One more thing, MP.
With God as my witness, I had considered PMing you recently, but I chose not to because I did not want to possibly invade your privacy or make you feel uncomfortable. As I have mentioned before, I am the curious type, and, not to flatter, but I have noticed something different about you, in a positive sense, from reading some of your posts, and I was wondering if you might share a bit of your testimony as to how you got saved. No pressure, and definitely no obligation. It is rare that I see the type of devotion that you have sincerely displayed here, and, based upon my own observations over the years, there is normally one variable, which is often missing nowadays, that contributes to said devotion, and I am just wondering if that variable applies to you.
Anyway, like I said, no pressure, and definitely no obligation.
Hello friend, thank you for replying.
Truthfully, I don't remember an exact date or specific moment where I would say, "yes, this is when I got saved." Instead, my experience has been more of a snowballing awareness of, acceptance of, and surrender to Jesus. I will try to explain.
Being raised by Christian parents who spoke of God, prayed, and read the Bible, I gained an awareness of God at an early age. Between them, and the Catholic school I attended (it was the closest Christian school my parents could afford [we lived near a dangerous part of the city, so safety was important]) I understood enough to know that God listened, He was Someone to be loved and revered, and He answered prayer.
One day, at the end of my sixth birthday, everything was winding down and I didn't want the excitement to be over. So I started to anticipate my next birthday, and what kind of gift I might ask for next. I realized that I wanted a little brother who I could play with. So I got on my knees by myself and prayed something along the lines of, "dear God, for my next birthday, I would love to have a little brother as a present." I don't remember every detail of what I said, but I understood that God had heard me, and I don't recall having any doubt at all. Some months passed, and my mother found out she was going to have a baby. I had asked for a baby brother, and the baby was a boy. The doctors gave her a due date of June. I told her that was wrong and that he would be born on my birthday, because that's when birthday gifts are given. As time passed, I wasn't worried about the doctors' predicted date. I was a little kid who had no reason not to believe everything I had been told about God. Eventually, the morning of my birthday came. My dad woke me up and drove us to the hospital to met my mom and my baby brother, who had indeed been born on my birthday.
Although I didn't need the confirmation at that time (I believed God without any doubts), God answering my prayer in childhood later served (and continues to serve) as a personal reminder and confirmation that God hears.
My dark years started near the beginning of middle school. My own curiosity had led me into sin I didn't immediately recognize was a sin. The sin became habitual. I began to like very dark things around that time and struggled with self hatred and depression.
I don't recall exactly when or how God started changing me. My family attended church and had CDs with praise and worships songs. I remember there were a few songs at separate times that seemed to minister to me. I also started wondering whether certain behaviors of mine were a sin, seeing that I would always feel guilty after committing them. This led me to seeking counsel online. I first asked my question on a website that catered to teen girls, and their answer was "No! That's not a sin," and then offered advice on how to continue doing what felt wrong to me.
I wasn't satisfied with their answer at all. I think deep down inside, I had a feeling that what I was doing was wrong, but I was in denial and wanted to know for sure before deciding to commit to stopping the sin I had come to enjoy.
Shortly after that, I discovered another website that catered to teens. This one had been formed by a small group of Christian women who had committed themselves to offering Godly answers to teens who were searching. I asked my question, and they explained to me with love and the wisdom of God's Word.
But now that I had my answer, I was glad, but I also felt sad. I knew that I had to stop, but I still had the compulsion to commit the sin whenever the temptation came. And the temptation came every day.
I struggled, fought with prayer and memory verses, failed (but also experienced a few small victories in between), and got back up remembering God's promises in what felt like a never-ending cycle. At the time, I could not imagine being free or living without my sin, but I greatly desired to be pleasing to God.
As I got closer and closer to God, deliverance finally came one day while I was in church, in March of 2019. The pastor had been teaching about the Holy Spirit, and we'd been told to make sure we prepared for the last day of the sermon series. I had prayed to Jesus beforehand, and told Him that I trusted Him.
During the service, I received the gift of speaking in tongues. When the gift came, I remember it was just pouring out with tears and joy as people prayed over me. And afterwards, I felt like something heavy had broken off of me. After that, when temptation came, it was easier to resist. The habit was gone. I could finally say "no." I was literally no longer a slave to the sin. Jesus had freed me.
I strongly believe that God was helping me throughout the entire struggle. There's a scripture that says when we experience temptation from our own lusts, God provides us a way of escape. So when tempted, I would always look for a "door" out, something else I could do or somewhere I could go, and there always was something or somewhere. It was up to me to take that timely door. But sometimes, I just wouldn't do it. I felt like I
had to follow through with completing the sin once I felt tempted. But just because you feel tempted, does not mean you should follow through. My small successes came when I would finally choose to stop at whatever level I had advanced the sin to. I would stop, turn around, and "run" to Jesus. But my biggest, longest victory came on that day when I surrendered to Jesus and welcomed the Holy Spirit to intervene.
I still face temptations today, but less frequently than in the past. And when it comes, I'm equipped with the strength that God gives me to stand against it and say "no" to my flesh.
From the starting point to the deliverance, it took about twelve years. I learned that all struggles do come to an end, we just need to keep pushing on in Christ.
I don't recall at what point I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but I seem to recall a few times of earnestly going to God in prayer with a contrite heart.
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