Husband doesn’t want me to be baptized

[AbidingInHim]

Hi everyone
I’m married to an unbeliever and I’ve been saved for a year now and it’s been a huge problem for my husband to understand it all and the changes he’s seen in me since being born again. He doesn’t think I need to be baptized because I’ve been baptized as an infant. He thinks adult baptism is rediculous. He doesn’t want me to be in church every Sunday but has “compromised” with every other week me going with our three children. He thinks it’s a big disruption to our family time together on Sundays. I’ve agreed to this for now to keep the peace. I have other opportunities for fellowship. Every Wednesday my children’s school has chapel which I always attend. Im not 100% happy about the compromise obviously but a pastor of my friend said I should accept that as my ultimate goal would be to win him to the Lord and not push him to be angry about the situation. Now we have a new issue in which I want to be baptized at my next opportunity at my church. Which is mid June. My husband for some reason feels “HE’S” not ready for that. His reason is he thinks it will change me to be even more “brainwashed” as he calls it. He says he didn’t marry this person and now he’s “stuck” (because of our children)
He is asking me to go slow and let him digest the situation and wait till September and he said he would even attend it but only if I wait till then. If I go do it any earlier he said (threatened) I should just not come home. He’s already trying to turn the kids against me for revenge. Saying the Bible isn’t true and Jesus is not real. If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)The house will be peaceful and I can keep on reading the Bible to the kids and take them to their Christian school.
If I do what I feel I’m commanded to do as a professing believer in Christ and obedience to God and get baptized as soon as I can he is threatening to take the kids out of school and put them in public and turn the whole house upside down basically.
I really need some good advice
🙏 and of course prayers.

 

[ButterflyJones]

Now you know why we're told not to be yoked to an unbeliever.

Follow your conscience that is Holy Spirit guiding you.

Find a church you like and be Baptized. You don't need your husband's permission.

God be with you.

 

[Cameron143]

Hi everyone
I’m married to an unbeliever and I’ve been saved for a year now and it’s been a huge problem for my husband to understand it all and the changes he’s seen in me since being born again. He doesn’t think I need to be baptized because I’ve been baptized as an infant. He thinks adult baptism is rediculous. He doesn’t want me to be in church every Sunday but has “compromised” with every other week me going with our three children. He thinks it’s a big disruption to our family time together on Sundays. I’ve agreed to this for now to keep the peace. I have other opportunities for fellowship. Every Wednesday my children’s school has chapel which I always attend. Im not 100% happy about the compromise obviously but a pastor of my friend said I should accept that as my ultimate goal would be to win him to the Lord and not push him to be angry about the situation. Now we have a new issue in which I want to be baptized at my next opportunity at my church. Which is mid June. My husband for some reason feels “HE’S” not ready for that. His reason is he thinks it will change me to be even more “brainwashed” as he calls it. He says he didn’t marry this person and now he’s “stuck” (because of our children)
He is asking me to go slow and let him digest the situation and wait till September and he said he would even attend it but only if I wait till then. If I go do it any earlier he said (threatened) I should just not come home. He’s already trying to turn the kids against me for revenge. Saying the Bible isn’t true and Jesus is not real. If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)The house will be peaceful and I can keep on reading the Bible to the kids and take them to their Christian school.
If I do what I feel I’m commanded to do as a professing believer in Christ and obedience to God and get baptized as soon as I can he is threatening to take the kids out of school and put them in public and turn the whole house upside down basically.
I really need some good advice
🙏 and of course prayers.

It's always difficult to desire to want to do what you believe honors God when that brings consequences into family relationships. Your desire to be baptized as a believer is a good desire. But God has assigned the husband to be the head of the household and where he isn't asking you to commit sin you should follow. Submitting to your husband is submitting to God.
In many ways he seems very reasonable. He is allowing the kids to go to a Christian school, and not totally resisting you to keep you from worship.
Just as you becoming a Christian has been a major change in your life, it has turned his life upside down as well. What might have been your response had the situation been reversed?
You should also recognize that when your husband makes demands of you or else, he is just using that as a means of control over a situation. It is a poor way for a man to exercise leadership, but it is probably what he learned from his father's example. Even Christian men struggle with how to lead their families. And with so much change at once, he is no doubt confused. You might sit down with him, reaffirm your love and commitment to him, tell him you understand its alot to take in, and just come up with a way for him to let you know of the things he feels strongly about without having to use threatening conditions.
I do feel deeply for you and your family, and will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[Magenta]

If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)

Since your husband has agreed to support you being baptized in September, waiting until then
does not sound like negotiating with Satan to me. You are making concessions to keep your
family together and not overwhelm your husband with too much change at once, for peace.
Having him be a part of the event as well, and allowing him to hear your testimony at the
time of your baptism, shows him that you are not acting rashly, but have come to this
decision thoughtfully, carefully, and would love to include him in the process.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Now you know why we're told not to be yoked to an unbeliever.

