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What Is Your Love Language ? 💛
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In case you are interested, Gary Chapman came out with an edition of the "5 Love Languages, Singles edition." Last copyright is 2017. Deals also with dating, friendships, work relationships and dealing with family. I am currently reading "5 Apology Languages" of which Gary Chapman co-wrote. My primary love language is "Quality Time."
The quiz was fun but I had a hard time answering and couldn't take the results very seriously (just for myself -- I can't speak for anyone else.)
I found it to be a very person and circumstance-specific quiz.
For instance, when I was able to meet @Pipp in person for the first time last year, I thought nothing of propping myself up against her arm as I was reading and catching up with messages on my phone. Would that been seen as touch (contact,) and therefore, a love language?
I would think so, but the only reason I felt comfortable enough to do that is because I'd met Pippy online YEARS ago (2014 or 2015?) and had literally spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours interacting with her across CC, chats, and messages. So when we met, there was an instant, "Hey, we're long- staanding peeps, we're cool, so feel free to fluff up my shoulder as a cushion" type of vibe, even though we had technically never met before in person.
(And @Pipp, if you would like to retroactively smack me for being a creepy stalker, well, you know how to find me.)
I definitely wouldn't have that kind of instant rapport with friends I didn't know as well.
Likewise, with every form of love that was listed, I found it to be very situational. I love words of affirmation, both to give and to get, but if it's not with someone I know really well and for a long time, it might otherwise come off as being some kind of overbearing lovebombing stalker (same thing with gifts and acts of service.)
I guess I felt these kinds of distinctions really stood out to me because in the past, I've had people try to show various forms of these expressions to me that I did not feel comfortable with at all -- and I'm sure I'm guilty of doing the same to other people.
(Sorry, Pippy.)
I found it to be a very person and circumstance-specific quiz.
For instance, when I was able to meet @Pipp in person for the first time last year, I thought nothing of propping myself up against her arm as I was reading and catching up with messages on my phone. Would that been seen as touch (contact,) and therefore, a love language?
I would think so, but the only reason I felt comfortable enough to do that is because I'd met Pippy online YEARS ago (2014 or 2015?) and had literally spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours interacting with her across CC, chats, and messages. So when we met, there was an instant, "Hey, we're long- staanding peeps, we're cool, so feel free to fluff up my shoulder as a cushion" type of vibe, even though we had technically never met before in person.
(And @Pipp, if you would like to retroactively smack me for being a creepy stalker, well, you know how to find me.)
I definitely wouldn't have that kind of instant rapport with friends I didn't know as well.
Likewise, with every form of love that was listed, I found it to be very situational. I love words of affirmation, both to give and to get, but if it's not with someone I know really well and for a long time, it might otherwise come off as being some kind of overbearing lovebombing stalker (same thing with gifts and acts of service.)
I guess I felt these kinds of distinctions really stood out to me because in the past, I've had people try to show various forms of these expressions to me that I did not feel comfortable with at all -- and I'm sure I'm guilty of doing the same to other people.
(Sorry, Pippy.)
You know Id have it no other way ! It would have hurt my feelings if you hadn't felt comfortable enough to fluff up my arm and take a rest.The quiz was fun but I had a hard time answering and couldn't take the results very seriously (just for myself -- I can't speak for anyone else.)
I found it to be a very person and circumstance-specific quiz.
For instance, when I was able to meet @Pipp in person for the first time last year, I thought nothing of propping myself up against her arm as I was reading and catching up with messages on my phone. Would that been seen as touch (contact,) and therefore, a love language?
I would think so, but the only reason I felt comfortable enough to do that is because I'd met Pippy online YEARS ago (2014 or 2015?) and had literally spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours interacting with her across CC, chats, and messages. So when we met, there was an instant, "Hey, we're long- staanding peeps, we're cool, so feel free to fluff up my shoulder as a cushion" type of vibe, even though we had technically never met before in person.
(And @Pipp, if you would like to retroactively smack me for being a creepy stalker, well, you know how to find me.)
I definitely wouldn't have that kind of instant rapport with friends I didn't know as well.
Likewise, with every form of love that was listed, I found it to be very situational. I love words of affirmation, both to give and to get, but if it's not with someone I know really well and for a long time, it might otherwise come off as being some kind of overbearing lovebombing stalker (same thing with gifts and acts of service.)
I guess I felt these kinds of distinctions really stood out to me because in the past, I've had people try to show various forms of these expressions to me that I did not feel comfortable with at all -- and I'm sure I'm guilty of doing the same to other people.
(Sorry, Pippy.)
do recall we once subscribed to Time magazine.
I remember it had a red border and was supposed to contain all the news we needed to know that week. However then the next one would come along and the previous edition would then be out of date.
