric bill, are you a good friend if you keep feeding him money to get by? He will call you a bad friend if you refuse.
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The "friends" I have/had are essentially good in that they don't have bad habits to pull me down the wrong track. They are not bad influences. I can understand why God wants us to pull away from bad influences. I am talking about people who fade, are unreliable, or not putting in the effort. The question is should we continue to make an effort or not. A similar example is, a lot of pastors check up on people who are essentially trying to hide from them. Should the pastor continue to check on them/update them or stop? It is hard to tell especially if the people respond and the conversation is friendly.
Ah, i see.
Well this depends on the pastor but i would think that he should keep checking to a point and then stop - since it's simply a check based on Love and Concern as opposed to dealing with someone who's doing drugs in front of you and forcing you to take them.
The priest at my church has been checking on a woman dealing with cancer for 7 years despite the fact that he's never seen her in-person and she rarely keeps in touch.
He also checks on people dealing with depression or substances for years even if they don't respond and he prays for them.
So i would think a pastor should keep checking and we should all keep checking on this case since it's a case where we show Love and Concern even if the other side stays silent.
Well this depends on the pastor but i would think that he should keep checking to a point and then stop - since it's simply a check based on Love and Concern as opposed to dealing with someone who's doing drugs in front of you and forcing you to take them.
The priest at my church has been checking on a woman dealing with cancer for 7 years despite the fact that he's never seen her in-person and she rarely keeps in touch.
He also checks on people dealing with depression or substances for years even if they don't respond and he prays for them.
So i would think a pastor should keep checking and we should all keep checking on this case since it's a case where we show Love and Concern even if the other side stays silent.
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Me, I'm a part of your circle of friends
And we notice you don't come around
And me, I think it all depends
On you touching ground with us
I quit
I give up
Nothing's good enough
For anybody else
It seems
And being alone
It's the best way
When I'm by myself
It's the best way to be
When I'm all alone
It's the best way to be
When I'm by myself
Nobody else can say goodbye
Carol King
And we notice you don't come around
And me, I think it all depends
On you touching ground with us
I quit
I give up
Nothing's good enough
For anybody else
It seems
And being alone
It's the best way
When I'm by myself
It's the best way to be
When I'm all alone
It's the best way to be
When I'm by myself
Nobody else can say goodbye
Carol King
My answer may seem too simplistic, but, quite frankly, I believe that people will ultimately put forth effort to do what they truly want to do, go where they truly want to go, and be with those they truly want to be with. In other words, if they are basically ignoring you, then they are doing so willfully, and I doubt that you are ever going to change anybody else's will.
In my life, I have always been the one to put forth all of the effort. Once I stop doing so, the relationship stops because it was never really going at the other end, but this is just this one man's life experiences.
In my life, I have always been the one to put forth all of the effort. Once I stop doing so, the relationship stops because it was never really going at the other end, but this is just this one man's life experiences.
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What a great question, one that I am wrestling with.
Yes, I have such friends. They are good people, but self centred, they do not ever really listen to me. They talk about their problems incessantly.
So I decided a while ago to stop telling them anything - I don't think they have even noticed. This makes me feel sad and disappointed because friendship ought to be so much better than that.
I do not wish to lose them, so I just listen and be sympathetic to their woes and do not expect anything back. I accept that this is just how things are, it's human nature and I have almost nobody to talk to any more.
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I had a pastor who checked up on me and thought that was nice even wrote me a letter, to say he was praying for me but when I came back to church and spoke to his wife, she dismissed this and implied that was just his job.
Hiding from pastor, well...I think with some churches they act like they dont want you but in others they want you volunteer for every job when you dont have the time and are given NO resources to do it. People eventually give up on doing that.
For example, if they want you to do some training they expect you to show up alone, and if its across town no transport to get there and maybe pay a huge conference fee you cant afford to get there. Thats why sometimes I think churches only want RICH people
Hiding from pastor, well...I think with some churches they act like they dont want you but in others they want you volunteer for every job when you dont have the time and are given NO resources to do it. People eventually give up on doing that.
For example, if they want you to do some training they expect you to show up alone, and if its across town no transport to get there and maybe pay a huge conference fee you cant afford to get there. Thats why sometimes I think churches only want RICH people