Follow your conscience that is Holy Spirit guiding you.

Find a church you like and be Baptized. You don't need your husband's permission.

God be with you.

I know 😔 but I was not a born again believer when we were married. I always believed in God and so does he as he says. But living for Christ is a different thing. We were married in an Orthodox Church and our children were baptized.
He’s only ever known “religion”
It’s never been real or a relationship with Christ.
He thinks that’s extremism and brainwashing
He doesn’t think Satan is real or there’s spiritual warfare.
It’s very hard to be in this situation but I am ok to suffer for Christ. I am taking up my cross daily. It could be a lot worse.

 

[Artios1]

Hi everyone
I’m married to an unbeliever and I’ve been saved for a year now and it’s been a huge problem for my husband to understand it all and the changes he’s seen in me since being born again. He doesn’t think I need to be baptized because I’ve been baptized as an infant. He thinks adult baptism is rediculous. He doesn’t want me to be in church every Sunday but has “compromised” with every other week me going with our three children. He thinks it’s a big disruption to our family time together on Sundays. I’ve agreed to this for now to keep the peace. I have other opportunities for fellowship. Every Wednesday my children’s school has chapel which I always attend. Im not 100% happy about the compromise obviously but a pastor of my friend said I should accept that as my ultimate goal would be to win him to the Lord and not push him to be angry about the situation. Now we have a new issue in which I want to be baptized at my next opportunity at my church. Which is mid June. My husband for some reason feels “HE’S” not ready for that. His reason is he thinks it will change me to be even more “brainwashed” as he calls it. He says he didn’t marry this person and now he’s “stuck” (because of our children)
He is asking me to go slow and let him digest the situation and wait till September and he said he would even attend it but only if I wait till then. If I go do it any earlier he said (threatened) I should just not come home. He’s already trying to turn the kids against me for revenge. Saying the Bible isn’t true and Jesus is not real. If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)The house will be peaceful and I can keep on reading the Bible to the kids and take them to their Christian school.
If I do what I feel I’m commanded to do as a professing believer in Christ and obedience to God and get baptized as soon as I can he is threatening to take the kids out of school and put them in public and turn the whole house upside down basically.
I really need some good advice
🙏 and of course prayers.

I know your heart is set on baptism ... and as much as I disagree with the necessity of "water baptism" if that is what you want.... you should go forth with it ... But don't push it! .... Just kind of let it ride right now. In other words ...wait until he brings it up..... and he will.... because he will wonder why you have not.
He may not admit it... but part of his concern is loosing you to Jesus (sounds weird but it's true) He doesn't know what to think but he is trying to control the situation as best he can.
Continue with the arrangement you two have made regarding church, be prayerful, walk in love and allow God to open the doors...

 

[AbidingInHim]

It's always difficult to desire to want to do what you believe honors God when that brings consequences into family relationships. Your desire to be baptized as a believer is a good desire. But God has assigned the husband to be the head of the household and where he isn't asking you to commit sin you should follow. Submitting to your husband is submitting to God.
In many ways he seems very reasonable. He is allowing the kids to go to a Christian school, and not totally resisting you to keep you from worship.
Just as you becoming a Christian has been a major change in your life, it has turned his life upside down as well. What might have been your response had the situation been reversed?
You should also recognize that when your husband makes demands of you or else, he is just using that as a means of control over a situation. It is a poor way for a man to exercise leadership, but it is probably what he learned from his father's example. Even Christian men struggle with how to lead their families. And with so much change at once, he is no doubt confused. You might sit down with him, reaffirm your love and commitment to him, tell him you understand its alot to take in, and just come up with a way for him to let you know of the things he feels strongly about without having to use threatening conditions.
I do feel deeply for you and your family, and will keep you all in my prayers.

