Does Marriage Cure or Even Lessen a Pornography/Sex Addiction? (All Are Welcome to Answer.)

[Lanolin]

well dont let satan have power over your body it doesnt belong to him anyway, he often uses sex as a means to an end

You are meant to be a temple for the holy spirit , everyone christian needs to know how look after their own bodies to love and cherish it, God just gave us these bodies and flesh as temporary vessels and, if given a husband or wife, to look after theres as well since it doesnt belong to you. He'll save these bodies from perishing so we are meant to look after them with love and care not abuse them

Sexual abuse is so common these days unfortunately. Im alarmed to hear that in churches porn is a thing that seems acceptable in marriage. Prostitutes and porn artist dont expose themselves cos they love you. They do it cos they need the money and they are forced or coerced to.

 

[seoulsearch]

That works if you are actually converted and have Holy Spirit and are receptive to moral standards and rebuke . Unless you are an unbeliever like I was. My conscience was seared at the very least. I was blind . You could have told me all those things an I wouldn’t have cared from a morality standpoint. I was dead in my sin. The only thing that woke me up was Holy Spirits conviction in my heart some time shortly after my surrender to Christ only after then did this stuff begin to click . The ED issue I lived with from 25 to 32. I’d blame on everything but me and my porn habit and felt justified in blaming even my wife. I can see where Satan was deceiving me into believing I wasn’t attracted to my wife. Ow he would attack me when I’d deflate halfway through sex and try to convince me I was a Homosexual. Then He would then tempt me to prove that I wasn’t Homosexual by watching convincing me to watch porn. The physiological games that Satan played on my mind kept me a slave to porn as it worked cylindrically . I was a twisted wicked piece of work internally and Satan was having his way with my mind back then. No concept or care about Spiritual armor and worst part is I identified as a Christian culturally but I really believe I was living in a false childhood conversion-self deception because I had zero remorse for my folly. Zero Holy Spirit conviction.

I really appreciate all the honest testimonies here.

May I ask, what eventually convicted you and made you see a need for not just physical change, but spiritual?

 

[FollowingtheWay]

I really appreciate all the honest testimonies here.

May I ask, what eventually convicted you and made you see a need for not just physical change, but spiritual?

It happened about 6 weeks after my conversion as I recall. After a sermon where the Pastor spoke of “knowing that there was Pornography use in this church and how his heart breaks for those trapped in it. He spoke with a heart of compassion but urgency to turn from it. I felt he was speaking directly to me. Almost like he knew it was me. I went home and I couldn’t get this pastors words out of my head. Anytime I’d fall to temptation his sermon would creep back into my mind. The love He expressed but also the need to repent. It wrecked me. And I began praying and seeking Gods will in my life and God started to show up in my life in my mess. I began to lose desire for the porn, it’s quite an amazing thing to experience.

 

[MsMediator]

Luckily for women,they have little sex drive and are not interested in looking at porn at all. Did I just open a can of worms? Lol

I was reading a "red pill" book. It said that male gay couples have 6 times the sex drive/frequency when compared to lesbian couples. So, there is maybe some truth to what you are saying. So, there is compromise on both sides when it comes to marriage.

 

[Lynx]

It happened about 6 weeks after my conversion as I recall. After a sermon where the Pastor spoke of “knowing that there was Pornography use in this church and how his heart breaks for those trapped in it. He spoke with a heart of compassion but urgency to turn from it. I felt he was speaking directly to me. Almost like he knew it was me. I went home and I couldn’t get this pastors words out of my head. Anytime I’d fall to temptation his sermon would creep back into my mind. The love He expressed but also the need to repent. It wrecked me. And I began praying and seeking Gods will in my life and God started to show up in my life in my mess. I began to lose desire for the porn, it’s quite an amazing thing to experience.

I hear you bro.

I've seen the needle
And the damage done
A little part of it
In everyone
But every junkie's
Like a setting sun

But even if we realize the damage we are doing, it's real easy to put up with it to get what we want. The only real way to change is to find something we care about more than the thing we want. And it's VERY hard to find something we care about more than the thing we want. Only one thing I know of that we can care about more.

