Problems with a lady friend

[Dude653]

Those of you who have known me for a while no I've been widowed for a few years now and I feel like it's time to get back out into the dating scene again
Anyway I've been talking to this one particular lady from Paris Tennessee which is not far from me and we've been talking on the phone every day for a few months now
We had a miscommunication on Thanksgiving Day because she had told me she had plans with a friend and since my mother is in the nursing home now, my son is deceased my brother is all the way in utah. I didn't have any family to spend Thanksgiving with so went down the street to spend Thanksgiving with some friends. I've been a friend of the family for probably 30 years now so I love them just like my own family and they love me too
I'm bad about forgetting to take my phone off do not disturb mode while I'm listening to music so I accidentally missed her phone calls and now she's angry at me
4 days now and she will not take my phone calls or return my text.
I call when it goes straight to voicemail so I'm assuming she has my number blocked.
So I go to the nursing home this evening to visit mom and use her phone and sure enough I was able to reach her that means she did have my number blocked
Well anyway I plead my case with her and tell her I love her and want a relationship with her and don't want this to end over a misunderstanding.
My wife is gone, my son is gone, so talking to her everyday gives me something to look forward to instead of just feeling empty all the time. Anyway she told me she will call me so I guess all I can do is wait now

 

[JohnDB]

Find another one...

Older Christian men without vice are rare....like unicorn rare.

Plenty of fish in the sea....don't get bent over one.

 

[Dude653]

Find another one...

Older Christian men without vice are rare....like unicorn rare.

Plenty of fish in the sea....don't get bent over one.

Yes I know but I'm still hurt.
We will see how it plays out

 

[MsMediator]

Those of you who have known me for a while no I've been widowed for a few years now and I feel like it's time to get back out into the dating scene again
Anyway I've been talking to this one particular lady from Paris Tennessee which is not far from me and we've been talking on the phone every day for a few months now
We had a miscommunication on Thanksgiving Day because she had told me she had plans with a friend and since my mother is in the nursing home now, my son is deceased my brother is all the way in utah. I didn't have any family to spend Thanksgiving with so went down the street to spend Thanksgiving with some friends. I've been a friend of the family for probably 30 years now so I love them just like my own family and they love me too
I'm bad about forgetting to take my phone off do not disturb mode while I'm listening to music so I accidentally missed her phone calls and now she's angry at me
4 days now and she will not take my phone calls or return my text.
I call when it goes straight to voicemail so I'm assuming she has my number blocked.
So I go to the nursing home this evening to visit mom and use her phone and sure enough I was able to reach her that means she did have my number blocked
Well anyway I plead my case with her and tell her I love her and want a relationship with her and don't want this to end over a misunderstanding.
My wife is gone, my son is gone, so talking to her everyday gives me something to look forward to instead of just feeling empty all the time. Anyway she told me she will call me so I guess all I can do is wait now

This is just part of the dating game. You miss her calls, she misses your calls, etc. She was probably setting some boundaries in her own way like she is not always going to be readily available when you are not. I would not think too much over this unless it is repetitive. But, 4 days is a bit long and why did you have to plead with her? Was she about to cut off the relationship over this?

 

[Dude653]

This is just part of the dating game. You miss her calls, she misses your calls, etc. She was probably setting some boundaries in her own way like she is not always going to be readily available when you are not. I would not think too much over this unless it is repetitive. But, 4 days is a bit long and why did you have to plead with her? Was she about to cut off the relationship over this?

No, we were talking everyday until this happened

 

[Kireina]

Did she explain to you why she didn't pick up? 🤔 Did you tell her that it hurts you when she did that ?


In order for the relationship to work... both sides need to be open to talk freely and not resort to "silent treatment" that's my problem also but I don't go days like that... and I am so glad I am learning to communicate well and to open up when I am angry or hurt...




I believe you are old enough to know like this kind of behaviour and if you really like her then you need to sit down with her and talk about it...


I hope you and her will be able to sort things out and agree to be more transparent and be more open and will encourage open communication and won't just shut down the other person When a misunderstanding like this happens ... I believe that If you both want this relationship...You and her are/should be willing to grow and learn together 😊

 

[Dude653]

Did she explain to you why she didn't pick up? 🤔 Did you tell her that it hurts you when she did that ?


