Are singles more open/honest nowadays when dating, compared to 30 years ago?

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MsMediator

MsMediator

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Mar 8, 2022
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One show I watch regularly is Married at First Sight (U.S. version). What I find surprising is how open the individuals are regarding their past, their childhood, their feelings, their expectations, etc., especially so early in the process (well, they are technically married). In some regard, they also seem highly intelligent in that they are able to connect certain issues from their past to their how they are in their present self. They also accept/acknowledge the past as it is, instead of looking at their past through rose-tinted glasses. Everyone talks about their imperfect families. In some ways it seems disrespectful to their family, but the truth is the truth. For example, one individual said his father wasn't a good father growing up but the father turned around and they became close later. I think many people may emphasize the present (good) relationship with the father, but this individual focused more on the bad years and how it affected him in the present. To me, it really shows that these individuals processed their feelings/issues. Outside of this show, with my limited observations in this area, I think singles are also becoming more expressive while dating, not trying to gloss over things.

I don't think people dating in the past self evaluated this much or were this open (just picturing my own family/relatives). If you liked each other, you moved forward. Seemed more simple and straight-forward. There was also an expectation for guys to put up a brave front and not talk about feelings/hurt. Women probably could not afford to be as open either. Thoughts?
 
tourist

tourist

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#2
Mar 13, 2014
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#2
Self evaluation should be a prerequisite before even contemplating pursuing a relationship that may lead to marriage. One must be ready for an honest discussion in regard to who they are and what they are about. Of course, God plays a critical part in such a discussion.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#3
Aug 13, 2014
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wots dating? :p

Well wisebeardman isn't here anymore, so someone has to take up the slack.
 
T

Truth01

Active member
#4
May 7, 2022
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Reality TV is not reality. The people involved usually put their best foot forward and if they dont there's usually a reason why.
 
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Ruby123

Guest
#5
#5
The Aussie Mafs is a disgrace. I wonder if they are paid actors as some of the things that go on in that show are too much. Long one big drama o_Oo_Oo_O
 
K

Karlon

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#7
Mar 8, 2023
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MsMediator said:
One show I watch regularly is Married at First Sight (U.S. version). What I find surprising is how open the individuals are regarding their past, their childhood, their feelings, their expectations, etc., especially so early in the process (well, they are technically married). In some regard, they also seem highly intelligent in that they are able to connect certain issues from their past to their how they are in their present self. They also accept/acknowledge the past as it is, instead of looking at their past through rose-tinted glasses. Everyone talks about their imperfect families. In some ways it seems disrespectful to their family, but the truth is the truth. For example, one individual said his father wasn't a good father growing up but the father turned around and they became close later. I think many people may emphasize the present (good) relationship with the father, but this individual focused more on the bad years and how it affected him in the present. To me, it really shows that these individuals processed their feelings/issues. Outside of this show, with my limited observations in this area, I think singles are also becoming more expressive while dating, not trying to gloss over things.

I don't think people dating in the past self evaluated this much or were this open (just picturing my own family/relatives). If you liked each other, you moved forward. Seemed more simple and straight-forward. There was also an expectation for guys to put up a brave front and not talk about feelings/hurt. Women probably could not afford to be as open either. Thoughts?
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what a coincidence, i was just thinking this a.m. about people's approach to 1st dates back in the 70's. back then, if a guy asked a girl out & she had an interest, they simply went on a date. today, people have to find out who someone is, & that could take a while, before the 1st date occurs. much more guarding & protection & research are searched out before the 1st in recent years. because the divorce rate is very high, i believe more likes & dislikes have to be discussed early on before a 1st date. back in 2013, i listed a profile on a dating site & received many response saying i would never get a date because i was too picky. & i didn't get a date. didn't regret it either.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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maybe it just makes better tv. I dont know, wasnt born in 70s so have no real idea or watch dating or marriage shows.