Hi there
I really appreciate your time to reply and I think it’s very good advice
I want to be in the will of God. I thought being baptized after conversion is commanded (Acts 2:38, 10:47..) And that I have to obey God over man in things that are spiritual or commanded for a believer.
So what you’re saying is as long as my husband is not asking me to sin then I am to submit. Postponing my baptism until he is ready is ok and I’m not putting his will above Gods will?
I know the Lord wants peace in my house and for the marriage to stay intact. I will pray about this and I know the Lord knows my heart. thank you

 

[AbidingInHim]

Since your husband has agreed to support you being baptized in September, waiting until then
does not sound like negotiating with Satan to me. You are making concessions to keep your
family together and not overwhelm your husband with too much change at once, for peace.
Having him be a part of the event as well, and allowing him to hear your testimony at the
time of your baptism, shows him that you are not acting rashly, but have come to this
decision thoughtfully, carefully, and would love to include him in the process.

That is a very good point. I was surprised when he said he would attend it but only in September. And it made me happy to picture it with him there.
But then my mind went to the reasons why he wants me to wait and I felt it’s spiritual warfare against me being baptized.
I know it’s not necessary for salvation but I just have this conviction that postponing it for a year already is not right and now pushing it back another four more months it just makes me feel I’m compromising on my faith and that’s what the enemy wants.
But I do think that if he will attend that would have more impact than me doing it behind his back in a sense. I am thinking now as I write this that God would rather it be a beautiful thing vs a divisive thing

 

[Cameron143]

Hi there
I really appreciate your time to reply and I think it’s very good advice
I want to be in the will of God. I thought being baptized after conversion is commanded (Acts 2:38, 10:47..) And that I have to obey God over man in things that are spiritual or commanded for a believer.
So what you’re saying is as long as my husband is not asking me to sin then I am to submit. Postponing my baptism until he is ready is ok and I’m not putting his will above Gods will?
I know the Lord wants peace in my house and for the marriage to stay intact. I will pray about this and I know the Lord knows my heart. thank you

Believers should be baptized, but it doesn't affect one's salvation. And given that he has only asked you to wait, I think it just makes sense to.
Your walk before your husband in humility and grace can go very far in his life and could very well be what God uses to bring your husband to Himself.
Wisdom that comes from above is first peaceable. If it promotes peace, it's probably from God.
I also think Magenta and Artios1 have given very good advice.

 

[AbidingInHim]

Believers should be baptized, but it doesn't affect one's salvation. And given that he has only asked you to wait, I think it just makes sense to.
Your walk before your husband in humility and grace can go very far in his life and could very well be what God uses to bring your husband to Himself.
Wisdom that comes from above is first peaceable. If it promotes peace, it's probably from God.
I also think Magenta and Artios1 have given very good advice.

Thank you. I am feeling better. You have all been helpful
God Bless.

 

[Beckie]

I waited 58 years for my husband to acknowledge the draw of the Lord , Trust in the Lord

 

[Gideon300]

Hi everyone
I’m married to an unbeliever and I’ve been saved for a year now and it’s been a huge problem for my husband to understand it all and the changes he’s seen in me since being born again. He doesn’t think I need to be baptized because I’ve been baptized as an infant. He thinks adult baptism is rediculous. He doesn’t want me to be in church every Sunday but has “compromised” with every other week me going with our three children. He thinks it’s a big disruption to our family time together on Sundays. I’ve agreed to this for now to keep the peace. I have other opportunities for fellowship. Every Wednesday my children’s school has chapel which I always attend. Im not 100% happy about the compromise obviously but a pastor of my friend said I should accept that as my ultimate goal would be to win him to the Lord and not push him to be angry about the situation. Now we have a new issue in which I want to be baptized at my next opportunity at my church. Which is mid June. My husband for some reason feels “HE’S” not ready for that. His reason is he thinks it will change me to be even more “brainwashed” as he calls it. He says he didn’t marry this person and now he’s “stuck” (because of our children)
He is asking me to go slow and let him digest the situation and wait till September and he said he would even attend it but only if I wait till then. If I go do it any earlier he said (threatened) I should just not come home. He’s already trying to turn the kids against me for revenge. Saying the Bible isn’t true and Jesus is not real. If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)The house will be peaceful and I can keep on reading the Bible to the kids and take them to their Christian school.
If I do what I feel I’m commanded to do as a professing believer in Christ and obedience to God and get baptized as soon as I can he is threatening to take the kids out of school and put them in public and turn the whole house upside down basically.
I really need some good advice
🙏 and of course prayers.

