Should women pursue men?

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JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#21
Jan 16, 2021
6,180
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#21
Guys can and WILL ignore signals because we don't believe in the sincerity of the women tossing them out.

Some women like to flirt to get asked out simply to say "no" because all they really wanted was an ego stroke.
BAH!

And for a woman to throw signals they have to cross the threshold of suggested interest to positive interest....

Too many guys do NOT want to get accused of being stalkers or predators...and sometimes the women have severe detractors that the guys just aren't interested in. Things like political involvement or debt or too many animals.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

Well-known member
#22
Jan 16, 2021
6,180
2,487
113
#22
Krumbeard said:
So if a lady is interested in a guy, she may not say a thing to him, or she might try to converse with him.

She may look at him or avoid him.


See! This isn't confusing at all. 🤣
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The ol' "get a friend to say something " still works.
Has been working for centuries.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#23
Jun 30, 2015
25,366
13,728
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#23
Forever_Saved said:
Sometimes it’s could be frustrating bc we show subtle interests but men tend to be very oblivious to these things.
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Allow me, as a man, to offer some male perspective on that. Let's consider several possible reasons why a man does not respond as hoped when a reasonably-attractive woman is kind and friendly to him, with the intent to show "subtle interest":

The man, having heard many stories about men being shamed, ostracized, and even arrested for misinterpreting the signals, cautiously assumes that she is just being polite and does not respond with interest.

The man, completely focused on the tasks at hand, simply does not pick up the signals.

The man, being interested in someone else, chooses to ignore the signals.

The man, being rather socially inexperienced, is not aware that the signals are actually signals.

The man actually is not interested in the woman, for any number of reasons.

Any of these, or others, could be in play. Don't assume too much. If you consider him worth the effort to break the ice, then break it. Don't tap at it. If things don't work, at least you will have grown in experience. :)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#24
Aug 13, 2014
27,183
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#24
I'm always #2 and #4.
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#25
#25
Wow thank you all for your comments 😆
Just to make it clear: I’m not in this situation or anything like that right now. But I have been in the past and so have my friends.

I had a conversation about this topic with my sisters from church on Friday so I wanted to know the opinions on CC ☺️

For me, I know how to show interest if necessary but I tend to pass if theres no response, obviously. If he’s interested, then I let him lead.

Thank you all for your answers, God bless you! 💛💛
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#26
Nov 20, 2018
22,752
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#26
Forever_Saved said:
Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.
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A drink of what exactly?

Anyways....such was not the case in ancient Israel. All marriages were arranged, and the partners were 13-14-15-16 years old.
 
cv5

cv5

Well-known member
#27
Nov 20, 2018
22,752
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#27
Forever_Saved said:
Me again :giggle:

So what do you think about women pursuing men? Do you think its okay? Or is it out of place?

Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.

In my church, most of the brothers say they wouldn't mind a girl taking the first step. I personally can't, it won't come out naturally from me. I kind of freeze when I like someone and they're right in front of me lol

But then how should a woman show interest in a man without doing too much?

Too many questions... :LOL: But pls tell me what you think.
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BTW...the correct Biblical response to such an encounter is to "flee".
 
Plowman

Plowman

Member
#30
Feb 15, 2014
86
7
8
#30
Being indirect may work some times but more often it does not.
It seems to me that when it works it was not needed.

What is wrong with being direct? Why not say, I would like to get to know you?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go
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cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#31
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
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#31
Forever_Saved said:
Me again :giggle:

So what do you think about women pursuing men? Do you think its okay? Or is it out of place?

Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.

In my church, most of the brothers say they wouldn't mind a girl taking the first step. I personally can't, it won't come out naturally from me. I kind of freeze when I like someone and they're right in front of me lol

But then how should a woman show interest in a man without doing too much?

Too many questions... :LOL: But pls tell me what you think.
Click to expand...

How are we defining pursuing? I'm becoming convinced that modern western society has an anti-male bias so while it's always been a bit risky for the average guy to approach a woman because he might get shot down; now it's more like he'll get shot down, be vilified on social media, and maybe have to deal with a harassment complaint if it's someone they work with. So the stakes are higher for the guys.

On the other hand, be too pushy of a woman and do most of the work and you'll end up with a guy who isn't the invested in the relationship but finds it pleasant to have a gal to stroke his ego and make out with. That's not the relationship most women want.

If I had the magic answers I probably wouldn't be single, but the best I can advise anyone is to be genuine with everyone and don't bring up the topic of a relationship with someone until you're ready to make the leap and give it a chance.
 
I_am_Canadian

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
#33
Dec 8, 2014
2,430
821
113
#33
Krumbeard said:
So if a lady is interested in a guy, she may not say a thing to him, or she might try to converse with him.

She may look at him or avoid him.


See! This isn't confusing at all. 🤣
Click to expand...
Right and the bible says God is not the author of confusion.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#36
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#36
Jews look for a sign, greeks wisdom.

ask a man to do the dishes at church. See what he says.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#37
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#37
Forever_Saved said:
Me again :giggle:

So what do you think about women pursuing men? Do you think its okay? Or is it out of place?

Nowadays in the world, its very normal for a woman to walk up to a man she's interested in and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink.

In my church, most of the brothers say they wouldn't mind a girl taking the first step. I personally can't, it won't come out naturally from me. I kind of freeze when I like someone and they're right in front of me lol

But then how should a woman show interest in a man without doing too much?

Too many questions... :LOL: But pls tell me what you think.
Click to expand...
It’s traditional for a woman to pursue a man. They used to drop their handkerchief or something to get a gentleman to pick it up for them and begin a chat. It used to be recognized as flirting. The woman made the first move, not the man, in those days. It’s more modern now for a man to do the initial pursuing.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#38
#38
Runningman said:
It’s traditional for a woman to pursue a man. They used to drop their handkerchief or something to get a gentleman to pick it up for them and begin a chat. It used to be recognized as flirting. The woman made the first move, not the man, in those days. It’s more modern now for a man to do the initial pursuing.
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This is kind of what I was referring to earlier. The woman should drop hints -- hints the man will understand.
 
R

Runningman

Banned
#39
Mar 4, 2020
8,614
3,691
113
#39
cinder said:
How are we defining pursuing? I'm becoming convinced that modern western society has an anti-male bias so while it's always been a bit risky for the average guy to approach a woman because he might get shot down; now it's more like he'll get shot down, be vilified on social media, and maybe have to deal with a harassment complaint if it's someone they work with. So the stakes are higher for the guys.

On the other hand, be too pushy of a woman and do most of the work and you'll end up with a guy who isn't the invested in the relationship but finds it pleasant to have a gal to stroke his ego and make out with. That's not the relationship most women want.

If I had the magic answers I probably wouldn't be single, but the best I can advise anyone is to be genuine with everyone and don't bring up the topic of a relationship with someone until you're ready to make the leap and give it a chance.
Click to expand...
It seems there is always the risk for men and women to both find someone with ulterior motives. It may become clear early on what their priorities are by the questions they ask and the things they say.

A more leery and distrustful approach is normally necessary in the beginning nowadays. Don’t want to come on too strong so starting as friends is a safer approach I think.

If the friendship kicks off and there is a lot of opening up, talking, and friendliness it may be a good idea to propose dating within a couple weeks at least. By then it should be apparent if someone is single and looking for a relationship. Just my opinion on that.
 
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