Forgiveness...being used against you

[MsMediator]

Have you had someone who betrayed you in some way (e.g., lie, cheat, steal, whatever, etc.) and doesn't appear too remorseful, and then says you should forgive because that's the Christian thing to do? It's like they are the ones who sinned, but now they turned the table around and put the focus on you, as if you don't forgive you are the bad person. And, usually these people believe forgiveness means a free pass with no consequences.

What are your thoughts on these situations and how should they be handled?

 

[Deuteronomy]

Hello @MsMediator, if someone who sins against us asks to be forgiven, then the ball is back in our court and forgive them we must, according to the Bible. As the Lord Jesus said,

Luke 17​

3 If your brother sins, ~rebuke~ him; and ~if~ he repents, forgive him.​

4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.​

​

Perhaps you are speaking of something else however If so, please let me know what it is (or perhaps how I am misunderstanding your intended meaning, if you believe that is the case).

Thanks

God bless you!!

~Deut

 

[MsMediator]

Hello @MsMediator, if someone who sins against us asks to be forgiven, then the ball is back in our court and forgive them we must, according to the Bible. As the Lord Jesus said,

Luke 17​

3 If your brother sins, ~rebuke~ him; and ~if~ he repents, forgive him.​

4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.​

​

Perhaps you are speaking of something else however If so, please let me know what it is (or perhaps how I am misunderstanding your intended meaning, if you believe that is the case).

Thanks

God bless you!!

~Deut

Thank you for the response. What if the person says she is sorry but doesn't show it or repent.

 

[Runningman]

Have you had someone who betrayed you in some way (e.g., lie, cheat, steal, whatever, etc.) and doesn't appear too remorseful, and then says you should forgive because that's the Christian thing to do? It's like they are the ones who sinned, but now they turned the table around and put the focus on you, as if you don't forgive you are the bad person. And, usually these people believe forgiveness means a free pass with no consequences.

What are your thoughts on these situations and how should they be handled?

Depends if they are a Christian or not. My view is that if God doesn't forgive non-Christians then I am not required to. Can I be more forgiving than God? My answer is no, but generally I will forgive people out of the kindness of my heart because I recognize their desperate need for forgiveness (even though they may not realize it) and if I don't then I certainly will if they demonstrate genuine repentence.

If you're talking about a personal experience here, maybe you can use this line of thought as a segue into telling them they actually need to worry more about if God forgives them.

Also, we cannot actually remove someone's sin who we have forgiven. If they are a Christian, they have no business weaponizing the faith to bring someone into a kind of bondange just so they can take advantage of them despitefully. They need to turn to God in confession, repent, and that would be a good start for them.

If it was possible for me to distance myself or remove them from my life then I would strongly consider that if it was a possibility. I don't think I would like to be around someone like that. Sounds quite toxic.

Luke 6
27But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

 

[Cameron143]

Thank you for the response. What if the person says she isorry but doesn't show it or repent.

Forgiveness from God's point of view isn't predicated upon deservedness. It is merely grace...while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.
Forgiveness also is spiritually healthy. Bitterness is often a response to unforgiveness.
And one thing I've found helpful is examining my reasons for even taking offense. People may treat us poorly but we are never commanded to take offense. How differently many occasions would be if instead of taking offense we saw the occasion as an opportunity to glorify God...a way to let our lights so shine among men that they might see our good works and glorify our Father who is in heaven.

 

[MsMediator]

And one thing I've found helpful is examining my reasons for even taking offense.

I take offense because they are turning the tables around....in really bad case scenarios say a victim of a major offense/crime the victim should not be made to feel like a bad person.

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

It often comes from atheists who say and do whatever vile things come from their warped minds. Then you rebuke them. They turn around and try to throw some misquoted verse out of context at you with the accusation of "hypocrite", as if they know the Bible.

 

[Cameron143]

I take offense because they are turning the tables around....in really bad case scenarios say a victim of a major offense/crime the victim should not be made to feel like a bad person.

I truly do understand taking such a stance but it wasn't the one taken by Jesus. Not only did he forgive those who treated Him maliciously but also implored the Father to do so likewise.
Evil will never be overcome by evil...but by good.

 

[MsMediator]

I truly do understand taking such a stance but it wasn't the one taken by Jesus. Not only did he forgive those who treated Him maliciously but also implored the Father to do so likewise.
Evil will never be overcome by evil...but by good.

So, do you believe in forgiving people even if they do not repent and is that Biblical?

 

[MsMediator]

Forgiveness also is spiritually healthy.

One thing I keep reading is that forgiveness is not a feeling (of feeling good, moving on, etc.), that is new age stuff. The purpose of forgiveness is more for the sinner than the victim, to release him from his burden once he confesses/repents and seeks forgiveness. It is similar to when we repent and ask God for forgiveness, it is more for our sake when we sin etc not to make God feel better.

 

[MsMediator]

The Bible does say love, do not hold grudges, do not hate, etc....but I am not convinced that that is tied to forgiveness which could be a separate issue.

 

[Cameron143]

So, do you believe in forgiving people even if they do not repent and is that Biblical?