From what I know of the 70s people went to discos and werent actually that interested in marriage. Also they had lots of hippies then and they wanted to live in communes. Which ended up imploding.

my thoughts

I think every era and generation will be different and to expect singles to NOT be affected by trauma, distance and marriage breakups in their family is a bit naive. For example, after world war two EVERYONE had been affected by war and maybe lost a brother or uncle to it. Or become widowed or orphaned, or dealt with an invalid or injured veteran who couldnt work anymore. So maybe that wasnt really talked about because everyone went through it. that didnt mean it didnt affect them though most got on with it and in peace time anything was better than living through a warzone.

And then maybe some generations after that, immigrants left countries for a better life and most people had family that was separated in two or more different countries at once and never got to see each other. This wasnt really talked about amongst immigrants, it was a given you were trying to establish a new, better life than the one you left behind in your homeland

for those who went through their parents divorce or absence (latchkey kids) this would profoundly affect how they view marriage. Im pretty sure that they didnt really want to put their own children through what they went through, since it was so painful.

Not sure if theres ever a tv show called Divorce after 2 years but in general tv tries to go for happy endings for dating shows. It wont show that but plenty may turn up on Judge Judy or a talk show, am sure they have clauses on their tv contracts saying the makers arent responsible for anything that happens on those shows.
i guess if you want to put your personal business on tv for everyone to watch its down to you but todays world if you want to do that and make your private life public you can. I think people dont care so much about family reputation these days. Maybe because almost everyone knows all families can be messy.

The 70s to me seemed like a time of innocence where people asked each other ehat their zodiac sign was. In the 80s and 90s it was more...how many partners have you had. AIDS and HIV was going round. Also what drugs have you done. The 2000s were more 'how many friends have you got on facebook' lol fastfwd to today its like have you been trhough therapy. Are you autistic or ADHD. Have you been suffering from nuclear radioactive fallout.?


Leo Tolstoy put it in these words... Happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are all unhappy in their own way.

Makes for an interesting novel anyway. If you dont like reading then just give one word answers in bullet point and get on with business, thats what the yuppies did, they just asked each other how much they could earn because marriage for them was a business transaction.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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#9
Mar 8, 2022
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#9
Ruby123 said:
The Aussie Mafs is a disgrace. I wonder if they are paid actors as some of the things that go on in that show are too much. Long one big drama o_Oo_Oo_O
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I haven't watched the Australia version, but I am currently also seeing the UK version. The UK version is much more wild. I wonder if the producers are trying to cause conflicts? Matching people with strippers, vegans with non-vegans, people with very different personalities, matching the inexperienced with the divorced/with kids, etc. The U.S. version I feel has more "normal" everyday people that I can relate to, people without too many external complications. I think the producers at least try. The big issue seems to be how to handle the pets.
 
kinda

kinda

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#10
Jun 26, 2013
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I think with feminism at it's peak, and with men finally concluding that there are better things to do with their life, marriage rates will continue to plummet.

Dating has been a basket case for decades now, so eventually both men, and women will have to find some mutual benefits in relationships.

With that said, rich men will always be in demand, and same with attractive woman, but that doesn't necessarily make a good marriage, or dating relationship.

I would guess in ten years that their will be a new normal, which both men, and woman will agree too. As of now, long term relationships are to out of sync for it to be a worthy endeavor for many people. Sure, people will still continue to date, marry, and divorce, but staying single seems to be gaining popularity.

I personally think it's long over due for reform in the relationship world, far to many unhappy marriages, and families. Plus, not to be elitist or anything, but being more selective in breeding is long over due.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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Mar 8, 2022
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MsMediator said:
I haven't watched the Australia version, but I am currently also seeing the UK version. The UK version is much more wild. I wonder if the producers are trying to cause conflicts? Matching people with strippers, vegans with non-vegans, people with very different personalities, matching the inexperienced with the divorced/with kids, etc. The U.S. version I feel has more "normal" everyday people that I can relate to, people without too many external complications. I think the producers at least try. The big issue seems to be how to handle the pets.
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The U.S. version is not as "diverse", way less interracial couples, no gay couples, and no older couples. People have more regular jobs. The UK version has one male stripper, later it is found another guy is also a stripper (I read ahead online).
 