In order for the relationship to work... both sides need to be open to talk freely and not resort to "silent treatment" that's my problem also but I don't go days like that... and I am so glad I am learning to communicate well and to open up when I am angry or hurt...




I believe you are old enough to know like this kind of behaviour and if you really like her then you need to sit down with her and talk about it...


I hope you and her will be able to sort things out and agree to be more transparent and be more open and will encourage open communication and won't just shut down the other person When a misunderstanding like this happens ... I believe that If you both want this relationship...You and her are/should be willing to grow and learn together 😊

Yes I explained all that and I told her I love her and want a relationship and don't want our relationship to end over a misunderstanding.
She told me she wasn't feeling good and she will call me back so I guess we'll see

 

[Juliet84]

Hi Dude, all you can do is wait for her to contact you. If you haven't heard from her within the next couple of weeks, at latest, then I think you might have to accept that the relationship is over, and that her blocking you was the way she chose to end things.

 

[Forever_Saved]

Hello sir, first of all I’m sorry to hear you lost your son and wife. I can’t imagine the amount of pain and grieve you’ve had to go through and hey, you’re still here pushing forward! Wow! I pray God fills your heart with joy and peace.

Now, I believe in a conflict it is not fair to judge without knowing the two parts. Have you ever had other disagreements? How has she managed them? Has she maybe being trying to communicate her needs and feelings before this? Do you feel like this was the last straw that broke the camel’s back or her behavior is coming out of nowhere?
Maybe ask yourself those questions to understand why she’s acting like that.
If the behavior is from nowhere then wait for her to call you, hear her out and guard you heart please, the Bible says we should do that.
The silent treatment is not a healthy behavior at all and if you continue in the relationship you must make yourself clear that communication should improve.

Hope this helps! 😊

 

[drim]

Let me be brutally honest with you, mr. Ask yourself these questions:
1) Is this the first time she gets angry about some silly misunderstanding, even after you explained and apologized?
2) is the treatment you receive a little exaggerated for the actual 'sin'?
3) Is she a mature woman?

If all the answers are yes, then let me give you some bad news. She wanted to take some time away from you before this incident happened and, for whatever reason, couldn't. So she grabbed the first 'mistake' you made and used it as an excuse to do so.
This happens a lot. A lot of male friends have come to me perplexed by the over-the-top reactions of their partners. I always advise them to ask if there is something else unrelated to the incident that is bothering them. And, believe it or not, this is the case 95% of the time.

The solution is simple. Ask her, and also, if you both are Christians and think this is God's will, then solve your issues before him.
Wish you the best.

 

[Ruby123]

Those of you who have known me for a while no I've been widowed for a few years now and I feel like it's time to get back out into the dating scene again
Anyway I've been talking to this one particular lady from Paris Tennessee which is not far from me and we've been talking on the phone every day for a few months now
We had a miscommunication on Thanksgiving Day because she had told me she had plans with a friend and since my mother is in the nursing home now, my son is deceased my brother is all the way in utah. I didn't have any family to spend Thanksgiving with so went down the street to spend Thanksgiving with some friends. I've been a friend of the family for probably 30 years now so I love them just like my own family and they love me too
I'm bad about forgetting to take my phone off do not disturb mode while I'm listening to music so I accidentally missed her phone calls and now she's angry at me
4 days now and she will not take my phone calls or return my text.
I call when it goes straight to voicemail so I'm assuming she has my number blocked.
So I go to the nursing home this evening to visit mom and use her phone and sure enough I was able to reach her that means she did have my number blocked
Well anyway I plead my case with her and tell her I love her and want a relationship with her and don't want this to end over a misunderstanding.
My wife is gone, my son is gone, so talking to her everyday gives me something to look forward to instead of just feeling empty all the time. Anyway she told me she will call me so I guess all I can do is wait now

It sounds like she may be reacting from issues she has or maybe this is her personality. It seems to be an over reaction.
Before pursuing any more time into this relationship find out which is the reason and decide whether you are able to deal with this as a long term issue. Don't settle for anything less because you are feeling lonely. I know at times easier said then done.

 

[JohnDB]

For her to cut off all contact like that for a couple of days...it can mean that she is trying to manipulate you...

People like to have the "superior" role in relationships instead of a co-equal role.

At your age...you are the extremely rare find. A Christian man with no debilitating vice...

Sure the hurt of a broken relationship is not pleasant...but the whole relationship is not going to work if she does this to you. It's only going to get worse as time goes by.