Im constantly aware that we dont have enough time in the library. Maybe I should put MORE clocks in there.
I remember it had a red border and was supposed to contain all the news we needed to know that week. However then the next one would come along and the previous edition would then be out of date.
Im constantly aware that we dont have enough time in the library. Maybe I should put MORE clocks in there.
I think people have different love languages for giving and receiving. Somebody might take joy in doing things for others, but have too much pride to accept somebody doing things for him. He might like a gift now and then, but really suck at guessing what other people would like as gifts.
So, like in the first week or so of dating there was this guy who bought you a semi-expensive tennis bracelet... he was standing there staring at you when you opened the little box. And you were like... thinking... dude, I don't know you that well... lol
Something that?
And your top 2 were Words of Affirmation and Quality Time? And you don't remember what there were?
Of course I think everyone feels Acts of Service say the most.
So true. When my sister and brother-in-law stay at my house, she'll often do some cleaning and hang pictures. I'm happy with that. But I can't imagine anyone else doing something for me, especially that I'd be comfortable with.
And gifts... I sometimes hate thinking about junk in the house or in drawers. I'd probably want to re-gift asap. And one gf bought me clothes, but she had good taste and guessed right. But otherwise, I'd be like, you can take this back, I'll never wear it. I don't have clothes space to be nice and tuck it away. lol
So, like in the first week or so of dating there was this guy who bought you a semi-expensive tennis bracelet... he was standing there staring at you when you opened the little box. And you were like... thinking... dude, I don't know you that well... lol Something that?
To be honest, Sculpt, it seems like you've read a lot of my posts -- I guess I'm assuming too much but I actually thought you would know me better than this.
Of course it would be sweet if a guy presented a thoughtful gift of value early on, but my immediate reaction would be, "I bet he's doing this because he thinks or has experienced women only using him for money. Poor guy. He doesn't know me very well." And I would have to set the record straight.
I'm trying to think of a way to condense everything I want to say here but I'm not sure I can. First, I come from a very frugal family. Second, I haven't had many relationships but when I did, the guy was always overspending and I'd wind up paying his bills. So my first concern would be that he was taking adequate care of himself first before even thinking of spending any money on me. Also, the number one complaint I hear from men is that women just want a man as an ATM machine, but in my relationships, it was always the opposite. I was always doling out for something they couldn't pay for (because they were spending money on clothes, smokes, alcohol, games, etc.) and so I'd wind up paying for their responsibilities, such as, in one case, a man's legal fees to keep custody of his kids, as well as their daycare.
So it's very important to me that a man knows I can pay my own way. And as far as not knowing me very well -- I've always worked in retail, so my hands and arms are pretty beat up and littered with scars from box cutters, numerous cuts from cardboard boxes, and unfortunate run-ins with all kinds of metal shelving. I love to LOOK at pretty jewelry but it's not practical for my line of work or my war-torn limbs, lol. And I used to love rings, but when my husband left, he left his wedding ring behind on the counter as something to throw away into the trash, and it utterly broke my heart. I've never quite looked at rings the same ever since. Not that I couldn't ever love rings again, but in general, jewelry isn't the way to my heart.
I would gently tell the guy that I TRULY appreciate his kind gesture, but let's get to know more about each other and for a longer time before exchanging gifts on that level.
And your top 2 were Words of Affirmation and Quality Time? And you don't remember what there were?
All I can say is that my answer was right there in my original post.
I have love languages that I gravitate towards naturally just like everyone else, but that gets overridden by the individual person and my relationship to them. For instance, I have two friends who are never going to give a lot of words of affirmation because it's just not who they are. I can't expect something from them that they're not built to give! But for example, I've moved a lot over the years (always due to family situations,) and one friend has sent me some kind of care package to nearly every single location I've moved to. He knows how stressful it is for me and while he might not know the words to say, he always shows his support through something tangible (and usually delectably edible.)
So while Gifts might not be my primary love language, they are with him because I know that's how he shows he cares (and I know that's how he receives love, so I enjoy sending him surprises as well, even though that might not be my own "natural" love language.)
With people I get to spend a lot of time with, Quality Time falls to a lesser place on the list because I see them quite often.
But for the people I only get to see every few years or who are so busy that they literally never have any free time, then Quality Time definitely moves up to first place with that particular person.
I'm certainly not perfect at this but I think we have to learn to accept love in the forms that individual people are comfortable with giving. I know the Love Languages concept has been around for a very long time, and although I've never thoroughly studied it, there seems to be a lot of friction for people (especially within relationships and marriage) who can't accept the ways their partner gives love and would prefer, or even demand other ways.
I'm not sure how well I'd adapt to a permanent situation if I were married to someone who liked to give and get love in a different way from myself, but I know over the years I've learned to adapt to those I'm closest to.
