Let me know what you think about the bible and marriage

[JohnB]

JohnB Can I ask have you been married before? and if you believe what you strongly believe then why are you not married now?

I have never been married. I put a lot of effort into dating and looking. I've come up empty. I had a friend tell me, "John, I have never seen anyone put so much effort into dating and come up with nothing" You feel GOD's hand on your life in ways you wish it wasn't.

Research shows that people who marry young are more likely to divorce than those who married at older ages.
We no longer live in the 1950s, so those stats have changed dramatically.

Many baby boomers married young, divorced, remarried and so on. The rate of divorce after age 50 has doubled in the US since 1990. Many people who married young and stayed together for decades are divorcing. This trend is called Gray divorce. Australia, Canada, India and the United Kingdom are experiencing the Gray divorce trend.

Marrying young does not guarantee a satisfied, quality and healthy marriage.

Instead of telling people what age to marry whether it be young or older, I believe the church should emphasize the MUTUAL work that it takes to foster a quantitative and qualitative union. Marriage is not a fairy tale. Marriage is a job with no breaks, off days or vacations.

I strongly believe that if Christians were taught to have realistic expectations about the WORK that each spouse should be putting into the marriage, people would make better informed decisions about who to marry and when to marry. I believe that well informed and intentional decision marriage would ultimately lead to more qualitative and quantitative unions.

https://www.thetrumpet.com/21750-the-tragedy-of-gray-divorce-its-not-about-finances

The church does a very bad job at marriage counseling. Too many times I've heard, "If you're a Christian and they're a Christian, you're a match" If there are differences between the couple, I heard, "GOD will fix that"

 

[presidente]

I have never been married. I put a lot of effort into dating and looking. I've come up empty. I had a friend tell me, "John, I have never seen anyone put so much effort into dating and come up with nothing" You feel GOD's hand on your life in ways you wish it wasn't.


The church does a very bad job at marriage counseling. Too many times I've heard, "If you're a Christian and they're a Christian, you're a match" If there are differences between the couple, I heard, "GOD will fix that"

Okay folks, does anyone have a potential wife candidate for John?

The US has a rather difficult culture for finding spouses. Some people get a lot of attention on the dating scene, be it because of looks, personality, etc. But it is easy to fall through the cracks, and if you are a bit shy, there isn't much of a system for helping those who fall through the cracks. And there are a lot of people who date, even among Christians, who aren't that marriage focused in their dating. So there are plenty of time-wasters, male and female. And females are incentivized if they happen to date men willing to provide free meals.

I met my wife while living and working in Indonesia. Dating is marriage focused over there. If a young man and women went to church together and road the bus or in a car together, after a while, people would ask them when they were going to get married. In the cities, dating is the norm, but in the villages, and even with some of the city folks in my wife's people-group, if they don't get married by a certain age, the family tries to set them up with people in the family network. I knew someone set up with a cousins cousin. I've also seen set-ups with a cousin. There are certain cousins they aren't allowed to marry and certain cousins that they are allowed to marry.

Koreans were matchmakers when I was there a few decades ago. Young people set other young people up on 'meetings'-- which were a three-person date to match up a potential couple on a blind date. If that doesn't work, by a certain age, parents try to set their children up. I knew a Korean whose parents wanted to set her up with her father's boss's son. Koreans joked about their aunts carrying their pictures around and showing photos to a woman at the bus stop who would show pictures of her single nieces or networks. The joke part was meeting at a bus stop. They do this with co-workers. I got set up on a 'meeting' without knowing that was what was going on as a single man. I was shown a picture of a friend's co-worker. I knew someone who was set up by a Korean pastor. He was a little older than most single folks and he asked a Korean pastor about singles in their church, and ended up eventually marrying her.

 

[JohnB]

It's not like I'm not trying. I taught a Sunday school class for 14 year, been on missionary trips, on dating sites. I'm also been part of several MeetUp groups, and started a Singles MeetUp group. Jesus said seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you, ask and it shall be given. Been doing that for 40 years.

 

[Nehemiah6]

Been doing that for 40 years.

That is way too long. 40 minutes should be enough.

 

[JohnB]

That is way too long. 40 minutes should be enough.

I know I've had friends who have known me all this time and they cannot explain why I am still single. As one friend said, "John you're not married, but it's not for lack of trying"

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

The idea of waiting until you are 25–30 years of age is NOT Biblical. The modern American practice of delaying marriage until 30 has led to an epidemic of fornication, relationship breakups, broken hearts, STD's, wedlock births, and other disastrous problems that could be easily solved if we allowed early marriage.

we should NEVER read the Bible from the perspective of a modern-day American. Why? God is NOT an American, and American values are not necessarily Biblical values. Just because something is very American, that does not mean that the Bible approves of it.

This is why I say, study to show yourself approved. You have to look at the verses, the history and culture behind them.

I think I said this a time or two myself since signing on. Americans have absolutely NO idea how to raise children right UNLESS they are the exception that decided to reject Americana for Biblicana. That goes for the other heathen countries too. I don't have to have children to know that, like some who choose the public fool system suggested.
As a teenager reading my Bible, I concluded as a baby milk fed believer that daddy government wasn't raising me right. If I wanted marriage quality women, it wasn't those around me. I had a lot of growing up to do in the LORD to flush the mind of the lifetime humanist indoctrination too. Thank God for good hard preaching and the Spirit's boot camp.

