Red flags that shouldn’t be ignored.

[Forever_Saved]

In a relationship people tend to show their true character (be it positive or negative) in different situations. Sometimes in a subtle way or indirectly.
So I want to know your opinions/experiences on what are those red flags that should not be ignored before taking things further in a relationship?


I can start, pls remember these are my humble opinions/experiences, thanks.

1) A man who is always a victim, he is always right and everyone is always wrong. He isn’t able to see where he is at fault.
2) A sloppy, dirty and messy man.

Tell me! 😊

 

[Robertt]

1. A woman who doestn show any interest in me

 

[PennEd]

In a relationship people tend to show their true character (be it positive or negative) in different situations. Sometimes in a subtle way or indirectly.
So I want to know your opinions/experiences on what are those red flags that should not be ignored before taking things further in a relationship?


I can start, pls remember these are my humble opinions/experiences, thanks.

1) A man who is always a victim, he is always right and everyone is always wrong. He isn’t able to see where he is at fault.
2) A sloppy, dirty and messy man.

Tell me! 😊

Just men? Wouldn’t your description fit women as well?

 

[Lanolin]

china or japan, or tonga?

Apparently chinas flag was five different colours before it was taken over by communists in 1949

 

[Lanolin]

oop sorry wrong thread

Why do we get these strange ones in the singles forum Everyone know its for fellowship, not relationship. In fellowship, we treat each other as brothers and sisters and friends.

Go post in the family forum if you want to talk about relationships

 

[Forever_Saved]

oop sorry wrong thread

Why do we get these strange ones in the singles forum Everyone know its for fellowship, not relationship. In fellowship, we treat each other as brothers and sisters and friends.

Go post in the family forum if you want to talk about relationships

Oh sorry, as the title is “Christian singles” I thought it was the forum for singles and relationship topics.

 

[ChrisTillinen]

I would think that this thread is more relevant right here in the singles forum.

Anyway, some additional red flags:

-Being overly attached to one's parents (although there are great cultural differences in what counts as the "normal" level of attachment)
-Not getting along with most of his/her nearest relatives
-Tendency to create needless drama for attention and entertainment
-Having very different assumptions about proper roles in marriage
-Not able to disagree and deal with disagreements in a constructive manner

 

[Talljake]

1 when a women says "I'm a big deal" and is super loud. Like room full of people and she's all you can hear....nope all set.

2 disrespectful. Has no cares and no class. And if their nose went up any higher they could kiss their own butt .

Ps: I think this belongs here in the singles forum

 

[Lynx]

"Somebody who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person."

 

[Runningman]

In a relationship people tend to show their true character (be it positive or negative) in different situations. Sometimes in a subtle way or indirectly.
So I want to know your opinions/experiences on what are those red flags that should not be ignored before taking things further in a relationship?


I can start, pls remember these are my humble opinions/experiences, thanks.

1) A man who is always a victim, he is always right and everyone is always wrong. He isn’t able to see where he is at fault.
2) A sloppy, dirty and messy man.

Tell me! 😊

There's truth in that. In my humble opinion/experience, a couple tends to influence each other by the things they say and do. Someone who is always a victim/always right, even when they aren't, has little to no humility and will likely argue vehemently to defend that pride.

Sloppy/dirty/messy people, sounds like they aren't aware it's a problem.

 

[Talljake]

Ok though ..... Define sloppy. Like someone who has garbage all though the house ? What about the people who bring home their work ? I am a little lost on this one

 

[Forever_Saved]

Okay by sloppy I meant people who don't tidy up after themselves. For example having dirty dishes in the living room for many days and random things in random places in the house, like clothes on the living room floor lol
I think having a little mess once in a while is okay, but then knowing how and when to clean up.

Taking their work home is very fine if it stays where it belongs, that person can always asign a place in the house for where it belongs haha

Also someone not knowing they're messy or sloppy is a huge red flag.

 

[Talljake]

I understand but I didn't know at what point it becomes a problem or messy. But yes that is no good 🚩

 

[Forever_Saved]

I was also thinking of personal hygiene when I wrote the post, someone not knowing how to clean up... hmm

 

[ChrisTillinen]

I'm all for keeping the home reasonably tidy (although I often fail in that). But people have very different ideas about what's the reasonable level of tidiness and what's just excess and waste of valuable time. So perhaps one red flag could be having too different views of what counts as properly tidy or too messy, regardless of whether you are the more or the less tidy person. I can imagine that a difference in this regard can be a major source of conflict and arguments.

 

[Runningman]

Okay by sloppy I meant people who don't tidy up after themselves. For example having dirty dishes in the living room for many days and random things in random places in the house, like clothes on the living room floor lol
I think having a little mess once in a while is okay, but then knowing how and when to clean up.

Taking their work home is very fine if it stays where it belongs, that person can always asign a place in the house for where it belongs haha

Also someone not knowing they're messy or sloppy is a huge red flag.

I mostly stay in one room in my house: my bed room. Also known as my Fortress of Solitude... which is the name I've lovingly given my Man Cave. I have a trash bin and a laundry basket. I make my bed after I wake up, I put trash in the bin (which I take out regularly), and my used clothes in the basket... or sometimes on the floor next to it 🤭. I do me own laundry, fold me own clothes, wash me own dishes. I am fairly organized for having no one to impress. It's just little ole me, me wee self, and I.

 

[Lanolin]

Oh sorry, as the title is “Christian singles” I thought it was the forum for singles and relationship topics.

read the pin

 

[Lanolin]

its NEW USERS READ THIS BEFORE POSTING

but you can just ignore it if you want , even though its got a RED PIN

just sayin'

 

[cinder]

Let's see as far as universal red flags that apply to all relationships:

1) Enslaved to an addiction and think it's not a problem
2) Don't take responsibility for what they should
3) Never admit (or believe) they're wrong
4) Driven by wildly variable emotions
5) Dishonesty / avoiding things that need to be talked about
6) After a certain point (like you're talking about getting engaged not like after the first date), holding on to an escape plan in case the relationship doesn't work out. If they have another option in reserve they aren't all in.
7) Lack of follow through / not dependable
8) In a hurry to get to physical intimacy without building a personal or emotional connection first.

That's a pretty good list; though I'm probably forgetting something

 

[Lanolin]

hmm I would say

if you dont agree on the same values then you cant walk together.
Its not a red flag, but its just something you cannot do.

A red flag is like dont even go there

And this is like someone whos already with someone, a close relative, someone of the same sex or confused about who they are. For christians, its an unbeliever, someone who worships money or idols, someone who doesnt have a real relationship with the Lord. How are you going to do any ministry with anyone who is in unbelief. Let alone raise a family. if you do that, you are going to be alone even if you share a mansion.

Its not about oh this person makes a mess from time to time. People, even adults have quirks.
If they havent died to themselves and been born again, then THAT is the red flag that you need to pray about.

its not so much about you or them its what is actually Gods will for this person? You need to ask God that. Ask if He wants you to minister to them or leave them alone and be free to make their own choices.

Becasuse why go through a dozen heartbreaks stringing someone along with great promises of a future fantasy only to reject them. That is cruel.