I dont know what my loved ones (parents) love langauge is because they would most likely not do a survey like this. I suppose I could ask or do it on their behalf. Probably no 'words of affirmation' for mum, shes more likely to have 'words of criticism' and she balks at expensive gifts even though she has 'played santa' at christmas.
Maybe acts of service although she grumbles about it. But I am useless at acts of service. I would much rather have quality time. so when you dont speak the same, or not fluent in the other language what are you meant to do? I dont really get it. Both do the third one that you both dont have??
So nobody can accuse you of favouritism or only speaking the one lanagage? Why is FOOD or MUSIC not included in this? Everyone knows that music and food show love dont they?
Maybe acts of service although she grumbles about it. But I am useless at acts of service. I would much rather have quality time. so when you dont speak the same, or not fluent in the other language what are you meant to do? I dont really get it. Both do the third one that you both dont have??
So nobody can accuse you of favouritism or only speaking the one lanagage? Why is FOOD or MUSIC not included in this? Everyone knows that music and food show love dont they?
To be honest, Sculpt, it seems like you've read a lot of my posts -- I guess I'm assuming too much but I actually thought you would know me better than this.
Of course it would be sweet if a guy presented a thoughtful gift of value early on, but my immediate reaction would be, "I bet he's doing this because he thinks or has experienced women only using him for money. Poor guy. He doesn't know me very well." And I would have to set the record straight.
I'm trying to think of a way to condense everything I want to say here but I'm not sure I can. First, I come from a very frugal family. Second, I haven't had many relationships but when I did, the guy was always overspending and I'd wind up paying his bills. So my first concern would be that he was taking adequate care of himself first before even thinking of spending any money on me. Also, the number one complaint I hear from men is that women just want a man as an ATM machine, but in my relationships, it was always the opposite. I was always doling out for something they couldn't pay for (because they were spending money on clothes, smokes, alcohol, games, etc.) and so I'd wind up paying for their responsibilities, such as, in one case, a man's legal fees to keep custody of his kids, as well as their daycare.
So it's very important to me that a man knows I can pay my own way. And as far as not knowing me very well -- I've always worked in retail, so my hands and arms are pretty beat up and littered with scars from box cutters, numerous cuts from cardboard boxes, and unfortunate run-ins with all kinds of metal shelving. I love to LOOK at pretty jewelry but it's not practical for my line of work or my war-torn limbs, lol. And I used to love rings, but when my husband left, he left his wedding ring behind on the counter as something to throw away into the trash, and it utterly broke my heart. I've never quite looked at rings the same ever since. Not that I couldn't ever love rings again, but in general, jewelry isn't the way to my heart.
I would gently tell the guy that I TRULY appreciate his kind gesture, but let's get to know more about each other and for a longer time before exchanging gifts on that level.
All I can say is that my answer was right there in my original post.
For instance, I have two friends who are never going to give a lot of words of affirmation because it's just not who they are. I can't expect something from them that they're not built to give! But for example, I've moved a lot over the years (always due to family situations,) and one friend has sent me some kind of care package to nearly every single location I've moved to. He knows how stressful it is for me and while he might not know the words to say, he always shows his support through something tangible (and usually delectably edible.)
So while Gifts might not be my primary love language, they are with him because I know that's how he shows he cares (and I know that's how he receives love, so I enjoy sending him surprises as well, even though that might not be my own "natural" love language.)
With people I get to spend a lot of time with, Quality Time falls to a lesser place on the list because I see them quite often.
But for the people I only get to see every few years or who are so busy that they literally never have any free time, then Quality Time definitely moves up to first place with that particular person.
I'm certainly not perfect at this but I think we have to learn to accept love in the forms that individual people are comfortable with giving. I know the Love Languages concept has been around for a very long time, and although I've never thoroughly studied it, there seems to be a lot of friction for people (especially within relationships and marriage) who can't accept the ways their partner gives love and would prefer, or even demand other ways.
I'm not sure how well I'd adapt to a permanent situation if I were married to someone who liked to give and get love in a different way from myself, but I know over the years I've learned to adapt to those I'm closest to.
I hear ya. My comment about the bracelet was specifically in response to your comment, "I've had people try to show various forms of these expressions to me that I did not feel comfortable with at all". So, my comment was a humous attempt to guess at what 'love expression' had made you uncomfortable in the past... which was that some guy you hardly knew gave you a jewelry gift that made you uncomfortable. What I think I know of you was thinking that that would make you uncomfortable. Sorry if that wasn't clear. Whether or not that situation actually happened to you probably isn't that important.
And so true, I said the same thing in my first post... what 'gift means more' depends on who's giving it. Firstly, if it's dad, sibling, pal or significant other. And just as important who the individual is. What might be common word or gesture from one person may be very significant from someone else.