The system has trained us. The Prussian model has captured the children: The 60s programming grabbed the women, and so followed the men. God's culture is THE best without exception. Satan captured western eastern, northern and southern cultures.
We christians are in the world but should not adopt the worldly model for our families.

God picked a good lady for Isaac. That's a proof text for this thread.

 

[presidente]

It's not like I'm not trying. I taught a Sunday school class for 14 year, been on missionary trips, on dating sites. I'm also been part of several MeetUp groups, and started a Singles MeetUp group. Jesus said seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open to you, ask and it shall be given. Been doing that for 40 years.

Did you teach a Sunday school class to meet women?

I heard of one guy who used to visit different churches in town on Wednesday night looking for a wife.

I'm a little biased because I ended up with an Asian, but if I were single and looking, I'd probably look outside of the USA, both because US culture, in general, trains people to be poor wives (or husbands), and because some other cultures are more marriage oriented.

 

[akaDorthy]

The idea of waiting until you are 25–30 years of age is NOT Biblical. The modern American practice of delaying marriage until 30 has led to an epidemic of fornication, relationship breakups, broken hearts, STD's, wedlock births, and other disastrous problems that could be easily solved if we allowed early marriage.

we should NEVER read the Bible from the perspective of a modern-day American. Why? God is NOT an American, and American values are not necessarily Biblical values. Just because something is very American, that does not mean that the Bible approves of it.

This is why I say, study to show yourself approved. You have to look at the verses, the history and culture behind them.

So, I just scrolled through this whole thread, only skimming and haven't seen this asked or answered (forgive me if I've missed it and please point me to the right post)
If waiting until 25 is waiting too long for marriage, and we should allow younger marriages then please tell me at what age do YOU think is the youngest ideal age for marriage?

 

[JohnB]

So, I just scrolled through this whole thread, only skimming and haven't seen this asked or answered (forgive me if I've missed it and please point me to the right post)
If waiting until 25 is waiting too long for marriage, and we should allow younger marriages then please tell me at what age do YOU think is the youngest ideal age for marriage?

I would push for 18.

 

[JohnB]

Did you teach a Sunday school class to meet women?

I heard of one guy who used to visit different churches in town on Wednesday night looking for a wife.

I'm a little biased because I ended up with an Asian, but if I were single and looking, I'd probably look outside of the USA, both because US culture, in general, trains people to be poor wives (or husbands), and because some other cultures are more marriage oriented.

I majored in sign language and taught a Sunday School class for children. I was hoping for someone with the same interest.

 

[JohnB]

I majored in sign language and taught a Sunday School class for children. I was hoping for someone with the same interest.

deaf children

 

[presidente]

deaf children

Yeah, the students wouldn't have been candidates for you. And leading singing would probably be a better way to attract women, especially if you sounded good.

 

[oyster67]

The idea of waiting until you are 25–30 years of age is NOT Biblical.

The idea of waiting upon the Lord is Biblical.

The modern American practice of delaying marriage until 30 has led to an epidemic of fornication, relationship breakups, broken hearts, STD's, wedlock births, and other disastrous problems that could be easily solved if we allowed early marriage.

No. Rebellion against God (aka "sin") has led to all these things.

The solution is coming to the Lord and allowing Him to put a new heart within us that is concerned with more than how we may feed our own fleshly lust and desires. He will instill within us a desire to be Holy. This should come before marriage, not after.

we should NEVER read the Bible from the perspective of a modern-day American. Why? God is NOT an American, and American values are not necessarily Biblical values. Just because something is very American, that does not mean that the Bible approves of it.

This is why I say, study to show yourself approved.

Amen on that.

 

[oyster67]

I agree, but most churches I know of, are not pushing marriage. Many are pushing the idea of purity and keeping yourself separate. The opposite of what Paul and Jesus taught. If we went back to pushing marriage, much of this might stop. It worked in the time of Jesus.

That is exactly what the Bible teaches.

2 Corinthians 6:17
“Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,”

Salvation is the only cure and Jesus is the only way. Jesus is what worked in Jesus' day, and He is what works for today also. Marriage is not the magical solution to all man's problems. Not even close.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

I have never been married. I put a lot of effort into dating and looking. I've come up empty. I had a friend tell me, "John, I have never seen anyone put so much effort into dating and come up with nothing" You feel GOD's hand on your life in ways you wish it wasn't.


The church does a very bad job at marriage counseling. Too many times I've heard, "If you're a Christian and they're a Christian, you're a match" If there are differences between the couple, I heard, "GOD will fix that"

JohnB theres a few of you on this site that have the same problem finding love and I really want to pick your brain about it but maybe thats tmi for a public thread? Thank you for answering my question.

 

[presidente]

I married in my late 20's. I remember I did pray about it regularly. But then, I spent a Christmas alone overseas and realized if I were married, that would remedy that issue. So I intensified the prayer. I prayed for God to send an angel before me to find a wife (like in the Abraham, Isaac, and Rebecca story.) I prayed all kinds of detailed prayers and met and started seeing the woman I would marry within a few months. We figured out later that we had actually met before. I'd actually seen her and though to myself I wonder if God will give me a woman that beautiful to be my wife.