Friendship Advice

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MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#1
Mar 8, 2022
1,080
721
113
#1
I have a friendship that became strained a few years ago. It started earlier since the 2016 election but I don't think politics is the same issue since my friend has dated guys with the same views as mine. However the past two years, she has not wished me happy birthday and basically has not initiated conversation (meanwhile I have, every 4-6 months). She told me some major life updates after the fact (new job, moved to new place, etc.) after I dragged it out. She has always been polite when responding but not going forward with the conversation. I wasn't sure whether to wish her happy birthday this week, but I'm glad I did and she was very polite saying she hopes I am well but not saying much else. Our communication has been via text recently. I have some closure now, knowing I tried, and I don't plan on contacting her again. I feel sad but have closure. I think I have made it clear I am always open for communication if she wants. Thoughts or tips?
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#2
Jul 3, 2015
59,816
29,195
113
#2
Hello MsMediator. Have you asked her what if anything she holds against you?

It seems obvious there is something. If she cannot be honest about it, best to let it go as you have...
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#3
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#3
Oh thats sad but you have other friends right?
Sometimes we have to let go for a bit.

Im neutral about politics for the most part so try not to let that get in the way of friendships. I think it can ruin a lot of friendships when people always argue about it. What people in power or high places do has no real bearing on me. I know God is above all that.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#4
Mar 8, 2022
1,080
721
113
#4
Magenta said:
Hello MsMediator. Have you asked her what if anything she holds against you?

It seems obvious there is something. If she cannot be honest about it, best to let it go as you have...
Click to expand...
No, I have not asked her directly, but I believe she feels I think she and her family should have been deported (they came to the U.S. as illegals but they became legal later). This is probably the biggest issue which I found out during the election. It is about politics even though she doesn't care as much about politics when it comes to guys. Ultimately we cannot talk about religion or politics as she takes it too personally (I am able to take a step back, look at issues from other perspectives, and discuss issues with people who don't agree with me). She grew up Christian but has withdrawn a bit, I believe because of politics.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#5
Mar 8, 2022
1,080
721
113
#5
Lanolin said:
Oh thats sad but you have other friends right?
Sometimes we have to let go for a bit.

Im neutral about politics for the most part so try not to let that get in the way of friendships. I think it can ruin a lot of friendships when people always argue about it. What people in power or high places do has no real bearing on me. I know God is above all that.
Click to expand...
Yes I have a few other close friends but this friend has been my "fun" friend; we were roommates, took trips together, etc.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#6
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#6
That’s life. As people grow older the number of friends also get smaller. People get busy. It is sad but it is ok to let some people go and cherish the ones who stay.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#7
Mar 8, 2022
1,080
721
113
#7
I have accepted friendships will go even though it is sad. I just don't want friendship regrets when I am old/dying. It is one of the top regrets of the dying. With the friend discussed today I no longer have regrets as I atempted to stay in contact. I also have another person that I attempted to stay in contact (contacted her when I was in town and we met up) but she has not contacted me since. I don't have regrets with that one.

As I mentioned in another post, I had close group of girlfriends but we basically dumped each other. I plan to reconnect with a couple of other friends when I am in town so I have no regrets.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
27,188
9,270
113
#8
MsMediator said:
I have accepted friendships will go even though it is sad. I just don't want friendship regrets when I am old/dying. It is one of the top regrets of the dying. With the friend discussed today I no longer have regrets as I atempted to stay in contact. I also have another person that I attempted to stay in contact (contacted her when I was in town and we met up) but she has not contacted me since. I don't have regrets with that one.

As I mentioned in another post, I had close group of girlfriends but we basically dumped each other. I plan to reconnect with a couple of other friends when I am in town so I have no regrets.
Click to expand...
If you're ever in southwest Tennessee...
 
K

Karlon

Well-known member
#9
Mar 8, 2023
2,505
1,126
113
#9
MsMediator said:
I have a friendship that became strained a few years ago. It started earlier since the 2016 election but I don't think politics is the same issue since my friend has dated guys with the same views as mine. However the past two years, she has not wished me happy birthday and basically has not initiated conversation (meanwhile I have, every 4-6 months). She told me some major life updates after the fact (new job, moved to new place, etc.) after I dragged it out. She has always been polite when responding but not going forward with the conversation. I wasn't sure whether to wish her happy birthday this week, but I'm glad I did and she was very polite saying she hopes I am well but not saying much else. Our communication has been via text recently. I have some closure now, knowing I tried, and I don't plan on contacting her again. I feel sad but have closure. I think I have made it clear I am always open for communication if she wants. Thoughts or tips?
Click to expand...
there may be a hidden issue that obviates her courteous corresponding that people don't speak about. there's a myriad of possibilities here. delve into your spirit but 1st, ask the Holy Spirit what's going on. use wisdom to make your final decision. this reminds me of a guy who used to go to the open-mic nights where musicians play . he worked for me a short while. 1 day he said to me that he thought nobody liked him. i knew why. he was looking for a girlfriend but no girl would talk to him. he had terrible chronic halitosis. you couldn't stand within 6' of there guy!
 
1

17Bees

Senior Member
#10
Oct 14, 2016
1,380
813
113
#10
Well Ms. M.... Politics aside, there's some words I kept seeing that politicians always miss. Words shouted out in your story.

I care for you.... and I really miss you.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#11
Aug 13, 2014
27,188
9,270
113
#11
Karlon said:
there may be a hidden issue that obviates her courteous corresponding that people don't speak about. there's a myriad of possibilities here. delve into your spirit but 1st, ask the Holy Spirit what's going on. use wisdom to make your final decision. this reminds me of a guy who used to go to the open-mic nights where musicians play . he worked for me a short while. 1 day he said to me that he thought nobody liked him. i knew why. he was looking for a girlfriend but no girl would talk to him. he had terrible chronic halitosis. you couldn't stand within 6' of there guy!
Click to expand...
Did you tell him this?

