I could never be disappointed with you. Whether we disagree is not the point. You have always loved the Lord, and sought him with all your heart. I pray God will continue to lead you on this journey. And I have always cared for you, and I hope maybe I have given you a tiny bit of spiritual perspective and hope, regardless of our theological differences.
But, my problem is that I don't think you know enough theology to truly look at the different theologies. My PhD studies are in theology, with a special interest in disability theology. But first, I undertook a massive study of doctrine after doctrine. That included reading 50-100 books on each topics, by many authors with differing viewpoints & beliefs, and I synthesized them and discovered the direction God was leading me. I examined many viewpoints & learned from so many amazing, Spirit-led scholars! My supervisor always made me read books from scholars of every persuasion & denomination. We are a product of our religious upbringing to a certain extent! But she cut down all those boundaries.
Scholarly research doesn't just take a position, then try to prove it right. That is folk theology. The real goal of Theological study is to read many viewpoints, capture their unique ideas, compare & contrast them, in order to come up with some Spirit led doctrines of your own. Some people do get stuck on one theologian or other, but my supervisor would never allow that. She made me find commonalities as well as differences, and come to conclusions after deep prayer.
Quite simply, you have not paid that price. I haven't fully either. My degree is on hold, because my health would not allow me to continue. But, I certainly grew and learned more about God, his nature and purposes, which come from a place of relationship with the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And I hope I can return again, and finish examining disability theology, maybe writing a book about what I have discovered, but even more important, how to help people with that knowledge.
Once again. You are claiming special personal revelation of dreams & guidance from God. But it is the Bible itself that leads us. The Word of God is God's love letter to us. We need to not only read it, read it more, but feed on it, tear it apart, digest it, reflect upon what others have written, who also have spent years studying the source of our knowledge of God, and that means getting help from others - from your pastor to devotionals and scholars with brilliant minds who have also focused on the Word, not experiential knowledge. You have returned to valuing personal experience over the word of God. Yet, you cannot distinguish between truth and falsehood in your own writing.
My husband and I have a long time friend, we've known for over 40 years. He reads & knows his Bible well. He uses KJV, because he is from Jamaica, and he literally learned to speak a much older form or English than we do. But he decided God was dictating directly to him. He began to type it all out. Then he began to teach people about what God had shown him. He had me edit one chapter "God" dictated to him. It was rife with error! Everything from basic spelling & grammar, to misquotes, out context Bible verses, and false teachings. I showed him his errors, in the Bible, and he refused to hear! That is exactly where you are headed! A false prophet. God doesn't do automatic writing! That is occult, whether you understand it or not! And you have become so convinced of your experiences, you have gone off track!
Centring on experience and special revelation has always been your downfall. Your concept of the Kingdom of God is immature, lacking in all the things already written about it. I know it is difficult for you to study that intensively, with your health issues, but even reading the Bible daily, with a commentary or notes, and sometimes without them, would put you farther down that road to using the Bible for revelation, instead of dreams & visions, signs & wonders!
Do I mean God isn't or won't speak to you in the small, still voice? Of course not. But when you have a deeper understanding of what God has written to us, you will know when the words you hear fall in line with the Word of God, or not! Quite simply, when you state something is true, because God told you, and it conflicts with the Word, I will take the Word of God each and every time!
The prophets of old, both OT & NT knew the Word better than most of us ever will. God used them, because he knew they would not "lean to their own understanding!" Prov 3:5. New Testament prophets were specially picked by God to record events, to teach God's people, and most important, to reveal Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the world. Those prophets are not necessary anymore, no matter what charismatics would tell you. We have all we need in the Holy Word. We don't need extra-Biblical revelation!
But we do need a touch from God. God has touched your heart and soul Blain, there is no doubt about it! But he wants to touch your mind, through the Word of God!
And so our discussion continues. Please read about the kingdom of God being the "already & the not yet!" I can think of no better introduction to understanding doctrine.
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