Find another one...

A LOT more of single women out there than single men....put the descriptor of "Christian " in front and now you are talking super rare find.

 

[MsMediator]

put the descriptor of "Christian " in front and now you are talking super rare find.

A lot of "Christian" guys on Christian dating sites... a lot of them are there looking for a Christian wife.

 

[Dude653]

I didn't meet her on a dating site. Her church used to visit mine a lot so we have a lot of mutual friends.

 

[JohnDB]

A lot of "Christian" guys on Christian dating sites... a lot of them are there looking for a Christian wife.

And the moment you actually look under the hood of what they believe it means to be a Christian and what they do to demonstrate their faith it falls apart rather quickly.

On dating sites especially, a "Christian" man means that he is not publicly into polyamory or homosexuality. Secretly is another story altogether.

 

[JohnDB]

I didn't meet her on a dating site. Her church used to visit mine a lot so we have a lot of mutual friends.

Which is just fine...no problems.

Don't sweat it. Your reputation is not going to get trashed. Hold your head up high and move on. I think that you will find someone who was patiently waiting for her to get out of the picture before she said anything...because she actually has a sincere desire for YOU to be happy and she is also respectful of you.

We are guys...we tend to be dumb in this stuff. We once thought that we were the ones to hunt the women down. Actually we are prey...women are bait and predators all wrapped up into one.

Read Proverbs again. This time remind yourself that the word "Prostitute" and "whore" don't mean what we associate those words meaning.

You want a good companion. No fault or any sort of blame in desiring that from me or anyone with half a brain. (Once I did know a guy with only half a brain....yes he was amoral....but I'm getting off topic)

She, the companion you want, shouldn't become the sole focus of your life. In fact she should be an encouragement and help towards you doing the things you do. She should not leave you worried constantly about upsetting her or cause you to spend all your time seeing to her wants and needs. You of course have hobbies and interests...perhaps fishing, golfing, hunting, machining, cooking, leathercrafts, or whatever. She should help you do those and enjoy them too.

Just saying...

 

[Dude653]

Which is just fine...no problems.

Don't sweat it. Your reputation is not going to get trashed. Hold your head up high and move on. I think that you will find someone who was patiently waiting for her to get out of the picture before she said anything...because she actually has a sincere desire for YOU to be happy and she is also respectful of you.

We are guys...we tend to be dumb in this stuff. We once thought that we were the ones to hunt the women down. Actually we are prey...women are bait and predators all wrapped up into one.

Read Proverbs again. This time remind yourself that the word "Prostitute" and "whore" don't mean what we associate those words meaning.

You want a good companion. No fault or any sort of blame in desiring that from me or anyone with half a brain. (Once I did know a guy with only half a brain....yes he was amoral....but I'm getting off topic)

She, the companion you want, shouldn't become the sole focus of your life. In fact she should be an encouragement and help towards you doing the things you do. She should not leave you worried constantly about upsetting her or cause you to spend all your time seeing to her wants and needs. You of course have hobbies and interests...perhaps fishing, golfing, hunting, machining, cooking, leathercrafts, or whatever. She should help you do those and enjoy them too.

Just saying...

I understand all of that. I'm just hurt right now

 

[stilllearning]

I believe you already know the answer bro and don't much care for what it is. I have to agree with you on that and it sucks. You fulfilled your solemn promise of till death do us part and so you have a good understanding of what attraction is and how it feels and how it operates. When a woman is into you, you remain in her thoughts. You were not in hers as if you where no way she could have gone four days as the simple fact of you being in her thoughts would have made her miss you. Her missing you would have outweighed her anger and she want to hear your voice.

I have to agree with other guys who have pointed out she was looking for a out. I believe with the precision that she cut you out of the picture and so quickly there is someone else and he is in her thoughts. The way you laid your soul bare for her and made yourself vulnerable by letting her know you have no one and want her. She just now knows that she can keep you in the friend zone and you will remain there by your own hand while she test the waters and if it all falls apart she has you as the back up plan.

I believe you know that but it hurts as you do have no one and thought this may be what you tragically lost and want it back. I am sorry bro but find you have to move on and find a woman who does make you her first and only thought and you her first and only plan. Not one willing to keep you on the back burner in case her plan fails. I feel for ya bro and will be praying for ya my friend.