If I had been him, I would have wanted somebody to tell me.
 
listenyoumustAll

listenyoumustAll

Well-known member
#12
Jul 22, 2021
404
288
63
#12
MsMediator said:
I have a friendship that became strained a few years ago. It started earlier since the 2016 election but I don't think politics is the same issue since my friend has dated guys with the same views as mine. However the past two years, she has not wished me happy birthday and basically has not initiated conversation (meanwhile I have, every 4-6 months). She told me some major life updates after the fact (new job, moved to new place, etc.) after I dragged it out. She has always been polite when responding but not going forward with the conversation. I wasn't sure whether to wish her happy birthday this week, but I'm glad I did and she was very polite saying she hopes I am well but not saying much else. Our communication has been via text recently. I have some closure now, knowing I tried, and I don't plan on contacting her again. I feel sad but have closure. I think I have made it clear I am always open for communication if she wants. Thoughts or tips?
Click to expand...
Pray to God about it he will give you direction on what step if any at all ,for you to take . sometimes friendships are saved when you learn to let go and move on to something new ..but not be depressed . in life we have seasons . valleys and hills . a valley is not a pleasurable place to be but God is faithful . be encouraged
 
K

Karlon

Well-known member
#13
Mar 8, 2023
2,505
1,126
113
#13
Lynx said:
Did you tell him this?

If I had been him, I would have wanted somebody to tell me.
Click to expand...
no. wanted to. i was going to have a girl write on paper about his bad breath addressed to him & tape the note on his vehicle but didn't.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#14
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#14
Just give or slip him some mints
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#15
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#15
MsMediator said:
I have accepted friendships will go even though it is sad. I just don't want friendship regrets when I am old/dying. It is one of the top regrets of the dying. With the friend discussed today I no longer have regrets as I atempted to stay in contact. I also have another person that I attempted to stay in contact (contacted her when I was in town and we met up) but she has not contacted me since. I don't have regrets with that one.

As I mentioned in another post, I had close group of girlfriends but we basically dumped each other. I plan to reconnect with a couple of other friends when I am in town so I have no regrets.
Click to expand...
you not dying are you???
 
Sculpt

Sculpt

Well-known member
#17
Apr 18, 2021
1,138
362
83
#17
MsMediator said:
I have a friendship that became strained a few years ago. It started earlier since the 2016 election but I don't think politics is the same issue since my friend has dated guys with the same views as mine. However the past two years, she has not wished me happy birthday and basically has not initiated conversation (meanwhile I have, every 4-6 months). She told me some major life updates after the fact (new job, moved to new place, etc.) after I dragged it out. She has always been polite when responding but not going forward with the conversation. I wasn't sure whether to wish her happy birthday this week, but I'm glad I did and she was very polite saying she hopes I am well but not saying much else. Our communication has been via text recently. I have some closure now, knowing I tried, and I don't plan on contacting her again. I feel sad but have closure. I think I have made it clear I am always open for communication if she wants. Thoughts or tips?
Click to expand...
Does she live too far away from you for you two to meet for dinner? If not, take her out to dinner and have a chat.

If she does live too fat away, and you'd just be talking on the phone, then maybe you've both been caught up in religious or political areas that rubs the other the wrong way too much. Maybe she thinks you've fallen off the hate wagon and talking to you just makes her too upset. It's her perceptions. If her friendship means a lot to you, I'd recommend calling her up, tell her you miss her, you're sorry if you hurt her feelings, you want to be friends and tell her you can avoid talking about issues that make her upset. Even if you have to leave that as a voice mail. Whatever the issue is, she'd probably tell you if you approached it that way.
 
W

will1983ik

New member
#18
Jun 28, 2023
5
3
3
#18
From what you describe it’s time to pull back and move on.

The lack of her initiating contact coupled with short to the point responses are as sure a sign as any that they don’t view the relationship the same.
it takes two to make a friendship and if you are the only one putting effort in them it’s time to cut loose.

It’s easy to become infatuated with a person thinking they feel the same. I did this recently with someone I was speaking to . It was so cringeworthy when I entered a live chat with them telling the room what they really thought of my advances. I still speak to the person but on my terms . I don’t expect anything and if they want my time they can chase me.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#19
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#19
I think on this one shes had subtle signs that shes not welcome in the country and you supported that (with whatever politics) then she probably IS a bit wary of your friendship
i.e that you might dob her in and get her deported

I have noticed that with me a lot of the friendships I make is with immigrants, while I others who Im not close to tend to treat me as a foriegner in my own country as my culture is not the same as theirs, but then I had some friends going 'you lived her all your life' shtick that does grate on me when they complain about it so anyway for whatever reason, its often best to stay out of that kind of divisive politics. Just as advice for any future friendships.

In Christ, there is no greek or jew, slave or free, male or female.

Jesus was able to make friends with all kinds of people right? He didnt turn away gentiles wanting to be healed or samaritans that had compassion and even had pharisees giving up their God complex.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

Well-known member
#20
Mar 8, 2022
1,080
721
113
#20
So, to update/wrap up my story, this friend discussed in this thread contacted me via text and we had a casual conversation for about an hour during the work day. This is about a few weeks after I wished her happy birthday and she didn't initiate conversation with me at all for over a year/many months. So, I am not going to cut off this friend (I wasn't planning to contact her ever again). I have accepted we won't be as close due to distance and differences, and I'll keep it at that.
 
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