 

[proutled]

me beinging a singel man. I found what works for me is not living a life in the flesh, but life in the spirit, walk in freedom, we are over comers, we over come by the blood, we are redeedmed by the blood ,we are Heald by the blood, of the lamb,

 

[Lanolin]

Seoul why does it seem like everyone in your church is going to you for their marital problems?

Just seems like a huge burden for you to carry, you dont need that.

I mean do we need a special sex ed ministry in churches or something. In public schools they usually have a separate class for boys and girls when they reach puberty to talk about birds and the bees. I dont know if theres such a thing in sunday schools or youth groups.

I would borrow or make available books on the topic I would rather have that then kids get their info from a porno magazine. 'where do I come from' etc. Theres also books on human antomy and you can get ones for children that show whats inside the human body so you know whats there. Sex doesnt have to be this big taboo that cannot be talked about.

 

[Noel25]

Marriage won't change it anymore than it will change alcohol or drug addiction.
Brain scans show porn addiction most closely resembles heroin addiction, in the brain.

Many of the people into fetishes didn't start out that way, in porn. They went vanilla stuff first, but over time it wasn't as satisfying so they have to expand to make it exciting again, to get that endorphin rush. Similar to how smoking a joint one time may work well, but smoking one daily, it stops hitting as hard, so you need more. Or to promote to something stronger.

As far as women go, I'm always amazed that when it comes to Christians the first thought it those old 'romance' novels. Typically modern discussions of porn and women those aren't even mentioned.
Porn addiction among women is higher than most realize, and it's not books. It's the same stuff as men view.
And women have a higher propensity towards the stronger stuff than men.
So women are more likely to look up rape and bdsm, etc... than one may expect.

I was looking to see if someone mentioned something like this. I hear my coworkers talk and they're all women mostly. They're interested in hardcore pornography. Things I didn't think women would be into. There is a consensual rape fantasy genre that they explained to me. It's crazy! But it makes sense. The normal stuff just doesn't excite them anymore. A lot of 30 and 40 somethings grew up with the internet.

I remember being in 7th grade back in 2003 and my friend showing me some bad things online. At the PUBLIC LIBRARY!!!

So if you're exposed to it as a preteen, get addicted as a teen/young adult...imagine what you would be looking at in your 30s and 40s? I doubt some 50 Shades novel is going to cut it...

I thank God I don't struggle with it like my coworkers do. But without God in my life, I probably would be watching it as well.

 

[FollowingtheWay]

So if you're exposed to it as a preteen, get addicted as a teen/young adult...imagine what you would be looking at in your 30s and 40s? I doubt some 50 Shades novel is going to cut it...

As a 30 something and as someone who got exposed to it at 13 there is Truth here. It’s never enough. The longer you look at it the more Weird stuff you get into. The more bored you get with the average. It takes more and more to reach the high you think you remember. What initially was a random picture of a woman for a couple minutes isn’t enough and next thing ya know it takes a video of 6 women/2 guys being very violent against each other verbally and physically to keep being interested. It’s wickedness from the pit of hell and I’ll spare any further details for the naïve ,young reader . Just evidence that perversion has no limits. it’s a scary trap because you think you can quit anytime but that is a deception because your mind can’t think straight.

 

[Lanolin]

disgusting
I dont know what the huge deal was over 50 shades of grey.

when that became popular I was like what. You like masochism, kinkiness and s and m? You wanna work on K road? (red light district) How bored a housewife must you be? Do you even know what sexual abuse is? Why would you want to read stuff like that, its like people who are into murder mysteries.

There is no mystery in murder but a coward who is covering it up.

 

[Lynx]

disgusting
I dont know what the huge deal was over 50 shades of grey.

I heard a lot of disappointment about that movie. The general consensus among the girls at w*rk was, "It was okay, but where's the sex?"

 

[Lanolin]

There was principal at one intermediate school, who was into porn, got fired from his job, cos he was looking on it from his computer. Stupid as the servers log every site you go to its not as if looking at it at work is private!

