Thank you blueluna5. In my house , my brother who has Schizophrenia is abusive and perverted/lewd towards us (his sisters!) and speaks lewd things and always back bites about me to my parents for no reason , overhears my conversations on phone , read my diary, brings my name in fight with everyone else to harass me , stares for no reason , makes me feel unsafe in my own house. Life here is distressing and I try to forgive a lot of times and I still feel harassed in this house and subjected to a lot of pain and still forgiving each time but when you are subject to your privacy , your diaries being scrutinized , your laptop being searched and you having to lock your diaries and laptop inside whenever you leave home and you wanting to be inside your room so you are not stared at , and still for no reason your name is being brought and you are accused about things for nothing , it feels so distressing living in this house.
I am 26 already. I have to move out but Indian parents won't allow you to live alone if you are a girl , but this house itself is unsafe since he threatened rape and one day asked to lie down next to him ( I feel so disgusted typing this, and because of this I refuse to speak much about it or bring it up!) These are traumatizing events for me to recall and imagine staying in such a house because your parents will judge you as a characterless girl if you start living alone. I am so distressed
I also have been in this house for 26 years and so have no idea how to even start from scratch if I live alone , but then they won't even allow me to , they will suggest me to get married instead. I am not ready for marriage yet. If you have to leave an Indian household , it should be for marriage according to them. And what do I say to the misbehavior I am being put up to ? He has a mental illness, can I say anything to them? And I have told them multiple times , but he gets away in the name of mental illness. And I keep trying to forgive but lewd things aren't easy to forget. I try to stay away from him in this house but he keeps on saying my name around this house , spies on my things , my conversations , my life and if that isn't enough , speaks ill of me for NO reason , for doing NOTHING but sitting inside my room.
What do I say to God about leaving this home? According to Him , I must honor and obey my parents and they want me to be in this house and not go out of it for any reason except marriage or higher studies. And about higher studies? I gave an exam day before yesterday to get into a college for post graduation and I made so many mistakes. I know nothing is impossible with our God. I am waiting for the results.
I don't feel well. Please pray for me.