I like what you wrote. And yes, I believe the Scriptures when they state that God disciplines the ones He Loves. And who does He Love? His Elect; those whom He gave to Christ. I just posted the following in a thread that I am hosting (earlier today) and thought that you might relate to it. It is:
Psalm 73:11-12, 16-17 NET - 11 "They say, "How does God know what we do? Is the sovereign one aware of what goes on?" 12 Take a good look! This is what the wicked are like, those who always have it so easy and get richer and richer. ... 16 When I tried to make sense of this, it was troubling to me. 17 Then I entered the precincts of God's temple, and understood the destiny of the wicked."
If you are suffering, then consider yourself Blessed! It can be very difficult to feel fortunate when we are being falsely persecuted, but after our period of suffering, the Lord will restore us. Hang in there!
1 Peter 5:10 NLT - "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."
And no, you are NOT a failure. Rather, you are my Sister in Christ (if in fact you are female).