I believe if we take offense then I think we should. It's better in my opinion to never take offense in the first place. Sin is against God not us. They aren't breaking our laws but God's. We generally take offense because of the negative effects their sin has on us. But if we trust that our lives are in God's hands He remains capable of supplying all our needs.
And I'm a firm believer that what others may intend for evil may be the very thing God intends for good. We understand this principle from the suffering of Joseph but seldom apply it to our own suffering. For example, if it is true that we reap what we sow, it is reasonable that what we are experiencing may well be what we have before caused another. By experiencing the hardship and pain caused to us by another God may be making us more sensitive to our own sinfulness and our suffering may work in us more in the image of Christ.
If all things work to the good of those who love God surely that includes not only our joys but our difficulties. It might be argued that the latter to an even greater good.

 

[Cameron143]

One thing I keep reading is that forgiveness is not a feeling (of feeling good, moving on, etc.), that is new age stuff. The purpose of forgiveness is more for the sinner than the victim, to release him from his burden once he confesses/repents and seeks forgiveness. It is similar to when we repent and ask God for forgiveness, it is more for our sake when we sin etc not to make God feel better.

Forgiveness like love is biblically not a feeling but an action. God so loved...that He gave...
Generally we get into trouble when we act on our emotions and not according to truth. Emotions are good at identifying problems but not in leading us into correct behavior . This is so because many emotions are born out of sin.
Consider Adam and Eve in the garden. Life was joyful and peaceful. Then came sin. What did they do? They clothed themselves because they felt shame and hid because they were afraid. We should always trust the word of God to determine our behavior and not our feelings.

 

[MsMediator]

For example, if it is true that we reap what we sow, it is reasonable that what we are experiencing may well be what we have before caused another. By experiencing the hardship and pain caused to us by another God may be making us more sensitive to our own sinfulness and our suffering may work in us more in the image of Christ.

I agree with we reap what we sow applies in some instances but not all....just as we don't work then we can't eat. Everyone is sinful but some are more innocent like certain disabled people (down syndrome people), children, etc. I don't think they deserve the bad stuff. I think that type of view is not Biblical, such as if someone got cancer they probably deserved it. This type of view is actually pretty superstitious. Nevertheless I believe God can use bad for good

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Have you had someone who betrayed you in some way (e.g., lie, cheat, steal, whatever, etc.) and doesn't appear too remorseful, and then says you should forgive because that's the Christian thing to do? It's like they are the ones who sinned, but now they turned the table around and put the focus on you, as if you don't forgive you are the bad person. And, usually these people believe forgiveness means a free pass with no consequences.

What are your thoughts on these situations and how should they be handled?

In this specific scenario it sounds like they are condemning you for their own offenses. Some refer to this as projection. Projecting upon you that which they are guilty of.

I believe that we should make them aware of this. There's also room for forgiveness. As someone else already said, that doesn't excuse their sins, but rather is an action on your part. That often helps release us from the burden even though you are forced to live with whatever offense or harm that they caused.

 

[Billyd]

I believe that if a person commits a crime against me, he should pay the penalty for the crime.

I also believe that I must also forgive that person for that crime.

From my experience, until I forgive transgressions against me, they gnaw at my whole body.

 

[JohnDB]

Look,
We have people coming in constantly claiming to be Christian who "just need a chance" to redeem themselves.
That they have made mistakes in the past but they have turned over a new leaf...

And they get that one chance...but no more.

A 45+ year old guy has no business asking out and heavily flirting with a 19 year old girl.
An alcoholic ex con can't miss two days of work and then come in and expect a raise in pay and my title. (But that's exactly what he asked for)

Ask us to break the laws of the land and give an illegal immigrant a job. (The IRS and DHS are focusing on restaurants) The resulting incarceration, penalties, and fines would put everyone out of work.

We are a Christian business....owned and operated by Christian men and women. And that makes us a target.

But Jesus also said for us to be "Wise as serpents but gentle as doves" and also that He was sending us out as sheep amongst the wolves.

People say all kinds of things. That doesn't mean that they are anything of the truth.
Some don't even think that they are lying when their actions in no way match up with what they say.

 

[GardenofWeeden]

Two things come to mind when I read your post.
1 Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person. It will keep you from being bitter, and allowing bitterness to affect your relationship with God. Even if you never tell the other person you forgive them, and you never want to be around or speak to the other person, it's still in your best interest to forgive them. It takes real effort sometimes, and it can take practice to forgive, but it's best for us to not harbor anger. To me all forgiveness means is I want God to bless them as before, in spite of what they have done to me.

2. If the tables were turned, and you were the narcissist (yes, that is the narcissistic thing to do, to demand someone forgive them, simply because it's the "Christian" thing to do), throwing forgiveness into the other's face, how would you want them to treat you; not how would you expect them to treat you, but how you would want them to treat you?

Bring these two points to God in your prayer time, and I think God will show you how to go next.
Peace!!

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Have you had someone who betrayed you in some way (e.g., lie, cheat, steal, whatever, etc.) and doesn't appear too remorseful, and then says you should forgive because that's the Christian thing to do? It's like they are the ones who sinned, but now they turned the table around and put the focus on you, as if you don't forgive you are the bad person. And, usually these people believe forgiveness means a free pass with no consequences.

What are your thoughts on these situations and how should they be handled?

Recently my best friend and a family member have done that. They are Christians too. I continue to forgive them and sometimes need space away from them. I dont tell them I forgive them because they are the type to come back with I didnt do anything needing forgiveness so it goes round in circles. Im learning to let God deal with them. I did my part. Its frustrating because these two cant humble themselves.

 

[Dirtman]

There is a such thing as putting them out of fellowship with you.
You can say you are forgiven and free to go in peace, and now go. Go live your life. Dont come around until you can actually repent.