I feel I am barely functioning and very depressed inside. There could be many ways and changes in my mindset that I have tried and even medications but I am hardly having any hope especially because of the condition of my house. All the people in my family are diagnosed with a mental illness and are on mental medicines. My dad and I have depression and are on antidepressants. My mom , bro and sis have psychosis and on antipsychotics. My mom has delusional disorder while my bro and sis have Schizophrenia. My mom's delusional disorder has flared up recently after we moved to another city. She has 'delusion of infidelity' against my dad , she keeps thinking he is cheating on her despite several proofs and checking phone and everything. She preoccupies herself exploring dad's things while he is away and googling this and that. Her medicine combinations were even recently changed and she was put on new antipsychotics or increased dosages and despite that she had bouts of suspicions. We have come to our hometown back again because of all this for a few days...away from dad's workplace city. She wants to be here and keep her 3 children with her. My sister despite having Schizophrenia found a job in that city where dad works. My mom is asking her to leave her job and asking all 3 of us to stay back in the hometown and villainizing my dad and we know for sure my dad is innocent and is calmly putting up with the anger outbursts and bad words spat at him by mom and recurrent checking of his phone and asking him questions. After seeing the condition of my home and the absolute lack of any joy but only infirmities, I am disheartened within and even tempted. I having depression myself see no colors in this world even though I try to and thus I don't have anything grand to ask God...anything that i think could make me happier except if all my family members were completely healed despite strong evidence that people with psychosis ever recover and that 90% of depressed people relapse.... what hope do I live with...for the end to come..for Jesus to come...yes..but then what now...what now? What about this life..? How to smile and laugh when sickness is present? In dad's workplace city we would attend Church too. Since we are in our hometown we are resting at home today..and we personally don't connect with the Church we used to go here. I don't know what to do...study? I am trying to for my entrance exams...but I am too depressed and unable to focus.
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