Christ's Perfection In Us

[ChrisTillinen]

Your perfection on my behalf acquires
The precious gift of justification
Your holy presence in me desires
The purity of sanctification

We are the broken ones
You took the pain of restoration
We are the prodigal sons
Called arms open back to celebration

Heavy steps in time became one
Eternal dance of glorification
For when the sting of death stuns
It's now a stage for transformation

You asked for the cup to pass
And that too proved to be vicarious
For the deadly poison in my glass
Was bound to a fate most precarious

You died for us who were yet sinners
Now you call us to live for your glory
By your merit we are the winners
Living happily in the Writer's story

 

[CharliRenee]

Thank you for sharing this, so beautiful!!

 

[ebdesroches]

Your perfection on my behalf acquires
The precious gift of justification
Your holy presence in me desires
The purity of sanctification

We are the broken ones
You took the pain of restoration
We are the prodigal sons
Called arms open back to celebration

Heavy steps

Your perfection on my behalf acquires
The precious gift of justification
Your holy presence in me desires
The purity of sanctification

We are the broken ones
You took the pain of restoration
We are the prodigal sons
Called arms open back to celebration

Heavy steps in time became one
Eternal dance of glorification
For when the sting of death stuns
It's now a stage for transformation

You asked for the cup to pass
And that too proved to be vicarious
For the deadly poison in my glass
Was bound to a fate most precarious

You died for us who were yet sinners
Now you call us to live for your glory
By your merit we are the winners
Living happily in the Writer's story

You asked for the cup to pass
And that too proved to be vicarious
For the deadly poison in my glass
Was bound to a fate most precarious

You asked for the cup to pass
But I became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious

 

[ebdesroches]

Oops
i asked the cup to pass

 

[ebdesroches]

Subject messed up:

You asked for the cup to pass
But I became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious


You asked for the cup to pass
But you became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious

Finally maybe suggestion is right?

 

[ChrisTillinen]

You asked for the cup to pass
But you became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious

I like it. I wanted to focus on the idea that in one sense Jesus' request that the cup would be passed became also vicarious just as his death did because it was my/our cup that was passed. Your version is definitely clearer than how I worded it, and it still communicates most if not all of what I wanted to say (and it still rhymes too).

 

[ebdesroches]

Subject messed up:

You asked for the cup to pass
But I became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious


You asked for the cup to pass
But you became the Lamb vicarious
You drank the deadly poison in my glass
My fate then not precarious

Finally maybe suggestion is right?

I like it. I wanted to focus on the idea that in one sense Jesus' request that the cup would be passed became also vicarious just as his death did because it was my/our cup that was passed. Your version is definitely clearer than how I worded it, and it still communicates most if not all of what I wanted to say (and it still rhymes too).

forgive me if i am interfering you. You are a far superior poet thsn i am. Even monkeys can type something right once in a while!

 

[ChrisTillinen]

forgive me if i am interfering you. You are a far superior poet thsn i am. Even monkeys can type something right once in a while!

No, I like all feedback and constructive suggestions. Keep them coming!

 

[ChrisTillinen]

It's especially valuable for me when I get information on what specific things make my poems good or not so good. Sometimes the number of likes is higher on a poem that I personally like less than one that I like more. So while this forum provides such a small sampling that some of the variance is easily explicable just by random factors, I still like to learn what I can from people's reactions (and lack thereof). For example, I thought this one: https://christianchat.com/christian-poems-poetry/dawning-day-after-the-storm.209445/ would have received more likes than some of my other poems that I didn't like as much, but turns out it's still at zero. (This is NOT me begging anyone to like. I just prefer honest criticism that isn't sugar-coated, so comments along the lines of "I don't like this one because..." are welcome as well.)

 

[ebdesroches]

It's especially valuable for me when I get information on what specific things make my poems good or not so good. Sometimes the number of likes is higher on a poem that I personally like less than one that I like more. So while this forum provides such a small sampling that some of the variance is easily explicable just by random factors, I still like to learn what I can from people's reactions (and lack thereof). For example, I thought this one: https://christianchat.com/christian-poems-poetry/dawning-day-after-the-storm.209445/ would have received more likes than some of my other poems that I didn't like as much, but turns out it's still at zero. (This is NOT me begging anyone to like. I just prefer honest criticism that isn't sugar-coated, so comments along the lines of "I don't like this one because..." are welcome as well.)

I posted some posts of Catholic saints St theresa Avila and St Theresa Liseux that i thought were good, zero thumbs up. I suspect rejected because were Catholic. One of the things ringing in my ears is Jesus prayer…. That they all be one. What i suspect is wrong is a doctrinaire position rather than knowing what is the heart of those they are rejecting. Of course reject those that reject the basics. Not all is basic. And humility demands we say we see through a dark glass darkly.

I am neither Catholic or Orthodox but i recognize those that are madly in love with our God.

Eat the good stuff, spit out the bones.

 

[ChrisTillinen]

Here's a video version of this poem:

 

[ebdesroches]

I loved this!!! Seems like a spiritual medical treatment?

 

[ChrisTillinen]

I loved this!!! Seems like a spiritual medical treatment?

I don't know if I thought of it like that, but yes, that's one way to look at it. Some early church fathers called Christ "the Divine Physician".