This is one of the most difficult situations a Christian can face. You are making a stand for Christ and that is admirable. It won't help to argue with him. No one comes to Christ by an argument. Ask Jesus to be your wisdom. You need to demonstrate that you love him, not easy when he is hostile. That, however, is exactly when Christians should shine. God has promised that the situation will not become unbearable. There is always an escape.

Obviously the best solution is for him to be saved. 1 Corinthians 7 is the best chapter to read in your situation. Be assured that God has your back. Sometimes divorce is the only way out, but it is absolutely a last resort. And yes, I know this from experience. I'm praying for you as well as others.

 

[2ndTimeIsTheCharm]

Hi AbidingInHim! First things first, the Bible says about a wife who has an unbelieving husband:

1 Peter 3:1-2 - 1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Also pray to the Lord Jesus about all of this. The Lord let this happen so you can learn to trust Him in your marriage regarding your unbelieving husband.

Please read all of 1 Peter 3. There is a general instruction for everyone to do good even in adverse times because the Lord will watch over you. But it's also very applicable to your situation with your husband:

1 Peter 3:13-15 - 13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect....

I noticed that you said that your husband made threats to break up your marriage - put that anxious situation in the Lord's hands:

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

So from this little Bible study:

1. Let your godly behavior speak the gospel to your husband
2. Don't fear when he threatens to break up the marriage
3. Put God the Father, the Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit first in your life in all things
4. Cast your anxiety on God and He will help you through it all

About baptism, it won't save you, but it IS a command of God for having repented of your sins. But note that there's no deadline on when you should have it done.

Let God be the one to dictate when you should be baptized - not the church (not their fault though because the Bible does seem to recommend water baptism at the earliest opportunity). So double-check with the Lord about this scheduled one. Maybe He wants to work on your husband's heart before that? But really, ask God about it.

I'll pray to for your situation! Having God as your Lord and Savior is the best thing to ever happen to you and will be a blessing for your family.

❧

 

[Billyd]

True Story.

A woman would get dressed for church every Sunday morning. When she started out the door, her husband stopped her at the door and told her that she couldn't go to church. She, being an obedient wife, turned around and changed clothes, and fixed lunch, then sat in the den with him and read her Bible while he watched sports on the television. This routine went on for several years. One day, out of the blue, her husband asked her why did she get dressed for church every Sunday when you know I'm going to tell you that you can't go. He reply was that she was obeying God's word. He noticed that she had left her Bible on the end table, opened to Ephesians 5. He picked up the Bible and read the Chapter. After reading it he never again told her that she couldn't go to church on Sunday morning. Months later when she went to the car, her husband was waiting for her. From that day forward, God became an integral part of their life, and the led many to Christ.

My advise. Let the scriptures on couple's relationship to each other be your guide to your decision.

 

[Magenta]

Please read all of 1 Peter 3. There is a general instruction for everyone to do good even in adverse times
because the Lord will watch over you. But it's also very applicable to your situation with your husband:

1 Peter 3:13-15 - 13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should
suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” 15 But in your
hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give
the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect....

1 Peter 3:15

 

[ButterflyJones]

Hi everyone
I’m married to an unbeliever and I’ve been saved for a year now and it’s been a huge problem for my husband to understand it all and the changes he’s seen in me since being born again. He doesn’t think I need to be baptized because I’ve been baptized as an infant. He thinks adult baptism is rediculous. He doesn’t want me to be in church every Sunday but has “compromised” with every other week me going with our three children. He thinks it’s a big disruption to our family time together on Sundays. I’ve agreed to this for now to keep the peace. I have other opportunities for fellowship. Every Wednesday my children’s school has chapel which I always attend. Im not 100% happy about the compromise obviously but a pastor of my friend said I should accept that as my ultimate goal would be to win him to the Lord and not push him to be angry about the situation. Now we have a new issue in which I want to be baptized at my next opportunity at my church. Which is mid June. My husband for some reason feels “HE’S” not ready for that. His reason is he thinks it will change me to be even more “brainwashed” as he calls it. He says he didn’t marry this person and now he’s “stuck” (because of our children)
He is asking me to go slow and let him digest the situation and wait till September and he said he would even attend it but only if I wait till then. If I go do it any earlier he said (threatened) I should just not come home. He’s already trying to turn the kids against me for revenge. Saying the Bible isn’t true and Jesus is not real. If I agree to waiting till September (which I feel I’m negotiating with Satan if I do)The house will be peaceful and I can keep on reading the Bible to the kids and take them to their Christian school.
If I do what I feel I’m commanded to do as a professing believer in Christ and obedience to God and get baptized as soon as I can he is threatening to take the kids out of school and put them in public and turn the whole house upside down basically.
I really need some good advice
🙏 and of course prayers.