Schools have IT teams and can track every website you go on. I had to put filters on everything and block and restrict sites but this only works up to a point. When youve got BYOD (bring your own device) you cannot monitor what everyone is doing anymore.

so if some pervert comes to the library with porn on his smartphone I cant stop him nor can I stop boys perving at girls in the library, and some would. what I did do was provide other activities for the boys so they wouldnt harass the girls. Though some girls would try and boss the boys around too.

we would get security in if things got real bad, but for the most part R content I would place on the top shelf if there was any. I was always diligent about checking R movies didnt go to underage customers but some librarians didnt care. My thing would be not to even have them in the library more hassle than they are worth.

there was always a certain kind of lady that borrowed the erotica. I dont know who was buying that for the library! They could have got it from the bookshop that sold Mills and Boons down the road.

one young boy at school was fixated on a naked pic in one of the books and I was like what you have never seen your own bum in the mirror. There is a certain age where boys are just obssesed with bodily functions, bums, farting etc, laughing at girls boobs as if they dont know what they are for. Girls dont appreciate it when boys try and flick their bra straps but boys think its funny cos they dont have them themselves, unless they ate too much hormones and start growing them.

 

[Lanolin]

it is highly traumatic for kids when they witness their parents doing it. (or having affairs etc) They really dont want to know that was how they were created.

 

[proutled]

OK, PORN AND SEX ADDICTION THATS BONDIGE, AND MARRIAGE IS A COVETED,

 

[will1983ik]

i can speak from personal experience of having been in bandage to pornography for 20 years and having been married twice. if a person is really addicted then no marriage won’t cure the problem because it’s deeper than just a desire for sex with one person. The addict will carry on being an addict even whilst having regular sex and when the addiction becomes known to the spouse it will likely break the marriage apart. it is a killer because it’s involves increasing and repeated irrational behaviour despite negative consequence’s. the addict needs to take more risk and harder material to satisfy what is an insatiable appetite. The severity and speed of escalation will vary from person to person.

I am now by the grace of god and circumstances free from pornography forever . I’ve gone from being a daily slave to over two and a half years freedom from all pornography and even sex. Whatever a persons situation there are organisations out there with material which can help. I’d say for anyone reading this looking for help you need to find the right kind of help for your particular issue.

its not about knowing it’s morally wrong, I’m sure you know that . It’s abt finding out what is fuelling the behaviour. the addiction is usuallyu masking something else. In my case it was a deep need for intimacy and how I used pornography to manage my mood. I could write lots more but I’ll end recommending the book by Russell brand called freedom from our addictions - it’s based on the 12 steps recovery approach . It wasn’t until I realised that I was actually struggling with addiction , and that my behaviour was much like other addictions , that I could start getting mastery over it with the help of others and my faith.

 

[Lanolin]

do 12 step programs really work is the question
When people go to rehab, what do they actually do?

I was thinking for any addiction, say, I have a book addiction. Should I go somewhere where I cant access any books? Cos I have to read one practically every day, and then go shelve them and organise them and its really interfering with my life. I could go blind from reading too many books...

 

[FollowingtheWay]

do 12 step programs really work is the question
When people go to rehab, what do they actually do?

I was thinking for any addiction, say, I have a book addiction. Should I go somewhere where I cant access any books? Cos I have to read one practically every day, and then go shelve them and organise them and its really interfering with my life. I could go blind from reading too many books...

I think, and this is just me talking. Observing a cousin in and out of drug rehabs for years. Rehab programs work on the simple basis of behavior modification and removing the access to the drug or the external peer influences/ social circles that keep them around the addiction . They keep a person clean enough to begin to see their need of changing their lives and what good could come about. Often as soon as a person leaves rehab they get back into the same social circles, same life patterns that gave them access to the temptation to begin with and the cycle begins again. This is why secular rehabs fail. They fail to address the very real spiritual issues behind the behavior What so many rehab centers fail to do is Create an environment that encourages and enables a change the heart in fact an improperly run rehab can do much damage to the heart through physiologically indoctrinating the person to believe terrible things about their body and their sexuality . They may try to physiologically destroy your entire sexuality in the name of removing a sin behavior. They take a buzz saw to something that needed a buffing wheel and God . human to human accountability is only part of the equation. We have integrity between us and our God to consider as well . Only Jesus can change the heart. In the heart is where most addictions are created, fed or conquered The addiction becomes a god itself . And we have to go into the heart remove the idol and place God back in His rightful spot including God the maker of our sexuality knowing he did create us as sexual beings for which there is nothing to be ashamed of there in itself.