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RodB651

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Feb 11, 2021
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You may as well put it all out there,.. Scare them off early. If they don't scare off, they are either really interested in you or very desperate.
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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Mar 8, 2022
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#13
RodB651 said:
You may as well put it all out there,.. Scare them off early. If they don't scare off, they are either really interested in you or very desperate.
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Yes, I think timing matters (perhaps not on the first date or first few dates) but before any real attachment and definitely before marriage. Personally I don't believe it is necessary to go into any real details if that means reopening old issues but important to disclose the past.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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why do you watch shows like this, its like The bachelor or bacholerette or survivor shows.Mostly australian 'reality' shows get shown in nz and I cannot stand them lol.

Nobody seriously entertains getting married at first sight here!

I think its because of their australia. accents which can be grating. The only australian tv show I loved watching and rated was Kath and Kim because it was a comedy. The writing was sharp and it had a lot of jokes.

I had a friend who kept going on about the Kardashians which Ive never watched either and womdered what the appeal was, like a lot of american tv shows about rich people being obnoxious because of their money. Beverley Hills 90210, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Desperate housewives, the simple Life, all had that same trope. I remember a US tv show where they made over each others houses and also wifeswapped.

Another UK show that was quite good actually was Supernnanny where bratty children got nannied because their parents couldnt handle them. lol
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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Lanolin said:
why do you watch shows like this, its like The bachelor or bacholerette or survivor shows.Mostly australian 'reality' shows get shown in nz and I cannot stand them lol.
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I don't like the other reality shows which seem more competitive, with contestants being eliminated etc. Those other shows make me more uncomfortable where people change partners frequently. Those other shows also seem more fake. At least with MAFS, people stick with the same partner for the whole show (at least in the U.S. version). It is educational to look inside a relationship. I think it is difficult to get an "inside look" in other places because most people including friends do not disclose these type of details (e.g., such as intimacy problems).
 
MsMediator

MsMediator

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Mar 8, 2022
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#16
These type of lessons are learned through real life, but most practicing Christian singles do not experience these problems.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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I think couples need to resolve their own differences rather than go through a third party that films them and makes money from them lol

Christian couples would just have Jesus as their advocate and can always pray together, so I would imagine they would have less difficulties or at least Him in common. Any past issues Jesus can heal - he doesnt charge anyone for therapy.

I dont think anyone can really claim they come from a 'perfect' family. If you just know you are going to marry that person then you have to accept them as they are , one or both of you will have to leave your family/parents behind at some point. To start a new family. (this is why fathers 'give away' their daughters)

Paul advised those who did will have trouble in the flesh..so he did warn them. Other than that, I think its better that couples take each other and their respective families seriously and dont lie to each other cos who wants to live a lie. Nobody. You dont want to marry someone whos all nice at the beginning and then find out later he resolves his anger issues by beating you up and abusing you! (if thats what their parents did!)
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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One book I read, never watched the tv show but it was a about a mother who had twins and then sixteuplets? But it was mostly from HER point of view, she was married at first but the. her husband apparently left her as it got too much. They were filiming it for TLC but I can imagine having your family filmed all the time isnt actually great for the marriage relationship!

To me she seemed a bit too much of a Type A. Although she was a professed Christian it seemed to me she got all the kudos for being a mother and her husband as the dad was marginalised. I felt the children would had been exploited on that tv show.... much like the brats on the Supernanny! Those families might look back on the old footage and wonder 'what were we thinking, agreeing to be filmed for tv' lol

and their friends would be like, we know all about you from watching tv how badly behaved you are. But maybe they were so desperate they didnt care ...its the thing now to be shameless about your life. most viewers wouldnt be disrespectful but you cant control really what other people think about you. So you might as well be honest.
 
T

Truth01

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May 7, 2022
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#19
Reality tv is not real. That's what people find most entertaining about it. The different ways people try to keep up appearances, whether subtle or obvious. Watching people's continual camera smiles etc.
 
tourist

tourist

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Lanolin said:
Christian couples would just have Jesus as their advocate and can always pray together, so I would imagine they would have less difficulties or at least Him in common. Any past issues Jesus can heal - he doesnt charge anyone for therapy.
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My wife and I do this daily.
 
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