Did he tell you any other why he wanted you to wait till September? Besides the excuse he needs till then to digest this?

I can understand you feel like you're negotiating with the devil.

Follow your heart. That's God leading you in the way of righteousness.

 

[AbidingInHim]

This is one of the most difficult situations a Christian can face. You are making a stand for Christ and that is admirable. It won't help to argue with him. No one comes to Christ by an argument. Ask Jesus to be your wisdom. You need to demonstrate that you love him, not easy when he is hostile. That, however, is exactly when Christians should shine. God has promised that the situation will not become unbearable. There is always an escape.

Obviously the best solution is for him to be saved. 1 Corinthians 7 is the best chapter to read in your situation. Be assured that God has your back. Sometimes divorce is the only way out, but it is absolutely a last resort. And yes, I know this from experience. I'm praying for you as well as others.

yes it’s hard to do when is is so hostile. I feel like a failure
I really worry that I don’t have love in me for my husband. How do I love a man who says *F* Jesus and I sh*t on Jesus
He always blasphemes against the Lord
He says I am not mentally well because I believe as I do and said (threatened) to put me in a mental hospital
I’m not joking he’s said disgusting things that make me repulsed by him.
If he denies Jesus he is my enemy
How do I love my enemy and remain married and love him
I pray for his salvation but the lord revealed to me it’s only out of my selfish ambition for him to be saved because it would make an easier life for me. He mocks me for praying before meals ( I can only do it in silence if I say out loud he will get angry) or for “Bible thumping” as he calls it. I cannot read the Bible around him or watch anything that has to do with Christianity

I don’t really care about his salvation at this point if I’m being honest with myself. That scares me because I should care. I am praying for God to help me love him. I Understand he’s just angry and he doesn’t mean these things. I try to Focus on his good qualities as a husband and father.
I feel that until I can learn to love him and actually care about his salvation then I can’t expect the Lord to hear my requests.

 

[Cameron143]

Did he tell you any other why he wanted you to wait till September? Besides the excuse he needs till then to digest this?

I can understand you feel like you're negotiating with the devil.

Follow your heart. That's God leading you in the way of righteousness.

This is terrible advice. Follow the Word of God and not your heart.

 

[AbidingInHim]

True Story.

A woman would get dressed for church every Sunday morning. When she started out the door, her husband stopped her at the door and told her that she couldn't go to church. She, being an obedient wife, turned around and changed clothes, and fixed lunch, then sat in the den with him and read her Bible while he watched sports on the television. This routine went on for several years. One day, out of the blue, her husband asked her why did she get dressed for church every Sunday when you know I'm going to tell you that you can't go. He reply was that she was obeying God's word. He noticed that she had left her Bible on the end table, opened to Ephesians 5. He picked up the Bible and read the Chapter. After reading it he never again told her that she couldn't go to church on Sunday morning. Months later when she went to the car, her husband was waiting for her. From that day forward, God became an integral part of their life, and the led many to Christ.

My advise. Let the scriptures on couple's relationship to each other be your guide to your decision.

that’s beautiful
I’m afraid I’ve done everything wrong. I pushed and pushed in the beginning and it only has backfired. I have a lesson to learn from this story
I now know it’s not up to me to save my husband through nagging or acting holier than thou
I know I need to allow the Holy Spirit to convict him..
If it is in the Lords will for him to be saved and in His timing.

If not I just carry on and take up
My cross and trust in the Lord

 

[ButterflyJones]

This is terrible advice. Follow the Word of God and not your heart.

That's ignorance of the Bible.
My post is from the word of God.