 

[FollowingtheWay]

I think, and this is just me talking. Observing a cousin in and out of drug rehabs for years. Rehab programs work on the simple basis of behavior modification and removing the access to the drug or the external peer influences/ social circles that keep them around the addiction . They keep a person clean enough to begin to see their need of changing their lives and what good could come about. Often as soon as a person leaves rehab they get back into the same social circles, same life patterns that gave them access to the temptation to begin with and the cycle begins again. This is why secular rehabs fail. They fail to address the very real spiritual issues behind the behavior What so many rehab centers fail to do is Create an environment that encourages and enables a change the heart in fact an improperly run rehab can do much damage to the heart through physiologically indoctrinating the person to believe terrible things about their body and their sexuality . They may try to physiologically destroy your entire sexuality in the name of removing a sin behavior. They take a buzz saw to something that needed a buffing wheel and God . human to human accountability is only part of the equation. We have integrity between us and our God to consider as well . Only Jesus can change the heart. In the heart is where most addictions are created, fed or conquered The addiction becomes a god itself . And we have to go into the heart remove the idol and place God back in His rightful spot including God the maker of our sexuality knowing he did create us as sexual beings for which there is nothing to be ashamed of there in itself.

I was looking at a statistic that mentioned that a large percentage of women rescued from sex slave trafficking return voluntarily by their own choice to their former captives. Really startling statistic to show there is much more going on than sinful behavior. It’s physiological and spiritual that needs addressed just as much.

 

[will1983ik]

Yes there is a mix of issues as @FollowingtheWay points out so needs a multi faceted approach.

It is sinful and there may be a spiritual heart aspect to it, but also a psychological reason why the person is acting as they do.

Does the 12 step program help? It did for me, where other things didn’t help, however, appreciate not everybody is the same. I tried groups such as “no fap”. you can google that if you’re not sure what it means. I also tried a website called setting captives free, which gave spiritual advice. however, for me, frankly, this alone was useless without also the psychological stuff I’ve learnt.

The 12 step program helped me to realise that’s what I was struggling with was an addiction, and that I had a lot of common with other addicts. I knew I had a problem, but I just didn’t realise how severe it really had got. It helped me realise that I couldn’t fix myself, but that others could help me. as I read Russell Brand’s book, I was saying that’s me that’s me. I would never of thought to have picked up a book about addiction before, because I thought I just had a high sex drive, all guys are like this and I’m no different.

There’s a lot to be said for CBT and as mentioned by someone in an earlier post of behaviour modification. i’ve had to learn to recognise how I’m feeling and how it affects what I’m doing. likewise, what I’m doing and how it affects what I’m feeling.

Dr Nowzardian when treating people for overeating , often refers clients to address emotional needs with a therapist. The overeating ( or back to topic sex porn addiction ) is a symptom of a deeper problem.

I remember when my wife has an infection from which puss was pouring out. I thought that the puss was the infection but the doctor corrected me and said that the puss is the reaction of the body to the infection.

The reason I bring up this example is because it’s easy to mistake the cause and so not treat the cause of the problem. It would be like me thinking that if we cleaned the puss out regularly that the infection would go away.

 

[Lanolin]

Is it because they are bored and had nothing else to do
They got infected and then needed treating?

Is Russell Brand a christian?
I think 12 steps can be helpful though what does it mean when you on the last step...do you start running a 12 step program yourself.

Does everyone need to join an anonymous support group....is there one called Christians anonymous?

Is it maybe just a lack of friends?